Grade my French essay! AS French
Above is the grading criteria, it just makes it easier for you to give me a mark
./35
A 29
B 26
C 23
D 20
E 17
Q: On dit que les vétements de marque coutent cher. Mais on continue à les acheter meme à des prix très élevé.
Expliquez pourquoi les jeunes achetent les vetements de marque. Est-ce que ces vetements jouent un role positif ou negatif dans la vie des jeunes, à votre avis?
(35 marks)
A: Les jeunes y compris moi sont les majeur victimes de la mode. Mais, pourquoi? La mode joue un rôle majeur dans nos vie quotidienne. J'analyserai cet problème et je donnerai mon avis si la mode joue un role positif ou negatif de la vie de nous.
//
Il va de soi que les vétements de marque coutent très cher. Cependant, malgré cet fait, les jeunes continuent de les acheter en conséquence de pas mal de raisons. Les jeunes sont très très influencé par leurs amis. Ils acheteraient ce que leurs amis achetent, Ils feraient ce que ses amis font et plus important encore, ils porteraient ce que leurs amis portant. À mon avis, cela m'inquiète étant donné que les vetements sont les vetements malgré la prix. Cela montre que les jeunes sont les victimes de la mode en effet.
Alors, Il parait donc évident que les jeunes sont plus influencé par la prix élevé des vetements, mais il y a un difference envers un haut qui coute €5 au lieu d'un haut qui coute €40. En ce qui concerne le tissu, il va de soi que le haut qui coute €40 durera plus longtemps. Alors, voulez-vous acheter un haut qui coute €5 et qui va durera moins d'un moins ou voulez vous acheter le haut qui coute €40 qui va durer plus d'un an? Ce tourne autour si on l'argent de l'acheter. Pour moi, j'acheterai le haut qui coute plus puisque le tissu est plus mieux et cela va économiser l'argent à la longue.
En conculsion, malgré être une victime de la mode, je bien crois que c'est plus efficace si j'achete les vetements qui coutent plus mais seulement pour les raisons bien.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by schindlers list
Please don't bombard me with corrected errors, i want to know where i stand in terms of grading
Above is the grading criteria, it just makes it easier for you to give me a mark.
/35
A 29
B 26
C 23
D 20
E 17
Please don't bombard me with corrected errors, i want to know where i stand in terms of grading
Above is the grading criteria, it just makes it easier for you to give me a mark
./35
A 29
B 26
C 23
D 20
E 17
Hello
I am an A2 student so I'm not completely qualified to mark this but I'll give some advice from what I've learnt.
One thing about this essay is that it is too short and this will affect the mark for content as you don't really have that much in the two paragraphs that you've written. You have given a couple of reasons why young people buy brand clothing but haven't really answered the second part of the question; does brand clothing play a positive or negative role? I would put this in the sufficient band (probably around 11, if I'm honest).
In terms of accuracy, you've made some basic errors (in terms of agreement mostly) but I won't go into those specifically as you've asked people not to give you corrections. You've missed a lot of accents on words, though I'm not sure if this is just because you typed it. Therefore, I would put the accuracy at around 3.
Complexity of language- I can see that you've been using the future tense and conditional which is good and some other phrases, but you could use more grammatical structures (subjunctive, past tense). Again I would give this a 3.
Finally vocabulary- I'll be honest and say that you could benefit from learning more vocabulary, some synonyms for certain words so that you don't keep repeating yourself and more sophisticated adjectives. I would give it a 3 again.
So the total mark I would give you is 20. Sorry for the long post but I think it's better if I explain why I gave these marks rather than just giving you numbers.
Hope this helps
As a native french speaker I have to say that there are quite a few mistakes. Sometimes you forgot to put the words into plural.
And it's vêtements, not vétements
Posted from TSR Mobile
And it's vêtements, not vétements
Posted from TSR Mobile
Salut!!!
