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Open Relationships - Would you have one?

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Original post by SnooFnoo
I have had one for 4 years. It's awesome. We have boundaries and rules we adhere to but it's great :-)


Question: Is your relationship therefore weaker as most people are perfectly content with only one other person? How do you deal with the fact that you are not enough for the person you love?
Original post by geoking
Oh stop with the liberal nonsense. Just because it's different doesn't mean it's good either, which is clearly your argument.

It's not incredible, it's desperately insecure. It's not about loving 3 people, it's about not knowing oneself and so going with 3 as it's easier than taking the time to be alone and figuring out what you actually want. The fact that so many people are involved is lamentable.



Clearly it is good as more people than you think have these relationships. How is having that amount of trust in each other insecure?
Original post by geoking
Question: Is your relationship therefore weaker as most people are perfectly content with only one other person? How do you deal with the fact that you are not enough for the person you love?


No our relationship is solid. He's my life partner,my soulmate and I love him with all my heart. Sex means something with him. With other people it's just fun. I have no emotional connection to anyone I have fun with, and neither does he. If he wants to use a woman as a sexual object, to then come home to me, the woman he loves, than that's great. And same goes for me :-)

Edit: should probably point out we don't use this freedom all that often, simply don't have the time, but it's nice knowing we can :-)
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 143
Avatar for Joel21
Joel21
1
Original post by SnooFnoo
Clearly it is good as more people than you think have these relationships. How is having that amount of trust in each other insecure?
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Yeah all 5% of u well done.
Original post by Joel21
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U are polyamorous what else would u call it? Having sex with others isn't monogamus



Poly means having relationships with others. We just have sex, absolutely no emotional connection what so ever.
That is quite insulting that he wants to be in an open relationship, if he laid out that 2 years ago then fair enough but not 2 years down the line!
Original post by Tolaaa
That is quite insulting that he wants to be in an open relationship, if he laid out that 2 years ago then fair enough but not 2 years down the line!


I totally agree with this. Whilst I like being open, I have been like this for the entirety of my relationship. OP however, did not sign up for this, it's changing the game rules half way through, not really fair on you (OP).
Original post by SnooFnoo
I totally agree with this. Whilst I like being open, I have been like this for the entirety of my relationship. OP however, did not sign up for this, it's changing the game rules half way through, not really fair on you (OP).


My thoughts exactly, I like being open as well but I wouldn't enter an exclusive relationship with someone then later on suggest otherwise. It's a sneaky way of not being deemed a cheater in my opinion.
Original post by Tolaaa
My thoughts exactly, I like being open as well but I wouldn't enter an exclusive relationship with someone then later on suggest otherwise. It's a sneaky way of not being deemed a cheater in my opinion.



or perhaps opening the relationship is a way of breaking up with out actually having the balls to actually break up. It's not cool. But glad you're happy beig open too! *High five*
Original post by SnooFnoo
Clearly it is good as more people than you think have these relationships. How is having that amount of trust in each other insecure?


What sort of reasoning is that? How many people I think do it, and how many do it has nothing to do with whether it's good or not. :facepalm:

What trust? Trust is trusting a partner not to sleep with another person, not letting them do it. That's just a weak way of preventing yourself from being hurt.

Original post by SnooFnoo
No our relationship is solid. He's my life partner,my soulmate and I love him with all my heart. Sex means something with him. With other people it's just fun. I have no emotional connection to anyone I have fun with, and neither does he. If he wants to use a woman as a sexual object, to then come home to me, the woman he loves, than that's great. And same goes for me :-)

Edit: should probably point out we don't use this freedom all that often, simply don't have the time, but it's nice knowing we can :-)


So why isn't sex with you all the fun he needs? Why does he need more than you?
Original post by geoking
What sort of reasoning is that? How many people I think do it, and how many do it has nothing to do with whether it's good or not. :facepalm:

What trust? Trust is trusting a partner not to sleep with another person, not letting them do it. That's just a weak way of preventing yourself from being hurt.



So why isn't sex with you all the fun he needs? Why does he need more than you?


Jealousy is an ugly trait one I refuse to have.

And it's simple sex is fun. It's fun together it's fun with other people.

Why sex has to be such a massive deal I've never known. Sex only
Means something if you want it to mean something. Ie sex with him means a lot, sex with another person involves zero emotion it's like using a sex toy...
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 151
Avatar for Joel21
Joel21
1
Original post by Tolaaa
My thoughts exactly, I like being open as well but I wouldn't enter an exclusive relationship with someone then later on suggest otherwise. It's a sneaky way of not being deemed a cheater in my opinion.
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Whats the benefi knowing ur not enough for 1 person?
Original post by SnooFnoo
Jealousy is an ugly trait one I refuse to have.

And it's simple sex is fun. It's fun together it's fun with other people.

Why sex has to be such a massive deal I've never known. Sex only
Means something if you want it to mean something. Ie sex with him means a lot, sex with another person involves zero emotion it's like using a sex toy...


No one mentioned jealousy...

Why are you not enough fun for him and vice-versa? Why are you not enough for each other? In most relationships one partner is enough for the other one, why is this not the case with yours?

Oh and look up Oxytocin. Sex is not, and it never has been, just sex. You're just are so scared of being alone, you'd prefer to have someone that cheats on you rather than no one at all :rolleyes:
Original post by Joel21
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Whats the benefi knowing ur not enough for 1 person?


What is the benefit of knowing you're not enough for one person? there isn't any benefit... if two people have mutually agreed to be open from the outset it doesn't mean that the other isn't good enough because that would be the case with anyone you date regardless.
Reply 154
Avatar for Joel21
Joel21
1
Original post by Tolaaa
What is the benefit of knowing you're not enough for one person? there isn't any benefit... if two people have mutually agreed to be open from the outset it doesn't mean that the other isn't good enough because that would be the case with anyone you date regardless.
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It just seems that way IMO,why cant u be satisfied with just 1 person?
Original post by geoking
No one mentioned jealousy...

Why are you not enough fun for him and vice-versa? Why are you not enough for each other? In most relationships one partner is enough for the other one, why is this not the case with yours?

Oh and look up Oxytocin. Sex is not, and it never has been, just sex. You're just are so scared of being alone, you'd prefer to have someone that cheats on you rather than no one at all :rolleyes:


oh dear lord you have no idea lol

And yes sex can be just sex. That's why so many people have one night stands, or FWB etc. If we all fell in love with everyone we banged we'd never get past our first sexual encounters.
Original post by SnooFnoo
oh dear lord you have no idea lol

And yes sex can be just sex. That's why so many people have one night stands, or FWB etc. If we all fell in love with everyone we banged we'd never get past our first sexual encounters.


So how have you found a way of turning of your brains natural reaction? :rolleyes:

Just because people do it doesn't make it a good idea, otherwise we'd all still be in opium dens stoning homosexuals. :facepalm:

Why are you not enough for the man you love? Does that not make your relationship weaker than one where only one partner is enough for the other person?


Also the obligatory "what is the state of your mental health past and present?" question...
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Joel21
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It just seems that way IMO,why cant u be satisfied with just 1 person?


I understand but not everyone wants to be 'tied' down to one person and or be in a relationship. You can be sexually attracted to more than one person at a time and being single, well, you can do what you want
Reply 158
Avatar for Bubzeh
Bubzeh
3
I'd love to have an open relationship. While I'm at it I'm going to go round to my mates, play Fifa, throw some banter about and head to Nando's after.
Original post by Joel21
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Just seems weird tbh


I see.

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