Why do no men approach me?

Original post by sparklenshine

deerhunter, the national, arcade fire etc :biggrin:

I've heard Arcade Fire, I listened to their album Funeral but I guess it wasn't for me. There was something about the singing that I didn't like. :frown:

Reply 102

OP

Original post by DancinBallerina

Join a society? Do voluntary work? Take up a sporty activity? Those are the sort of things I was referring to which will open up your social circle. Join this website www.meetup.com - there are soo many groups/communities on there, all designed to help people socialise and improve social circle and etc.

:smile:

I've thought about meetup before and then get kind of anxious and scared at the large groups and end up not doing anything but I'll try hopefully one day. Thanks for your advice :smile:

x

Reply 103

KingStannis

3

Original post by sparklenshine

This is completely untrue. That's why I asked about why other unattractive women get asked out. Don't tell me you've never seen hot men with ugly wives. I see it ALL the time. In fact, every guy I've ever liked had an ugly girlfriend, and I'm not the only one who thought they could do better. Unattractive women are often approached constantly, and many beautiful girls remain single. This is the complete truth.

That's probably more telling about your insecurities and jealousies than actual fact. I'm not judging; it's understandable. But assuming you're a heterosexual maybe your view on their attractiveness is influenced by the fact that they have something you clearly desire and feel you're worthy of.

Your attitude on this thread comes off as kind of aggressive and confident about your own worth. Perhaps this is because you feel unappreciated, and try to affirm you own value where others do not. If you do this irl, know that it can come off as arrogant and bitchy, even if that is not how it is intended. I think it is kinda good you have this attitude rather than being depressed; on one level it shows mental strength. But it will defo put people off you.

In this thread you've spoken about your tactics with men; constantly messaging them, making them laugh etc. This can be a turn off for both genders. Not being immediately available when someone wants to interact with you does make them want you more.

To be honest, nobody can tell you whether or not men not approaching you is to do with your being unattractive because we don't know what you look like. So unfortunately the thread can't serve its purpose if this is it.

I hope this helps. And feel free to pm me if you ever just want to talk :smile:

; I know what loneliness can feel like (if this is how you feel).

Reply 104

OP

Original post by awkwardshortguy

I've heard Arcade Fire, I listened to their album Funeral but I guess it wasn't for me. There was something about the singing that I didn't like. :frown:

Haha, fair enough, many think it was overrated but I thought it was their best album. What else do you listen to?

Reply 105

miah

Original post by sparklenshine

Uni, just began a PhD in theoretical physics at imperial

I actually just read a few on these posts i had only read your intro beforw this.

From your words it seems like you try to hard. How are you in person? The same. Or chilled?

Reply 106

OP

Original post by Multitalented me

Well not all guys complain about women but anyway I think both men & women have good & bad points. It's important to note that you aren't entitled to have men approaching you, you might actually be very good looking & they just feel intimidated by you & don't approach. Or there is a problem with your personality.

I don't think it's nice what you have said about other girls, beauty can be quite subjective anyway. Instead of letting this all anger you try to keep positive & use it to really motivate you & work out the the things you need to improve about yourself. Just come across as friendly (i.e. nice & open body language & a smile) & initiate some conversations with guys if you can. A lot of guys actually like this. I'm sure you can get a guy but if you alter your attitude really! :smile:

Well, that was my opinion, I'm sure you see other men and find some ugly..and many have told me I might be ugly when I post these kind of threads too but thanks for your advice. :smile:

I always try, I smile, but they ignore eye contact. Once, this same female ex friend I keep mentioning and I were walking down the street and came across two familiar guys from our programme. None made any eye contact with me though I said hi and were only looking at her the whole time they were speaking and didn't even glance at me once. I thought it was so odd and was really sad about it. I wondered why I have to suffer and be shunned by men.
:frown:

Reply 107

username94219

Original post by sparklenshine

I've thought about meetup before and then get kind of anxious and scared at the large groups and end up not doing anything but I'll try hopefully one day. Thanks for your advice :smile:

x

I joined a local group, and emailed the lady who started the group. And she said everyone who has joined the group had the exact same thoughts; anxious, scared and etc. She said depending on what the activity is, the groups never go above 20 as anything over that it's too big and she doesn't think it's beneficial. She was so lovely and very encouraging. Although I am yet to go (waiting for a good activity I am interested in before going along), I suspect it'll be really good, and I won't be as bad as first thought.

Just go for it! :smile:

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 108

OP

Original post by miah

I actually just read a few on these posts i had only read your intro beforw this.

From your words it seems like you try to hard. How are you in person? The same. Or chilled?

I'm chilled, maybe a bit awkward, mostly just quiet, shy etc. keep to myself, never come across as a try hard. I tried a bit with this guy to see where it would go but it didn't seem to work but whatever I did wasn't try hard, it was just a little friendly banter.

Reply 109

Black Cat

Original post by gonnagetrejected

i tried to post that van damme gif, but the host was from photobucket lol

Unlucky lol you have some decent albums mate

Reply 110

41b

5

You could be entitled, stuck up, annoying, haughty, judgemental and so on.

If your body type is Emma Watson's, maybe you've got a silly face.

Or maybe you're kidding yourself.

Generally guys approach girls who don't annoy them, or look annoying, or act annoyingly. The reason few self-respecting men like "ambitious" career women is because they are self centered and annoying.

Guys like girls, but most girls are at least a little annoying. The trade off in my head is always "is her annoyance worth the pleasure and companionship?" Most of the time the answer's no. If you come across as annoying and a pain to be around, self-respecting guys will avoid you (and the desperate ones, like you've mentioned, will not).

