Beginning to think I'm undateable
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Original post by jenkinsear
The majority of guys on tinder/pof are not looking for anything other than easy hook ups. They are hungry and you are their meat, you need to understand that.
Fair, you didn't give off that impression initially hence my comment.
For the love of god, why are you on tinder then? It's the epitome of "it's all about how they look"!
You did just say you don't care how they look? But anyway, I'm not sure what your point is. All women providing they are not horrifically ugly get men approaching them from time to time- the issue for you is you seem to only attract men looking for a quick shag.
Right? Bit weird? It's safe to say none of them are world leading physicists or barristers going on your descriptions though. I think you need to perhaps target more... "professional" people. If guys at 30 are still just looking for an ONS I would kind of think they were a bit immature and not relationship material personally, which is perhaps more likely in those who haven't achieved much in their career.
Fair, you didn't give off that impression initially hence my comment.
For the love of god, why are you on tinder then? It's the epitome of "it's all about how they look"!
You did just say you don't care how they look? But anyway, I'm not sure what your point is. All women providing they are not horrifically ugly get men approaching them from time to time- the issue for you is you seem to only attract men looking for a quick shag.
Right? Bit weird? It's safe to say none of them are world leading physicists or barristers going on your descriptions though. I think you need to perhaps target more... "professional" people. If guys at 30 are still just looking for an ONS I would kind of think they were a bit immature and not relationship material personally, which is perhaps more likely in those who haven't achieved much in their career.
Bit ignorant of you to assume just because someone isn't in a well percieved professional career, they're less mature and date worthy. There are probably millions of working class people in well sustained relationships, your just making generalisations out of thin air.
That's like saying if you get a high flying banker/lawyer boyfriend, your more likely to get cheated on by some blonde goldigger with fake boobs.( Stereotypes go both ways)
Original post by ParadiseFound
Bit ignorant of you to assume just because someone isn't in a well percieved professional career, they're less mature and date worthy. There are probably millions of working class people in well sustained relationships, your just making generalisations out of thin air.
That's like saying if you get a high flying banker/lawyer boyfriend, your more likely to get cheated on by some blonde goldigger with fake boobs.( Stereotypes go both ways)
That's like saying if you get a high flying banker/lawyer boyfriend, your more likely to get cheated on by some blonde goldigger with fake boobs.( Stereotypes go both ways)
Who said anything about class? Working class does not = not in a professional career. Massive straw man from you there.
Original post by Anonymous
Honestly nothing more to it whatsoever. Been on the dates with body building cretin, and no joke, he forced himself on me, in the middle of a field! I told him ''Get off'', but he wouldn't listen. He even tried to force me to kiss him, even though I said I wasn't interested in doing that and etc. He knew the score, but completely disrespected that.
As for the former work colleague, we've had a thing for each other for years, but he was dating some girl. He told me they had finished, and that it was well and truly over. I took that at face value and believed him. Spent a few evenings with him, watching DVDs, chilling, and general nattering, and then he too tried to force sex, said ''I need to lighten up and task risks'' (bearing in mind he was wanting unprotected sex, and I was like WTF?! Because I said no, dented his confidence/ego, I am the nastiest bitch on earth!
I mentioned it because they are blokes I have had dealings with in the last year - just trying to give all an overview of what has taken place in my private life. I'm very open and honest, I don't hide anything.
Honestly nothing more to it whatsoever. Been on the dates with body building cretin, and no joke, he forced himself on me, in the middle of a field! I told him ''Get off'', but he wouldn't listen. He even tried to force me to kiss him, even though I said I wasn't interested in doing that and etc. He knew the score, but completely disrespected that.
As for the former work colleague, we've had a thing for each other for years, but he was dating some girl. He told me they had finished, and that it was well and truly over. I took that at face value and believed him. Spent a few evenings with him, watching DVDs, chilling, and general nattering, and then he too tried to force sex, said ''I need to lighten up and task risks'' (bearing in mind he was wanting unprotected sex, and I was like WTF?! Because I said no, dented his confidence/ego, I am the nastiest bitch on earth!
I mentioned it because they are blokes I have had dealings with in the last year - just trying to give all an overview of what has taken place in my private life. I'm very open and honest, I don't hide anything. I think it's fair to say you've had some dreadful experiences, and I'm sorry that you've had to deal with them.