Sorry im a idiot for saying not to correct my work, i thought the standards of my work was good but of course it wasnt. Is there any way you could point some errors ive made pls. I have my exam tomorrow
Thanks
Sorry im a idiot for saying not to correct my work, i thought the standards of my work was good but of course it wasnt. Is there any way you could point some errors ive made pls. I have my exam tomorrow
Thanks
Original post by Robie96
As a native french speaker I have to say that there are quite a few mistakes. Sometimes you forgot to put the words into plural.
And it's vêtements, not vétements
Posted from TSR Mobile
And it's vêtements, not vétements
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Claros
Hello
I am an A2 student so I'm not completely qualified to mark this but I'll give some advice from what I've learnt.
One thing about this essay is that it is too short and this will affect the mark for content as you don't really have that much in the two paragraphs that you've written. You have given a couple of reasons why young people buy brand clothing but haven't really answered the second part of the question; does brand clothing play a positive or negative role? I would put this in the sufficient band (probably around 11, if I'm honest).
In terms of accuracy, you've made some basic errors (in terms of agreement mostly) but I won't go into those specifically as you've asked people not to give you corrections. You've missed a lot of accents on words, though I'm not sure if this is just because you typed it. Therefore, I would put the accuracy at around 3.
Complexity of language- I can see that you've been using the future tense and conditional which is good and some other phrases, but you could use more grammatical structures (subjunctive, past tense). Again I would give this a 3.
Finally vocabulary- I'll be honest and say that you could benefit from learning more vocabulary, some synonyms for certain words so that you don't keep repeating yourself and more sophisticated adjectives. I would give it a 3 again.
So the total mark I would give you is 20. Sorry for the long post but I think it's better if I explain why I gave these marks rather than just giving you numbers.
Hope this helps
I am an A2 student so I'm not completely qualified to mark this but I'll give some advice from what I've learnt.
One thing about this essay is that it is too short and this will affect the mark for content as you don't really have that much in the two paragraphs that you've written. You have given a couple of reasons why young people buy brand clothing but haven't really answered the second part of the question; does brand clothing play a positive or negative role? I would put this in the sufficient band (probably around 11, if I'm honest).
In terms of accuracy, you've made some basic errors (in terms of agreement mostly) but I won't go into those specifically as you've asked people not to give you corrections. You've missed a lot of accents on words, though I'm not sure if this is just because you typed it. Therefore, I would put the accuracy at around 3.
Complexity of language- I can see that you've been using the future tense and conditional which is good and some other phrases, but you could use more grammatical structures (subjunctive, past tense). Again I would give this a 3.
Finally vocabulary- I'll be honest and say that you could benefit from learning more vocabulary, some synonyms for certain words so that you don't keep repeating yourself and more sophisticated adjectives. I would give it a 3 again.
So the total mark I would give you is 20. Sorry for the long post but I think it's better if I explain why I gave these marks rather than just giving you numbers.
Hope this helps
(edited 9 years ago)
I'll be on my laptop in a few minutes and I can have a look at it if you wish
However, I'm not from the UK so I don't think I'll be able to 'grade' it^^
Posted from TSR Mobile
However, I'm not from the UK so I don't think I'll be able to 'grade' it^^
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by schindlers list
Salut!!!
Sorry im a idiot for saying not to correct my work, i thought the standards of my work was good but of course it wasnt. Is there any way you could point some errors ive made pls. I have my exam tomorrow
Thanks
Sorry im a idiot for saying not to correct my work, i thought the standards of my work was good but of course it wasnt. Is there any way you could point some errors ive made pls. I have my exam tomorrow
Thanks
The most errors you've made have to do with agreement. I'll list some examples of errors from your text and how to fix them:
'les majeur victimes de la mode'- 'victimes' is feminine plural, therefore it should be 'majeures'
'nos vie quotidienne'- I would use 'notre' instead of 'nos'
'cet problème' and 'cet fait'- you're right that these are masculine, but you only need to add a 't' to 'ce' if the following word begins with a vowel. It would therefore be 'ce problème' and 'ce fait'
'Les jeunes sont très très influencé'- again with agreement, 'les jeunes' is plural so it would be 'influencés'
'la prix'- le prix- it's masculine
Accents- you've forgotten accents on a lot of words (différence, vêtements, achètent, rôle etc....)
