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want to start dating but am Muslim

hey.
So as you would imagine things would get a little complicated with parents and everything. But being at uni i suppose i do not really need to tell them unless it becomes serious do i? Um more to the point I know dating is technically not allowed but does that still count now? I mean there are certain things we do not practise anymore because times change and being 19 i do not want to get married any time soon. So me wanting to date really a huge issue?

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Reply 1
Avatar for Maker
Maker
20
Go for it.
Just do it. Your parents can't exactly shadow you at Uni and physically restrain you from it. These archaic "ban on dating" traditions are dying anyway
There's nothing wrong with dating if your intention is to marry her, as long as you are seen with her in public and you're not in a physical relationship, then it should be fine. Dating means just getting to know more about her but you keep your distance until you get your Nikah done.
Reply 4
Avatar for twioo5
twioo5
Original post by RosyPearl
There's nothing wrong with dating if your intention is to marry her, as long as you are seen with her in public and you're not in a physical relationship, then it should be fine. Dating means just getting to know more about her but you keep your distance until you get your Nikah done.



completely agree! but make sure her mahram (someone she cant marry like a brother, dad, uncle etc) is there :smile: it would be REALLY awkward at first then overtime itll be casj
Original post by kaiwid23
I'd highly recommend NOT justifying dating with Islam, because the two are most definitely incompatible.

Nonethless, OP, if you want to date, go ahead - it's socially acceptable and its your choice. Nobody should ever tell you you're a bad Muslim because only you decide your faith. I would say, however, it might be useful to perhaps research your faith a little more and decide if it really makes sense to you and isn't just something you've inherited from your parents.


I'm talking about non sexual dating, islam doesn't condemn it and almost everyone has dated before marriage, even if it was arranged otherwise how are you going to know if you are compatible with someone if you marry them without getting to know the person properly? It's just some conservative cultures frown upon dating because they care so much about what people think of them when as long as the intention is sincere then its halal.
Original post by twioo5
completely agree! but make sure her mahram (someone she cant marry like a brother, dad, uncle etc) is there :smile: it would be REALLY awkward at first then overtime itll be casj


Yes I agree, but since he's in uni I think what's more important is that they're not alone together because Shaytan is always the third :smile: it would be better if a mahram was there aswell
Original post by kaiwid23
If Allah does not want Muslims to look at the opposite gender, why would dating suddenly be OK? Dates do involve a lot of male/female contact.

"Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do." http://quran.com/24/30

Nonetheless, one may form their own, perfectly valid interpretation of Islam. But this interpretation may not always agree with the Qur'aan or hadith.


Do you walk in the streets blind then? What that verse meant is do not look at the opposite gender with lust and even the first look is halal. However when it comes to marriage its totally different. When you're planning to marry someone, you take them seriously because they are the one who you will spend the rest of your life with so you have to get to know them as much as you can before marriage so that it doesn't lead to divorce because divorce is the worst halal and a lot of people end up divorcing because they marry off a stranger. Therefore there's nothing wrong with interacting with the opposite gender, as long as its serious such as thinking about getting married. It's even permissible for a female to take off her hijab one time before marriage, that's how simple our religion is, Islam was sent down to help us and find solutions to our problems, you are making it hard on yourself.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by kaiwid23
As I said, that's simply your own respectable interpretation. The majority Muslim view is an opposition to dating. Islam is interpretable in many different ways. People at the time of its reveal would tend to take it literally, whereas now the new Muslim generation often develops new, more liberal interpretations.

Also, I must confirm: I no longer believe in Islam. I don't follow the verse I quoted :smile:


This in not the majority of the muslim's interpretation, if you state something then care to back it up. I feel sorry for you, I'm not surprised why someone who was brought up with such views no longer adheres to the religion..may Allah guide you. Salam
Original post by RosyPearl
This in not the majority of the muslim's interpretation, if you state something then care to back it up. I feel sorry for you, I'm not surprised why someone who was brought up with such views no longer adheres to the religion..may Allah guide you. Salam


They can meet each other, provided everything is kept Halal, no touching, etc and a Mahram(father, brother or uncle, etc) comes with the girl and is able to observe. With the aim of getting to know one another better for the purpose of marriage.
Original post by RosyPearl
There's nothing wrong with dating if your intention is to marry her, as long as you are seen with her in public and you're not in a physical relationship, then it should be fine. Dating means just getting to know more about her but you keep your distance until you get your Nikah done.


