Being rejected isn't nice !

I was rejected for the first time in a very long time last night, and guess what I felt self-doubt, insecurity and all the other cringy feelings creeping in on me.

I am trying to reflect on it and turn it into a positive, any tips ?

the girl rejected me, she said she wouldn't give her phone number to be because she don't know me, her body language was friendly and she laughed and smiled alot, so I am sort of pissed off why she was sending me mix signals. If I was rejected by a boring person who didn't give me much of an reaction, I think I would rationalize it in my head to be their fault and that they were asocial, however this girl was extremely social and had a bubbly personality.

I think she was just BS testing me and I wasn't man enough to step up and sweep her of her feet.

No matter, I am not at the stage of dealing with rejection which is new to me as it hasn't happened in a very long time.

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Reply 1

UPSDGoat

Just because a girl gives you "good signals" doesn't mean she owes you her number

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 2

gr8wizard10

That's why I would only give the time of day to someone who I thought was worth the effort.

Reply 3

Maths and cheesecake

Original post by UPSDGoat

Just because a girl gives you "good signals" doesn't mean she owes you her number

Posted from TSR Mobile

When I told her I had to go meet a friend, I saw the look of dispair in her face, then when I asked her for the second and last time, she smiled again and said she doesn't know me, clearly she was prompting me to speak more about myself, in actuality I told her almost nothing about myself apart from the area I was from and where I was headed, we talked also about holidays we had been to and other stuff, but nothing personal about me, whereas she spoke more in detail about herself.

Reply 4

Stickman

I've not had the feeling yet OP but I'm mentally preparing myself. You can't give in to her if she rejects you. All you're saying is that the confidence you had before you is gone and that can't be right can it surely? This girl doesn't control you dude. However brilliant she may have been to you, she isn't the only one out there. Get back in the game quickly.

She said it in a jokey way since she might not have wanted to create a scene although she meant every word of it. Move on to the next girl :wink:

Reply 5

MagicNMedicine

You have two problems here, one that you are reading too much in to it, two the way you are viewing girls in the way you interact with them.

Maybe she had a boyfriend, maybe she just didn't fancy you. Sometimes girls that don't fancy you will still be nice engaging company and chat, and that shouldn't be discouraged.

But girls aren't here just as characters for you to interact with like in a roleplaying video game, where you have a goal to pick them up and you succeed or fail, they are individuals in their own right so they don't owe you their number or any further interaction. You can't control whether they like you or not, all you can control is make yourself as attractive and appealing as you can, be good and engaging company and if you do that long enough you will find girls that are interested in you and you can take it further with them.

Don't see every girl as a mission where you succeed or fail just interact with them normally.

Reply 6

ChaoticButterfly

Original post by MagicNMedicine

Don't see every girl as a mission where you succeed or fail just interact with them normally.

You mean treat them like people?

Well I never.

Reply 7

bittr n swt

Rejection sucks and it happens to everyone eventually...well most people excluding the heavenly blessed beauties..

Just move on and find another girl

Reply 8

Sweetiebabe

Just cos she was friendly and smiley it doesn't mean she was looking for much more than that. She was probably one of them cute cheerful girls who saw it as making a new friend and just being nice

Reply 9

username927016

Of course it hurts but often in order be successful you have to deal with some setbacks first.

Reply 10

Tiger Rag

Some people just don't like giving their phone numbers to strange people. I did that one time, even though I had absolutely no interest in him in that way. That was January. We're now really close friends. :smile:

No, I've never seen him in that way and he has a girlfriend; but he's a bloody good mate. But it was clear from the start with him what his intentions were.

Reply 11

Maths and cheesecake

Original post by MagicNMedicine

I respect girls, boys, humans, animals, the environment and also man made objects.

I spoke to this girl because I found her very attractive, and we got along just fine, perhaps she wanted me to talk to her for longer than 3min before asking her for her number, but I felt like if I don't ask her she might not get that I am actually interested in her and want to take her out.

I told her it was nice to meet you and I walked off. I don't blame myself or her, but I admit I felt little insecure after being rejected for absolutely no reason other than being stranger.

Reply 12

UPSDGoat

Original post by Maths and cheesecake

Then maybe talk to her for more than 3 minutes or offer a facebook add so you wouldn't be a stranger!

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 13

userna-me*

It is a numbers game, some will like you, some won't.

I liked that the conversation was solely about her and not you, so she was investing in the conversation. However, three minutes? That's premature and is probably the reason why she didn't give you her number. She probably knew that you came over just to get her number. Aim for ten minutes.

When you first meet someone, I would avoid FB like the plague. You don't have time for that.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 14

Maths and cheesecake

Original post by UPSDGoat

Then maybe talk to her for more than 3 minutes or offer a facebook add so you wouldn't be a stranger!

Posted from TSR Mobile

In insight, that might actually have worked, I have worked in sales before and I usually deal with objections confidently.

But I was nervous and also bewitched by her beauty lol, I give myself a pad on the shoulder for even being able to hold a conversation.

Reply 15

Maths and cheesecake

Original post by userna-me*

That is one way of looking at it, another way to look at it is the fact that she was more happy talking about herself than ask me questions about myself.

I don't do this often, but when I talk to girls it last about 5min, but feels like forever lol, and by the way I enjoy it, don't want to drag it on for ever. Many girls tell me that they don't know me, but they don't reject me because of it, they just ask me questions like "hang on whats your name bla bla"

but this girl was easily one of the most attractive ones I have spoken to for about a week.

Reply 16

anosmianAcrimony

Original post by MagicNMedicine

In before somebody calls you a beta for suggesting he treats people like people.

Reply 17

ParadiseFound

Either she didn't fancy you or you didn't leave enough of a good impression for her to feel justified in giving you her number, in situtations like this you should just keep the conversation going, it wasn't really a rejection and you probably could have got it if you put more work in.

Reply 18

MagicNMedicine

Original post by Maths and cheesecake

The problem is when you met her you had in your mind "must end this encounter with getting her number", you can't interact with girls normally if this is on your mind all the time.

You just know when it's right to ask for someone's number because you can feel the interaction has gone well. Most of the time if you ask for someone's number and they don't give it, it's because you haven't read the social signals.

Just focus on improving yourself and your communication skills rather than focusing on the outcome of getting a girl's number.

You don't have to do things to impress a girl, if you are a good conversationalist, are interesting company, good at listening not just talking and make a girl enjoy spending time with you then girls will want you to have their number - not necessarily random girls on the street that will always be suspicious if you just approach them out of the blue - I mean girls you meet through social interactions, college, uni, work, nights out with friends and so on.

The problem with a lot of advice for guys on the internet these days like PUA, alpha websites and whatever is it makes guys approach an interaction with a girl with a playbook approach, open by doing this set move, then do this, then do this, close with asking for her number. So the guys think that if she doesn't give her number then they have done something wrong in executing the plays. It's far better to be natural with a girl and make her enjoy having a conversation with you then she is likely to want to spend time with you again: this doesn't mean she's going to get with you, she might have a boyfriend or she might just not fancy you, but she will want to spend time with you and if your goal is to find a girlfriend then the more girls you are networked with and have the approval of the better as you will get introduced to single girls through their friends and you already have some of the PR work done for you if another girl rates you highly.