The Student Room Group

Can you ever truly trust a partner?

Now I wonder...


People often look for things which are easy to fake. If you're dealing with a highly intelligent partner then what they say or what they appear to do is not, in my opinion, good evidence. You have to look for more objective things and more subtle things.
(edited 9 years ago)
Well the fact that she hasn't taken it that far with any of the three boyfriends suggests she isn't only looking for one thing- a good sign at least. I don't think there's anything wrong with having 3 boyfriends in the space of 5 years either. The fact her mother has divorced isn't really relevant or suggestive that this girl will be the same. I agree with what you said about people hiding the signs- you definitely need to look at subtleties,but I think you may be reading into it too much!

:smile:
Do you know why over 5 years she's had 3 boyfriends? it's not always going to be because they've cheated. What her mother has got up to, doesn't matter either.

I do think you're overthinking this.
Original post by OU Student
Do you know why over 5 years she's had 3 boyfriends? it's not always going to be because they've cheated. What her mother has got up to, doesn't matter either.

I do think you're overthinking this.


I've never asked her that really. I personally can't undertand why anyone would be nuts enough to leave this girl so I presume she's left them. If you leave two guys and may be a third guy soon, surely that says more about the girl than it does about her boyfriends...
Original post by Lularose83
Well the fact that she hasn't taken it that far with any of the three boyfriends suggests she isn't only looking for one thing- a good sign at least. I don't think there's anything wrong with having 3 boyfriends in the space of 5 years either. The fact her mother has divorced isn't really relevant or suggestive that this girl will be the same. I agree with what you said about people hiding the signs- you definitely need to look at subtleties,but I think you may be reading into it too much!

:smile:


I think if there's a feeling in your family of relationship turnover rather than stability, it kind of rubs off on you...
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Avatar for Clip
Clip
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Original post by Adipoptosis
Now I wonder...

Say there's a girl that has had 3 boyfriends over 5 years and she's in her mid-twenties, never taking it too far with any of them...

And her mother has been divorced on two occasions so there's that culture in the family of breaking relationships.

Are these danger signs? Are there any other signs which I people should look for which may suggest that a girl is not that serious.

People often look for things which are easy to fake. If you're dealing with a highly intelligent partner then what they say or what they appear to do is not, in my opinion, good evidence. You have to look for more objective things and more subtle things.


Is this the same girl that you think you talked into leaving her boyfriend?
Original post by Clip
Is this the same girl that you think you talked into leaving her boyfriend?


Yes but she hasn't done anything at all yet. All she said is that she'd spend more time with me outside work.
If you can't trust, you're untrustworthy.
Original post by Adipoptosis
I think if there's a feeling in your family of relationship turnover rather than stability, it kind of rubs off on you...


Does it? Both of my parents parents got married young and divorced when my parents were young. My parents married. (dad was 26 and mum was 23) They're 4 months off celebrating their 28th wedding anniversary...

I can't understand why you'd date someone you clearly can't trust.
Original post by Adipoptosis
Now I wonder...

Say there's a girl that has had 3 boyfriends over 5 years and she's in her mid-twenties, never taking it too far with any of them...

And her mother has been divorced on two occasions so there's that culture in the family of breaking relationships.
(...)


If you want, make a relationship with her, but don't expect that she is loyal to you. The conditions for that sound bad.
I can't ever truly trust a partner.

The only person I can truly trust is myself.
Original post by shawn_o1
If you can't trust, you're untrustworthy.


Don't you think that many relationships are full of doubts and distrust nowadays?
I can trust my future partner because he's trustworthy
Original post by Adipoptosis
I've never asked her that really. I personally can't undertand why anyone would be nuts enough to leave this girl so I presume she's left them. If you leave two guys and may be a third guy soon, surely that says more about the girl than it does about her boyfriends...


Ah, you can tell you aren't together. After a while into a relationship you soon realise that all of the little cute things they do are actually rather annoying. Or it's only after you've been with someone so long that it seems they've got a different side to their personality that you'd have never dreamed of. Basically, my point is this is quite naive of you. And to say that apparently you've tried talking her out of her current relationship to be with you, perhaps this is a question you should've asked yourself before potentially ruining a relationship.
You're asking if you can ever trust another person (basically your question) based on one hypothetical (?) situation? Erm... Of course you can trust people. If they love you, you should trust them, as they would trust you; trust is the basis for solid relationships. Everybody makes mistakes, of course, but, in the end, people who love you generally look out for your best interests.
Original post by sliceofcake
Ah, you can tell you aren't together. After a while into a relationship you soon realise that all of the little cute things they do are actually rather annoying. Or it's only after you've been with someone so long that it seems they've got a different side to their personality that you'd have never dreamed of. Basically, my point is this is quite naive of you. And to say that apparently you've tried talking her out of her current relationship to be with you, perhaps this is a question you should've asked yourself before potentially ruining a relationship.


Yeh its a difficult situation but without interviewing her exes I can't actually answer my own question. I should probably try and make her talk about those relationships a bit more.
Original post by Adipoptosis
Yeh its a difficult situation but without interviewing her exes I can't actually answer my own question. I should probably try and make her talk about those relationships a bit more.


well you can "make" her or you can 'ask' her
Most people claim to have been cheated on. Yet most people claim they would never cheat....

Let that sink in...
Depends unless they give me reason not to then there's your answer.
Original post by Anonymous Coward
Most people claim to have been cheated on. Yet most people claim they would never cheat....

Let that sink in...


I made a thread asking how common cheating was, and about half said "obviously it's common - everyone cheats, we just don't mention it", and the other half said "Nobody should ever do that - I never would".

Didn't even seem to be related to gender. I think, because it's a taboo subject, half the population (of the TSR variety) genuinely think it's normal, and the rest genuinely think it's evil.

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