are me and my bf going too far?

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You've misunderstood. I didn't say that anal is essential. I didn't say that anal must always precede vaginal. All I'm saying is that they haven't really done anything in seven months apart from kiss, and talk. Lol.

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Reply 21

EmmzAyr

Original post by Illegal Algebra

Why must you bring the tone down? This isn't a "sexual" forum, but one where young people share their problems & questions.

Me & my boyfriend arent sleeping together yet, far less doing some of the things you suggest.

When it is right - we WILL - until then, we are happy to cuddle & be together.

Last night was amazing! Just the 2 of us together, no pressures & lots of love! - Try it sometime & stop thinking purely of sex?

Reply 22

Ronove

Original post by Illegal Algebra

All I was commenting on was your listing of anal alongside fingering and oral, which suggests they're on the same level, especially when regular sex is missed out.

The anal preceding vaginal thing was just a joke because of the funny way you worded it.

The expectation that they would have done it within the first seven months of the relationship was also a bit weird, but then I suppose it's fairly normal for kids to race through everything once they get going - thinking back, my first sexual relationship also seemed to be all about trying out everything possible in very little time.

I didn't suggest that it was just you giving the impression that anal is expected/essential - I decided that the combination of our two posts might inadvertently give some less experienced users the wrong impression (and scare the **** out of them in the process).

Reply 23

Illegal Algebra

Original post by EmmzAyr

In any case, there comes a time when a man must take things further by consummating the relationship. To show someone that you truly love them and care about them, one of the things that you must do is to take that step. The man has to make the woman his, to show her that he's fully committed to her. It's not enough just to 'cuddle'. I do not understand why people are so reluctant to step things up and get serious about being together. It's not about thinking purely of sex, it's not like that at all. A man must send a woman a clear message. Instead if keeping her guessing and letting her wonder about what if, it is a man's duty to make love to the woman that he's with, unless it's a casual relationship that's not going anywhere. But if the two people who are involved are serious about being together, then it just doesn't make any sense to wait for such a long time before taking things further. If you're not sure about having sex, then it means you're still not sure about where the relationship is going and you still don't know if it's serious. This creates a lot of confusion and unnecessary tension. Consummating the relationship is a way to clarify things so that the two people know exactly where they stand. No ifs or buts, just do it. You'll be glad that you did.

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Reply 24

EmmzAyr

We have both thought about it, & discussed about it a lot! - Of course we have!

We are 2 normal & healthy young people! The conclusion we came to was that there is no rush! - We are happy, so, what is the problem?

I am curious & I know he is too, but, that is what we both feel makes our relationship even stronger!

Reply 25

Illegal Algebra

Original post by EmmzAyr

Well, as long as you've both discussed it fully and everything is out in the open, then that's perfectly fine of course. I wasn't able to wait very long, I made love to my girlfriend very shortly after getting to know her, but by then I had fallen deeply in love with her and I made sure that she was ready. We talked about it and decided we wanted to take that step together. And it made our relationship even stronger, we're closer than ever, she knows exactly where I stand and I know exactly what she wants and expects from this relationship. We're on exactly the same page. I don't think there is such a thing as going too far (although I'm sure that if I were to talk about some of the things that we've done together, TSR would be shocked, so we'll avoid that) as long as both people discuss it and fully agree to it. That's the beauty of a strong relationship, where both people are open in discussing even the most intimate of things. It just makes things a while lot easier. Personally I don't subscribe to the whole "wait 6 months until the time is right" notion. If it feels right, then it doesn't make sense to delay something which both people want. The relationship needs it.

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(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 26

Chris654

Original post by EmmzAyr

Good that you have discussed it, there is no rush, you do it when you both feel the time is right. I don't see a problem whatsoever. I just can't get over the fact the OP's boyfriend will gladly suck on her breasts and grind but when she touches him down there he pulls her hand off? After 7 months it just seems a bit childish for him to do that.

Reply 27

EmmzAyr

I thought that was totally normal?

A few weeks ago, we did that too, & it was nice but a surprise! :colondollar:

"Grinding" we do regularly. With both wearing onesies, it can get quite fun without going all the way! - I love it! (Planned again tonorrow!!) :smile:

Reply 28

Huskaris

Original post by Ronove

Who skips to anal before vaginal? :s-smilie:

Edit: Just for anyone freaking out out there - no, anal is not necessary at any point in a relationship if you're not interested in it, not even after having done regular sex for a while.

