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Is she really *this* busy?

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Original post by macromicro
The alarm bells should be ringing if it's the summer holidays or if it's her week off work, etc. not when she's studying for final year exams when she really will be that busy. When I was doing my dissertation I more or less didn't leave the house for several months.

I think the problem is mainly that it's long distance so I can understand why you're over-thinking this. LDRs are stressful and small things play over in your mind and get blown out of proportion. There's no such thing as a healthy LDR; they all take a lot of work and effort and just aren't sustainable so it's good she's moving closer - and yes, I think there is a very good reason why she chose a university so close to you, it's no coincidence if she said she wants to move in.

How does she sound on the phone/texts?


I wouldn't classify this as LDR per say ... We get to see each other every 2 weeks. I mean she would come up to see me every 2 weeks, and then I'd do the same. It's just now with her finals, it's harder for her.

Right, so I'm overthinking then(?) ... I really hate when this happens because I'm literally self-destructing this awesome relationship we have.

Her friends keep banging on about how they've never see her so happy with someone before ... :/

I think I just need to face up with the fact that she is genuinely busy, and what she said about us not being able to see each other too often is true, and not an excuse to break up with me.


About the texts : She sounds fine to me ... but obviously it's a lot harder to tell over text.

We had this phone call a couple days ago and she burst out, what seems to me now as a joke, "Is this your way of trying to stop me from breaking up with you?". This was her response to me saying I had gotten her a gift. I sighed, and she instantly said " I'm only joking ".

I can see a pattern now, I over think, I over analyse and I always think the worst ... it's a terrible "curse" that has developed from previous relationships.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Ikidyounot.
Aww, you really need to talk about it then, because a relationship shouldn't make you so sad and stressy! If you're not getting what you need emotionally, then it's not working for you- but it's early days because the work phase hasn't started? You should say everything you've said to everyone on this thread, to her, really. You ought to.

Also, from what you said about last time she needed space, it probably won't be as bad as you think, because she obviously is going to miss you too.

Good luck :smile:


On the contrary, I am getting what I need ... but I'm realising it's me I'm struggling with, not her.

I even thought she was being serious about breaking up with me at some point:


I told her I bought her a gift and she replied "Is this your way of trying to stop me breaking up with you". I sighed and she instantly goes " I'm only joking " ... I feel like such a child some times.
why are you getting so concerned over it :') i barely saw my boyfriend for a month whilst i took my GCSEs , and the same for my A levels

it's just priorities babe :smile: and she can say she misses you whilst also imposing restrictions on herself to not see you - it's necessary for her to get her coursework done , but that doesn't mean she doesn't miss you :smile:
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by hotliketea
why are you getting so concerned over it :') i barely saw my boyfriend for a month whilst i took my GCSEs , and the same for my A levels - it's just priorities. and she can say she misses you whilst also imposing restrictions on herself to not see you - it's necessary for her to get her coursework done , but that doesn't mean she can't miss you still


It's me, It's men, I'm bat **** crazy lol ... I always over think and over analyse. I blame it all on previous relationships ...

If what most of you are saying, that she is just caught up in her priorities, then I'm relieved..
Original post by Dodgypirate
I didn't ask anything about her personality. Why question it?


Just curious that you bshould know her inside and out given she's your gf....

just answering your question..meh...
Original post by Ikidyounot.
Oh no, that can't have been fun :frown: That doesn't sounds great, sounds like you feel that you two on slightly different wavelengths. You don't want to feel like a child in a relationship.

Maybe it's you that need's space. Or overthinking. Why are you so worried about her breaking up with you? Worst case scenarios she is? Big deal! Haha maybe it's just me- I start to lose interest and find someone less attractive when I know they're no longer interested. It can't be much fun being so worried, so surely it would be less of a burden if you broke up? Devil's advocate.

Don't lose any more sleep over it. Do what you can do- talk to her about this, or give yourself some space, or break up with her (extreme!)- and then let it go.



One thing I don't want to do is break up with her. If she breaks up with me, I'll just have to move on, but it's not on my agenda to get rid of her like that.

I just need to work on myself I suppose ... probably take a break too until I can sort my head out :frown:
Original post by hamix.forllz
Just curious that you bshould know her inside and out given she's your gf....

just answering your question..meh...



I don't think anyone knows their GF 'inside and out' after 9 months :smile:

You didn't answer my question.
Original post by Ikidyounot.
Aww. Tbh you probably don't need a break either, just talk it out. I am a massive advocate of talking, I think most problems can be solved by talking :biggrin: You need a massive dosage of talkage, with your gf. And then let it go and love live life.


You think I should let the relationship go?

I do need to talk to her, but I don't to add pressure to her.
Original post by Ikidyounot.
No sorry, when I said let it go, I meant just, let your worries go. I mean, I'm not telling you to do anything, and certainly not break up. But that I think anyone's priority should be being happy, and then her being happy, so whatever you need to do to achieve that.