I'm not going to point out every error, but after looking at these corrections you should be able to look back at this and see where you need to change things.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by schindlers list
Please don't bombard me with corrected errors, i want to know where i stand in terms of grading
Above is the grading criteria, it just makes it easier for you to give me a mark.
/35
A 29
B 26
C 23
D 20
E 17
Q: On dit que les vétements de marque coutent cher. Mais on continue à les acheter meme à des prix très élevé.
Expliquez pourquoi les jeunes achetent les vetements de marque. Est-ce que ces vetements jouent un role positif ou negatif dans la vie des jeunes, à votre avis?
(35 marks)
A: Les jeunes y compris moi sont les majeur victimes de la mode. Mais, pourquoi? La mode joue un rôle majeur dans nos vie quotidienne. J'analyserai cet problème et je donnerai mon avis si la mode joue un role positif ou negatif de la vie de nous.
//
Il va de soi que les vétements de marque coutent très cher. Cependant, malgré cet fait, les jeunes continuent de les acheter en conséquence de pas mal de raisons. Les jeunes sont très très influencé par leurs amis. Ils acheteraient ce que leurs amis achetent, Ils feraient ce que ses amis font et plus important encore, ils porteraient ce que leurs amis portant. À mon avis, cela m'inquiète étant donné que les vetements sont les vetements malgré la prix. Cela montre que les jeunes sont les victimes de la mode en effet.
Alors, Il parait donc évident que les jeunes sont plus influencé par la prix élevé des vetements, mais il y a un difference envers un haut qui coute €5 au lieu d'un haut qui coute €40. En ce qui concerne le tissu, il va de soi que le haut qui coute €40 durera plus longtemps. Alors, voulez-vous acheter un haut qui coute €5 et qui va durera moins d'un moins ou voulez vous acheter le haut qui coute €40 qui va durer plus d'un an? Ce tourne autour si on l'argent de l'acheter. Pour moi, j'acheterai le haut qui coute plus puisque le tissu est plus mieux et cela va économiser l'argent à la longue.
En conculsion, malgré être une victime de la mode, je bien crois que c'est plus efficace si j'achete les vetements qui coutent plus mais seulement pour les raisons bien.
Above is the grading criteria, it just makes it easier for you to give me a mark
./35
A 29
B 26
C 23
D 20
E 17
Q: On dit que les vétements de marque coutent cher. Mais on continue à les acheter meme à des prix très élevé.
Expliquez pourquoi les jeunes achetent les vetements de marque. Est-ce que ces vetements jouent un role positif ou negatif dans la vie des jeunes, à votre avis?
(35 marks)
A: Les jeunes y compris moi sont les majeur victimes de la mode. Mais, pourquoi? La mode joue un rôle majeur dans nos vie quotidienne. J'analyserai cet problème et je donnerai mon avis si la mode joue un role positif ou negatif de la vie de nous.
//
Il va de soi que les vétements de marque coutent très cher. Cependant, malgré cet fait, les jeunes continuent de les acheter en conséquence de pas mal de raisons. Les jeunes sont très très influencé par leurs amis. Ils acheteraient ce que leurs amis achetent, Ils feraient ce que ses amis font et plus important encore, ils porteraient ce que leurs amis portant. À mon avis, cela m'inquiète étant donné que les vetements sont les vetements malgré la prix. Cela montre que les jeunes sont les victimes de la mode en effet.
