Open Relationships - Would you have one?

Original post by geoking

How do you get around the slag factor of being in an open relationship? Surely it must be degrading as you are giving yourself away to a bunch of guys at once, which sounds pretty ****ing grim.

Just a tiny bit judgemental... :erm:

Reply 62

SMEGGGY

21

Original post by BunnyMisery246

So my boyfriend of two years asked me earlier what my thoughts on open relationships are, I told him I wouldn't want one now he's trying to convince me to have one, he thinks it will add more excitement to our realationship. :s-smilie:

What are your views on open relationships? If your partner asked you for one would you agree to it? I'm very confused right now and not sure what to do.

I'd never have it. It's not a relationship at all. I want to be with that ONE person, to enjoy a sexual relationship with them, not go off shagging others. I want to satisfy them and them satisfy me. Some who decline the OR request, sadly find that thier partner does it behind gf/bf's back.

Reply 63

Juichiro

Original post by BunnyMisery246

So my boyfriend of two years asked me earlier what my thoughts on open relationships are, I told him I wouldn't want one now he's trying to convince me to have one, he thinks it will add more excitement to our realationship. :s-smilie:

What are your views on open relationships? If your partner asked you for one would you agree to it? I'm very confused right now and not sure what to do.

OP, you should not base your opinion on that of others. This is about you. If you like it, go with it, if not reject it.

Be honest with yourself. It sounds like your boyfriend is just trying to engage in promiscuous behaviour and wants you to accept it by making it mutual.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 64

Original post by geoking

How do you get around the slag factor of being in an open relationship? Surely it must be degrading as you are giving yourself away to a bunch of guys at once, which sounds pretty ****ing grim.

It doesn't feel that way at all once you realise that females are also entitled to sex. It's not like it was just sex either. I went on dates with these boys, and I liked them emotionally as well as physically.

Hope this helps open up your tiny mind :smile:

Reply 65

Mad Vlad

19

Original post by BunnyMisery246

That's fair enough, the difference here though is you're both happy to be in an open relationship, if I was to get into an open relationship with my boyfriend the only one who'll be happy is him, even if i'm with other guys i'd still be really jealous about him being with other girls and can't see it working out long term for me.

In which case, you should decline. I'd urge you to not jump to the conclusion that he just wants to see other people though - talk it through with him.

Reply 66

Mad Vlad

19

Original post by SMEGGGY

I'd never have it. It's not a relationship at all. I want to be with that ONE person, to enjoy a sexual relationship with them, not go off shagging others. I want to satisfy them and them satisfy me. Some who decline the OR request, sadly find that thier partner does it behind gf/bf's back.

False. It's not a traditional monogamous relationship, but there are several people in this thread that have successful and satisfying open/poly relationships. (I'm not criticising your decision to not want to explore this, btw, just your inaccurate definition of what open relationships are (and are not)).

Reply 67

Protégé

11

If after two years he suggests that then it seems like the end, to me at least.

Reply 68

Original post by superwolf

Just a tiny bit judgemental... :erm:

No, not judgemental, just being honest. You can lie about it if you want, but I don't see how that helps anyone. :wink:

Original post by lccy

It doesn't feel that way at all once you realise that females are also entitled to sex. It's not like it was just sex either. I went on dates with these boys, and I liked them emotionally as well as physically.

Hope this helps open up your tiny mind :smile:

What are you rambling about? "Entitled to sex"? Everyone is, and that's never not been the case. Chucking it about however is gross and degrading because you would have to have low standards to find enough partners to sleep with in such a short period of time, and it shows a complete denial about the factors surrounding sex e.g. oxytocin.

My mind isn't tiny, I just don't live in denial :smile:

Plus, let's be honest, no one wants a partner that's been thrown around like a jizz rag, maybe you should be more judicious? :wink:

Reply 69

Original post by Mad Vlad

False. It's not a traditional monogamous relationship, but there are several people in this thread that have successful and satisfying open/poly relationships. (I'm not criticising your decision to not want to explore this, btw, just your inaccurate definition of what open relationships are (and are not)).

But define satisfying and successful. If by successful we mean better than a standard loving relationship, okay, but I'd be more inclined to think that successful actually means "numbs the emotional pain of something else". To know that you're not good enough for someone you love cannot be healthy for anyone.

Reply 70

Mad Vlad

19

Original post by geoking

But define satisfying and successful. If by successful we mean better than a standard loving relationship, okay, but I'd be more inclined to think that successful actually means "numbs the emotional pain of something else". To know that you're not good enough for someone you love cannot be healthy for anyone.

Successful in that all parties concerned have a desire for the relationship to continue. Who are you to impose definitions on what counts as success criteria?

Reply 71

superwolf

Original post by geoking

No, not judgemental, just being honest. You can lie about it if you want, but I don't see how that helps anyone. :wink:

What are you rambling about? "Entitled to sex"? Everyone is, and that's never not been the case. Chucking it about however is gross and degrading because you would have to have low standards to find enough partners to sleep with in such a short period of time, and it shows a complete denial about the factors surrounding sex e.g. oxytocin.

My mind isn't tiny, I just don't live in denial :smile:

Plus, let's be honest, no one wants a partner that's been thrown around like a jizz rag, maybe you should be more judicious? :wink:

You need to get out more! I have a fantastic relationship, couldn't be happier. I see other people, my partner sees other people, sometimes we even see the same person together. :colone:

It's brilliant.

You seem to have some serious misconceptions about life, me, the other posters on here, and well I could go on but.... see above RE: getting out more! :lol:

One more thing for anyone interested: polyamorous ≠ promiscuous. Some people are happily settled in an open relationship where they only see other people on a very occasional basis, or see a single other person. That's not me. I'm promiscuous as ****. :teehee:

And any or all of those things is fine.