Funny you should say that.

Girl I knew at school was with her new boyfriend (her first sexual experience) they didn't have a condom. She lost her virginity in the bum.

She's a lesbian now.

Reply 29

EmmzAyr

Original post by Illegal Algebra

Personally I don't subscribe to the whole "wait 6 months until the time is right" notion. If it feels right, then it doesn't make sense to delay something which both people want. The relationship needs it.

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So, is there a deadline or something? If it feels right, then that's fine.

If it doesn't & we are happy, who is to say what's "right"?

Big problem is, we have been invited to a wedding & have been asked how we feel about room arrangements. I am embarassed whichever way I respond.

Reply 30

joker12345

Original post by EmmzAyr

If you're comfortable sharing a room say that, nothing awkward about it - they obviously expect you might be if they've asked.

Reply 31

El Salvador

Original post by shawn_o1

I thought for all religions, "no sex before marriage". :confused:

Pastafarianism doesn't.

Reply 32

EmmzAyr

Original post by joker12345

If you're comfortable sharing a room say that, nothing awkward about it - they obviously expect you might be if they've asked.

His sister probably felt she HAD to ask! As I said, if we said YES then it looks like we are mad at it already.

If we say NO then people may laugh at us.

We have shared some time together at home, but, never away in a hotel together. - I just feel expectations will be too much for us both.

Reply 33

lou 22

Firstly, you are legally old enough to have sex from age 16 so you are both legal. Secondly, I know you are here asking for advice but I don’t think you will get much here. You and your BF are progressing slowly but at a pace you are both happy with so just stick to it and when it happens it happens.

Reply 34

EmmzAyr

Original post by lou 22

Thanks for being "sensible"! :smile:

I am learning that not all on this site are always say - helpful!. :confused:

Where should I go for advice then? suggestions?

The "over 16" thing obviously isnt an issue, I just always wonder if we are in someways, abnormal, or if others have the same issues.

I wish I had the confidence to discuss it openly with friends & family, but, I don't!

Reply 35

lilymoran

Once you're getting as 'close' as you are it's going to happen when you haven't planned it.

So you do realise that if you haven't planned it you have planned to be pregnant? Just one go will do it, even if it's your first time, even if you didn't enjoy it etc etc. Are you on the pill? or had an injection? or patch? Don't think a condom will do - it won't.

Do not spend any more private time with your boyfriend without going to a clinic to get contraception.

Another thing, once you've done it with him, he's going to expect it every time you see him. Are you ready for that?

Reply 36

PinkMobilePhone

Volunteer Team

OP basically as others have said, you're not underage, but there's no pressure for either of you to take things any faster than you want to take it.

If you're both happy with what you're doing at the moment, then stick to that. When you both agree you want to take it further, then take it further. It's really that simple.

Don't overanalyse it, just go with the flow. Things will happen as they happen and as long as you're both comfortable every step of the way, then that's fine.

Reply 37

EmmzAyr

Original post by pickup

(I was not the OP)

I am not going to get pregnant! - We don't go that far just now!
I may be young, but, not silly!

I realise contraception is important & will deal with it when the time comes! - cant see that for a while though! - Happy doing what we do!

Reply 38

lilymoran

Original post by EmmzAyr

My point was that just because you say you don't go that far now doesn't mean that tomorrow you will not end up 'going that far' in the heat of the moment.

That is exactly why there are so many teenage pregnancies. No one plans it. It just happens.

Believe me the time has come. Many many adults have unwanted pregnancies and this is after they have practised how not to for years and years.

If you don't get fixed up with contraception now you will inevitably be pregnant sooner or later - probably sooner. Have you thought about abortion? bringing up a child ? alone? getting married? What will your boyfriend's attitude be? What support will you get from your parents? Have you discussed this with your mother? What will you do about money? What will you do about your education?

You are sleep walking into a disaster.

Go to a clinic tomorrow and get the pill etc. Do it. Whatever embarrassment, inertia etc is stopping you is as nothing in compared to the despair you'll feel if you don't.

Reply 39

EmmzAyr

I am not going to get pregnant if we don't have sex am I?

We both live with our parents so, the chances are slim! Neither of us want to right now.

We are always dressed (At least partly) when we have "fun" - so pregnancy cant happen!

I take your points though - I know mistakes are possible, but, not through clothes.