split up with my GF, right decision or not?
Hi,
I would really appreciate some constructiveopinions/advice on what I should do.
So I broke up with my girlfriend recently after 10 monthsand I can honestly say it’s been the hardest thing I've ever done, hence I’msitting here writing this now almost a month after we split. Though it was only10 months, we had quite a history going back to more than 4 years and we haveboth always had this ‘soft spot’ for each other (complicated).
Anyway, the reason as to why I am struggling as much as Iam is due to the reason for the break up…
We had many arguments throughout our 10 months normallylinked in some way to the other males she enjoyed texting/inboxing, either inor outside of my personal company.
The first big argument was due to continual texting andsnap-chatting with a long-term ‘friend’ of hers. This boy had obviously a lotof interest in her judging from the things she’d told me that he’d say to her (oftensexual). This obviously made me feel uncomfortable at the fact she would still constantlytext/snap-chat him. This went on for a period until our first argument when I toldher I wasn’t comfortable with it and asked her if she liked him. She gotextremely upset, told me how long she’d waited to be with me, and that she hadno interest in this boy other than friendship. So she deleted his number which Irespected and then didn’t talk to him…at least for a while.
The second argument came from her going out clubbing with,in my opinion, a really bad influence friend, who I could never imagine beingin a committed relationship. Anyway she ended up leaving the clubs that nightwith a boys number + snapchat name. The next few days seeing her I noticed thisunnamed number flashing up on her phone, so after seeing it so many times I askedher who it was. She told me it was a boy she had spent much of the night withand that her friend she went with had given this boy her number. I told her youdon’t do this kind of this in a relationship, to which she said her friend hadgiven the boy her number, to which I responded yes but you still don’t continue to text him… that behavior anyone would expect to come from TWO single people…amI correct?
The third and final argument about this same sort ofthing came from when she went to a Christmas party with her sixth form. She thenwent up town with everyone and from what I gathered spent most of the nightwith the boys. Anyway, her and the boy from the first argument ended up gettinga taxi back together (just them two), and proceeded to exchange numbers (yes,although she’d previously deleted his number). They then continued from 5amright through until I got to hers the next night constantly texting each other.
That day she had been ignoring me pretty heavily but I justassumed she was busy…I was quite wrong.
The next day I went to hers on the night and noticed shewas barely talking to me and taking her phone everywhere with her…even to thetoilet. I had a bad feeling she was up to something and knew that if she was I wasn’tgoing to react very well, however kept it calm. Now what I did next is almostembarrassing and wish it hadn’t got to this point but my paranoia was killingme. I waited for her to go for a wash, at which point she put her phoneunderneath her pillow. As soon as she left the room I took it from underneaththe pillow and went onto her messages…
Turns out she had added this boys number again (I couldtell from the display name), despite my apparent issue with it/him. I continuedto look at the messages noticing comments from her to him such as ‘cutie’ ‘kisses’‘love heart emoji’s’ and ‘sweet dreams’ from the previous night and all thatmorning/afternoon.
That night she cried her eyes out begging me not to gohome, but I told her I was going and then coming to get my things the next day.
I love this girl. No doubting that. But she has me paranoid…
My course at uni is quite heavy in terms of workload andas time progresses I’d be able to give her less and less attention. Many timesI’ve been trying to revise in the library wondering what she’s actually up toat home/who she’s talking to now, so it’s had an effect on my study. She’srather needy/attention-loving for male attention if you haven’t already noticed…
She’s hinted that if I want to take her back she’s therefor me to do so, but I know this wouldn’t last for long as a lot of boys are ‘after’her. Before we officially split she told me that I’d never find a girl wholoved me as much as she did and to be honest, I’m kind of agreeing with thatpoint of view :/ that worries me.
Anyway, my question to you is do you think I’ve made theright choice or do you think my paranoia has got the better of me and caused mea relationship with the girl I love?
Thank you for taking the time out to read this and ifanything needs clearing up for you to give me your opinion, just ask.