Reply 72

Rakas21

21

Original post by BunnyMisery246

So my boyfriend of two years asked me earlier what my thoughts on open relationships are, I told him I wouldn't want one now he's trying to convince me to have one, he thinks it will add more excitement to our realationship. :s-smilie:

What are your views on open relationships? If your partner asked you for one would you agree to it? I'm very confused right now and not sure what to do.

The simple and clear answer is No.

I view a man who would allow his woman to copulate with others as being weak and submissive, i see no reason to want to share a woman i desire. If a woman asked me i'd make it very clear that we are in an exclusive relationship and that if she cheats then she is dumped.

Frankly i don't see the point. You may as well just be friends with benefits.

Reply 73

superwolf

Original post by Rakas21

The simple and clear answer is No.

I view a man who would allow his woman to copulate with others as being weak and submissive, i see no reason to want to share a woman i desire. If a woman asked me i'd make it very clear that we are in an exclusive relationship and that if she cheats then she is dumped.

Frankly i don't see the point. You may as well just be friends with benefits.

I've made a massive emotional commitment to my partner, and we've supported each other through a hell of a lot. Sex is not the sole basis of a relationship (or not ours at least!). :smile:

Reply 74

Original post by geoking

What are you rambling about? "Entitled to sex"? Everyone is, and that's never not been the case. Chucking it about however is gross and degrading because you would have to have low standards to find enough partners to sleep with in such a short period of time, and it shows a complete denial about the factors surrounding sex e.g. oxytocin.

My mind isn't tiny, I just don't live in denial :smile:

Plus, let's be honest, no one wants a partner that's been thrown around like a jizz rag, maybe you should be more judicious? :wink:

No way man! I don't know why you've painted some picture of me sleeping with like 10 guys in a week lol because it's not like that at all. A normal week for me was maybe seeing one of these guys (and by 'one' of these guys, I literally mean one. And I was only seeing three in total), going out and doing something like go and see a film, shopping, dinner or something low key like that. I rarely stayed the night or slept with them - it was more just like going on dates.

All I wanted was to see someone on the weekends and enjoy their company... like you do with a boyfriend... but I didn't want all the mind games/constant texting/'what are they thinking' type of crap that usually comes with a relationship. I don't really think that's slutty at all! My standards were not 'low' and I am still friends with one of these guys, and it wasn't gross it degrading because I wasn't being used as it was all mutual. Sex was not expected it was just a bonus.

However, they all ended at roughly the same time. There was one guy I liked more than the others but when my feelings became stronger for him it turned out that we wanted very different things in a relationship (I don't really want to go into it) and I subsequently finished seeing the other two guys.

And as for worrying about how many sexual partners someone has had, that personally does not bother me. I don't really ask someone that, and even if it was a lot I wouldn't be put off (unless they'd slept with all my mates... lol).

Hope this is more explanatory of what my experience of seeing 3 people simultaneously was like. :smile:

Reply 75

Original post by Mad Vlad

Successful in that all parties concerned have a desire for the relationship to continue. Who are you to impose definitions on what counts as success criteria?

Well that's a shallow definition of successful if I ever read one. Doesn't that then mean a junkie who has no problems with shooting up because they still have one good vein is "successful"? Or an alcoholic who has yet to hit rock bottom is "successful"? After all, they simply have a desire to continue with their behaviour :^_^:

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 76

BunnyMisery246

OP

1

Iccy how did you cope with not wanting to see others when you were in an exclusive relationship, wasn't that difficult for you? Imo you're either poly or mono, i'm not sure you can be wired to be both but I could be wrong. I'll be having a serious talk with my bf later and letting him know where I stand, if he's not happy to be with just me then he's free to go off and shag as many women as he likes.

Reply 77

Original post by lccy

No way man! I don't know why you've painted some picture of me sleeping with like 10 guys in a week lol because it's not like that at all. A normal week for me was maybe seeing one of these guys (and by 'one' of these guys, I literally mean one. And I was only seeing three in total), going out and doing something like go and see a film, shopping, dinner or something low key like that. I rarely stayed the night or slept with them - it was more just like going on dates.

All I wanted was to see someone on the weekends and enjoy their company... like you do with a boyfriend... but I didn't want all the mind games/constant texting/'what are they thinking' type of crap that usually comes with a relationship. I don't really think that's slutty at all! My standards were not 'low' and I am still friends with one of these guys, and it wasn't gross it degrading because I wasn't being used as it was all mutual. Sex was not expected it was just a bonus.

However, they all ended at roughly the same time. There was one guy I liked more than the others but when my feelings became stronger for him it turned out that we wanted very different things in a relationship (I don't really want to go into it) and I subsequently finished seeing the other two guys.

And as for worrying about how many sexual partners someone has had, that personally does not bother me. I don't really ask someone that, and even if it was a lot I wouldn't be put off (unless they'd slept with all my mates... lol).

Hope this is more explanatory of what my experience of seeing 3 people simultaneously was like. :smile:

" but I didn't want all the mind games/constant texting/'what are they thinking' type of crap that usually comes with a relationship"

There's the problem. :wink:

Reply 78

Original post by BunnyMisery246

Iccy how did you cope with not wanting to see others when you were in an exclusive relationship, wasn't that difficult for you? Imo you're either poly or mono, i'm not sure you can be wired to be both but I could be wrong. I'll be having a serious talk with my bf later and letting him know where I stand, if he's not happy to be with just me then he's free to go off and shag as many women as he likes.

There was no 'coping'
I liked being in a relationship when I was in one. I have never cheated in a relationship. I didn't find it difficult at all. X

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Reply 79