Would you leave your partner if they didn't want intercourse?

Hopefully you've had your HPV vaccines by now?

You're entirely right that this guy's being irresponsible, and you're right to be worried about STIs but there's a reason they call it "safe sex". It is possible to minimise the risk of STI transmission, but it is simply a risk associated with having sex. You're right: even when using condoms, STIs can be transmitted, but by and large, you're safe as long as you're responsible. Everyone has had a condom break on them, or know someone who's had it happen. The best thing you can do is educate yourself and know how to avoid it: it's still possible to have casual sex safely, and obviously the risk with a long-term monogamous partner who's tested negatively is incredibly small. I think yours is quite a normal "phobia" to have, but there's no reason to let this stop you from enjoying sex with a partner!

It may be worth seeing your GP about your pain: this sort of thing does have a serious negative effect on people's sex lives, and if you're struggling to insert tampons, it may be a bad sign. Like Eliza mentioned, some girls suffer from severe vaginismus and struggle to insert anything at all, but it's something that can be worked on, and something sexual therapy can help with, if you want to have sex in the future and struggle with this sort of thing.

No because I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone just for sex, I also like hugs and kisses and just being with the person makes me happy.

I'm not keen on the idea of intercourse mainly because of sti's as I said plus I doubt it would do anything for me it would just be for the guys benefit. I would be more willing to try if I knew he had no sti's but it's not really the norm to ask people to get tested it can offend people.

You sound really young, if you don't want sex because of STIs then you don't want sex period.

I can't believe how many people are saying stuff along the lines "I love the person for who they are not for sex". What has that got to do with anything? If you don't have a desire for sex in your entire life then that is the reason. not that a particular person can remove your innate desire for sex.

It's because I've never had sex before I'm naive to it ha, I'm definately not young 'period'. : p Though I still get ID'd!

Its just people's opinions, if you would want to leave because of no sex it's fine, nothing wrong there and your reason would be no less valid. : /

Fair enough but that's not normal if you are fully mature as you say you are. Sex is not about finding some 30 year old man to just 'do it with', but finding someone you like and learning things about each other.

Whats not normal, finding a man to just do it with? I've never done this I want to make sure that I fully know a person before sex as it's very intimate to me. You are right it isn't normal to just find someone and do it with them I agree it's not what sex is about.

In fact this is why I've never had sex Ive never 'just done it' with them I want to know them properly.

No it's not normal to not want sex because of a phobia of STIs.

Thanks. I'm actually too old for the hpv vaccine I'm inexperienced with sex even though I'm way too old for the vaccine ha. I was looking up ways to get it without having to pay as I can't afford it but they don't give it to people my age as it's not recommended for some reason. I've not had intercourse but still because I'm out of the age range I won't be able to get it. I'm not struggling to insert tampons but it does hurt as they go in (it's fine once in) and I'm sure nothing larger than them will fit in : / I'm not keen on the idea of intercourse mainly because of sti's as I said plus I doubt it would do anything for me it would just be for the guys benefit. I would be more willing to try if I knew he had no sti's but it's not really the norm to ask people to get tested it can offend people.

ah ok, I know it's not normal that's why there's tons of sti's knocking about, many people don't worry themselves much about getting/transmitting sti's, one of them seemingly being the man who I'm on about in my thread lol.

Of course there's risks in everything and it's a little over the top to refrain from sex totally because of possible viruses. It's a bit like never flying abroad because of a flying phobia

It absolutely is the norm to ask people when they last got tested/whether they've been tested recently/since their last partner etc, at least where it's a new partner and the person being asked is known to sleep around. It's certainly not something you skirt too much around asking if you're worried - and it's not something anyone known for being quite sexually active is going to actually get offended over, especially if it's an inexperienced person asking.

But either way, you sound a little vulnerable, OP. Don't take anyone's word for anything when just starting out - make sure you use a condom if you end up doing anything. To be fair I think it's very normal to be very worried about protection when just starting out - re. STIs and re. potential pregnancy. It took my first sexual partner and I a while to stop using condoms, even though I was on the pill, because we were both that worried about me getting pregnant.