Beginning to think I'm undateable

The last 2 dates (Mr Navy and Mr DJ) talked and talked and talked! The conversation was dominated with them telling me everything about themselves. I tried to intervene but the conversation always went back to them. I've spoken to my mum about them all and she said "You don't want to date someone who just talks about themselves morning noon and night", and I think she's right. I'm very guarded in that I don't reveal every single detail about myself during the early dating phase. Perhaps that's what has gone against me, I don't know. But I'd rather remain a little quiet and reserved, rather than a loud mouth bint who reveals every nook and cranny detail about myself.

Not only that when you've been raped, had sex forced upon you, you temain incredibly guarded and cautious. I've tried my upmost best to put that experiment behind me and just get on my life. So I am sorry if what I have put in this thread sounds like its all my fault and etc, but I'm doing my damn best.

Your mother is right; a relationship is a shared thing. Also, don't blame yourself for being too guarded, when you trust someone you will open up, and if you don't, then that's fine.

But I'm thinking perhaps me being quiet is what has caused things to go nowhere? Its just annoying that I've been judged purely on a few dates & they've made up their mind from that alone. :-(

It depends if you think your being quiet is a core part of you. If it is, then you would only want someone that likes that or works well with that. If it isn't, then you shouldn't look for someone else until you're happy with yourself!

But then I remain quiet because the conversation is dominated by him! I'm not saying I sit there in complete utter silence, I do respond when asked something or relate something about myself to the topic in discussion. But I can never get the opportunity to actually lead/dominate part thereof the conversation. Hope that makes sense lol.

If someone blindly talks without allowing you to talk as well, or encouraging you to talk as well, then they're not relationship material.

I've been on PoF - on/off for a good few years, and I have never found a decent gem - well I think I do and then it all goes tits up! I even make a conscious effort to set my profile in a manner that makes it clear I am not after casual sex.

I wouldn't say I am picky, no, but if a guy shows he's interested in me, and I feel no attraction whatsoever, I'm not going to bother agreeing to the date. There has to be something there, even if it's slight.

I'm 28, 29 end of February. The FwB he's 34. It was never meant to happen but it somehow has. However it's not a regular thing - we've slept together about 4/5 times. If I am being honest, it's really boring hence why the handful of times we've slept together; it should be A LOT more but I've blown him off about a dozen times! I've tried finishing it but he just won't take no for an answer, hence why I would like to find a decent guy I can have a relationship with (enjoy proper sex), and end this FwB, once and for all. I am not saying I purely want a guy so I can finish the FwB situation, but it certainly will help in getting rid of the FwB!

Can I ask what has put you off?

Evening, hope you're well. I'm not sure, it's difficult to say. I've been on properly for about 8 weeks on and off and I've found several really lovely girls I'd love to date if I had time (and wasn't limited to one). And you find really educated girls with good prospects which I love, have spoken to a girl from Cambridge Uni, a girl who is head of the Maths Dpt at a school and a girl who has her own wedding business.

It's hard for me to say, because at first I just couldn't replies as a man, I went for the bland nice guy focussing on common interest messages, and just couldn't get replies, it was only when I started flirting that I got most of them to message back. But I imagine girls get loads of messages, you must get 20+ a night surely? Seems to me girls have all the power in online dating so I'm not sure why things aren't going well for you. Would be interested to see your profile or at least hear it described, i.e. what picture types you have and what description you have.

Fair Enough. What sort of messages/profiles do you reply to? Are you getting messages from "nice guys" that you find boring?

This is a little troubling, what do you mean he won't say no, is he harassing you? Perhaps an issue for the Police? Why do you respond to his texts? Or is it the case that you just give in to sexual desires as this you can't resist and are gagging for it (forgive use of language here).

I would never embark on a ONS, that is well out of my comfort zone, and I couldn't think of anything worse. However I do have the same thinking on the whole dating/relationship thing, apart from I can't a relationship, so settled for the FwB. But at the same time it is making me incredibly miserable and bored of it, thinking I deserve so so much better than what I am currently involved in.

But other than that you sound like a nice lady who's just been unlucky in love and it sounds as if you look for the things I like to give. You're about 4 years older than me but I might have messaged you at POF at some point, I like an older woman. I think some girls think all guys are on PoF for sex, but it's not the case. Never been on Tinder so I can't comment.

Don't give up Miss, you'll find something! Best of luck.

POF/Tinder are not good platforms for meeting quality dates

........

Evening,

Ooo, now I wish I found men like that, instead I seem to find blokes who I think are decent but turn out to be utter jerks. For example the Navy guy I had high expectations (shouldn't have expected so much), but he has the mentality of a 4 year old! And the F1 guy (who I met through Tinder), but is a well educated guy is an utter baffoon (this is the FwB bloke). A few of my friends have tried online dating and they find their partners on there; one of them even married her online date last year, so I know it does work. But I think it's few and far between! She is the one reason why I have given this online dating thing a try as I didn't want to knock it before trying.

I have to admit when I was on Tinder and PoF the messages of ''Hi, how are you?'' was incredibly boring, if not, a tad annoying. So I tended to skip those and respond to the witty, interesting messages. Those are the types of things I like - something that catches my attention, and makes me want to engage in a conversation of some sort. When I first joined PoF I got a fair few messages, however it wasn't loads of many men think women seem to get. And plus I think by stating that I was looking for a relationship, long term, that sifted out about 98% of the 'riff-raff' seeking casual sex, so therefore lowering my messages significantly!

I no longer have the profile as I deleted it but I was just very me - put a bit of fun side in the profile description, honest in who I am and what I would like, and uploaded reasonable pictures of myself doing active things which showed I am a healthy, fit individual who likes being out and about. Perhaps that profile is a bit 'boring', but I'm not getting my boobs out to get the attention of the opposite sex.

And thank you - nice to actually talk to someone within this thread who isn't quick to judge but actually talk to me about the whole thing and try and provide constructive criticism/feedback. I guess you're right, I have just been very lucky, but one can only hope that things get better (once I improve my social circle), and I will eventually find a decent guy who actually likes me for me.

Well done for removing him if that is what you want. For me as a guy, if I got any sniff that a girl was into FwB or One Night Stands I wouldn't message regardless of anything else. I take quite a traditional view of love/sex and just aren't looking for that, but others are.

Good luck!

You're too picky, it's you not them, how many messages you receive? How many messages you answer? Let's say you answer to 5% of the total messages you receive, many other women out there answer to these same 5% guys that send those messages and many women out there are better than you in looks,carreer,personality etc, assuming that you answer to 5% guys if you don't have success with those 5% guys your value is less than the value of the top 5% women thus you end up being used for sex and by the way every smart man out there knows that they have to say they are looking for "long term relationships" too, they also know that you lie when you say that you're only looking for long term relationships because every not naive guy knows that you'll compromise your long term standards if the good looking tall stud comes around, so don't think that you're being a smart ass by specifying that you're looking only for a long term relationship to filter casual sex guys, because you are the first one to compromise your standards lol, and obviously you're not the only one, 90% of the girls out there are just like you, "i'm not looking for casual sex" -----> hunk comes around-----> "have casual sex with hunk"

You want your cake and eat it too.
And you're not attractive enough to have the whole cake for yourself.