Showed a guy that I liked him & ruined our friendship :(

Hi guys,

Just looking for a bit of advice really: basically I met a guy a couple of months ago, and we have been talking pretty much every day by text ever since; there has only been about 2 days in that time where we have gone without speaking. As the friendship has developed, we've started having long chats on the phone as well at least once a week, his messages have gone from ending in 2 kisses to ending in 10/11 and I have seen him fairly frequently with his family. A couple of weeks back he asked me if I wanted to go out for some food with him so I said yes, and it was fine... The thing is, he's been giving me really mixed signals for a while now; sometimes, he will say some things that make me think "he is interested", like telling me that a dress looked good on me, and saying "as long as you like me I'm not bothered" etc... then he'll be unresponsive towards me and make me think I'm friend-zoned.

Anyway, we had agreed to go Christmas shopping last Monday, and a couple of days before he had said a few things that made me think he might perhaps like me again: the main one being "I wanted to see you in your pyjamas" when my suitcase went missing at the airport containing my favourite pyjamas, and telling me that he only wears boxers when I replied with "I'll show you if I get them back, show you mine if you show me yours". To me, that seems quite suggestive. So I thought I might be brave and give the signals that I like him. When we went shopping I linked up to his arm all the way round, and towards the end of the trip I started to cuddle into him a little bit at times and give him affectionate touches, like on the back, shoulders and leg. He was pretty unreceptive to these moves, and although he wasn't very warm towards me he didn't go completely quiet. When I dropped him off, he said he would leave the CD he bought in my car so that I could put it on every time I picked him up, suggesting that he still wanted to keep seeing me.

But ever since, he's been pretty cold with me. I text him the following day and he ignored it, something he's never done before. I then text him on Christmas day and he replied, but it seemed as though it was more out of courtesy than actually wanting to speak to me, and he put less kisses on the messages. I just feel really stupid, humiliated and rubbish about myself now, I feel really repulsive! :frown:

We have exchanged a couple of texts since then, but it is always me who initiates conversation, he hasn't got in touch with me first once since that day. The thing is, I have a lot to do with his family and will keep seeing him fairly regularly through them, so of course I don't want it to be awkward; but more than anything, I just somehow want to get our friendship back to the way it was!! I miss speaking to him and I feel upset that he has gone so quiet. I really don't know what I can do for the best :frown:

any advice from anyone? Would be really grateful :smile:

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 1

Schrödingers Cat

16

Original post by LittleRed

x

That's quite odd of him not to reciprocate affection when you went out.

I suggest don't text for a while and see if he initiates a conversation, if not that I'm afraid he doesn't like you in that way.

You're coming off a bit desperate

Reply 2

markova21

21

Could it be that he just wants you as a friend,and thought you felt the same? Could he be gay?

Reply 3

lilymoran

16

Some people just don't like to do much more than link arms / hold hands in public - it makes them feel embarrassed. We're not all upto Parisian standards of intimacy in public.

Say, ' let's go shopping again, I'll promise not to maul you ...couldn't keep my hands off you, you sexy thing, I'm sorry.........I'll wait until we get indoors.......and see how he responds. If you've made the speech in a humorous way you can laugh it off if he still seems offended and yet if he seems pleased you can still progress. ( No going back on your word though!)

Reply 4

KingStannis

3

sounds gay. no straight male puts eleven kisses at the end of sa text. my fiance might get a couple.

Reply 5

LittleRed

OP

10

Original post by markova21

Could it be that he just wants you as a friend,and thought you felt the same? Could he be gay?

Thanks for your reply :smile:

Well I think it must be that he only liked me as a friend, and that's fine of course, I was just confused by the mixed signals. He's definitely not gay though no.

I'm not trying to get him to like me or anything, I'm just wondering how I can repair the friendship as he seems to have gone weird with me. Would be sad to lose him as a friend, would never have made any moves if I'd have known it would be jeopardise it! It's just that I also know that he is shy and hasn't had a girlfriend before so wasn't sure if he liked me and just wasn't bold enough to make a move. His friendship is way more important to me than him liking me, so it sucks if my behaviour has so negatively affected it the way that it seems to have done!

Reply 6

LittleRed

OP

10

Original post by Schrödingers Cat

That's quite odd of him not to reciprocate affection when you went out.

I suggest don't text for a while and see if he initiates a conversation, if not that I'm afraid he doesn't like you in that way.

You're coming off a bit desperate

Thanks for your reply :smile:

I think that's what I am going to do. It's not about him not liking me in that way, I agree with you that he probably doesn't, I'm just looking for the best way to recover the friendship so that we can go back to the good friendship we had before that day.

What is it that's making me look desperate? Obviously not a vibe I wanna give off! Like I say, I'm not trying to make him like me, I just want to fix any damage that it looks like I might have done by being a bit more forward. I know that he's shy and hasn't had a girlfriend before, and with the mixed signals I thought I would have to be the bold one and give off some signals in case he did like me but didn't know how to make a move or something.

