Too guilty to break up
Over the last month or so my other half has annoyed me so much that I keep trying to end it. Every time he says irritating things to get a reaction. He has even brought up that he wished he had never deleted pics of his exes off his phone. When he realises being irritating doesnt work he then does the whole 'im crying, i would be devastated to lose you, i love you i will do anything to keep you' and I believe him and because I love him I want to believe that things will be different and we can try to make it work. I am just going round in circles and think the only reason i am with him is because of the guilt of upsetting him and loving him.
He has interviews coming up over the next week and I just know he will make me feel guilty about breaking up before that.
Can anyone give any advice or been in this situation before?
He has interviews coming up over the next week and I just know he will make me feel guilty about breaking up before that.
Can anyone give any advice or been in this situation before?
He doesn't sound like the nicest, I've got to be honest. I personally feel like you should end it, and I think you know that. If you do, here are two options the way I see it
1) Wait until he's finished his interviews. Part of me thinks you should just come right out and break up with him now, but he also really sounds like the kind of person who could really make your life a misery if he wants to make you feel guilty. He is wrong to do this but if you feel it's not worth the misery of being made to feel guilty, let him get these interviews out of the way first. Or,
2) Break up with him now, get it over with, and tell him in no uncertain terms that you just need some time for yourself without talking, in order to get over everything. He'll still probably be trying to make you feel guilty but you'll have told him that you're going no contact so he shouldn't expect a response, nor should you feel you have to give one.
1) Wait until he's finished his interviews. Part of me thinks you should just come right out and break up with him now, but he also really sounds like the kind of person who could really make your life a misery if he wants to make you feel guilty. He is wrong to do this but if you feel it's not worth the misery of being made to feel guilty, let him get these interviews out of the way first. Or,
2) Break up with him now, get it over with, and tell him in no uncertain terms that you just need some time for yourself without talking, in order to get over everything. He'll still probably be trying to make you feel guilty but you'll have told him that you're going no contact so he shouldn't expect a response, nor should you feel you have to give one.
If the issues have been long standing and there doesn't seem to be any possibility of improvement then you have every reason to end it. To be honest it sounds like this guy has some issues with maturity... the whole thing where he goes on about his ex's pictures sounds like a plea for your attention rather than out of bitterness. If you aren't happy then don't stick around, if you are willing to wait till his interviews are over then you can end it then, but it would be perfectly understandable if you did it ASAP. He seems to have no issues when he attempts to antagonise and cause upset, so why should you treat him any differently?
Another thing to consider if you break-up with him is social networking. An effective method of dealing with break-ups (that show signs of going badly) is to block the Ex from all social networking, mobile phones e.t.c.
Of course, I suggest doing this if the Ex in question is possibly obsessive or going to guilt trip you and make you feel terrible for simply wanting something more.
If you wish to maintain some form of friendship then you can't exactly isolate them for months and then pop out of the blue. But bear in mind if you wanted to attempt to just be friends they may try and subtly guilt trip you or slowly creep themselves back into your life.
It's all really a matter of what you wish to do and where you want this person to stand in your life.
Of course, I suggest doing this if the Ex in question is possibly obsessive or going to guilt trip you and make you feel terrible for simply wanting something more.
If you wish to maintain some form of friendship then you can't exactly isolate them for months and then pop out of the blue. But bear in mind if you wanted to attempt to just be friends they may try and subtly guilt trip you or slowly creep themselves back into your life.
It's all really a matter of what you wish to do and where you want this person to stand in your life.
It's a shame that you love him and he's acting in that way. It's easy to be blinded by your feelings, and as tough as it may be for you as well, I think you should leave him.
It seems like you've asked yourself why you're in a relationship with him and the only answer was that you'd feel bad about upsetting him. That's very nice of you but is also a big red flag for the relationship.
His behaviour is very strange. I don't know if you've ever sat down with him and asked if there's something going on with him that he needs your support with, or if there was any explanation for why he'd say such hurtful things. This would be a key step to 'making it work' with him.
Have a think about whether you want to do that for a while. As you care for him I think you should wait until after his interview has happened, but slowly distance yourself and prepare to call things off. It sucks, but I think it'll be better for you in the long run. It'd be better to see you with someone who's committed to making a relationship work just as much as you are, and not someone like who you've described.