It's not pressure though really is it? It's just a conversation. And then compromise somehow. It's probably a bigger deal in your head that it actually will be.

Why don't you call her now? It's clearly bothering you...


I think she's happy with me, hence the "I've missed you" part only 3 days into a 2 week "break" she wanted. Hence all her friends constantly going on about how happy she seems, etc..

I think I should be focusing on myself right now and trying to get happy.
Original post by Dodgypirate
It's me, It's men, I'm bat **** crazy lol ... I always over think and over analyse. I blame it all on previous relationships ...

If what most of you are saying, that she is just caught up in her priorities, then I'm relieved..


yeah no , just support her , this is probably an incredibly stressful time. just make sure you're not adding another worry onto all of her other worries.
Original post by Dodgypirate
Or is it some excuse?


My GF and I have been together for 10 months now. Everything has been great. Yes we've had ups and downs like every other couple, but we always seem to settle it quickly.

Anyway, she's on her last year of 3 year maths degree, and according to her and the work I've seen when I've been around hers, it's really stressful.

She has 2 major maths coursework due in soon, one which she has just finished, and then she has a long maths exercise to do too.

She told me things would get really stressful and that we wouldn't be able to see each other as much. That we shouldn't 'promise' each other times we could meet (?)

Of course we've spoken on the phone a couple of times and by text, so she hasn't gone completely AWOL, but even her closest friends tell me this is how she acts when she's busy/stressed.

Should I just take her word for it?


It's not like she suddenly went quiet on you and has no substantive reasons not to see you. She gave you warning that her degree (a tough degree anyway) was going to ratchet up.

Don't **** things over with your girlfriend by being too clingy. Give her the space she needs to focus on completing her degree and she will be grateful.
Original post by Dodgypirate
Or is it some excuse?


My GF and I have been together for 10 months now. Everything has been great. Yes we've had ups and downs like every other couple, but we always seem to settle it quickly.

Anyway, she's on her last year of 3 year maths degree, and according to her and the work I've seen when I've been around hers, it's really stressful.

She has 2 major maths coursework due in soon, one which she has just finished, and then she has a long maths exercise to do too.

She told me things would get really stressful and that we wouldn't be able to see each other as much. That we shouldn't 'promise' each other times we could meet (?)

Of course we've spoken on the phone a couple of times and by text, so she hasn't gone completely AWOL, but even her closest friends tell me this is how she acts when she's busy/stressed.

Should I just take her word for it?



Uh Maths degrees are really hard. Like 80% of your marks come from your third year.Of course she's going to be ridiculously busy.

You don't seem very supportive of her academic work :/
Original post by redferry
Uh Maths degrees are really hard. Like 80% of your marks come from your third year.Of course she's going to be ridiculously busy.

You don't seem very supportive of her academic work :/


Original post by TurboCretin
It's not like she suddenly went quiet on you and has no substantive reasons not to see you. She gave you warning that her degree (a tough degree anyway) was going to ratchet up.

Don't **** things over with your girlfriend by being too clingy. Give her the space she needs to focus on completing her degree and she will be grateful.



I'm not here to prove whether I support her work or not ... because I do.

I'm giving her space now for her to complete her coursework and exercises.


I never realised how hard Maths degrees were ... don't get a hard on.
Original post by Dodgypirate
I'm not here to prove whether I support her work or not ... because I do.

I'm giving her space now for her to complete her coursework and exercises.


I never realised how hard Maths degrees were ... don't get a hard on.


My partner did a Maths degree. He had a breakdown halfay through third year exams and had to sit them in September.
Original post by redferry
My partner did a Maths degree. He had a breakdown halfay through third year exams and had to sit them in September.



Again, I don't know how stressful maths degrees are. We've been dating for 9 months, so I haven't witnessed the full blows Maths degrees can give.

So is my GF just saying "Give me space" rather than "I'm ending it with you".
Original post by Dodgypirate
Well yeah, I am concerned. In all my relationships people have said "If she's too busy, she doesn't love you"


What a completely bizarre thing to say.
Original post by e aí rapaz
What a completely bizarre thing to say.



Well yeah, I really shouldn't've taken their stupid advice.
OK so my GF just sent me a snap chat of the Gift I sent her with a " LOL " caption.
Original post by Dodgypirate
Again, I don't know how stressful maths degrees are. We've been dating for 9 months, so I haven't witnessed the full blows Maths degrees can give.

So is my GF just saying "Give me space" rather than "I'm ending it with you".


Yes
OP - there are some very immature responses to you on this thread.

Your girlfriend just needs some space - I did a maths degree and finals are stressful especially if you are aimimg for a Masters.

ll the signs are she wants to be with you and you can support her by sending little 'treats' like chocolate, love notes etc to keep her going when work is tough.

Hang in there ...
(edited 9 years ago)

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