Alors, Il parait donc évident que les jeunes sont plus influencé par la prix élevé des vetements, mais il y a un difference envers un haut qui coute €5 au lieu d'un haut qui coute €40. En ce qui concerne le tissu, il va de soi que le haut qui coute €40 durera plus longtemps. Alors, voulez-vous acheter un haut qui coute €5 et qui va durera moins d'un moins ou voulez vous acheter le haut qui coute €40 qui va durer plus d'un an? Ce tourne autour si on l'argent de l'acheter. Pour moi, j'acheterai le haut qui coute plus puisque le tissu est plus mieux et cela va économiser l'argent à la longue.
En conculsion, malgré être une victime de la mode, je bien crois que c'est plus efficace si j'achete les vetements qui coutent plus mais seulement pour les raisons bien.
I see you've asked for some corrections now, so I'll just give you a few as I scan v quickly.
La vie quotidienne de tout le monde* 'Nos vie' is wrong because it doesn't agree, and even if you had put 'Nos vies', this suggests that we all have more than 1 life (My correction is not the only correct one, but that's what I'd say)
Ce problème*
Rôle*
Ce fait*
Les jeunes sont influencés*
Ce que leurs amis achètent*
Ce que leurs amis* Not sure why you put 'ses' after already writing leurs
Leurs amis portent*
En conclusion*
Je crois bien*
J'achète*
There are more, but I hope you can see what types of mistakes you have made
Bon courage
EDIT: Just seen the reply above, nonetheless I hope my post can still help you
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Robie96
I'll be on my laptop in a few minutes and I can have a look at it if you wish
However, I'm not from the UK so I don't think I'll be able to 'grade' it^^
Posted from TSR Mobile
However, I'm not from the UK so I don't think I'll be able to 'grade' it^^
Posted from TSR Mobile
Its okay thanks maybe just tell me my mistakes pls
Wow, thank you very much.
Are you fleunt?
Are you fleunt?
Original post by beyknowles
I see you've asked for some corrections now, so I'll just give you a few as I scan v quickly.
La vie quotidienne de tout le monde* 'Nos vie' is wrong because it doesn't agree, and even if you had put 'Nos vies', this suggests that we all have more than 1 life (My correction is not the only correct one, but that's what I'd say)
Ce problème*
Rôle*
Ce fait*
Les jeunes sont influencés*
Ce que leurs amis achètent*
Ce que leurs amis* Not sure why you put 'ses' after already writing leurs
Leurs amis portent*
En conclusion*
Je crois bien*
J'achète*
There are more, but I hope you can see what types of mistakes you have made
Bon courage
EDIT: Just seen the reply above, nonetheless I hope my post can still help you
La vie quotidienne de tout le monde* 'Nos vie' is wrong because it doesn't agree, and even if you had put 'Nos vies', this suggests that we all have more than 1 life (My correction is not the only correct one, but that's what I'd say)
Ce problème*
Rôle*
Ce fait*
Les jeunes sont influencés*
Ce que leurs amis achètent*
Ce que leurs amis* Not sure why you put 'ses' after already writing leurs
Leurs amis portent*
En conclusion*
Je crois bien*
J'achète*
There are more, but I hope you can see what types of mistakes you have made
Bon courage
EDIT: Just seen the reply above, nonetheless I hope my post can still help you
I went over it quickly and corrected the most obvious mistakes.
Hope I was helpful
Q: On dit que les vêtements de marque coûtent cher. Mais on continue à les acheter même à des prix très élevés.
Expliquez pourquoi les jeunes achètent des vêtements de marque. Est-ce que ces vêtements jouent un rôle positif ou négatif dans la vie des jeunes, à votre avis?
(35 marks)
A: Les jeunes, moi y compris, sont les majeures victimes de la mode. Mais, pourquoi? La mode joue un rôle primordial dans notre vie quotidienne. J'analyserai ce problème et je prendrai position sur la question du rôle que tient la mode dans nos vies.
