Girls, if your boyfriend beata you, will you stay with him?

OP

Original post by moonkatt

Which anyone who is thinking straight would do.

When someone is in an abusive relationship they've been manipulated to the point that they think they can't leave, that something terrible will happen if they leave, that the abuse is their fault, that they'll never have money to survive if they leave, that their family will never peak to them if they leave. It goes on.

Which is why they should seek advice from a professional...GP, whoever. Of course seeking advice is also a challenge I imagine.

Then when they get professional advice, the things you listed above can be written off.

Ok I understand now, circle of death sort of thing. Cycle.

Reply 23

OP

Original post by queen-bee

It difficult to leave someone you and attempt to start afresh. Also,I'm sure the abuset reassures them that they still care about them etc

Abuser reassures them? Heavy contradiction but I guess it happens

Reply 24

moonkatt

19

Original post by bittr n swt

Which is why they should seek advice from a professional...GP, whoever. Of course seeking advice is also a challenge I imagine.

Then when they get professional advice, the things you listed above can be written off.

It's getting to people who would be able to help them, abusive partners can be controlling, may sit in on appointments with doctors and so on. While people such as healthcare workers are trained to recognise signs of abuse and know how to deal with safeguarding those who need it, people can be really good at hiding .

Original post by bittr n swt

Ok I understand now, circle of death sort of thing. Cycle.

Indeed, it's a vicious cycle that can be difficult to break.

Reply 25

The_Internet

Original post by kayleighisonfire

Because for some unknown reason they still love them and think that they'll change. My next door neighbour used to get hit by her boyfriend and those are the reasons why she didn't leave him and why they're still together now.

This.

Often, girls like to think that they'd leave an abusive relationship, but every girl is different. Some girls would hopefully get the hell out of there, though some girls would look to blame herself, like she somehow "deserved" it - that's the kinda girl that needs some sort of support network...

Lots of girls get trapped because of abusive partners

On the flip side, lots of men get trapped by abusive partners (their partners being women), because there's very little, in terms of support, and it's seen as a bit emasculating for a guy to go to the police, and say "my wife/girlfriend beats me" So people from both genders become trapped, for different reasons.

Reply 26

queen-bee

19

Original post by bittr n swt

Abuser reassures them? Heavy contradiction but I guess it happens

Yes reassure them by maybe telling them that they wish they could change or some sort of sympathy act

Reply 27

beckaroo7

13

It's madness, can't imagine why someone would want that, of either gender abusing the other like that. I've heard of cases where the guy has even gone to prison for doing it, and they got back together.

Another is when the kids are abused too. I knew someone who's step dad beat him up when he was about two, and ended up in hospital for weeks with kidney damage. The step dad went to prison for it for a while and when he came out of prison the mother got back together with him and made the kid live with his grandparents.

I really can't understand why someone would ever put up with that

Reply 28

On the fact that I wouldn't want to be with someone who I wasn't head over heels for, then yes, I would probably stay with them. I've had friends who verbally/mentally abused me who I put up with so I can't imagine it would be any different with a boyfriend who I really did love.

Reply 29

OP

Original post by beckaroo7

It's madness, can't imagine why someone would want that, of either gender abusing the other like that. I've heard of cases where the guy has even gone to prison for doing it, and they got back together.

Another is when the kids are abused too. I knew someone who's step dad beat him up when he was about two, and ended up in hospital for weeks with kidney damage. The step dad went to prison for it for a while and when he came out of prison the mother got back together with him and made the kid live with his grandparents.

I really can't understand why someone would ever put up with that

That's disgusting. Putting your own child in hospital he goes jail comes out and still sticks with him...

If that was my mother I would want nothing to do with her.

Reply 30

OP

Original post by Maid Marian

On the fact that I wouldn't want to be with someone who I wasn't head over heels for, then yes, I would probably stay with them. I've had friends who verbally/mentally abused me who I put up with so I can't imagine it would be any different with a boyfriend who I really did love.

I'm talking physical abuse. Can you read the thread title next time.

Reply 31

beckaroo7

13

Original post by bittr n swt

That's disgusting. Putting your own child in hospital he goes jail comes out and still sticks with him...

If that was my mother I would want nothing to do with her.

I was so horrified and angry when I found out. I don't think he has much of a relationship with her. He does with his half brother though. Whose father is the step dad that put the first in hospital, and is still with the mother last I heard :colonhash:

Reply 32

Original post by bittr n swt

I'm talking physical abuse. Can you read the thread title next time.

I know, and I said I would stay.

Reply 33

beckaroo7

13

Original post by Maid Marian

On the fact that I wouldn't want to be with someone who I wasn't head over heels for, then yes, I would probably stay with them. I've had friends who verbally/mentally abused me who I put up with so I can't imagine it would be any different with a boyfriend who I really did love.

Wouldn't the fact you were being mentally/physically abused affect how head over heels you felt about them?? You also shouldn't put up with that from friends either, sure you deserve better than that

Reply 34

username1042689

21

Out on his ear. He touches me, he's gone. Maybe if I was in a long term relationship and he hit me once and immediately apologised and didn't try to excuse himself, I wouldn't break up with him on the spot. But if he touched me again - no, he's gone. It's inexcusable. I know I'm being idealistic and that if I was in a real abusive relationship it's so much more difficult to leave, but this is what I believe in.

Reply 35

OP

Original post by Maid Marian

I know, and I said I would stay.

Don't you think you deserve better?
I can't believe this.

Reply 36

Original post by beckaroo7

Wouldn't the fact you were being mentally/physically abused affect how head over heels you felt about them?? You also shouldn't put up with that from friends either, sure you deserve better than that

You'd think so but .... knowing me, I'd find it very hard to change my feelings. :sigh:

Honestly, been there so many times with friends that I don't think i'd be much different with physical and a boyfriend.

Reply 37

Original post by bittr n swt

Don't you think you deserve better?
I can't believe this.

It's not that simple. :no:

Reply 38

OP