Original post by Anonymous
Yes, that is exactly what I am wanting to do. However where I live isn't exactly known for its party/night life. And my social circle is shocking, in the same that the majority of my friends are either in relationships, married or have children, so hardly anyone goes out anymore. Therefore I have been trying to think of new ways to make friends, that venture to the nice swanky/decent bars we do have in our neighbouring town!
Yes, that is exactly what I am wanting to do. However where I live isn't exactly known for its party/night life. And my social circle is shocking, in the same that the majority of my friends are either in relationships, married or have children, so hardly anyone goes out anymore. Therefore I have been trying to think of new ways to make friends, that venture to the nice swanky/decent bars we do have in our neighbouring town!
I can see that being an issue. Can your friends not introduce you to some of their friends? There must be others in your position who they know, and that comes with the plus that you'll know a bit about them and it's less likely they are a nutter/creep.
In light of your social network being on the crap side, I think any activity that involves making new friends is where you need to go. From that you'd be bound to meet people either in the process of meeting new people or through new friends. If your at all political, join a political party (I know that sounds odd, but you would be surprised how many people I know who found their partner knocking doors in the 2010 election.....), if at all sporty join a mixed sports club (shooting and archery for some bizarre reason seem to have produced a few relationships in my social circle) or there's the solo bar-approach. You have choices, just gotta chuck yourself out there.
Anonymous1 - 5 dates in one year is about 5 dates more than me! (although I ain't gonna score a duck in 2015 I'll make sure of that!) Don't assume that the first date will be engagement, marriage and 2.4 kids. Research shows that people who have had several dates tend to be in more secure relationships eventually than those who make date #1 their lifelong partner.
PS If you want a date with a 34 year old bloke and you are in the Birmingham area, PM me and you can add me on FB!
PS If you want a date with a 34 year old bloke and you are in the Birmingham area, PM me and you can add me on FB!
Evening Miss. Sorry you've had so much trouble! I'm early to mid 20s but in your position, ready for a relationship and to settle down. I've turned to POF. Never been on Tinder so I can't comment on that, but POF has some real gems on it, but you have to find them. 90% on there are riff raff looking for sex, many of the girls on there are looking for sex, they say they aren't, but they are. Don't give up on POF, I had a great first date recently from a POF girl and we're having a second.
There's a few things to say though. Are you picky? What are you looking for, are you judging on looks? personality? job/status? You say you don't care what men look like but you said you've turned lots of men down. Surely it's easy on POF as I imagine girls get loads of dates?
The other thing is, you're 29 and have a FwB? I would have thought that was something either teenagers or people not looking for something serious did? I'm not being rude, I'm just a little surprised...
...You strike me as nice, decent and dateable lady who I'd take out for dinner...but there are just a few things you've said that put me off.
Perhaps you ignore men who message you and who are decent. And I think you seem to make one or two assumptions about all men. We're not all looking for sex, I wouldn't go for sex until probably date 3, as I'd feel any girl that gave me sex on date 1 was just too easy and was giving it away too freely.
A few suggestions, send me a message/quote me if you'd like to chat more. And if not, best of luck, I hope you find what you are looking for.
There's a few things to say though. Are you picky? What are you looking for, are you judging on looks? personality? job/status? You say you don't care what men look like but you said you've turned lots of men down. Surely it's easy on POF as I imagine girls get loads of dates?
The other thing is, you're 29 and have a FwB? I would have thought that was something either teenagers or people not looking for something serious did? I'm not being rude, I'm just a little surprised...
...You strike me as nice, decent and dateable lady who I'd take out for dinner...but there are just a few things you've said that put me off.
Perhaps you ignore men who message you and who are decent. And I think you seem to make one or two assumptions about all men. We're not all looking for sex, I wouldn't go for sex until probably date 3, as I'd feel any girl that gave me sex on date 1 was just too easy and was giving it away too freely.
A few suggestions, send me a message/quote me if you'd like to chat more. And if not, best of luck, I hope you find what you are looking for.
Everyone has their own understanding of 'not settling down', for you it might be doing all bf/gf things without feeling pressure to take it any further, for guys youbhave dated it might only be FwB. The thing is, you cannot have everything your way.
You say you are very picky that's why you only dated 5 guys, then your thread title-im thinking I'm undateable cos I only fated five guys.
I believe being gf and bf (making it official, going places together) is big responsibly, and its bad to date someone knowing there will be no positive outcome. Its kinda playing with feelings, maybe that might be a reason why guys didn't come back to you
You say you are very picky that's why you only dated 5 guys, then your thread title-im thinking I'm undateable cos I only fated five guys.
