Boyfriend dumped me...finding it hard to cope

So I guess the thread title says it all really. My boyfriend dumped me kind of unexpectedly and now i'm a bit of a wreck. I just have no idea what to do. I had a weird turn like this back in the summer when we had a couple of problems and I became really ill as a result of it. I just have no idea how to manage myself.

I thought it would be slightly easier to get over him because there were points at which he did mistreated me and I wasn't totally happy with the relationship. It obviously doesn't outdo the fact that my feelings for him are stronger than I first thought.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Reply 1

username47781

20

Original post by Anonymous

So I guess the thread title says it all really. My boyfriend dumped me kind of unexpectedly and now i'm a bit of a wreck. I just have no idea what to do. I had a weird turn like this back in the summer when we had a couple of problems and I became really ill as a result of it. I just have no idea how to manage myself.

I thought it would be slightly easier to get over him because there were points at which he did mistreated me and I wasn't totally happy with the relationship. It obviously doesn't outdo the fact that my feelings for him are stronger than I first thought.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Sorry to hear, I know how you feel having been dumped myself a week ago. Best thing to do is try and keep busy, maybe see your friends etc old cliche but in time you will forget eventually.

Reply 2

learningforlife

4

I am very sorry to hear about the break-up. Going through a break-up is never easy, but, there are a couple things I do suggest that can help you cope with the break easier:

-Distract your mind
-Meet up with friends, hang out, and have a good time
-Think positively
-Reach out for support and try to find someone you can talk to (If you need someone to talk to, you are more than welcome to send me a message).

I have been through break-ups behaviour, but, I got through them, and, you will definitely get through this one. It is just going to take time.

Reply 3

jenkinsear

13

Ultimately it is literally just time that will make things easier. I know that probably sounds crap and unhelpful, but everytime I've ever had a breakup or whatever I've found it gets easier with time. You can help yourself through steps like keeping as busy as you can, spending time with friends who make you feel good about yourself, trying new activities etc (getting fit can be a good one in these situations especially) or throwing yourself into your academic work if you're still studying. The key really is doing all you can to avoid sitting there overthinking things. That combined with time will see you feel much better.

All the best.

Reply 4

Vito Scaletta

listen to pink

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I am sorry for my delayed response, I have been trying to stay away from my computer because I end up on social media which is somewhere I am constantly reminded of him. :\

I would love to be able to go out with my friends and distract myself, the only problem being that most of my friends are living in the same city as my uni, and I'm in my hometown for Christmas and won't be going back until semester begins.

It's just like I've become totally non existent for him. He's just gone totally off the radar. I have no idea why he's doing this, I just find it incredibly strange.

Reply 6

username47781

20

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I am sorry for my delayed response, I have been trying to stay away from my computer because I end up on social media which is somewhere I am constantly reminded of him. :\

I would love to be able to go out with my friends and distract myself, the only problem being that most of my friends are living in the same city as my uni, and I'm in my hometown for Christmas and won't be going back until semester begins.

It's just like I've become totally non existent for him. He's just gone totally off the radar. I have no idea why he's doing this, I just find it incredibly strange.

Never understood why people do this like finish a relationship then go off the rader, could be a number of reasons, maybe he was scared of commitment/ got cold feet, or worse case scenario, he found someone else and was too much of a coward to tell you.

Reply 7

MissLalaxx

2

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I am sorry for my delayed response, I have been trying to stay away from my computer because I end up on social media which is somewhere I am constantly reminded of him. :\

I would love to be able to go out with my friends and distract myself, the only problem being that most of my friends are living in the same city as my uni, and I'm in my hometown for Christmas and won't be going back until semester begins.

It's just like I've become totally non existent for him. He's just gone totally off the radar. I have no idea why he's doing this, I just find it incredibly strange.

Maybe there's another girl..

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Rock Fan

Never understood why people do this like finish a relationship then go off the rader, could be a number of reasons, maybe he was scared of commitment/ got cold feet, or worse case scenario, he found someone else and was too much of a coward to tell you.

That was why I didn't want to go back on social media because I was scared of this...and literally this is exactly what I've seen just now. He's already flirting with another girl. It makes me feel so worthless. I guess this makes it easier to deal with in one sense, because it means I'm saved from a sleazebag like him. I am actually livid right now. Not only did he give me no reason for breaking up and then vanish, he comes back and starts flirting straight away with some other girl. And the funny thing is that he was in one sense emotionally blackmailing me, telling me that he would be sad seeing me with another guy but it was "something he had to deal with". What the hell.

Reply 9

Mr Inquisitive

16

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I am sorry for my delayed response, I have been trying to stay away from my computer because I end up on social media which is somewhere I am constantly reminded of him. :\

I would love to be able to go out with my friends and distract myself, the only problem being that most of my friends are living in the same city as my uni, and I'm in my hometown for Christmas and won't be going back until semester begins.

It's just like I've become totally non existent for him. He's just gone totally off the radar. I have no idea why he's doing this, I just find it incredibly strange.

It sounds like he's trying to move on. For some people, complete absence from the past is the best way to move on from it. I wouldn't look too much into it as it's an incredibly personal thing.

