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Am I a jerk?

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Original post by sherlockfan
how could you possibly know that though?


The way she shot him down, His eventual reaction makes me wonder if there ever was a friendship. I have a feeling he is not going to regret his decision if he walks away
Reply 61
Original post by sherlockfan
ok so spend some time with other people and re evaluate where you stand with her. no need to tell her you never want to see her again, just don't contact her for a few weeks. or months. however long it takes. Tell her you need some time on your own.


We live together so that's quite difficult.
Original post by the eurasiannation
It just seems to be an entirely superficial friendship. Maybe that's because I don't really have any friendship dynamics with girls in which they are a best friend. OP himself would probably be best placed to answer.

The fact that she was so blunt and seemingly inconsiderate of his feelings when shooting him down itself contradicts her status as a best friend IMO.

well i dont know where you got that from. he said they have been best friends for a year, and they obviously spent enough time together for him to develop feelings towards her.
maybe he just interpreted it that way because his feelings were hurt. i doubt she could have meant to be insensitive. but then i dont know much about either of them so i cant tell.
Not really, but you should as heck weren't her friend.
Original post by Sluice
Considering she isn't exactly a stranger to sleeping with disgusting guys who she admits that she cant believe she ever looked twice at, it's just rubbing salt in the wound.

Okay, changed my mind, you're a jerk.
Original post by the eurasiannation
It just seems to be an entirely superficial friendship. Maybe that's because I don't really have any friendship dynamics with girls in which they are a best friend. OP himself would probably be best placed to answer.

The fact that she was so blunt and seemingly inconsiderate of his feelings when shooting him down itself contradicts her status as a best friend IMO.


EXACTLY!!!!!!!
Original post by Sluice
We live together so that's quite difficult.

you live together???

jeez.

i dont know maybe crash in with a friend for a few weeks. or move back with your parents if you need to.
Reply 66
Original post by Green_Pink
Not really, but you should as heck weren't her friend.
Okay, changed my mind, you're a jerk.


Well look. These are things she has said to me. Not things I have decided about other people. And how the **** do you know what I was?
(edited 9 years ago)
This ^
Original post by Ekemini
The way she shot him down, His eventual reaction makes me wonder if there ever was a friendship. I have a feeling he is not going to regret his decision if he walks away

ok well i have been through rejection and i know how blunt it can sound when someone says they are not interested in you. afterwards i felt as though i could never face them again. it doesnt make them a bad person. :dontknow:
Original post by Sluice
So I've been best friends with a girl for over a year now. I asked her three days ago if she wanted to go out (like an actual date) and she told me pretty bluntly no and that she never would want to. However she still clearly wants to be friends but I just can't be bothered. I now find talking and spending time with her tedious and I know I shouldn't but I do and I can't change that. Basically I wouldn't care if she never saw me again. Am I a jerk?

To clarify further it's not like I feel she had no right to turn me down or anything and I find guys like that to be pathetic, but since she has my interest in any sort of friendship has gone down the toilet and I feel like I should just tell her I don't care anymore.


max?
Original post by Sluice
Well look. These are things she has said to me. Not things I have decided about other people.


You sound like you're very judgemental about her having slept around. If you're someone's best friend you're meant to be supportive of them, not going around criticising their decisions. Also, if you've been that close for a year, and you live together, she's probably grown to trust you a pretty huge amount. The idea that you were actually just getting close to her so you could try and date her seems pretty disgusting if not downright scary to me :s-smilie:
Original post by sherlockfan
well i dont know where you got that from. he said they have been best friends for a year, and they obviously spent enough time together for him to develop feelings towards her.
maybe he just interpreted it that way because his feelings were hurt. i doubt she could have meant to be insensitive. but then i dont know much about either of them so i cant tell.


