Is she really *this* busy?

Er yeah take her word for it why not? You sound a bit too concerned, give her space to finish her degree.

She doesn't have time for you. You just have to accept it, don't place these big expectations on her to be always talking to you and making you feel good. Live your own life and don't get too hung up over one person.

Girls change their mind all the time and always love to send out mixed signals. Yes, she's busy with her work, but no one is busy 24 hours a day. No matter how hard you're working, there's always some time during the day to dedicate to the people you care about, if you really care about someone then you'' dedicate time to them. She seems to be very confused, she doesn't seem to know what she wants. You're just getting caught up in this confusion of "I don't want to see or talk to you, go away...actually, come back, I miss you" and it's extrmely annoying. It keeps happening to me all the time, but unlike you, I've decided not to take that 2 hour journey very frequently now because by the time I get there she would have probably changed her mind and won't want to see me anymore. Just leave her alone for a bit to sort her head out and do what she needs to do.

Okay, so you've been together for 10 months. She trusts you enough to be able to tell you how she is feeling and what she wants- why are you struggling with this? For some reason, you don't trust what she is telling you, or you're anxious about what this means for your relationship.

This is more your problem than hers. You should talk to her about this, tell her it makes you feel insecure, and you're worried about what her feeling too busy to promise you time means for your relationship.

If she is any similar to me, then she does not juggle very well. So she is intensely focused and into a particular pursuit, and does not want to ruin her chances of success by being distracted. It's not that she doesn't like going to the gym, buying that new pair of shoes she needs, having a catch up coffee, or seeing you, more that this goal, of her degree, is so important to her, she is focused on that.

So, if you trust her, and put your insecurity aside, maybe you could help her gain some balance, and have revision break walks together haha. Or something.

Or maybe, you could trust that your girlfriend knows what she wants, and means what she says, and listen. And you could trust her enough to do the same with her- tell her what you've told us.

My two pennies worth

Or is it some excuse?


My GF and I have been together for 10 months now. Everything has been great. Yes we've had ups and downs like every other couple, but we always seem to settle it quickly.

Anyway, she's on her last year of 3 year maths degree, and according to her and the work I've seen when I've been around hers, it's really stressful.

She has 2 major maths coursework due in soon, one which she has just finished, and then she has a long maths exercise to do too.

She told me things would get really stressful and that we wouldn't be able to see each other as much. That we shouldn't 'promise' each other times we could meet (?)

Of course we've spoken on the phone a couple of times and by text, so she hasn't gone completely AWOL, but even her closest friends tell me this is how she acts when she's busy/stressed.

Should I just take her word for it?

Sounds like she does care about you, but she's just very stressed right now. Third year does up the pressure, and whilst some people are lucky and fly through their coursework, others have to work really hard to keep up. I'd see how it goes after she's finished her assignments. Not easy for you, I know, but every relationship has its ups and downs.

Of course, if she keeps on not having any time for you, I recommend having a talk with her about finding suitable ways to maintain the relationship.

she's your gf, and you don't know her personality? lololol.. ok..

I knew it, well that's normal, if that's what's happened before, of course you would feel that way. So bear it in mind, but also, bear the fact that your girlfriend is a different person. You need to tell her all of this.

I do the same with my friends and family, and I didn't know it wasn't normal, until they told me. If they hadn't told me, I would have lost them- they told me because they cared, and it upset them that I wasn't seeing them. Whereas in my mind, of course they're my friends and I love them- but I want that 1st! And I got it And I still have them, because they told me they felt forgotten, and dragged me out haha. So it could be a good thing for both of you.

Sounds like she has a goal too, and she's taken it for granted that you know you're part of her future. Even though she did mention moving in together I bet if you had a conversation, it would get cleared up in minutes. Maybe if you tell her that in the past, when someone needed space they broke up with you, and that for you, a relationship is constant, you can work this out. Seriously, I was oblivious, I thought I could be a hermit with my books for three months and pick off where we left off. Well, I could, but other people like you need more constant communication I guess.

You asked, i answered.....if she's your gf, how come you don't know how she reacts?

Ah so it's totally normal for her, so really, why are you worrying yourself. The best person you can talk to about this is her though.

sorry but this was just my analysis of your OP. I don't see what else you expected...

Lol does anyone else detect slight resentment in 'I hope she passes all her coursework'. You two just really need to talk, it seems.

Yeah probably. Why do you think that?

How sweet. Well you have to say again, right? Not because you want her to stop working how she works, but because you want her to understand how you feel about this.

If you say how you feel, expecting her to drop her work and spend more time with you, well that would be selfish. But if you say, trying to get her to see how it makes you feel, then hopefully you will be reassured by her response, and maybe you can work something out.

Do you see the slight difference in emphasis?

I don't know, feel like there's only so much we can say from the outside...you just need to talk it out. Is this something you struggle with?