I would really appreciate some constructiveopinions/advice on what I should do.
So I broke up with my girlfriend recently after 10 monthsand I can honestly say it’s been the hardest thing I've ever done, hence I’msitting here writing this now almost a month after we split. Though it was only10 months, we had quite a history going back to more than 4 years and we haveboth always had this ‘soft spot’ for each other (complicated).
Anyway, the reason as to why I am struggling as much as Iam is due to the reason for the break up…
We had many arguments throughout our 10 months normallylinked in some way to the other males she enjoyed texting/inboxing, either inor outside of my personal company.
The first big argument was due to continual texting andsnap-chatting with a long-term ‘friend’ of hers. This boy had obviously a lotof interest in her judging from the things she’d told me that he’d say to her (oftensexual). This obviously made me feel uncomfortable at the fact she would still constantlytext/snap-chat him. This went on for a period until our first argument when I toldher I wasn’t comfortable with it and asked her if she liked him. She gotextremely upset, told me how long she’d waited to be with me, and that she hadno interest in this boy other than friendship. So she deleted his number which Irespected and then didn’t talk to him…at least for a while.
The second argument came from her going out clubbing with,in my opinion, a really bad influence friend, who I could never imagine beingin a committed relationship. Anyway she ended up leaving the clubs that nightwith a boys number + snapchat name. The next few days seeing her I noticed thisunnamed number flashing up on her phone, so after seeing it so many times I askedher who it was. She told me it was a boy she had spent much of the night withand that her friend she went with had given this boy her number. I told her youdon’t do this kind of this in a relationship, to which she said her friend hadgiven the boy her number, to which I responded yes but you still don’t continue to text him… that behavior anyone would expect to come from TWO single people…amI correct?
The third and final argument about this same sort ofthing came from when she went to a Christmas party with her sixth form. She thenwent up town with everyone and from what I gathered spent most of the nightwith the boys. Anyway, her and the boy from the first argument ended up gettinga taxi back together (just them two), and proceeded to exchange numbers (yes,although she’d previously deleted his number). They then continued from 5amright through until I got to hers the next night constantly texting each other.
That day she had been ignoring me pretty heavily but I justassumed she was busy…I was quite wrong.
The next day I went to hers on the night and noticed shewas barely talking to me and taking her phone everywhere with her…even to thetoilet. I had a bad feeling she was up to something and knew that if she was I wasn’tgoing to react very well, however kept it calm. Now what I did next is almostembarrassing and wish it hadn’t got to this point but my paranoia was killingme. I waited for her to go for a wash, at which point she put her phoneunderneath her pillow. As soon as she left the room I took it from underneaththe pillow and went onto her messages…
Turns out she had added this boys number again (I couldtell from the display name), despite my apparent issue with it/him. I continuedto look at the messages noticing comments from her to him such as ‘cutie’ ‘kisses’‘love heart emoji’s’ and ‘sweet dreams’ from the previous night and all thatmorning/afternoon.
That night she cried her eyes out begging me not to gohome, but I told her I was going and then coming to get my things the next day.
I love this girl. No doubting that. But she has me paranoid…
My course at uni is quite heavy in terms of workload andas time progresses I’d be able to give her less and less attention. Many timesI’ve been trying to revise in the library wondering what she’s actually up toat home/who she’s talking to now, so it’s had an effect on my study. She’srather needy/attention-loving for male attention if you haven’t already noticed…
She’s hinted that if I want to take her back she’s therefor me to do so, but I know this wouldn’t last for long as a lot of boys are ‘after’her. Before we officially split she told me that I’d never find a girl wholoved me as much as she did and to be honest, I’m kind of agreeing with thatpoint of view :/ that worries me.
Anyway, my question to you is do you think I’ve made theright choice or do you think my paranoia has got the better of me and caused mea relationship with the girl I love?