Il va de soi que les vêtements de marque coûtent très cher. Cependant, malgré cela, les jeunes continuent à les acheter à cause de plusieurs raisons. D’abord, les jeunes sont très influencés par leurs amis. Ils veulent acheter ce que leurs amis achètent, ils souhaitent faire ce que font leurs amis et plus important encore, ils désirent porter ce que leurs amis portent. À mon avis, cela est inquiétant étant donné que les vêtements restent des vêtements quelque soit leur prix. Cela montre que les jeunes sont en effet, les victimes de la mode.
Ainsi, il parait évident que les jeunes soient davantage influencés par le prix élevé des vêtements. Néanmoins, il y a un différence entre un habit qui coûte 5€ et un autre qui coûte 40€. En ce qui concerne la qualité du tissu, il est évident que l’habit à 40€ durera plus longtemps. Alors, achèteriez-vous un habit qui coûte €5 et qui va durer moins d'un mois ou préfériez-vous acheter celui dont le prix est de 40€ et qui tiendra plus d'un an? Personnellement, j'achèterais l’habit qui coûte plus puisque le tissu est vraisemblablement de meilleure qualité et il sera plus rentable à long terme en me permettant d’économiser de l’argent car sa durée de vie est plus longue.
En guise de conclusion, malgré le fait que je sois une victime de la mode, je crois bien qu’il est plus rentable d’acheter des vêtements qui coûtent un peu plus cher, mais uniquement si le prix est justifié (meilleure qualité etc.).
Hope I was helpful
Q: On dit que les vêtements de marque coûtent cher. Mais on continue à les acheter même à des prix très élevés.
Expliquez pourquoi les jeunes achètent des vêtements de marque. Est-ce que ces vêtements jouent un rôle positif ou négatif dans la vie des jeunes, à votre avis?
(35 marks)
A: Les jeunes, moi y compris, sont les majeures victimes de la mode. Mais, pourquoi? La mode joue un rôle primordial dans notre vie quotidienne. J'analyserai ce problème et je prendrai position sur la question du rôle que tient la mode dans nos vies.
Il va de soi que les vêtements de marque coûtent très cher. Cependant, malgré cela, les jeunes continuent à les acheter à cause de plusieurs raisons. D’abord, les jeunes sont très influencés par leurs amis. Ils veulent acheter ce que leurs amis achètent, ils souhaitent faire ce que font leurs amis et plus important encore, ils désirent porter ce que leurs amis portent. À mon avis, cela est inquiétant étant donné que les vêtements restent des vêtements quelque soit leur prix. Cela montre que les jeunes sont en effet, les victimes de la mode.
Ainsi, il parait évident que les jeunes soient davantage influencés par le prix élevé des vêtements. Néanmoins, il y a un différence entre un habit qui coûte 5€ et un autre qui coûte 40€. En ce qui concerne la qualité du tissu, il est évident que l’habit à 40€ durera plus longtemps. Alors, achèteriez-vous un habit qui coûte €5 et qui va durer moins d'un mois ou préfériez-vous acheter celui dont le prix est de 40€ et qui tiendra plus d'un an? Personnellement, j'achèterais l’habit qui coûte plus puisque le tissu est vraisemblablement de meilleure qualité et il sera plus rentable à long terme en me permettant d’économiser de l’argent car sa durée de vie est plus longue.
En guise de conclusion, malgré le fait que je sois une victime de la mode, je crois bien qu’il est plus rentable d’acheter des vêtements qui coûtent un peu plus cher, mais uniquement si le prix est justifié (meilleure qualité etc.).
Original post by schindlers list
Wow, thank you very much.
Are you fleunt?
Are you fleunt?
Pas de problème & nope, I'm doing AS French at the moment, I think I'm average for my level of study aha
Understandably, I sometimes make the same mistakes as you
Wow? Youre AS. I thought you was a fluent speaker. Youre more than average, if you can correct someones essay . What grades have you been getting?
