If your friend was cheating on their partner...

Poll

Would you...

macromicro

Which option would you choose?

(edited 9 years ago)

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Reply 1

Reue

Keep out; None of my business. You wont know the full facts or situation.

Reply 2

lNurl

Talk to your friend first. See what he says. The only reason why people don't tell the other party is, they don't want to lose their friend/company and it looks unmanly to tell your friends secret...

If u don't want to be friends with him.. You can say to the girl, but keep in mind that knowing she was cheated on can leave deeper scars that if the get separated for other reason in future.

Reply 3

Reue

Original post by macromicro

Reue, thanks for the reply, but did you actually read my post? If so, please re-read the last paragraph.

Re-read my last sentence :smile:

Reply 4

sdotd

keep right out of it and rather keep a friend

Reply 5

ShotsFired-9941

Bull crap. Don't listen to these posters. You have a friend and if they are cheating or getting cheated on tell them straight out it's wrong and stop doing it.

If they continue; obviously you don't need to see them as a "Friend" anymore.

Peace man. Didn't really read your OP.

Reply 6

Clip

If they're your friend - it's not your confidence to break. What they do with their girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife is between them.

If it were a close friend, I'd probably cover for them, too.

Reply 7

whatisthis47

Threaten the cheater - if they don't tell the victim you will. If you end up telling the victim make sure you have proof.

Reply 8

username1214455

Confront 'friend' - if he doesn't give a valid reason for why he hasn't told her yet say it's either she finds out from him or you.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 9

Reue

Original post by macromicro

I do as it has been relayed to me from the horse's mouth. I'm also good friends with the girl so I know both parties very well. There is no new information that could change the situation. With this in mind, what would your reason be now?

If I were friends with both then I may be more inclined to intervene. Would perhaps encourage my friends to break it up themselves first though.

Don't just wade in trying to be the hero. There's a chance she might not actually want to be saved and lay the blame on you.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 10

bittr n swt

I would confront him but I wouldn't say it. If they were married perhaps I will. If they have a child I definitely will.

Reply 11

Clip

Original post by macromicro

So do you think your own ability to be trustworthy is more important? I like that reason, though it feels somewhat selfish. I know that this girl is being treated immorally - am I right not to say anything? Why is it only between them? To what extent can we exaggerate that? Why isn't domestic abuse only between the couple?

Also, I am friends with the girl too (I actually knew her slightly before the guy) - does this change anything in your mind?

Domestic abuse is often also a crime. That's nothing like having (sexual) relations with a third party.

If you are friends with the girl as well - it does change things. You have to pick a side.

What I don't agree with is moralising or telling your friends what to do, as you probably don't have all the information.

Reply 12

Reue

Original post by macromicro

I see, so it would now be your businss because you know both parties? Why does this change your view, specifically?

What would I be blamed for?

Because you're more likely to have a better picture of the whole situation.

And blamed for breaking up the relationship.

Reply 13

Lashana

Before i would make a hasty decision on telling or not, i would personally ask why he's cheating on his girlfriend of many years. As he could have a reason behind it, whether i think it is stupid or something logical. If I find it pointless, then i'd let him know that what he is doing is wrong. If he decides to have no interest what more can a friend do rather advice and support?

Then again, this is what i would do.

Reply 14

Clip

Original post by macromicro

That's true but it's not always physical but mental abuse - and is cheating any different to mental abuse in the long-run? Why should we not intervene?

If she doesn't know about it - how can it possibly be mental abuse?

Assume I have all the information as the friend has been very open with my housemates and I about his cheating, and I've known the couple for a long time now. I'm trying to imagine what extra information could change anything as well?

If you are fully aware of the details of their sex life and their relationship - and they are both your friends - then like I said, you have a decision to make.

Reply 15

username1214455

Original post by macromicro

May I ask why you two don't agree with the previous posters that have said such things as "mind your own business", "don't be a hero", "it's their relationship", etc.?

Because that's just a way of avoiding responsibility. If you see someone getting mugged on the street, you at very least call the police. You don't just carry on because it's none of your own business.

I couldn't even continue to be friends with a person who did this to another human being, and especially considering your friends with her as well, it's your responsibility to ensure this asshat doesn't continue to maltreat her.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 16

Reue

Original post by macromicro

I suppose that's true, but I think I would be okay with since it would be irrational to blame me and not the cheating partner.

People are often irrational... especially when they've just found out that their partner is cheating :wink:

Reply 17

Grantland

I'd never approach the person being cheated, as it's not my business and I'd probably lose a friend. Though I would let my bud know that what he's doing isn't right.

Reply 18

Tarims

Original post by macromicro

Which option would you choose?

My friend is currently cheating on his girlfriend of three years. He has had at least two one night stands, as well as other things. My housemate thinks "it's not our place to say anything". If your friend is cheating, whose place is it to tell them that they're acting immorally except for a friend? Isn't that the definition of a friend - to open things up for you; to be honest? Are you truly friends if you cannot say difficult things to one another? I'm starting to wonder whether I even enjoy his company now because I think cheating reflects poorly on one's fundamental character. It doesn't sit well with me to say anything to the poor girl but, equally, it's uncomfortable that I'm aware; I feel hypocritical. I'm sure some of the responses in this thread will be flippant and relegate this thread to melodrama, but those people do not understand the deep and stubborn scars that cheating can have on someone in a long-term relationship. It can trouble them for many years after and cause serious trust issues and feelings of paranoia, inadequacy, low self-worth and depression.

If you believe it is wrong to tell the girl, can I ask you to give detailed reasoning as to why it is wrong? I often hear lines such as "it's not your relationship" or "it's not your place" or "mind your own business" but never any reasoning behind this. Why is it morally wrong to put the girl out of her misery and save her more upset than to look the other way for your own sake? I'm not going to tell the girl but I feel I'm doing that more for my own good than hers; I ultimately think it's selfish not to tell her, and this troubles me.

You should probably at least try and warn her in the most not obvious way.

Reply 19

Tiger Rag

Original post by macromicro

That's true but it's not always physical but mental abuse - and is cheating any different to mental abuse in the long-run? Why should we not intervene?