Thank you for taking the time out to read this and ifanything needs clearing up for you to give me your opinion, just ask.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by ThePremierLeague
Hi,
I would really appreciate some constructiveopinions/advice on what I should do.
So I broke up with my girlfriend recently after 10 monthsand I can honestly say it’s been the hardest thing I've ever done, hence I’msitting here writing this now almost a month after we split. Though it was only10 months, we had quite a history going back to more than 4 years and we haveboth always had this ‘soft spot’ for each other (complicated).
Anyway, the reason as to why I am struggling as much as Iam is due to the reason for the break up…
We had many arguments throughout our 10 months normallylinked in some way to the other males she enjoyed texting/inboxing, either inor outside of my personal company.
The first big argument was due to continual texting andsnap-chatting with a long-term ‘friend’ of hers. This boy had obviously a lotof interest in her judging from the things she’d told me that he’d say to her (oftensexual). This obviously made me feel uncomfortable at the fact she would still constantlytext/snap-chat him. This went on for a period until our first argument when I toldher I wasn’t comfortable with it and asked her if she liked him. She gotextremely upset, told me how long she’d waited to be with me, and that she hadno interest in this boy other than friendship. So she deleted his number which Irespected and then didn’t talk to him…at least for a while.
The second argument came from her going out clubbing with,in my opinion, a really bad influence friend, who I could never imagine beingin a committed relationship. Anyway she ended up leaving the clubs that nightwith a boys number + snapchat name. The next few days seeing her I noticed thisunnamed number flashing up on her phone, so after seeing it so many times I askedher who it was. She told me it was a boy she had spent much of the night withand that her friend she went with had given this boy her number. I told her youdon’t do this kind of this in a relationship, to which she said her friend hadgiven the boy her number, to which I responded yes but you still don’t continue to text him… that behavior anyone would expect to come from TWO single people…amI correct?
The third and final argument about this same sort ofthing came from when she went to a Christmas party with her sixth form. She thenwent up town with everyone and from what I gathered spent most of the nightwith the boys. Anyway, her and the boy from the first argument ended up gettinga taxi back together (just them two), and proceeded to exchange numbers (yes,although she’d previously deleted his number). They then continued from 5amright through until I got to hers the next night constantly texting each other.
That day she had been ignoring me pretty heavily but I justassumed she was busy…I was quite wrong.
The next day I went to hers on the night and noticed shewas barely talking to me and taking her phone everywhere with her…even to thetoilet. I had a bad feeling she was up to something and knew that if she was I wasn’tgoing to react very well, however kept it calm. Now what I did next is almostembarrassing and wish it hadn’t got to this point but my paranoia was killingme. I waited for her to go for a wash, at which point she put her phoneunderneath her pillow. As soon as she left the room I took it from underneaththe pillow and went onto her messages…
Turns out she had added this boys number again (I couldtell from the display name), despite my apparent issue with it/him. I continuedto look at the messages noticing comments from her to him such as ‘cutie’ ‘kisses’‘love heart emoji’s’ and ‘sweet dreams’ from the previous night and all thatmorning/afternoon.
That night she cried her eyes out begging me not to gohome, but I told her I was going and then coming to get my things the next day.
I love this girl. No doubting that. But she has me paranoid…
My course at uni is quite heavy in terms of workload andas time progresses I’d be able to give her less and less attention. Many timesI’ve been trying to revise in the library wondering what she’s actually up toat home/who she’s talking to now, so it’s had an effect on my study. She’srather needy/attention-loving for male attention if you haven’t already noticed…
She’s hinted that if I want to take her back she’s therefor me to do so, but I know this wouldn’t last for long as a lot of boys are ‘after’her. Before we officially split she told me that I’d never find a girl wholoved me as much as she did and to be honest, I’m kind of agreeing with thatpoint of view :/ that worries me.
Anyway, my question to you is do you think I’ve made theright choice or do you think my paranoia has got the better of me and caused mea relationship with the girl I love?
Thank you for taking the time out to read this and ifanything needs clearing up for you to give me your opinion, just ask.