. What grades have you been getting?Original post by beyknowles
Pas de problème & nope, I'm doing AS French at the moment, I think I'm average for my level of study aha
Understandably, I sometimes make the same mistakes as you
Understandably, I sometimes make the same mistakes as you
Original post by schindlers list
Wow? Youre AS. I thought you was a fluent speaker. Youre more than average, if you can correct someones essay . What grades have you been getting?
. What grades have you been getting?I find it's easier to spot mistakes in other people's work, do you?
And the only tests we've done so far are 1 today which was on direct object pronouns and I got 44/48, and 1 essay in which I got around 25/35 because there's a lot of marks (20) for content, and I often struggle to express my views haha
Good luck to you
A toi aussi
Are you doing AqA?
Are you doing AqA?
Original post by beyknowles
I find it's easier to spot mistakes in other people's work, do you?
And the only tests we've done so far are 1 today which was on direct object pronouns and I got 44/48, and 1 essay in which I got around 25/35 because there's a lot of marks (20) for content, and I often struggle to express my views haha
Good luck to you
And the only tests we've done so far are 1 today which was on direct object pronouns and I got 44/48, and 1 essay in which I got around 25/35 because there's a lot of marks (20) for content, and I often struggle to express my views haha
Good luck to you
Original post by schindlers list
A toi aussi
Are you doing AqA?
Are you doing AqA?
WJEC - but AS French is very similar across the two
I wish we used AQA, it seems a lot better and there's actually a textbook for it...
Hey there! For this stage in AS I think you're doing well, corrections have already been given above, so I'll give my opinion for improvement. (A2 student btw )
-Firstly, I would skip your intro, just answer the question. Saying that you will look at x and y for 2 sentences scores you no marks. Instead you could answer the first question "Expliquez pourquoi les jeunes achetent les vetements de marque."
-Secondly, way more content is needed. Pick your best ideas/examples and then elaborate. Try to avoid trivial stuff that anyone could say. French schools have no uniform, you could have mentioned bullying due to fashion (as a negative), or an improved self-image as youngstes feel good in those clothes (as a positive). Not the best ideas but such ideas would have been much more impressive.
-Structure! This essay was a bit all over the place with no clear cut struture. "Est-ce que ces vetements jouent un role positif ou negatif dans la vie des jeunes, à votre avis?" Your answer to this could be in two seperate paragaphs (or more), and use clear language to indicate what side you'll be arguing about. Stuff like d'un cote, un avantage, l'inconvenient le plus evident est... You should have some good phrases for this already. Also, adress the question by answering both sides.
-Conclusion-make it strong, short and don't just repeat. Again, the question asks for "...dans la vie des jeunes" and not what you said which doesn't answer the question whatsoever. Choose a side (+ve or -ve) and say three things why, list style. A rhetoical question can re-enforce an opinion and finish it off nicely. Practice a few as this may work great, or you might want to try another method. E.g. C'est moins cher, nous facilite la vie de tous les jours, et viends en plusieurs couleurs. Surement le/la ... est la meilleur option?
Just keep practicing and showing your teachers, and you'll get there. My first essays were truely dire, and looking back at them makes me cringe so much, but also see how much I've improved. Finally look at examiners reports, they'll help you loads as to what to do/not do.
)-Firstly, I would skip your intro, just answer the question. Saying that you will look at x and y for 2 sentences scores you no marks. Instead you could answer the first question "Expliquez pourquoi les jeunes achetent les vetements de marque."
-Secondly, way more content is needed. Pick your best ideas/examples and then elaborate. Try to avoid trivial stuff that anyone could say. French schools have no uniform, you could have mentioned bullying due to fashion (as a negative), or an improved self-image as youngstes feel good in those clothes (as a positive). Not the best ideas but such ideas would have been much more impressive.
