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Got a boyfriend and I'm having a sleepover (with my guy friend)

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You have completely missed the point.

Yes, you have described the situation, i.e. a sleepover. You have not provided any reasoning or analysis to support how this isn't indicative of lack of respect or conducive to cheating so I can only refer you back to my original reply to your post.

Sleeping in a room with a person of the opposite gender is so disrespectful. If you want to do that, you shouldn't have a boyfriend to begin with imo! So I agree with u

Reply 81

elmosandy

Original post by icup12

What do you think of this?
What are your thoughts and opinions on this?
Is it okay?
What about if it's vice versa?

I'm 19 and he's 20 and I told him I'm having a sleepover with a guy and he was pissed. He's just a friend - nothing more. What can I do?

Okay why are you having a guy friend sleep over? What's the reason anyway?

Reply 82

elmosandy

Original post by Jack182

I'm sorry but that is a bad idea.

However much he trusts you he will forever be thinking 'why is she having a guy to sleepover, why not her friends who are a girl?'

This is such a bad idea on so many levels. Going to grab a coffee or a bite to eat with someone of the opposite gender sure, but a sleepover? Hell no.

Even a coffee could be be taken the wrong way..

Reply 83

Momma's Kumquat

It's ironic that people are telling the OP to grow up. Girls and guys can be friends without any kind of sexual feelings. If there's no sexual connection, then there's no problem imo. People need to learn to be less paranoid.

Reply 84

Jack182

Original post by elmosandy

Even a coffee could be be taken the wrong way..

Only if you're super paranoid and have low self esteem :tongue:

Reply 85

elmosandy

Original post by Jack182

Only if you're super paranoid and have low self esteem :tongue:

Yeah lmao :P

Reply 86

ChaoticButterfly

Original post by Rakas21

This thread is rather easy.. he's right, your wrong.
While women are not property these days, it is entirely unreasonable that somebody sleep with another man while in a relationship. He is well within his rights to impose boundaries for the relationship, just as you are.

Which I'm sure devastates you.

Reply 87

samba

I'm astonished by the responses of most guys here...

I really don't see a problem. AT ALL. I don't even see why a problem could be created?

And people are saying dump her.... :|

Reply 88

ChaoticButterfly

Original post by redferry

I'm really glad there's people still left on this site that aren't bitter towards women/humanity.

I like to think it is a vocal minority. Hopefully.

Reply 89

Michael_Real

There's no need to sleep over another guys house. Especially if your be isn't close with the guy.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 90

samba

Original post by ChaoticButterfly

I like to think it is a vocal minority. Hopefully.

What scares me here is that it seems like genuine responses from random people in many instances. It's not the usual crowd. I just don't get it tbh.

Reply 91

Sir Fox

Original post by Jack182

Sleeping in a room with a person of the opposite gender is so disrespectful. If you want to do that, you shouldn't have a boyfriend to begin with imo! So I agree with u

Original post by macromicro

You have not provided any reasoning or analysis to support how this isn't indicative of lack of respect or conducive to cheating so I can only refer you back to my original reply to your post.

You're the claimant, so surely the burden of proof rests on you, doesn't it? It's beyond my ability of comprehension to understand why sleeping in the same room (in separate beds) is indicative of a lack of respect or conducive to cheating. I was under the illusion that we're talking about mature, intelligent people who have control over their sex drives and don't jump each other as soon as they are in the same room and the lights go out.

If you invite a random person of the other sex to sleep in your room, that might be worrying for your partner, however if this person is a close long time friend, then I see absolutely not problem whatsoever.

Reply 92

Rakas21

Original post by ChaoticButterfly

Which I'm sure devastates you.

Not at all. One of the reasons that the west is superior to much of the world is that we consider them equals.

Your mainstream feminist tendencies may be causing you to ascribe hyperbole to my views.

Original post by samba

I'm astonished by the responses of most guys here...

I really don't see a problem. AT ALL. I don't even see why a problem could be created?

And people are saying dump her.... :|

Men (and women) have a right to agree the terms of their relationship and define what is and what is not acceptable.

If a girl told me she'd go out with me but she'd be sleeping at other men's houses, i'd have passed on the relationship. OP is being unreasonable.

Reply 93

samba

Original post by Rakas21

Why would it even bother you?

Reply 94

ChaoticButterfly

Original post by Rakas21

"Whilst they are not property" gives the impression that whilst they are still technically equal they should be subservient to you since you are the man. Which I find kind of a crappy attitude.

Reply 95

ChaoticButterfly

Original post by SnooFnoo

I have many male friends who I love as friends but the thought of sex with them.....well let's just say I'd rather hump a cheese grater.

Equally I have male friends who'd stick their penis is an electric pencil Sharpener than entertain the thought of sleeping with me.

The common theme here....we're none-sexual entities to each other.

It's also possible to be attracted to someone but sill not sleep with them due to them already being in a relationship etc. Just because someone is attractive to you does not mean that you have to sleep with them.

Reply 96

redferry

Original post by samba

I'm astonished by the responses of most guys here...

I really don't see a problem. AT ALL. I don't even see why a problem could be created?

And people are saying dump her.... :|

Original post by ChaoticButterfly

I like to think it is a vocal minority. Hopefully.

I'm just going to go with hopefully they are all teenagers and will grow out of it in time.

Reply 97

Rakas21

Original post by samba

Why would it even bother you?

Because she'd be my girlfriend. As part of becoming exclusive, one of the unwritten rules is.. don't sleep with other men. Even if one trusts her, one may not trust him not to try.

Original post by ChaoticButterfly

"Whilst they are not property" gives the impression that whilst they are still technically equal they should be subservient to you since you are the man. Which I find kind of a crappy attitude.

Not at all. Relationships are like any legal contract, terms and constraints agreed by both parties. The fact that she did not make sure her boyfriend would be okay with such behavior is her fault.

Reply 98

jf1994

Original post by samba

What scares me here is that it seems like genuine responses from random people in many instances. It's not the usual crowd. I just don't get it tbh.

I hate to quote a popular movie here but...

How can you people be so ****ing obtuse?

Is it just that your mindset is permanently fixated on how women are so disadvantaged and men are 100% ALWAYS doing something wrong or are you unable to think of anything beyond your ignorant views?

Guaranteed if this girl had sex with the guy, it'd be the guys fault. 'He took advantage' :L

Reply 99

samba

Original post by Rakas21

Because she'd be my girlfriend. As part of becoming exclusive, one of the unwritten rules is.. don't sleep with other men. Even if one trusts her, one may not trust him not to try.

ergo, you're insecure as hell, and prefer to sugarcoat it as 'sleeping with other men' which it clearly isn't.

You distrust women, and feel they have no self control. You therefore want to control them. You don't want other men to have an opportunity with your property, because she may find the grass is greener.

That's all it amounts to really.

(edited 9 years ago)