I would really appreciate some constructiveopinions/advice on what I should do.
So I broke up with my girlfriend recently after 10 monthsand I can honestly say it’s been the hardest thing I've ever done, hence I’msitting here writing this now almost a month after we split. Though it was only10 months, we had quite a history going back to more than 4 years and we haveboth always had this ‘soft spot’ for each other (complicated).
Anyway, the reason as to why I am struggling as much as Iam is due to the reason for the break up…
We had many arguments throughout our 10 months normallylinked in some way to the other males she enjoyed texting/inboxing, either inor outside of my personal company.
The first big argument was due to continual texting andsnap-chatting with a long-term ‘friend’ of hers. This boy had obviously a lotof interest in her judging from the things she’d told me that he’d say to her (oftensexual). This obviously made me feel uncomfortable at the fact she would still constantlytext/snap-chat him. This went on for a period until our first argument when I toldher I wasn’t comfortable with it and asked her if she liked him. She gotextremely upset, told me how long she’d waited to be with me, and that she hadno interest in this boy other than friendship. So she deleted his number which Irespected and then didn’t talk to him…at least for a while.
The second argument came from her going out clubbing with,in my opinion, a really bad influence friend, who I could never imagine beingin a committed relationship. Anyway she ended up leaving the clubs that nightwith a boys number + snapchat name. The next few days seeing her I noticed thisunnamed number flashing up on her phone, so after seeing it so many times I askedher who it was. She told me it was a boy she had spent much of the night withand that her friend she went with had given this boy her number. I told her youdon’t do this kind of this in a relationship, to which she said her friend hadgiven the boy her number, to which I responded yes but you still don’t continue to text him… that behavior anyone would expect to come from TWO single people…amI correct?
The third and final argument about this same sort ofthing came from when she went to a Christmas party with her sixth form. She thenwent up town with everyone and from what I gathered spent most of the nightwith the boys. Anyway, her and the boy from the first argument ended up gettinga taxi back together (just them two), and proceeded to exchange numbers (yes,although she’d previously deleted his number). They then continued from 5amright through until I got to hers the next night constantly texting each other.
That day she had been ignoring me pretty heavily but I justassumed she was busy…I was quite wrong.
The next day I went to hers on the night and noticed shewas barely talking to me and taking her phone everywhere with her…even to thetoilet. I had a bad feeling she was up to something and knew that if she was I wasn’tgoing to react very well, however kept it calm. Now what I did next is almostembarrassing and wish it hadn’t got to this point but my paranoia was killingme. I waited for her to go for a wash, at which point she put her phoneunderneath her pillow. As soon as she left the room I took it from underneaththe pillow and went onto her messages…
Turns out she had added this boys number again (I couldtell from the display name), despite my apparent issue with it/him. I continuedto look at the messages noticing comments from her to him such as ‘cutie’ ‘kisses’‘love heart emoji’s’ and ‘sweet dreams’ from the previous night and all thatmorning/afternoon.
That night she cried her eyes out begging me not to gohome, but I told her I was going and then coming to get my things the next day.
I love this girl. No doubting that. But she has me paranoid…
My course at uni is quite heavy in terms of workload andas time progresses I’d be able to give her less and less attention. Many timesI’ve been trying to revise in the library wondering what she’s actually up toat home/who she’s talking to now, so it’s had an effect on my study. She’srather needy/attention-loving for male attention if you haven’t already noticed…
She’s hinted that if I want to take her back she’s therefor me to do so, but I know this wouldn’t last for long as a lot of boys are ‘after’her. Before we officially split she told me that I’d never find a girl wholoved me as much as she did and to be honest, I’m kind of agreeing with thatpoint of view :/ that worries me.
Anyway, my question to you is do you think I’ve made theright choice or do you think my paranoia has got the better of me and caused mea relationship with the girl I love?
Thank you for taking the time out to read this and ifanything needs clearing up for you to give me your opinion, just ask.