It seems like you've asked yourself why you're in a relationship with him and the only answer was that you'd feel bad about upsetting him. That's very nice of you but is also a big red flag for the relationship.
His behaviour is very strange. I don't know if you've ever sat down with him and asked if there's something going on with him that he needs your support with, or if there was any explanation for why he'd say such hurtful things. This would be a key step to 'making it work' with him.
Have a think about whether you want to do that for a while. As you care for him I think you should wait until after his interview has happened, but slowly distance yourself and prepare to call things off. It sucks, but I think it'll be better for you in the long run. It'd be better to see you with someone who's committed to making a relationship work just as much as you are, and not someone like who you've described.
Original post by SeanFM
It's a shame that you love him and he's acting in that way. It's easy to be blinded by your feelings, and as tough as it may be for you as well, I think you should leave him.
It seems like you've asked yourself why you're in a relationship with him and the only answer was that you'd feel bad about upsetting him. That's very nice of you but is also a big red flag for the relationship.
His behaviour is very strange. I don't know if you've ever sat down with him and asked if there's something going on with him that he needs your support with, or if there was any explanation for why he'd say such hurtful things. This would be a key step to 'making it work' with him.
Have a think about whether you want to do that for a while. As you care for him I think you should wait until after his interview has happened, but slowly distance yourself and prepare to call things off. It sucks, but I think it'll be better for you in the long run. It'd be better to see you with someone who's committed to making a relationship work just as much as you are, and not someone like who you've described.
It seems like you've asked yourself why you're in a relationship with him and the only answer was that you'd feel bad about upsetting him. That's very nice of you but is also a big red flag for the relationship.
His behaviour is very strange. I don't know if you've ever sat down with him and asked if there's something going on with him that he needs your support with, or if there was any explanation for why he'd say such hurtful things. This would be a key step to 'making it work' with him.
Have a think about whether you want to do that for a while. As you care for him I think you should wait until after his interview has happened, but slowly distance yourself and prepare to call things off. It sucks, but I think it'll be better for you in the long run. It'd be better to see you with someone who's committed to making a relationship work just as much as you are, and not someone like who you've described.
Thanks for your long kind message.
The way he see's it is because I have hurt him by breaking up he wants to hurt me back by saying hurtful things. Its very pathetic and I don't understand how someone in their late twenties can think thats a valid reason. The worst thing he does is say he going to meet up his ex to get over me. I have had issues with how much he used to be into her so to hear him say that really upsets me.
Admittedly im not perfect and I have done immature things like block him and tell him to F off which is unlike me but I know its the only way I can get him to stop. We do have some long standing issued and because I love him I fall for it when he says he will do anything to be with me. I actually dont understand how someone can be so horrible but then sound so loved at other times??
He does have some issues yes. One of them relates to his confidence and I have tried to help him verbally and encouraged him to see the doctor with something but he wont do it.
He makes me feel guilty for even small arguments. I have showed conversations I have had with him with other people and they think he sounds manipulative and an idiot. I suppose there is nothing left but to finish it and never look back.
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for your long kind message.
The way he see's it is because I have hurt him by breaking up he wants to hurt me back by saying hurtful things. Its very pathetic and I don't understand how someone in their late twenties can think thats a valid reason. The worst thing he does is say he going to meet up his ex to get over me. I have had issues with how much he used to be into her so to hear him say that really upsets me.
Admittedly im not perfect and I have done immature things like block him and tell him to F off which is unlike me but I know its the only way I can get him to stop. We do have some long standing issued and because I love him I fall for it when he says he will do anything to be with me. I actually dont understand how someone can be so horrible but then sound so loved at other times??
He does have some issues yes. One of them relates to his confidence and I have tried to help him verbally and encouraged him to see the doctor with something but he wont do it.
He makes me feel guilty for even small arguments. I have showed conversations I have had with him with other people and they think he sounds manipulative and an idiot. I suppose there is nothing left but to finish it and never look back.
The way he see's it is because I have hurt him by breaking up he wants to hurt me back by saying hurtful things. Its very pathetic and I don't understand how someone in their late twenties can think thats a valid reason. The worst thing he does is say he going to meet up his ex to get over me. I have had issues with how much he used to be into her so to hear him say that really upsets me.
