Got a boyfriend and I'm having a sleepover (with my guy friend)

I hate to quote a popular movie here but...

How can you people be so ****ing obtuse?

Is it just that your mindset is permanently fixated on how women are so disadvantaged and men are 100% ALWAYS doing something wrong or are you unable to think of anything beyond your ignorant views?

Guaranteed if this girl had sex with the guy, it'd be the guys fault. 'He took advantage' :L

ergo, you're insecure as hell, and prefer to sugarcoat it as 'sleeping with other men' which it clearly isn't.

You distrust women, and feel they have no self control. You don't want other men to have an opportunity with your property, because she may find the grass is greener.

That's all it amounts to really.

Well to be honest unlike OP i've always discussed what is acceptable or not (for both me and women i've been with), if a girl wants to gallivant around having other men i don't know round then the relationship would simply not proceed. I trust women to have a degree of self control but unfortunately humans are irrational and many people are weak. That's not really the concern, it'd be her loss.

For me i've reached a life stage where i want somebody long term, somebody who could be the future mother of my children. While i don't expect a slave, i do expect somebody who respects who i am, what i believe and respects the relationship. I'd expect somebody i deem fit to produce my children, would value that more than a night spent talking to a guy i didn't know nor trust.

If you knew me at all, you'd know I'm a pretty ardent anti-feminist. How would it be his fault, if he's single he's well within his rights to have a go. It's not an issue about 'men' and 'women' - it's an issue about personal trust for your other half. Give her enough rope to hang herself. If she does, cool, less time wasted. If she doesn't, it's all good.

So you admit that there would be nothing wrong with the guy in question 'having a go'. So do you not think it would be insensitive and irresponsible of the girl to put herself in a situation where there would be a real possibility of this happening? It can't always be a matter of 'testing' your partner to see if they'll be faithful, it's about feeling comfortable and safe in your relationship, not having to worry because your girlfriend (or boyfriend) is too immature to realise what is appropriate and what isn't.

So your judgement is superior to hers?

I'm still not sure how you equate spending a night with a guy if you're off doing your own thing or whatever as 'gallivanting around having other men'

You're specifically saying it would be your concern, as you feel the need to control it. If it wasn't your concern you'd let events take their course and deal with it when it happened instead of speculating on worst case scenarios.

No, but i believe relationship terms should be consensual. If i showed her respect by not doing it, i'd expect the same from her.

You missed out the 'round' on the end but it crosses a line when it moves beyond having a laugh for the evening to sleeping alone together.

Of course it would, i don't want a wife/mother of children who behaves in a way i consider inappropriate. Regardless of whether she cheated, it would concern me that are values may not be compatible if she took such a liberal view to having men around sleeping. Not least if she did it after a conversation in which i expressed distaste for the idea.

I don't see how she's putting herself in a position of a 'real possibility of it happening' - They are sharing a room and spending some time together. She's with you for a reason for god sake, not because you're the only man she knows or has contact with. Once more, it's attempting to control a situation because you don't believe she's in control of it. Attempting to control her for the sake of your own security.

'Sharing a room' all night with noone else...you even said that he would be well within his rights to attempt to have sex with her. It's not about whether she would or she wouldn't, it's about how she's making her boyfriend feel. It is horribly insensitive to put your boyfriend through that. I myself trust my girlfriend completely, but being human there would always be a sense of discomfort if she planned on spending a night alone in her room with another man. Discomfort festers into paranoia etc etc... why would you want to put someone through that?

He may well trust you.. but he may not trust the guy.

Yowzer why are you guys/girls so jealous? It's such an ugly trait.

I think I would probably trust my girlfriend to do the right thing in this situation, and be all right with it. Seems a little clingy not to.

I would dump you immediately. Anyone who even thinks this is a good idea is nuts.

personally I would dump my girlfriend for even suggesting the idea...

When are people going to realise their misuse of the words "insecure" and "trust"? It's incredible how often the word "insecure" is incorrectly used on this forum - second only to "objectified".

It's not simply about the possibility of cheating - which certainly would not make you insecure in this situation as inviting one man over for a sleepover is extremely intimate. It doesn't matter how secure you are; how confident and trustworthy you are, any rational, reasonable man would have concerns. That's not insecurity. That's using sound judgement and analysing human trends. It's also about respect. We are social animals, we do not live in bubbles of our relationships. We care what others think and what they think of our relationships - please, if you are going to shout "insecure" at this, then you are self-deluded and uneducated in even the most basic of sociological theories. In a society of people, respect in a relationship is not only between the couple but between each partner and their circle of friends and family. We desire respect from our friends and reciprocate this. A man's respect in the relationship is at threat when his girlfriend or wife decides to have sleepovers with a single man. He may trust this woman 100% but he doesn't trust the male friend nor does he want to be disrespected in society or within his relationship by his partner being intimate with another man, which a sleepover certainly is. This will probably all go over your head because you are trapped in a simple-minded, uneducated view of relationships and society - you fail to see the bigger picture and the very clear social trends that have permeated throughout human history.

Also, trusting your partner is a given - this of course doesn't mean they won't cheat. Many partners are completely surprised to find out they were cheated on because they trusted them. It doesn't stop cheating from occurring if you trust someone. It's simply a requirement for a relationship to ever begin and to ever continue.

Wow. I never realised that girls being friends with guys immediately meant that they wanted to have sex. I should have known that every girl with a male friend is cheating on her boyfriend with him.

Now back to the real world...

Real men trust and respect you enough to let you socialise and, shock horror, be friends with, with other men.

As much as your hipster, "I have a different opinion to everyone else" routine is amusing. You're completely missing the point.

It's not just about trust. Do you understand what respect is? Or masculinity? You are undermining both.

Real males are proud animals - in another lifetime we were hunters of dangerous game and guardians of our community. We thrive on leadership and taking care of close ones. We hold respect and courage above all other virtues. We will die ourselves lest our women and children be harmed.

And your reply to this is: "kk cool, can I go spend the night with another man?"

Thank you for the exceptional insight, Porn Induced Coma.