How to deal with my homosexuality?

My family won't speak to me since I decided to come out to them with the help of my best friend - who's gay too. This was 3 weeks ago.

They literally chucked me out, so I'm having to live with my bestie till things die down.

To be honest, I'm having second thoughts now. I walk in the street, I see people passing: I look a lot at women and girls, but then my mind shifts towards men and I get embarrassed if ever I'm near a man - like nervous, shaky and flustered.

I enjoy the company of women as much as men, but I don't feel different with them.

What can I do ... am I gay?!

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Reply 1

Mezza362

Im suprised this has had not replies. Being gay is no big deal in this country and in this day and age. If some people have an issue with it, that really is their problem. It's just a sexual preference. I'm straight but have a lot of gay people in my social circle. I would now try and make friends with people who are also gay or who fully accept gay people as who they are. You don't need homophobes in your life. Your family will come round eventually. I'm sure you are gay but just having doubt because of your family's reaction. You must have been pretty sure to come out In tHe first place :-)

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 2

Ebony19

How old are you? Could you be bisexual? I mean you said you feel all flustered around men but have you had any sexual experiences with either sex?

Reply 3

Anonymous Coward

Ain't nothing wrong. Embrace it!

Reply 4

Dilmurod Dilmu

You should confront them, ask them why they have problems, if they cant comer to terms with it, screw them.

Reply 5

Simes

Original post by Anonymous

They literally chucked me out, so I'm having to live with my bestie till things die down.

That didn't work out for them then, did it? Just before Xmas too, how so very nice.

Anyway, it might take you years to discover what you like, and your opinion can change with time, too.

Go with the flow but don't let yourself get hurt and use a condom regardless of the sex of your partner(s). Whatever it is, if it doesn't feel right, don't do it again.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ebony19

How old are you? Could you be bisexual? I mean you said you feel all flustered around men but have you had any sexual experiences with either sex?

I'm just shy of 19. I've never really thought of bisexuality, but I haven't had sex with a woman, so I wouldn't know.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Mezza362

Thing is, the reason why I'm finding it so damn hard to properly accept it, and that I'll never change, is because I really dislike being gay. I dislike being turned on by men ... I want to love women :frown:

I'm not trolling, I'm having a very bad time.

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I'm just shy of 19. I've never really thought of bisexuality, but I haven't had sex with a woman, so I wouldn't know.

Nobody can tell you mate, but if I'm honest that sounds a lot like homosexuality to me.

If you want to know what to do about your family, I don't know. I'd probably say take it one step at a time, and try and gradually coax them into speaking to you, if you want that.

In terms of being gay, I'd recommend you go and sit on some dicks. Honestly, it'll take your mind off the whole thing.

Reply 9

Ebony19

Original post by Anonymous

I'm just shy of 19. I've never really thought of bisexuality, but I haven't had sex with a woman, so I wouldn't know.

So you have had sexual experiences with guys? You are really young, so like Sime says you've got plenty of time to realise what you like.
It seems like you are at least attracted to men but maybe the negative reaction from your family is making you doubt whether this is a lifestyle choice you really want to make but it seems like you are attracted to men.

Think you're right to let things simmer down first and see whether they come round.

Reply 10

Dani California

Sorry your folks responded like that. :frown:

Sounds like you might be bisexual. But either way, they should accept you and love you for who you are, and I bet you're fxcking awesome!

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ebony19

Why would it be to young to know?

I've read about gay men "knowing" they were that way from a very young age ... It happens a lot within the transgender community too.

Reply 12

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

do you what problem your family have you being gay? they could just be in shock from it. i am straight personally but it angers me when people are so homophobic. embrace who you are, it is something to be proud of that you have made the decision to tell your family, to me it shows that you are a brave person. being true to yourself is a wonderful quality to have. it is good that you have a friend around you who supports you too.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

I can't embrace it, because I hate being it!

Don't you get it? I don't want to be gay, I don't want to attracted to men ... I'd rather be alone - or date women instead :frown:

Reply 14

Mezza362

It's sad you don't want to be gay. My gay best friend said for years he wished he wasn't gay and wanted to like women. He wanted the possibility of that family set up and children. It took him a while but now he has come to terms with it and realised that he can't change who he is.

You won't always hate being gay. Maybe you could contact the counselling services at your university?

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by Mezza362

Is should probably contact them ... but I just haven't come round to it yet - I don't want to add to the stress I already have.

I've already figured out that this is what I'm going to be for the rest of my life. Sexuality isn't a choice, it's a thing you're born with ... but I just can't deal with it.

Reply 16

Ebony19

Original post by Anonymous

Why would it be to young to know?

I've read about gay men "knowing" they were that way from a very young age ... It happens a lot within the transgender community too.

No of course it's not too young to know. But it doesn't seem like you do know for sure, irrespective of your age.
If you don't want to be gay and you want a family and everything it's up to you to make these choices we can't reassure you that you're not gay and therefore it's fine to set up a family. Also these things change over time try out with girls and guys (safe sex of course) and you'll work out what's for you. As for your future even if you are gay although not everyone is fine with homosexuality in today's world it is a lot more accepted and there'd definitely be a place for you in society if you decided to have a family with a man

Reply 17

Green_Pink

Original post by Anonymous

I can't embrace it, because I hate being it!

Don't you get it? I don't want to be gay, I don't want to attracted to men ... I'd rather be alone - or date women instead :frown:

Hey

You don't have to rush anything, you're still young and you have loads of time to figure out what you like and how to deal with things. It isn't easy, especially when you've got such an unaccepting family, but you'll get there! If you'd rather just be alone for now while you think things through that's your choice, don't be pressured into anything you're not ready for :smile:

If you ever just want someone to talk to feel free to message me!