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Would you forgive cheating?

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I'm in this dilemma right now. Boyfriend slept with someone when he was abroad, planned it for ages, etc. Says he's sorry, will do anything etc etc, but I just can't make myself... I dunno. It's hard.

Reply 21

Josb

Original post by Queen Cersei

At the weekend I got involved in a rather heavy debate about whether a wife would forgive her husband if she found out he had cheated on her with someone from work. (This is going on at my friend's workplace)

I personally couldn't even imagine continuing with someone who had betrayed me- and in the case outlined above the husband has been telling someone at work that he could make them so happy etc, and for me that kind of emotional cheating is even more unforgivable...

Would you/have you ever forgiven cheating?

Even if you had kids and a massive debt to pay for your house?

Reply 22

smileitsjess

Original post by Queen Cersei

Would you/have you ever forgiven cheating?

It depends on the situation entirely. Would I give up a long-term relationship over one drunken kiss? Probably not. It would obviously be different if it was a full-fledged affair over a prolonged period.

Reply 23

Diligently

Its amazing how people respond to cheating and even more interesting how people justify their position. So I will give you mine...

Forgiveness is something considered to be something akin to a bad smell to many people now a days, how much more an affair. So before I tell you what I think, consider the following...

It is considered scientifically factual that men think about sex 3-10 seconds throughout the day. Whilst women in general do considerably less. Do we really think all these thoughts are about their partner, spouse or lover? According to scientific research most thoughts are about other people.

Where does sex start? Again, scientifically it is agreed that the majority of sexuality is in the thought processes.

Relationships... people have different boundaries within relationships. People communicate differently. Some are tactile, some are not. Some interact playful and consider this normal interaction whilst others would consider it flirting. Sexual identity and sexual responses are hugely influenced by our parents, peers and those things we aspire to become like. This often, though not exclusively is unconscious thought.

Emotional connections: What causes a person to connect? It starts in different ways with different people. Some people admire, respect, relate, and through time become emotionally connected. Connections happen for different reasons., some from a natural, innocent premise and others a deliberate aim.

So after considering the above. I would say we all have been unfaithful at least in thought at some point in our lives. With the advent of pornography, this becomes even more blatant. Admiring someone from the opposite sex, taking another look. A brush with the hand, a comment. Where does it start. Some might argue that this is harmless fun. But is always has consequences without agreed boundaries. Have you never heard that what you think about frequently will cause you to develop an attitude, then a habit and then a lifestyle? So what do you think about??

People are so different in their responses. When I was younger I had 5 girls fall in love with me within the space of 2 years and I was just being a friend. I cared about them but nothing more. I was horrified. Missed the signals, actually didn't understand the signals. So we had to part company. Because they pursued me, but they were like sisters to me. It broke my heart. A touch, a look, a comment can be misunderstood so easily.

After saying all this. I would probably forgive my other half depending on the situation. Why? because I could easily fall if it wasn't for the grace of God, for want of another expression. Love is not just about commitment it is also about forgiveness and helping the other when they do not deserve it, with the humility that we all err and we would want to have mercy, understanding and help if we made a huge mistake.

If however, my other half had for example, had an affair for years in secret this probably wouldn't be forgiven because there wouldn't be anything worth rescuing. The relationship would have been a lie anyway.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 24

Queen Cersei

Original post by Josb

Even if you had kids and a massive debt to pay for your house?

This is the big question that comes up... the guy I mentioned from my friend's work has twin babies on the way which just made me feel so outraged!

It's a really hard call as I have always said once I have children I would stick with their dad but if the relationship had completely crumbled I do wonder if this might not be more damaging for the children living in a house of bitter resentment? I'm usually a very forgiving person but I can't imagine myself being able to move past cheating... how about you?

No.

The problem with this thread is that most people are young, unmarried and no kids. It's a completely different thing leaving a gf/bf you don't have a family/mortgage/commitments with than a husband/wife you do.

To answer the question, I think I could forgive cheating depending on the circumstances, whether the relationship could ever be the same again is a different matter.

Reply 27

TheHopefulIdiot

Forgive? I condone it

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 28

Josb

Original post by Queen Cersei

I don't know. It's easy to say now we would never forgive. After 15 or 20 years of common life, with children and a lot of money involved, perhaps I will be less strict.

Reply 29

superwolf

I'm in an open relationship, so there's little scope for cheating: I would be upset if my partner kept another relationship hidden from me, as it would seem to show a lack of trust, but it wouldn't be an unequivocal cause for breaking up. :nah:

Reply 30

MinionMogul

not really, I couldn't ever again respect someone who didn't put in the hours to grind to 100%

Reply 31

awkwardshortguy

I could never forgive someone. I wouldn't do it. They shouldn't. If they've got a problem with me that makes them want to stick another guy's dick in their pussy, then they should tell me what the problem is.

Reply 32

MinionMogul

Original post by TheHopefulIdiot

Forgive? I condone it

Posted from TSR Mobile

waaa mate ur edgy aren't u, edgy like a cardboard box

Reply 33

Zander01

No. I have some self respect

Reply 34

Zander01

Original post by Diligently

It is considered scientifically factual that men think about sex 3-10 seconds throughout the day. Complete nonsense

Whilst Love is not just about commitment it is also about forgiveness

How can you love someone that doesn't love you back? I don't care what anyone says, even a one off is not just 'a mistake'. And being drunk isn't an excuse either, just like it isn't an excuse for committing crimes while intoxicated.

Reply 35

0range

Cheats on you once, will cheat on you again. I'd forgive her, but no chance in hell the relationship would continue.

Reply 36

superwolf

Original post by Hathlan

You are all children, Jesus. Listen to some Dan Savage. **** happens. Grow up.

Recommendation: APPROVED. :judge:

Reply 37

Anonymous #1

Original post by Queen Cersei

My dad cheated on my mum a few years back, when I was younger. She forgave him and they stayed together, but probably only because they had two kids to look after. It's made me a lot more sensitive, but I have full faith in my boyfriend that he wouldn't do it to me.

I don't know what I would do in that situation. I know is my dad is a good person, and I am very close to him - he just made a mistake. So it would be a very difficult decision if I was ever in that sort of situation.

Reply 38

miser

I think I once read that people actually forgive cheating much more commonly than they predict they will. It's easy to say, "I'd never forgive someone if they cheated on me," but to break up with someone you love over it definitely isn't easy.