I do not intend of being in a physical relationship but must confess I cannot put a finger on if my intention is to marry her till I know her better.

Original post by kaiwid23
I'd highly recommend NOT justifying dating with Islam, because the two are most definitely incompatible.

Nonethless, OP, if you want to date, go ahead - it's socially acceptable and its your choice. Nobody should ever tell you you're a bad Muslim because only you decide your faith. I would say, however, it might be useful to perhaps research your faith a little more and decide if it really makes sense to you and isn't just something you've inherited from your parents.


It is not a matter of not believing in my religion which I do but I also understand that there is more room to maneuver than there was in my parents day when they grew up in Pakistan more to the point I am kind of looking where the lines are which I can and can't cross.
Original post by Iqbal007
They can meet each other, provided everything is kept Halal, no touching, etc and a Mahram(father, brother or uncle, etc) comes with the girl and is able to observe. With the aim of getting to know one another better for the purpose of marriage.


I don't disagree with you, but it depends how strict your culture is aswell, because when I had to meet my fiancé, my mum came to observe in the first meeting because I had met the guy through her but then she left us two to get to know one another in a costa coffee shop near my home, my dad got involved in the end when I knew he wasn't the one for me. So what I'm saying is we dated but kept it halal and got engaged after a month so that we could have less restrictions with our interaction.
Original post by Anonymous
I do not intend of being in a physical relationship but must confess I cannot put a finger on if my intention is to marry her till I know her better.

Yeah that is obvious you need to get to know her first but your intention should be that if things work out smoothly between you two and you both click then your intention is to marry her.
Some of the responses are just ridiculous.

Look OP....in the real world...You do not date with the intention of marriage. You date do see if you like each other.

And not touch each other ? At the end of the day, something so arbitrary shouldn't be considered to be sexual
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 14
Avatar for Ahwab
Ahwab
1
Original post by kaiwid23
I'd highly recommend NOT justifying dating with Islam, because the two are most definitely incompatible.

Nonethless, OP, if you want to date, go ahead - it's socially acceptable and its your choice. Nobody should ever tell you you're a bad Muslim because only you decide your faith. I would say, however, it might be useful to perhaps research your faith a little more and decide if it really makes sense to you and isn't just something you've inherited from your parents.


Exactly

Too many ppl think they can interpret things different or find awkward loopholes or accidentally on purpose do things.

Stop deluding yourselves

Go big or go home
Well, you could start by abandoning your religion. That's the problem solved, basically.
Allah almost certainly doesn't exist, the girl you are attracted to definitely does. Do the right thing and make her happy, don't let religion get in the way.
Original post by Anonymous
hey.
So as you would imagine things would get a little complicated with parents and everything. But being at uni i suppose i do not really need to tell them unless it becomes serious do i? Um more to the point I know dating is technically not allowed but does that still count now? I mean there are certain things we do not practise anymore because times change and being 19 i do not want to get married any time soon. So me wanting to date really a huge issue?

Only date a person if you think you would like to marry them one day.
Make sure you both make it clear that you dont do any kissing etc

Then it should be fine.
I think you should go for it sister.

Do you have anyone in mind?
Original post by RosyPearl
This in not the majority of the muslim's interpretation, if you state something then care to back it up. I feel sorry for you, I'm not surprised why someone who was brought up with such views no longer adheres to the religion..may Allah guide you. Salam


Sure, I'll back up 'my' interpretation - in Saudi Arabia, Muslims do not date, as is the case in many other Muslim countries in the Middle-East. As the majority of Muslims live in those countries, it is logical to assume that it's a majority view that dating is wrong in Islam.

Your cocky and dismissive attitude is quite offensive. My religious beliefs do not affect my knowledge of faiths, especially if I was brought up in the religion I'm talking about.
Original post by RosyPearl
I don't disagree with you, but it depends how strict your culture is aswell, because when I had to meet my fiancé, my mum came to observe in the first meeting because I had met the guy through her but then she left us two to get to know one another in a costa coffee shop near my home, my dad got involved in the end when I knew he wasn't the one for me. So what I'm saying is we dated but kept it halal and got engaged after a month so that we could have less restrictions with our interaction.


Just to let you know I'm talking from an Islamic point of view and not cultural, in Islam there are no difference of opinion generally when it comes to meeting potential spouses.

A Mahram is needed, who must observe such meetings, a female relative do not count including your mother nor are you two allowed to be left alone without the mahram.

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