Ladies, what would you say makes a man damaged goods?

*Ahem* Ladies and gentlemen, no? Not to be preachy or anything but this thread is a little heteronormative; I'm gay so view men slightly differently as potential partners...

I really don't think there's such as a thing as 'damaged goods' because in all fairness, humans are complex and everyone has their vices, history, pain and traits which is the result of simply being alive. To write somebody off as 'damaged goods' has the problem of white washing anything positive that they can offer you; by allowing your vision of somebody to be tainted to such an extent means that you can miss both the negative and positive things which make them who they are, and consequently beautiful. Isn't the whole point of love that it's unconditional and can't be helped?

As Marilyn Monroe famously said, 'I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.'

Ah yes, the infamously misinterpreted quote which gave the selfie generation an entitlement complex bigger than the Eiffel Tower and capacities for hypocritical doublethink more extreme than 1984.

I agree with what you're saying in the first 2 paras but goddamn man, that quote is cancer

So being the product of an incest relationship would be ok?

Yeah pretty much, although I could deal with the formally depressed. However to add, someone who cheated or domestically abused another would be classed as damaged ( yes ironic).


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*Ahem* Ladies and gentlemen, no? Not to be preachy or anything but this thread is a little heteronormative; I'm gay so view men slightly differently as potential partners...

I really don't think there's such as a thing as 'damaged goods' because in all fairness, humans are complex and everyone has their vices, history, pain and traits which is the result of simply being alive. To write somebody off as 'damaged goods' has the problem of white washing anything positive that they can offer you; by allowing your vision of somebody to be tainted to such an extent means that you can miss both the negative and positive things which make them who they are, and consequently beautiful. Isn't the whole point of love that it's unconditional and can't be helped?

As Marilyn Monroe famously said, 'I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.'

Oh for goodness sake, the quote here supports my argument! There is no entitlement complex implied at all; the whole point of my argument, and that of the quote, is to highlight the need for self confidence and a sense of self worth which can protect oneself from the harsh expectations propagated by the sexualised and often superficial society in which we live. We want women to be beautiful but uncomplicated, engaging but not intellectually challenging etc. etc. Can you not see how society itself presents people with a whole host of expectations which we cannot hope to fulfil?

Please don't use intellectual snobbery as a way to boost your own ego at the expense of others; you don't come across as superior in any way, rather just plain rude.

Good lad. First bit of sense on this thread. Although I want to slap you for the quote at the end ha.

protip: any girl who refers to mental health problems as 'mental issues' has internalised mental health stigma and at present is a red light no-go zone if you have a mental health condition. Any girl who says 'serious mental health problems' is an amber light, you will find few girls under the age of 21 who will be supportive of a guy with even mild clinical mental health difficulties who has not experienced them herself. Only those who have experienced it or previously supported a close friend/family member with it are a green light and even then break it gently and as if you're on the mend.

It is fair enough to list 'super clingy' 'possessive' 'emotionally abusive' 'ongoing addiction' etc. as deal-breakers but once they say 'mental issues' my heart just drops like a stone next them. You're worth more than that bro.

Good luck

Wow what a stigma against mental health. Need to educate yourselves.

I assume that you possess some form of psychological defection or one of your family members do (in which case, I hope you know that none of this is meant offensively), else you wouldn't spout this nonsensical tripe. Why should a woman want to make her life, or her family's, a struggle to deal with some form of male defective? I assume the topic is alluding to the possibility of a long-term relationship which may well lead to marriage. If so, it must be noted that if one is to marry another, one ought to marry someone whom benefits oneself; in a sane society, this would mean: a man who could protect the woman, could impregnate her and raise good children with her, keep her happy, and share similar interests and views with her (these may wear off on either of them as the relationship progresses). One cannot create a healthy, stable family if the father has psychological defection as this puts the mother and the children at risk from him; and if it is depression, it may well be hereditary. And I can tell you this from my experience with depressed folk: stay well away if you can. Read on the internet what depressed people advice non-depressed people who are in relationships with depressed people to do, and they too will tell you to stay the hell away. Depression spreads like the plague. Unless if you have familial ties to someone with such ailments or possess them yourself, then you really ought to avoid them. Depression cannot be fixed; it oft induces mood-fluctuations and thus can sometimes turn quite nasty (my ex blackmailed me many times with threats of suicide so as to ensure my continuous attention). Thus what solution is more logical if you are not depressed to, as I have made very clear by now, stay the hell away?

Also, why did you bring feminism into this? It is perfectly natural for beings to avoid defected beings in such close ties (long-term relationships and marriage); consider it a survival instinct. And, last time I checked, feminism is rather unnatural.

As someone with a history of mental illness and who knows a lot of people who have suffered from mental health issues, I understand it, in my experience the majority of us have a lot of personality faults alongside lack of stability and background issues which are difficult to control. So in my opinion if someone doesn't want to date someone because they have mental health issues, that's a valid reason, as valid as not wanting to be in an LDR or not wanting kids.

So you're basically saying it's our fault for being so emotionally unstable and ****ed up and therefore people should keep calling us mental and psycho and how dare we desire love from normal sane people? Wat.

Don't encourage stigma, help break the stereotype bruh, they're entitled to be prejudiced but don't feed it
is same as having a gold digging cheating ex wife and then saying 'never dating again these hoes ain't loyal'

For the people arguing that mental health problems are a red flag and should be avoided what is your stance on your partner developing them whilst in a relationship with you? Are they only 'damaged goods' if they were ill previous to your relationship?

Northern Accent is a deal breaker

Where on Earth did I say that? Frankly your irrational response is just proving my point. I said it was understandable for people to have a stigma, not that it was right and I never said it was the fault of mentally I'll people, in fact I said it was the opposite by saying some factors were difficult to control.



I'm arguing that it's a red flag if you're about to date or have just started dating someone. Later on is another, more complicated story.