Reply 10

Mr Inquisitive

16

Original post by Anonymous

That was why I didn't want to go back on social media because I was scared of this...and literally this is exactly what I've seen just now. He's already flirting with another girl. It makes me feel so worthless. I guess this makes it easier to deal with in one sense, because it means I'm saved from a sleazebag like him. I am actually livid right now. Not only did he give me no reason for breaking up and then vanish, he comes back and starts flirting straight away with some other girl. And the funny thing is that he was in one sense emotionally blackmailing me, telling me that he would be sad seeing me with another guy but it was "something he had to deal with". What the hell.

It's easy to paint his actions in a negative light, but you're not going to get any satisfying answers from speculation. Why not talk to him about it?

Finding you being with someone else might be difficult to deal with; the fact that he's flirting with another girl does not take away from that for a second. It really sounds like this is something you two need to talk through if you want any answers.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 11

EmmaHorton

The best piece of advice I can give you is to keep busy. If you're keeping yourself busy then your mind will be taken off your situation and ultimately him.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 12

Mr Inquisitive

16

Original post by Rock Fan

Never understood why people do this like finish a relationship then go off the rader, could be a number of reasons, maybe he was scared of commitment/ got cold feet, or worse case scenario, he found someone else and was too much of a coward to tell you.

I find it much easier than trying to reconcile the past with the present. I'd much rather leave the past in the past and start a new chapter of my life. It's difficult to do that when you're still associating with a person you were once very close/intimate with.

Reply 13

username47781

20

Original post by Anonymous

That was why I didn't want to go back on social media because I was scared of this...and literally this is exactly what I've seen just now. He's already flirting with another girl. It makes me feel so worthless. I guess this makes it easier to deal with in one sense, because it means I'm saved from a sleazebag like him. I am actually livid right now. Not only did he give me no reason for breaking up and then vanish, he comes back and starts flirting straight away with some other girl. And the funny thing is that he was in one sense emotionally blackmailing me, telling me that he would be sad seeing me with another guy but it was "something he had to deal with". What the hell.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet, you said he didn't exactly treat you well all the time, now he's already flirting with another girl. You're best off without someone like that.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Mr Inquisitive

It's easy to paint his actions in a negative light, but you're not going to get any satisfying answers from speculation. Why not talk to him about it?

Finding you being with someone else might be difficult to deal with; the fact that he's flirting with another girl does not take away from that for a second. It really sounds like this is something you two need to talk through if you want any answers.

This is the problem. When it comes to giving me answers about anything, he's totally immature. He starts going into a mood, and then becomes totally irrational...that's if I can get hold of him in the first place.

He acts like his time is more precious than mine, and for this reason he won't answer my calls, reply to my texts or anything. I have tried talking to him time and time again, but he doesn't cooperate at all.

Reply 15

Mr Inquisitive

16

Original post by Anonymous

This is the problem. When it comes to giving me answers about anything, he's totally immature. He starts going into a mood, and then becomes totally irrational...that's if I can get hold of him in the first place.

He acts like his time is more precious than mine, and for this reason he won't answer my calls, reply to my texts or anything. I have tried talking to him time and time again, but he doesn't cooperate at all.

I see. You've done everything you can to try and get answers then, and it looks like that's not working. I don't think there is a straight-forward explanation; he's acting very irrationally and has personal problems that he needs to sort.

It's an inadvertent blessing for you that he let you go, so try and find the positive in that you don't have to put up with his behaviour any more.

As for him flirting with other girls, don't take anything from it. He's in a bad place and he's going to act foolishly; it's not a reflection on you, so don't interpret it in such a way. To echo what others have said, keep busy, focus on yourself, and don't try to find answers where they don't exist. You're better off without him.

Reply 16

Lewierhodes

6

Only way I have managed it (I got dumped in freshers, then ignored with no closure), spend all of your time with your friends and little time by yourself, keep meeting new people but don't try and find someone as it never works. Remove anything online that reminds you of him and then wait a few months and he'll slowly disappear. Worked for me anyway, may not work for everyone.

Reply 17

lilymoran

16

Original post by Anonymous

That was why I didn't want to go back on social media because I was scared of this...and literally this is exactly what I've seen just now. He's already flirting with another girl. It makes me feel so worthless. I guess this makes it easier to deal with in one sense, because it means I'm saved from a sleazebag like him. I am actually livid right now. Not only did he give me no reason for breaking up and then vanish, he comes back and starts flirting straight away with some other girl. And the funny thing is that he was in one sense emotionally blackmailing me, telling me that he would be sad seeing me with another guy but it was "something he had to do
deal with". What the hell.

Think, so she's got the booby prize - someone who can't treat his girlfriend decently.
You've got the knowledge she would really like to have now.

Men like him don't often change. You are well rid. He'd only have made you more and more unhappy. Much better to find out and look for better.

A tip - erase him from your life - it will be easier to move on . Time, distance and new friends make it better. Try to plan some enjoyable things to do tomorrow, the next day etc. preferably with people you like - family maybe.

Plan to go away - visit a friend in another city next weekend, plan a holiday in summer etc., the more you plan, the more you are active the better and you are giving yourself the chance to meet someone else.