She told you that you will never find a girl who will love you as much as she did? Mate, never listen to a woman.
I am confident that you made the right decision, and the reason why you are questioning your own decision is because you love her a lot. Too much maybe.
You're at uni, you should be banging random chicks. From what I have read, she's trouble and is a constant flirt which is a no go for a relationship. Calling a guy cute or what have you is not necessary if she has a boyfriend.
You also mentioned that she took her phone with her to the toilet? And that she also put it underneath her pillow? Like wtf? Who does that unless you have something to hide? You need to ask yourself, do you really wanted to be in a relationship with secrecy?
I beg you not to get back with her, or even better don't talk to her as much. She's not worth your time anymore so just reply to her hours after she sends a message to you. To be honest, I think she will quickly get over the breakup, and so should you.
I hope you find someone nice mate!
Tbh, she doesn't respect your relationship or you. She wants to be with you yet act single. I would have dumped her too if I was you. You can tell a lot from actions rather than words. The fact that you brought it up 3 times (even though you should know not to be texting other guys 24/7 when in a r-ship) shows how little she cares. Honesty I think you're better off, just focus on your work & soon you'll get over her with time and find someone that's right for you.
Original post by userna-me*
She told you that you will never find a girl who will love you as much as she did? Mate, never listen to a woman.
I am confident that you made the right decision, and the reason why you are questioning your own decision is because you love her a lot. Too much maybe.
You're at uni, you should be banging random chicks. From what I have read, she's trouble and is a constant flirt which is a no go for a relationship. Calling a guy cute or what have you is not necessary if she has a boyfriend.
You also mentioned that she took her phone with her to the toilet? And that she also put it underneath her pillow? Like wtf? Who does that unless you have something to hide? You need to ask yourself, do you really wanted to be in a relationship with secrecy?
I beg you not to get back with her, or even better don't talk to her as much. She's not worth your time anymore so just reply to her hours after she sends a message to you. To be honest, I think she will quickly get over the breakup, and so should you.
I hope you find someone nice mate!
I am confident that you made the right decision, and the reason why you are questioning your own decision is because you love her a lot. Too much maybe.
You're at uni, you should be banging random chicks. From what I have read, she's trouble and is a constant flirt which is a no go for a relationship. Calling a guy cute or what have you is not necessary if she has a boyfriend.
You also mentioned that she took her phone with her to the toilet? And that she also put it underneath her pillow? Like wtf? Who does that unless you have something to hide? You need to ask yourself, do you really wanted to be in a relationship with secrecy?
I beg you not to get back with her, or even better don't talk to her as much. She's not worth your time anymore so just reply to her hours after she sends a message to you. To be honest, I think she will quickly get over the breakup, and so should you.
I hope you find someone nice mate!
Thanks mate, really appreciate that.
I just hope it is the right decision splitting with her and that I'm not going to regret it in the long term that's my major worry. You're probably right in saying I love her too much...
Seemed to myself like it was a head vs heart decision, you know.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by SnoochToTheBooch
Too
long
didn't
read
long
didn't
read
Yeah it's not short, but wanted to give readers a good idea. Thanks anyway.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by EnolaGay
Simple advice... let her go and get all the wonderful attention she wants 
Till then, MOVE ON. You'll get better.
She's saying that "you wont get anyone better" for you to feel guilty. 
Till then, MOVE ON. You'll get better.
She's saying that "you wont get anyone better" for you to feel guilty. Well yeah the guilt-trip makes sense, thank you
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by SophiaLDN
Tbh, she doesn't respect your relationship or you. She wants to be with you yet act single. I would have dumped her too if I was you. You can tell a lot from actions rather than words. The fact that you brought it up 3 times (even though you should know not to be texting other guys 24/7 when in a r-ship) shows how little she cares. Honesty I think you're better off, just focus on your work & soon you'll get over her with time and find someone that's right for you.