Reply 7

LittleRed

OP

10

Original post by pickup

Some people just don't like to do much more than link arms / hold hands in public - it makes them feel embarrassed. We're not all upto Parisian standards of intimacy in public.

Say, ' let's go shopping again, I'll promise not to maul you ...couldn't keep my hands off you, you sexy thing, I'm sorry.........I'll wait until we get indoors.......and see how he responds. If you've made the speech in a humorous way you can laugh it off if he still seems offended and yet if he seems pleased you can still progress. ( No going back on your word though!)

Thanks for your reply :smile:

Although I did link him in public and cuddled into him a little bit, it wasn't until the drive home that I gave him little touches on the leg, so it wouldn't be an issue of PDA I don't think, I just think he's not interested in me in that way probably. I'm pretty sure that me saying something like that would just make him go even more weird with me! I just really want to recover the situation to us going back to the strength of the friendship we had before and aren't sure how I can while he's being so distant :smile:

Reply 8

LittleRed

OP

10

Original post by KingStannis

sounds gay. no straight male puts eleven kisses at the end of sa text. my fiance might get a couple.

Thanks for your reply! I know for a fact that he isn't gay though, so it's definitely not that!

Reply 9

Zarek

21

To be honest I think he's been a bit of a tosser, blowing hot and cold. Your friendship and affection seems pretty genuine and worthwhile and you deserve better. The best bet, if you can do it, is to back off and put your energy in to someone who will reciprocate properly. Fine to be friends with him, but once you're with someone - and then see if it still matters.

Reply 10

i.am.lost

18

Don't read too much into it - perhaps he's busy with his family at Christmas-time? No one puts 10 kisses unless they're interested or deliberately leading you on (which doesn't sound likely here).

I, as a human of the male variety, have a terrible habitof forgetting or delaying replies to my best friends and romantic interests every now and then. It's so rude, but unintentional and I hope they don't spend so much energy thinking about it as you have here...

Reply 11

2710

18

Could it be that he actually likes you but the way you act around him makes him feel friendzoned? And by getting away from the friendzone he is playing mindgames.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 12

TorpidPhil

19

Original post by LittleRed

Thanks for your reply! I know for a fact that he isn't gay though, so it's definitely not that!

How do you know he isn't gay?

Reply 13

Sir Peter Rabbit

That is odd :/

Sounds to me like he just lost interest in you and it's as simple as that. :frown:

Reply 14

LittleRed

OP

10

Original post by i.am.lost

Don't read too much into it - perhaps he's busy with his family at Christmas-time? No one puts 10 kisses unless they're interested or deliberately leading you on (which doesn't sound likely here).

I, as a human of the male variety, have a terrible habitof forgetting or delaying replies to my best friends and romantic interests every now and then. It's so rude, but unintentional and I hope they don't spend so much energy thinking about it as you have here...

Thanks for your reply :smile:

I guess you might be right that it might just be that he's busy with the time of the year, but I don't think it is that really. It's just very out of character for him, and seems like too much of a coincidence given that the distance started after that day. We normally exchange numerous messages in a day, so it's odd for him to not reply, or to reply once or twice max. I'm just going to lay off the contact I think and see what happens - I have to see him at a function over the next couple of days anyway, so perhaps seeing him in person will give me a bit more of an idea!

Reply 15

LittleRed

OP

10

Original post by 2710

Could it be that he actually likes you but the way you act around him makes him feel friendzoned? And by getting away from the friendzone he is playing mindgames.

Posted from TSR Mobile

I guess that is a possibility, but it would seem odd to me for him to go distant once I started more clearly showing my affection to him if that was the case... perhaps time will tell, I don't know. I'm just really concerned that I have jeopardised my friendship with him given that he's since been so distant with me :frown:

Reply 16

LittleRed

OP

10

Original post by TorpidPhil

How do you know he isn't gay?

I know he's not gay because he once talked to me about a girl he liked previously. Also, one of the guys he lives with recently asked me what was going on between the two of us and when I said that I didn't know and asked him why he'd not asked his friend, he said that whenever he asks him anything to do with girls he goes bright red and mute.

So yeah, pretty sure he is into women, haha! Just not me, it seems. I just want to recover the friendship with him!

Reply 17

LittleRed

OP

10

Original post by Sir Peter Rabbit

That is odd :/

Sounds to me like he just lost interest in you and it's as simple as that. :frown:

Thanks for your reply :smile:

Do you think he ever had interest in me though? It seems odd because even the morning of the day that we went out, he called me up and we chatted for half an hour and were laughing a lot the way we normally do. I've come to the conclusion that he mustn't have ever been interested in me in that way tbh, but maybe I'm wrong.

What do you think I can do to get our friendship back to the way it was? I really don't want my slightly more forward behaviour to have ruined our friendship if I can help it!

Showed a guy that I liked him & ruined our friendship :(

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