I believe being gf and bf (making it official, going places together) is big responsibly, and its bad to date someone knowing there will be no positive outcome. Its kinda playing with feelings, maybe that might be a reason why guys didn't come back to you
Original post by jenkinsear
I think it's fair to say you've had some dreadful experiences, and I'm sorry that you've had to deal with them.
I've had serious crap experiences (those are only the ones I have endured during 2014). I haven't spoken to anyone about it because of the wrong impression it may give about me. So I have just tried to deal with it all on my own. As a result however I am become quite guarded in that, I don't say a lot during the dates - ok I do talk but you won't catch me 'rabbiting' on about my life of 29 years! I hate it as I think that is perhaps one reason why these dates haven't all worked out (minus former work colleague and bodybuilding cretin).
Original post by jenkinsear
I can see that being an issue. Can your friends not introduce you to some of their friends? There must be others in your position who they know, and that comes with the plus that you'll know a bit about them and it's less likely they are a nutter/creep.
There are only a select few of my friends who are in a similar position to myself. Those who are have their own social circle, and I would feel like 'an outcast' tagging along - would perhaps make me feel somewhat awkward. I also think my job doesn't help either - I work in an Office full of middle aged women who just moan, bitch about their family life and it drives me stir crazy! None of them go out as they have families to attend to so the usual socials I use to do with my old work colleagues these lot don't do at all. I mean last night I spent the entire evening with my old work colleagues, just having a good catch up. I even got completely a little drunk with my old boss - that would never in a blue moon happen where I work at the moment. There are not enough people my age where I work which is head doing. As a result however I am trying to rectify that and find a job where there are more people my own age, with a lot more social things going on. I know the purpose of work is well to do a job but having that social aspect with it, makes such a difference in my opinion.
[QUOTE=jenkinsear;53012601In light of your social network being on the crap side, I think any activity that involves making new friends is where you need to go. From that you'd be bound to meet people either in the process of meeting new people or through new friends. If your at all political, join a political party (I know that sounds odd, but you would be surprised how many people I know who found their partner knocking doors in the 2010 election.....), if at all sporty join a mixed sports club (shooting and archery for some bizarre reason seem to have produced a few relationships in my social circle) or there's the solo bar-approach. You have choices, just gotta chuck yourself out there.
I have started an activity which has a mixture of people of all ages. Still feel a bit apprehensive about it as I don't have a clue who these people are, but at the same time, like you said the only way to improve social circle is to just get out there. I am quite active, so don't mind getting sweaty and stuck in. I am also contemplating voluntary work as well, in a bid to try and help open social circle and etc.
Original post by Wimbs
Anonymous1 - 5 dates in one year is about 5 dates more than me! (although I ain't gonna score a duck in 2015 I'll make sure of that!) Don't assume that the first date will be engagement, marriage and 2.4 kids. Research shows that people who have had several dates tend to be in more secure relationships eventually than those who make date #1 their lifelong partner.
PS If you want a date with a 34 year old bloke and you are in the Birmingham area, PM me and you can add me on FB!
PS If you want a date with a 34 year old bloke and you are in the Birmingham area, PM me and you can add me on FB!
As mentioned in previous posts, I am not expecting the dates to instantly go down the Engagement, Marriage, Kids route - hell no. What I'd like is a bf who I can enjoy being in the company of. Visiting places, spending time with one another (of course giving each other their own space as well), the usual thing that couples do. But that just seems like mission impossible. Often feel like I am being punished too = not deserving of a relationship - for what? I don't know but it sucks.
HA . .I live 50 minutes down the M5 from Birmingham
Original post by Eboracum
Evening Miss. Sorry you've had so much trouble! I'm early to mid 20s but in your position, ready for a relationship and to settle down. I've turned to POF. Never been on Tinder so I can't comment on that, but POF has some real gems on it, but you have to find them. 90% on there are riff raff looking for sex, many of the girls on there are looking for sex, they say they aren't, but they are. Don't give up on POF, I had a great first date recently from a POF girl and we're having a second.
I've been on PoF - on/off for a good few years, and I have never found a decent gem - well I think I do and then it all goes tits up! I even make a conscious effort to set my profile in a manner that makes it clear I am not after casual sex.
