Would You Make Your Partner Get Tested First?

Everyone has their own attitude to risk and if you're not comfortable with being sexual with someone without (both of you) testing, that's your boundary. You raise it when you're talking about what you enjoy sexually and what you'd like to try and what your expectations are around things like monogamy and...

Personally, I am happy to rely on 'condoms for penetration' being enough protection. I accept that there is a risk they may fail, and that there are things you can catch anyway. For sex without condoms, I'd want testing (and other contraception sorted if necessary) and trust.

Just trusting wouldn't work for me - as well as not everyone being trustworthy, there are plenty of people who have something and don't know it.

But what I'd be happy with doesn't matter: see first paragraph

It is perfectly reasonable to ask a partner to get tested.

When me and my partner wanted to stop using condoms, we both got tested and showed each other the results.

Even when me and him were just casual I asked for proof of recent clean results and he asked the same (despite us using condoms). Two adults should be able to talk about this freely with out it being awkward. You're just looking out for your health. Not accusing them of anything.

That does sound reasonable, though I haven't trusted condoms since when I lost my virginity we used one and it came off pretty quick (as in it slipped) off. I was on the pill and wasn't too worried but ever since then I've never trusted them.



I guess if a guy did flip or make a big deal out of the request it would be a bit of a warning sign.

Exactly. It's always okay to ask for a knob swab before doing the deed.

Still gonna be pretty awkward...

That does sound reasonable, though I haven't trusted condoms since when I lost my virginity we used one and it came off pretty quick (as in it slipped) off. I was on the pill and wasn't too worried but ever since then I've never trusted them.

Still gonna be pretty awkward...

Condom failure is almost always down to not using them properly. Either that one wasn't put on properly or he went considerably softer and didn't take this as a clue to stop for a bit.



More than being sexual with someone for the first time?

If you can't talk about this sort of stuff with someone, it's a sign that you might think again about having sex with them.

It's a good idea. You're not saying you don't trust him, but anyone with previous sexual partners is at risk, and of course there aren't always symptoms of STIs, so you never know whether he has one or not. You should do a test too, just to be certain. As I say, better to be safe than sorry. Always.

If he won't do it, carry on using condoms. And consider why he might be refusing.

I think if someone refused I would be very suspicious, both of whether they're hiding something or just someone I would want to be with.

Yeah, that's what I'd think. I think if someone loves you enough (which, as old fashioned as it sounds, they should before you have sex) they would do it. If he refuses, talk to him about it - he may just be embarrassed about the thought of the actual test.

Hmmm love before sex...a foreign concept to me. I wonder if it's bad that I'd feel bad making a guy wait a long time? Going off topic slightly... but for several reasons I've been feeling very torn over the idea of sex...it's like part of me thinks it's disgusting/is scared and the other part is horny, ahaha.

Whatever you feel about it isn't bad. Just because I prefer to wait doesn't mean everyone else should. Although I would say that you should make sure you want to do it before you do.. you might regret it if you lose your virginity to the wrong person - but only you can decide .

It's normal to feel scared though. Even when you're with the perfect person!

Hmmm love before sex...a foreign concept to me.

Going off topic slightly... but for several reasons I've been feeling very torn over the idea of sex...it's like part of me thinks it's disgusting/is scared and the other part is horny, ahaha.

For what it's worth, 'sex first, emotional stuff later' has been my pattern too. Now I am back dating following the end of a long-term relationship, it's amusing and a tiny bit frustrating that not everyone sees that it's the sensible path


sex then emotional stuff is sensible? I would prefer to work up to it in my next relationship.

Ah, this is one reason why condoms are great. At least if you have my attitude that they're sufficient protection.

Well, I've only had one sexual partner - my boyfriend of 4 years and I didn't have to "make him" get tested; he wanted to because it's the right, safe thing to do.

I wouldn't have felt comfortable having sex unless he had been tested - condoms can fail and STIs should be taken seriously.

Wow, that's great. I haven't known any guys who did that. Hopefully I can find someone with similar ideas.