-Structure! This essay was a bit all over the place with no clear cut struture. "Est-ce que ces vetements jouent un role positif ou negatif dans la vie des jeunes, à votre avis?" Your answer to this could be in two seperate paragaphs (or more), and use clear language to indicate what side you'll be arguing about. Stuff like d'un cote, un avantage, l'inconvenient le plus evident est... You should have some good phrases for this already. Also, adress the question by answering both sides.
-Conclusion-make it strong, short and don't just repeat. Again, the question asks for "...dans la vie des jeunes" and not what you said which doesn't answer the question whatsoever. Choose a side (+ve or -ve) and say three things why, list style. A rhetoical question can re-enforce an opinion and finish it off nicely. Practice a few as this may work great, or you might want to try another method. E.g. C'est moins cher, nous facilite la vie de tous les jours, et viends en plusieurs couleurs. Surement le/la ... est la meilleur option?
Just keep practicing and showing your teachers, and you'll get there. My first essays were truely dire, and looking back at them makes me cringe so much, but also see how much I've improved. Finally look at examiners reports, they'll help you loads as to what to do/not do.
(edited 9 years ago)
Thanks for your input. Ill loook over this
What did you get for AS?
What exam board?
What did you get for AS?
What exam board?
Original post by Komodo dragon
Hey there! For this stage in AS I think you're doing well, corrections have already been given above, so I'll give my opinion for improvement. (A2 student btw )
-Firstly, I would skip your intro, just answer the question. Saying that you will look at x and y for 2 sentences scores you no marks. Instead you could answer the first question "Expliquez pourquoi les jeunes achetent les vetements de marque."
-Secondly, way more content is needed. Pick your best ideas/examples and then elaborate. Try to avoid trivial stuff that anyone could say. French schools have no uniform, you could have mentioned bullying due to fashion (as a negative), or an improved self-image as youngstes feel good in those clothes (as a positive). Not the best ideas but such ideas would have been much more impressive.
-Structure! This essay was a bit all over the place with no clear cut struture. "Est-ce que ces vetements jouent un role positif ou negatif dans la vie des jeunes, à votre avis?" Your answer to this could be in two seperate paragaphs (or more), and use clear language to indicate what side you'll be arguing about. Stuff like d'un cote, un avantage, l'inconvenient le plus evident est... You should have some good phrases for this already. Also, adress the question by answering both sides.
-Conclusion-make it strong, short and don't just repeat. Again, the question asks for "...dans la vie des jeunes" and not what you said which doesn't answer the question whatsoever. Choose a side (+ve or -ve) and say three things why, list style. A rhetoical question can re-enforce an opinion and finish it off nicely. Practice a few as this may work great, or you might want to try another method. E.g. C'est moins cher, nous facilite la vie de tous les jours, et viends en plusieurs couleurs. Surement le/la ... est la meilleur option?
Just keep practicing and showing your teachers, and you'll get there. My first essays were truely dire, and looking back at them makes me cringe so much, but also see how much I've improved. Finally look at examiners reports, they'll help you loads as to what to do/not do.
)-Firstly, I would skip your intro, just answer the question. Saying that you will look at x and y for 2 sentences scores you no marks. Instead you could answer the first question "Expliquez pourquoi les jeunes achetent les vetements de marque."
-Secondly, way more content is needed. Pick your best ideas/examples and then elaborate. Try to avoid trivial stuff that anyone could say. French schools have no uniform, you could have mentioned bullying due to fashion (as a negative), or an improved self-image as youngstes feel good in those clothes (as a positive). Not the best ideas but such ideas would have been much more impressive.
-Structure! This essay was a bit all over the place with no clear cut struture. "Est-ce que ces vetements jouent un role positif ou negatif dans la vie des jeunes, à votre avis?" Your answer to this could be in two seperate paragaphs (or more), and use clear language to indicate what side you'll be arguing about. Stuff like d'un cote, un avantage, l'inconvenient le plus evident est... You should have some good phrases for this already. Also, adress the question by answering both sides.