Reply 111

OP

Original post by shawn_o1

You showed interest but he didn't. So you shouldn't have persisted. Maybe this stubbornness in trying to make something work is your problem. It can work in your PhD pursuit but not in finding partners I'm afraid

Maybe, but I don't know if my interest seemed more friendly than romantic lol. But true, I will completely stop and just be professional. I wasted my time. x

Reply 112

awkwardshortguy

Original post by sparklenshine

Haha, fair enough, many think it was overrated but I thought it was their best album. What else do you listen to?

Yeah I know I saw the reviews and how good it was supposed to be. It probably is that good to a lot of people but just not my cup of tea I guess.

I like a real range of stuff. The bands who's catalogues I've listened to most extensively would be Type O Negative, Roxy Music, Talking Heads and Magnum. I tend to listen to a lot of metal but recently I've been dabbling in soul and electronica. Does that sound as weird as I think it sounds?

I'm guessing you're in to a lot of modern music, am I right?

Reply 113

username927016

Original post by sparklenshine

Well, that was my opinion, I'm sure you see other men and find some ugly..and many have told me I might be ugly when I post these kind of threads too but thanks for your advice. :smile:

I always try, I smile, but they ignore eye contact. Once, this same female ex friend I keep mentioning and I were walking down the street and came across two familiar guys from our programme. None made any eye contact with me though I said hi and were only looking at her the whole time they were speaking and didn't even glance at me once. I thought it was so odd and was really sad about it. I wondered why I have to suffer and be shunned by men.
:frown:

Ok but you see it's not all about looks anyway, yes they play a part & usually open the door but a lot is about personality & common interests as well. I sometimes find it hard to make eye contact myself as I'm a bit shy, especially with new people so that could be the reason why guys might avoid it. Also them particular guys from your programme might not necessarily found your friend more attractive but were more interested in what she had to say?

Well I'm by no means a stud myself, but personality can go a long way. You might just be a bit unlucky with the guys you've experienced. Just don't give up hope I guess, keep putting yourself out there, the meet up thing & doing volunteer work is good. That's what I'm planning myself & but I also have the same kind of fears as you. Sometimes you gotta go for things though, get out of your comfort zone & you may well end up meeting some lovely people (& who knows maybe a future boyfriend/husband that you're totally compatible with). So yeah just don't let this get to you anymore basically, keep positive. There is somebody for everyone out there, but you just have to stay strong & determined! :smile:

Reply 114

Sam Walters

3

Original post by sparklenshine

I tried with the guy I mentioned in this thread. I failed! :frown:

Now I have no hopes...despite being a good match for him and making him laugh etc, he picked a very silly, childish, babyish girl over me.

What you call silly and childish he may see as fun and entertaining.

Reply 115

miah

Original post by sparklenshine

I'm chilled, maybe a bit awkward, mostly just quiet, shy etc. keep to myself, never come across as a try hard. I tried a bit with this guy to see where it would go but it didn't seem to work but whatever I did wasn't try hard, it was just a little friendly banter.

Why do your friends not invite you anywhere?
Firstly i would aim to make new friends. You'll be much happier when you have some reliable friends etc. Do this by joining societies at uni your course etc even go bars clubs.

Secondly, no offence but not in all aspects might i add when you've contributed to this thread, but half the time you sound utterly up your own ass and clingy. I said not always because you spoken fine to me and also with others but your point of view is just built on, it seems on the envy of others or lack of understanding that you cannot just categorise a person. Just because the girl on your course doesnt speak eng well or is abit of an air head doesnt mean she wasnt worth that guys time. Obv you probably dont get but he probably just clicked with her and she made him laugh etc. I can understand your frustration but you need to just shrug it off its not something to be cut up over so much so that you want to give up. Yeah you crushed on him he wasnt interested so what that is his loss. And as for girls thay are diff to you eg less intelligent airheads or whatever some people like that and some people just click with who they click with.

I think this thread could have gone 2 ways,
1)Why am i never noticed by men im lonely want to mee someone help etc
2)I hate when Im a nutter i want to stab them they never pay me any attention i begrudge anyone elses happiness because im great im smart why not me

Yours in the latter.

Im well up for loving yourself and i think everyone secretly does think oh why not me why her but it seems you actually live by this thought. You can't move forward if you legitimately begrudge everyone else's happiness because you think you're way better than them. If you think that.. as others have already said thats your problem. You actually havent met someone because you genuinly seem to believe you're better than these other couples. If you're patient and not so argh i hate men i hate couples why not me im so pretty & prim & RELAX you will meet someone.

Reply 116

OP

Original post by 41b

You could be entitled, stuck up, annoying, haughty, judgemental and so on.

If your body type is Emma Watson's, maybe you've got a silly face.

Or maybe you're kidding yourself.

Generally guys approach girls who don't annoy them, or look annoying, or act annoyingly. The reason few self-respecting men like "ambitious" career women is because they are self centered and annoying.

Guys like girls, but most girls are at least a little annoying. The trade off in my head is always "is her annoyance worth the pleasure and companionship?" Most of the time the answer's no. If you come across as annoying and a pain to be around, self-respecting guys will avoid you (and the desperate ones, like you've mentioned, will not).

The last thing I am is annoying, but what exactly does it mean to be annoying to you as a guy? What does a girl do that can be seen as annoying?
And lol what's so great about Emma Watson's body? Her face is a 3 imo. And I can already imagine people calling me jealous, but seriously, if that plain jane can be considered beautiful, I must be the most beautiful girl in the world LOL. I have a very classical face and intense eyes, not silly at all. But give an example of as silly face, I'm so curious. And how on earth are ambitious woman annoying? THE CHILDISH WOMEN WHO ACT LIKE BABIES AND WANT TO BE TAKEN CARE OF ALL THE TIME ARE THE ANNOYING ONES. ANY SMART CONFIDENT MAN WOULD SEE THAT.

Reply 117

username47781