Thank you
Posted from TSR Mobile
Good man. You'll always get nerves after a big decision, but go with your instinct. Be bold and stick with it. It's the right decision and in 6 months you'll look back and agree.
Girls with a boyfriend should not under any circumstances be flirting via text with other men. Instant sackable offence.
Hold your nerve lad, you did good.
Girls with a boyfriend should not under any circumstances be flirting via text with other men. Instant sackable offence.
Hold your nerve lad, you did good.
I think you did the right thing. Obviously I only know your side of the story but from what you say she sounds like a prime candidate for cheating because of her neediness and love of attention. In the end it would have affected your university work, worrying about what she was doing, and it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.
You'll find someone who loves you more than she does. To be honest if she loved you all that much she wouldn't have been sending inappropriate texts to other guys on numerous occasions.
You'll find someone who loves you more than she does. To be honest if she loved you all that much she wouldn't have been sending inappropriate texts to other guys on numerous occasions.
I think the sexual comments thing was wrong on her part. I do think (from the second argument), you sound a little paranoid, but you know what, that is perfectly understandable given she has already flirted. I think you made the right decision. She should be spending time with you and flirting with you, no one else. She sounds like she didn't appreciate you and when you dumped her she lost that security in you. I'd say stick to your guns, kudos for being brave enough to dump her and not let it drag on, kudos for admitting feeling sad and just keep busy, slowly this will all pass away into the distant memory.
You did the right thing sweetie. I know I can't speak for all girls but I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I wouldn't even consider taking another boy's number if I thought he wanted anything more than genuine friendship. I don't snapchat guys, I don't text guys, I just don't. It's important to act in a relationship the way you want your partner to treat you- as in, for example, if I wouldn't want my boyfriend calling another girl "babe", I wouldn't call another boy babe. It sounds like your ex didn't have this feeling towards you, or showed you the respect you deserve in a long term relationship.
Also, from your descriptions of her reactions- yeah teenage girls are emotional, but getting defensive is an obvious sign of guilt, if she had nothing to hide you'd know about it.
So yeah, enjoy your life and let her get on with hers. And remember, just because it's over for now doesn't mean it will be forever. It sounds like she has a case of "you don't know what you've got till it's gone", so she'll probably go and get all this male attention and realise none of it compares to a proper relationship. I'm a pretty big believer in fate so if you're meant to be together eventually you will be. Hope I helped, and hope you feel better soon X
Also, from your descriptions of her reactions- yeah teenage girls are emotional, but getting defensive is an obvious sign of guilt, if she had nothing to hide you'd know about it.
So yeah, enjoy your life and let her get on with hers. And remember, just because it's over for now doesn't mean it will be forever. It sounds like she has a case of "you don't know what you've got till it's gone", so she'll probably go and get all this male attention and realise none of it compares to a proper relationship. I'm a pretty big believer in fate so if you're meant to be together eventually you will be. Hope I helped, and hope you feel better soon X
I think you did the right thing. The fact that you'd have to give her less attention would only mean this would happen again. She sounds like she's very dependent on male attention. With some people, they crave attention so much that they're never satisfied. Yes, she doesn't want to lose you. But she doesn't want to lose the numerous guys telling her she's hot/sexy/whatever, either. She hasn't done anything really bad, but hiding her phone and being dishonest with you isn't a good sign. If a guy has come between you and she happily agreed to delete his number... to then add him back/spend so much time talking to him is disrespectful to you and your relationship.
Concentrate on university, and the experience. Don't listen to the 'you won't find a girl who will love you as much as I love you' stuff, that's just her wanting to keep hold of you. Enjoy your time at uni, meet new girls and when you're ready, get into a relationship with someone who's happy with your attention and doesn't need any from elsewhere.
Concentrate on university, and the experience. Don't listen to the 'you won't find a girl who will love you as much as I love you' stuff, that's just her wanting to keep hold of you. Enjoy your time at uni, meet new girls and when you're ready, get into a relationship with someone who's happy with your attention and doesn't need any from elsewhere.
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