-Conclusion-make it strong, short and don't just repeat. Again, the question asks for "...dans la vie des jeunes" and not what you said which doesn't answer the question whatsoever. Choose a side (+ve or -ve) and say three things why, list style. A rhetoical question can re-enforce an opinion and finish it off nicely. Practice a few as this may work great, or you might want to try another method. E.g. C'est moins cher, nous facilite la vie de tous les jours, et viends en plusieurs couleurs. Surement le/la ... est la meilleur option?
Just keep practicing and showing your teachers, and you'll get there. My first essays were truely dire, and looking back at them makes me cringe so much, but also see how much I've improved. Finally look at examiners reports, they'll help you loads as to what to do/not do.
Original post by schindlers list
Thanks for your input. Ill loook over this
What did you get for AS?
What exam board?
What did you get for AS?
What exam board?
No problem. I did OCR, got an A (got above 95% UMS)
The most important thing about AS French essays is that you make a good number of points and expand upon them. Here, you have only made two points for each section of the question which isn't enough. I would disagree with what Komodo Dragon said about an intro cause that helps your structure so I'd always include a short introduction. We've been told to make 6 points, so 3 for each part of the question. With these points, you need to make three or four expansions. That could be an opinion, a development or an example. So with this question, you could say that young people buy expensive clothes because their friends have these clothes. if they don't have the same clothes (give an example of these clothes so some designer jeans or something, I don't know) as their friends, that would isolate them socially. Then that would lead to them feeling excluded. Then you could give your opinion on this, saying how dreadfully shallow it is!!! I also think it helps if you use a topic specific phrase/word in each point that you make for the vocabulary mark and at least two 'AS' structures in each point you make
Le Canada a changer beaucoup pendant le passage de temps. Pour chaque group qui combattu dans le bataille des sept ans en amérique du nord avait un point tournant qui avait les affecter considérablement. Les points tournant pour chaque group était, le guerre de Pontiac pour les Premières Nations, le prise de Louisbourg pour les Francais, et le battaille de Québec pour les anglais. Le bataille de Québec sur les plaines d’Abraham à jouer un rôle immense dans le Guerre des sept ans General James Wolfe a formulé un plan d'attaque qui a gagné le fort de Québec pour les anglais. Malheureusement Wolfe a mort dans cet battaile. La bataille était le 13 Septembre 1759, et nombreuse Francais et Anglais on mort dedans cette bataille, mais le bataille a changé le guerre des sept ans immensément. Parce que les Anglais ont gagné la bataille de Québec ils ont eu un haute de la main dans la guerre. La prise de Louisbourg était un point tournants pour les Francais car s’ils gagner cette bataille ils n’aura probablement pas perdu la bataille de Québec sur les plaines d’Abraham. Le prise de Louisbourg était un point tournant parce que il a changer le cours d'événements pour les Francais pour le reste du guerre des sept ans. Parce qu’ils ont perdu cette bataille ils ont donner un avantage aux Anglais que les amener à gagner le reste du guerre. La prise de Louisbourg était un point tournant pour les Francais. Le guerre de Pontiac était un point tournant pour les Premières Nations. Le guerre de Pontiac était un point tournant pour les Premiers Nations parce qu'il les a causer de recevoir les forts des Anglais. Les Premières Nations on commencer la guerre parce qu’ils ne croyez pas que leurs alliés (les Anglais) auront les donner de la territoire qu’ils ont mérité après aller en guerre pour les Anglais. Le guerre de Pontiac a changer le cours des vies des Premières Nations parce que a cause de cette guerre ils on reçu sept des dix forts des Anglais. Le guerre de pontiac était un point tournant pour les Premières Nations. Les points tournants étaient différentes pour les différentes groupes, pour les Premières Nations c’était le guerre de Pontiac, pour les Français c'était le prise de Louisbourg, et pour les Anglais la bataille de Québec. Les points tournants les affecter immensément. Tu ne savent jamais quand un point tournant va arriver dans ta vie.
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