Original post by Eboracum
There's a few things to say though. Are you picky? What are you looking for, are you judging on looks? personality? job/status? You say you don't care what men look like but you said you've turned lots of men down. Surely it's easy on POF as I imagine girls get loads of dates?
I wouldn't say I am picky, no, but if a guy shows he's interested in me, and I feel no attraction whatsoever, I'm not going to bother agreeing to the date. There has to be something there, even if it's slight.
Original post by Eboracum
The other thing is, you're 29 and have a FwB? I would have thought that was something either teenagers or people not looking for something serious did? I'm not being rude, I'm just a little surprised...
I'm 28, 29 end of February. The FwB he's 34. It was never meant to happen but it somehow has. However it's not a regular thing - we've slept together about 4/5 times. If I am being honest, it's really boring hence why the handful of times we've slept together; it should be A LOT more but I've blown him off about a dozen times! I've tried finishing it but he just won't take no for an answer, hence why I would like to find a decent guy I can have a relationship with (enjoy proper sex), and end this FwB, once and for all. I am not saying I purely want a guy so I can finish the FwB situation, but it certainly will help in getting rid of the FwB!
Original post by Eboracum
...You strike me as nice, decent and dateable lady who I'd take out for dinner...but there are just a few things you've said that put me off.
Can I ask what has put you off?
Original post by Eboracum
Perhaps you ignore men who message you and who are decent. And I think you seem to make one or two assumptions about all men. We're not all looking for sex, I wouldn't go for sex until probably date 3, as I'd feel any girl that gave me sex on date 1 was just too easy and was giving it away too freely.
The messages I received on PoF, I always read the profiles. If the profile bored me, then I wouldn't bother replying. That for me is the selling point; if there is nothing on it that makes me smile, laugh, or curious to know more then I'm not going to bother responding. I know that perhaps sounds harsh, but not going to waste my time messaging a guy who is boring. Also, looks isn't my no.1 thing - if I have a slight attraction for the guy, then I will respond, if there is absolutely nothing there, I won't respond. It's the personality that is key for me - if you can make me laugh, have a wit and sense of humour, then you're on the right page with me.
I honestly do not ask for much in a guy, honestly. His bank balance, his car, his looks, his accommodation and etc, it all does not bother me. What matters most is that he likes me for me and treats me like a lady - that in my book I don't think is asking for much! lol
Of course you are because you're looking online. Go let someone find you the proper way, meet irl and go with the flow. Stop searching woman!
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Great, see you on Channel 4 soon 
Original post by lNurl
Everyone has their own understanding of 'not settling down', for you it might be doing all bf/gf things without feeling pressure to take it any further, for guys youbhave dated it might only be FwB. The thing is, you cannot have everything your way.
Yes, would love to have bf to do the couple-y things without the pressure of must get engaged, married, kids and etc. Although if things were to go down that route, then so be it. But that right now is not on the top of my list.
I have only ever had one FwB 'thing' - this was never meant to happen, and as previously mentioned, I want it done with.
Original post by lNurl
You say you are very picky that's why you only dated 5 guys, then your thread title-im thinking I'm undateable cos I only fated five guys.
Picky in the sense that I don't jump at every date offer. I have had a few and declined some; purely because I have no slight attraction for them, or they just didn't 'draw' me in, make me curious to know more.
Original post by lNurl
I believe being gf and bf (making it official, going places together) is big responsibly, and its bad to date someone knowing there will be no positive outcome. Its kinda playing with feelings, maybe that might be a reason why guys didn't come back to you
The Bodybuilding guy and Former work colleague, I couldn't give two-hoots about as they simply were vile, with severe lack of respect for my wishes. But the others (Mr Navy, Mr DJ), just totally surprised after the conversation/topics we discussed. Out of all of them I am most, well I thought so anyway, compatible with Mr DJ - literally so so much in common and he was so so keen and I literally thought it was going to go somewhere. But obviously it was not meant to be.
Original post by WoodyMKC
Great, see you on Channel 4 soon
Will put your name down as 'Refer a Friend' - think I get some sort of discount!
Purely 'tongue in cheek' banterOriginal post by Afghan Warrior
Of course you are because you're looking online. Go let someone find you the proper way, meet irl and go with the flow. Stop searching woman!
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Not on any of the sites anymore because they are purely draining - my soul (and my phone battery!)
I hate to sound traditional... But do you think you are sleeping with too many men too soon? And then when it doesn't work out are settling to be the go-to-girl?