Admittedly im not perfect and I have done immature things like block him and tell him to F off which is unlike me but I know its the only way I can get him to stop. We do have some long standing issued and because I love him I fall for it when he says he will do anything to be with me. I actually dont understand how someone can be so horrible but then sound so loved at other times??
He does have some issues yes. One of them relates to his confidence and I have tried to help him verbally and encouraged him to see the doctor with something but he wont do it.
He makes me feel guilty for even small arguments. I have showed conversations I have had with him with other people and they think he sounds manipulative and an idiot. I suppose there is nothing left but to finish it and never look back.
I am sorry to hear about that
just more signs that you're doing the right thing.
Original post by Anonymous
Every time he says irritating things to get a reaction. He has even brought up that he wished he had never deleted pics of his exes off his phone. When he realises being irritating doesnt work he then does the whole 'im crying, i would be devastated to lose you, i love you i will do anything to keep you' and I believe him and because I love him I want to believe that things will be different and we can try to make it work.
Sorry, I'm confused about what it is he does/wants to achieve. From what you've written here it sounds like he is deliberately annoying to try and get you to break up with him, but when you don't he begs you not to. Wut?
Original post by Anonymous
Over the last month or so my other half has annoyed me so much that I keep trying to end it. Every time he says irritating things to get a reaction. He has even brought up that he wished he had never deleted pics of his exes off his phone. When he realises being irritating doesnt work he then does the whole 'im crying, i would be devastated to lose you, i love you i will do anything to keep you' and I believe him and because I love him I want to believe that things will be different and we can try to make it work. I am just going round in circles and think the only reason i am with him is because of the guilt of upsetting him and loving him.
He has interviews coming up over the next week and I just know he will make me feel guilty about breaking up before that.
Can anyone give any advice or been in this situation before?
He has interviews coming up over the next week and I just know he will make me feel guilty about breaking up before that.
Can anyone give any advice or been in this situation before?
Oh my - he sounds really callous. What the hell is his problem?!
Please don't stay with somebody out of guilt when you know your life will probably be better without him. So what if he reacts in a certain way? If he treats you the way he does, then you don't owe him anything.
Original post by Musie Suzie
Sorry, I'm confused about what it is he does/wants to achieve. From what you've written here it sounds like he is deliberately annoying to try and get you to break up with him, but when you don't he begs you not to. Wut?
That's what I don't understand either.. I basically tell.him why we can't be together or I talk about wanting to and he says that when hes single he will meet up with other girls to get over me, accuses me.of dumping him for someone else, when that doesn't get a reaction he starts the whole thing of saying he doesnt want to lose me and i can find better than him and will do what it takes to be with me etc
Original post by Anonymous
That's what I don't understand either.. I basically tell.him why we can't be together or I talk about wanting to and he says that when hes single he will meet up with other girls to get over me, accuses me.of dumping him for someone else, when that doesn't get a reaction he starts the whole thing of saying he doesnt want to lose me and i can find better than him and will do what it takes to be with me etc
Well, that sounds like he gets hurt by you talking about wanting to end the relationship, so retaliates (immaturely) by trying to hurt you back, then gets scared that you actually will break up with him and switches to begging you not to break up with him. Kinda logical, I guess...
You don't want to be around someone because you have sympathy for him. Your inner mind is already set for breaking up. You have to break with him eventually. And, you knew it.
My advice you wait for the proper time to declare it for him. He has now stuff to take care off. You don't want to upset him, and then do bad in his exam. You wait, and try to be supportive this period until it pass. Then, be honest with him and do what is needed.
He will be sad in the begging, later on he will be fine.
Good luck
Posted from TSR Mobile
My advice you wait for the proper time to declare it for him. He has now stuff to take care off. You don't want to upset him, and then do bad in his exam. You wait, and try to be supportive this period until it pass. Then, be honest with him and do what is needed.
He will be sad in the begging, later on he will be fine.
Good luck
Posted from TSR Mobile
If you've tried to break up before and since then things haven't gotten better for you, the relationship has run its course already. Sorry to be blunt, but just get on with it and end it already. It's doomed to fail.
Never mind feeling sorry for him, he'll move on eventually.
Never mind feeling sorry for him, he'll move on eventually.
I don't believe in sticking with dysfunctional relationships. There's no point. You have a limited amount of time on this planet, use it effectively!
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