That's probably my own view of people leading me to come to that conclusion. In any case OP is the only one that can make the decision. Did she feel like a true and genuine friend? (and you will know yourself whether she is or not) If you do think she is a true friend then maybe take a break from being in her company etc. and work and ways to better yourself and increase your confidence. I just feel that if she has known you for a year within that close of a capacity then she wouldn't have reacted in that way.
Reply 72
Original post by Anonymous
max?


Cindy? No really I'm not 'Max'
Original post by Sluice
We live together so that's quite difficult.

You live together?!!!!?? Oh ****, oh ****, oh ****. OH ****!!
Reply 74
Original post by Green_Pink
You sound like you're very judgemental about her having slept around. If you're someone's best friend you're meant to be supportive of them, not going around criticising their decisions. Also, if you've been that close for a year, and you live together, she's probably grown to trust you a pretty huge amount. The idea that you were actually just getting close to her so you could try and date her seems pretty disgusting if not downright scary to me :s-smilie:


I'm not judgemental. It just hurts when she acted so disgusted about me, when she clearly isn't averse to it in general. If she had been kinder it wouldn't have mattered. I sleep around too, but the last time I said no to someone, I did my best to make sure they felt like there was nothing wrong with them, even though they weren't even my friend, just some girl that stalked me

And no I didn't make friends with her just to date her. I actually only spent time with her after falling out with another friend, and during the course of our time together developed feelings to the point of feeling genuinely miserable when she wasn't around during christmas.
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 75
Original post by Sluice
So I've been best friends with a girl for over a year now. I asked her three days ago if she wanted to go out (like an actual date) and she told me pretty bluntly no and that she never would want to. However she still clearly wants to be friends but I just can't be bothered. I now find talking and spending time with her tedious and I know I shouldn't but I do and I can't change that. Basically I wouldn't care if she never saw me again. Am I a jerk?

To clarify further it's not like I feel she had no right to turn me down or anything and I find guys like that to be pathetic, but since she has my interest in any sort of friendship has gone down the toilet and I feel like I should just tell her I don't care anymore.


It's only three days ago that she rejected you; cool down a bit and reassess the situation when you're over being hurt. It's natural to be cheesed off, even subliminaly, after being spurned, but it's time to put all those feelings aside and be a good friend.
Reply 76
Original post by Ozark
It's only three days ago that she rejected you; cool down a bit and reassess the situation when you're over being hurt. It's natural to be cheesed off, even subliminaly, after being spurned, but it's time to put all those feelings aside and be a good friend.


But I don't want to be friends. I'm not being dramatic. I just don't care any more.
Original post by Green_Pink
You sound like you're very judgemental about her having slept around. If you're someone's best friend you're meant to be supportive of them, not going around criticising their decisions. Also, if you've been that close for a year, and you live together, she's probably grown to trust you a pretty huge amount. The idea that you were actually just getting close to her so you could try and date her seems pretty disgusting if not downright scary to me :s-smilie:


He is allowed to have his own opinion. Just because she is his best friend does not mean he has to agree with or like everything she does. He never said he got close to her to date her. If he did, he would not have waited a frigging year to pop the question
Original post by Sluice
I'm not judgemental. It just hurts when she acted so disgusted about me, when she clearly isn't averse to it in general. If she had been kinder it wouldn't have mattered.

And no I didn't make friends with her just to date her. I actually only spent time with her after falling out with another friend, and during the course of our time together developed feelings to the point of feeling genuinely miserable when she wasn't around during christmas.


You're clearly too attached here. Sorry if I was a bit harsh before. You really need to take some time away - living together doesn't help. Stay with another friend, family or whoever for a while if you can, because it's not healthy to be reliant on someone else especially when they don't feel the same way, whether they're a friend or a partner. You can change that and trust me, you'll be happier for it :smile:
Reply 79
Original post by Sluice
But I don't want to be friends. I'm not being dramatic. I just don't care any more.


This is precisely my point. You aren't in the mental state to make a rational decision that you won't regret right now so give it some time (a couple of weeks) and then make a rational decision when you're more level-headed.

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