Also a note about POF... It is 99% trashy men/women yes there are a few doctors and lawyers there but any free site is going to be full of fakes, trash and casual seekers. You are better off investing in something paid that's a great trash filter.
Also a note about POF... It is 99% trashy men/women yes there are a few doctors and lawyers there but any free site is going to be full of fakes, trash and casual seekers. You are better off investing in something paid that's a great trash filter.
Original post by Wimbs
Junction 10 for Stroud?
Yes, my neck of the woods..ish!
Original post by Anonymous
Last year/this year I met 5 guys:
. . Out of all of the above men, none of them have turned into relationships. Although friends have said it's them, not you, I am beginning to think it is me! A lot of the blokes (apart from the former work colleague), I met on PoF/Tinder. All appear to be fine until we meet. Dates (as far as I am aware go fine, although on my part I am a bit quiet purely because I can't get a word in edge ways because the men just talk, and talk and talk! But I am usually a very chatty person once I get comfortable with someone which may take a while.
I am thinking perhaps I am not cut out for dating?
It's just frustrating me no end. I am not looking to get settled right; get married, have a family and etc. I just would like to have a boyfriend, who I can hang out with, go places with, have a good time and enjoy life with. But that just seems like mission impossible. Everytime I see couples out and about, I get incredibly jealous because of what they have together, sometimes reducing myself to tears . . ridiculous, I know.
Don't really know what the point of this thread is really, but just wanted to find out from others really if anyone else has been in the same boat/dating situation? I'm not exactly getting any younger either - 29 in a few weeks, and I would preferably like to find a decent guy before I hit the big 3 0!
Thoughts? . . .
•
*Guy use to work for F1 Red Bull *met on Tinder in February 14* - Had 3 dates, now FwB, and it'll never be anything more
•
*Body Building fanatic - met on Tinder during summer 14. Had 3 dates. On the 3rd date he literally tried to have full blown sex with me in a random field, even though I said I wasn't interested in him in that way
•
*Royal Navy guy - met on PoF in December 14. 1 date - 27 yrs old, but has the mental age of a 4 year old
•
*DJ guy - met on PoF in December 14. 2 dates - most recent bloke I have dated, but I really do not know what has happened?! Last spoke on Wednesday, heard nothing since although he said I was the highlight of his day on our dinner date on Tuesday!
•
*Former work colleague - known for years. Used me as a rebound while he was on a break from his then ex gf - this I did not know.
. . Out of all of the above men, none of them have turned into relationships. Although friends have said it's them, not you, I am beginning to think it is me! A lot of the blokes (apart from the former work colleague), I met on PoF/Tinder. All appear to be fine until we meet. Dates (as far as I am aware go fine, although on my part I am a bit quiet purely because I can't get a word in edge ways because the men just talk, and talk and talk! But I am usually a very chatty person once I get comfortable with someone which may take a while.
I am thinking perhaps I am not cut out for dating?
It's just frustrating me no end. I am not looking to get settled right; get married, have a family and etc. I just would like to have a boyfriend, who I can hang out with, go places with, have a good time and enjoy life with. But that just seems like mission impossible. Everytime I see couples out and about, I get incredibly jealous because of what they have together, sometimes reducing myself to tears . . ridiculous, I know. Don't really know what the point of this thread is really, but just wanted to find out from others really if anyone else has been in the same boat/dating situation? I'm not exactly getting any younger either - 29 in a few weeks, and I would preferably like to find a decent guy before I hit the big 3 0!
Thoughts? . . .
I agree that the internet is not the place to go. In my opinion, you'd be very lucky to find a guy on there who is decent and not either desperate/has some fatal flaw or is just looking for a hookup.
Secondly, you weren't super clear about your intimacy with all the guys, but I think sleeping with a guy very early in the game is just telling them (if they're not good guys) they don't have to do much to get it. If you waited, maybe dated for a month or so (is that a long time? haha.) then you're getting to know them, they're seeing they need to respect you, etc..
Original post by shawn_o1
You should think of the benefits of not having a partner or kids at the age of 30.
.only benefit is money in my opinion, you'll be lonely if you don't have a husband/wife or kids
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Original post by _Charlotte15
.only benefit is money in my opinion, you'll be lonely if you don't have a husband/wife or kids
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All I need to do now is finish my degree and get a job. Raising kids? That's one thing I'll never be able to do.
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