Ladies, what would you say makes a man damaged goods?

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Alcoholism, drug taking, cheating, previous criminal history, serious mental health issues, being too possessive and having too many previous sexually partners no one likes a slag of any kind and if they do they are a slag too :biggrin:

Reply 21

Lord A

Original post by catsis

I wouldn't go for a guy who:

- did drugs or is recovering from any kind of drug addiction
- slept with more than 10 girls (I'm a virgin, it would be too intimidating)
- has mental issues (depression and others)
- was married/has kids
- was in prison before/ has a shady CRB (I know it's hard to detect that but if I knew beforehand then I would reject that but ignorance is bliss)
- had an STI or STD

I think that's about it.

it might be better. the guy obviously doesnt place that much value on sex and probably doesnt give a **** if your crap

Original post by Strawberry68

:O how could you
Best accent

North Korea is best Korea.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 22

catsis

Original post by Amy04

I would always say people can change. O have seen people change you can't hold someones past against them, in ten years or so they may have been a different person.

However, my last boyfriend told me he was in youth offenders for fighting when he was 17, and he was now 28, my own dad who is a policeman said ah give him a chance. He was also still a bit of a druggy he smoked weed but he was a nice guy who treated me well, and didn't smoke around me. We split eventually but stayed friends, except I know he is now waiting to be sentenced for gbh as he was coked up at a party and battered the **** out of someone.

Never judge or hold a past against them (unless its murder or wife beating or something along those lines) but maybe always be wary?

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Are you kidding me? He obviously didn't change.

Reply 23

tnetennba

STDs
Has kids
Alcohol/drug problem
Violent
Criminal record
Religious fanatic
'Lad'

Reply 24

Smash Bandicoot

It saddens me how many girls won't date a guy who has 'mental issues'. Same girl will then usually be like 'he didn't call back because I have depression, what a tosser!'

#seriousthirdwavefeminismdoublestandardsitt

I weigh this down to the whole 'man up' 'be a man' thing

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 25

Smash Bandicoot

Original post by Borgia

Really? How serious? Depression? Past self harm issues?

protip: any girl who refers to mental health problems as 'mental issues' has internalised mental health stigma and at present is a red light no-go zone if you have a mental health condition. Any girl who says 'serious mental health problems' is an amber light, you will find few girls under the age of 21 who will be supportive of a guy with even mild clinical mental health difficulties who has not experienced them herself. Only those who have experienced it or previously supported a close friend/family member with it are a green light and even then break it gently and as if you're on the mend.

It is fair enough to list 'super clingy' 'possessive' 'emotionally abusive' 'ongoing addiction' etc. as deal-breakers but once they say 'mental issues' my heart just drops like a stone :frown:

next them. You're worth more than that bro.

Good luck :hugs:

Reply 26

Med_Geek

Original post by Smash Bandicoot

I have to say that I agree with this. Sometimes having a loving partner can really help when one is suffering from mental health related illnesses. But then again, each is entitled to their own preference.

For me, I'd say being involved in criminal activity, substance abuse (if there is no sign of them trying to recover), known to be violent/aggressive towards women (including verbal abuse), children from a previous relationship (I wouldn't say it makes a man "damaged goods" as such, but it just not something I'd be 100% happy with), STDs, the guy having an over-inflated sense of importance/ego. Oh, and being a mummy's boy. :colonhash:

Reply 27

ChaoticButterfly

Original post by Groot

A man who got kicked hard in his crotch. Those goods would be damaged and unable to perform at optimal level in bed. :sadnod:

You all seem to find it immensely funny though :hmmm:

Reply 28

BumbleFluff

I would just like to point out...

Just because somebody has mental health issues, does not make them any less of a person or any less datable. I myself have mental health issues and have only had two partners, one of whom I am currently still with (3 yrs). We're perfect for each-other. Why? Because she also has mental health issues. If anything, I have found people with mental health issues to be more understanding and caring of others than those without. Of course I don't speak for the entire population, but you can see why...

So, just because somebody has issues or is "damaged goods", don't rule them out. You aren't perfect either... remember that.

Reply 29

Swanbow

Original post by kodlak

Northern Accent is a deal breaker

Ohh by gum, I'm absolutely blood devastated by this codswollop. How, oh how will I ever be able to court a nice proper lass with this accent? Ahwell, I'll just take t' whippet fora walk instead.

Reply 30

Quady

Original post by catsis

So being the product of an incest relationship would be ok?

Reply 31

JemC

Original post by catsis

Yeah pretty much, although I could deal with the formally depressed. However to add, someone who cheated or domestically abused another would be classed as damaged ( yes ironic).

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Reply 32

Sazzy890

Just remember, ANYONE can develop a mental illness at some point in their lives. I find it very sad that this, to many people, seems to make someone 'damaged goods' :s-smilie:

No wonder there is stigma around admitting when they need help/have a mental illness.

Reply 33

dreadpiraterach

Most of the things people have already pointed out: violence, emotional abuse, being a "player", being so religious that they're intolerant of most people, cheating on previous partners.

Also, this isn't so much "damaged goods" but it would be a deal breaker if you didn't like dogs.

Reply 34

JemC

Original post by dreadpiraterach

I agree, well said.

Reply 35

colourtheory

Original post by Simes

To go along with the corresponding thread "Guys what would you say makes a woman damaged goods???",

Ladies, what would you say makes a man damaged goods?

*Ahem* Ladies and gentlemen, no? Not to be preachy or anything but this thread is a little heteronormative; I'm gay so view men slightly differently as potential partners...

I really don't think there's such as a thing as 'damaged goods' because in all fairness, humans are complex and everyone has their vices, history, pain and traits which is the result of simply being alive. To write somebody off as 'damaged goods' has the problem of white washing anything positive that they can offer you; by allowing your vision of somebody to be tainted to such an extent means that you can miss both the negative and positive things which make them who they are, and consequently beautiful. Isn't the whole point of love that it's unconditional and can't be helped?

As Marilyn Monroe famously said, 'I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.'

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 36

fluffylittlecat

A history of cheating, drug abuse, being unemployed, alcoholism, children from a previous relationship.

Reply 37

Hot_Potato

Original post by Strawberry68

:O how could you
Best accent

I agree

Reply 38

Smash Bandicoot

Original post by Sazzy890

Just remember, ANYONE can develop a mental illness at some point in their lives. I find it very sad that this, to many people, seems to make someone 'damaged goods' :s-smilie:

No wonder there is stigma around admitting when they need help/have a mental illness.

yayyyy a woman agrees with me! PRSOM!

Reply 39

Todot

I've never really understood the term damaged goods for people - what is an undamaged person like? Not to be cliche but nobodys perfect...

Also agree with the people above who are disappointed by the number of people mentioning mental health issues, since many people suffer from them (male and female) it seems a bit inflexible :dontknow: