Over clingy before first date

hugobristol1994

Hello,

I am just after a bit of advise, I have been chatting to a girl of POF for a couple of weeks, and we have agreed to go out for a meal, in a actual fact its today.

We have exchanged phone numbers and have been texting back and forwards, since then she has been suggesting what we can do on second and third dates! We have not met face to face yet so to me it seems a little preemptive to do this. She also wanted to meet up before out meal i.e the day before for coffee and she now says she has bought me a gift, which is lovely, but It just seems like a little bit much too soon based on my dating to date.

While she does seem lovely, I am getting a red flag warning in my head about her over keeness. Also for info she has been in a relationship for 6 years previously.

I am seriously thinking about making up an excuse to get out of our meal tonight, terrible i know but I am already feeling suffocated by the attention.

Reply 1

SnooFnoo

Give her a chance tonight and if it's not right don't do a second date?

Reply 2

MaseratiJay

I think what she is doing is harmless and it probably just comes naturally to her especially if she's only just fresh out of that 6 year relationship.

I agree with SnooFnoo, give her a chance and see what happens. At least you'll know if you want to progress or not.

Reply 3

Musie Suzie

Original post by SnooFnoo

Give her a chance tonight and if it's not right don't do a second date?

Yup, this.

Definitely not worth bailing yet.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 4

hugobristol1994

Thanks for the advise, you are probably right, although 7 more texts already this afternoon.

Reply 5

C_tinie_D

I was talking to this girl before from Tinder but what put me off was the constant texts through the day and phone calls whenever she knew I was free e.g. on my lunch break, after work... I didn't end up meeting with her and I was honest about it so hopefully it could help her in the future with the next guy.

If you're already in doubt before the date then it doesn't look good.

Reply 6

beckaroo7

That's a bit much.. Seems way too keen. update us afterwards?

Reply 7

rotkäppchen

Original post by C_tinie_D

I didn't end up meeting with her and I was honest about it so hopefully it could help her in the future with the next guy.

That's such a nice thing of you to do! So much better than people making up silly excuses / not saying anything and just starting the ignoring treatment.

Anyway, as to OP, I'd agree - sounds far too keen before she has even met you. If I had an otherwise good feeling about someone I'd probably go just to see whether maybe it was just nerves or whatever, but generally, if you already have a weird feeling about it, maybe not worth investing your time :dontknow:

Reply 8

hugobristol1994

well I thought I would update you, I had a lovely evening out with said lady, we do share the same humor and interests and got on like a house on fire in that respect. But she kept on suggesting things for second third and forth dates, while this is nice she wants to meet me, it does seem t be a little quick, also she text me within mins of us going our separate ways thanking me and saying she really liked me, I am truley flattered and I did get on with her, but there was not that attraction/spark there for me, it was nice chatting but it seemed more like talking to my sister or cousin than somebody i want to have a relationship.

the question i have to ponder is do we go on a second date, we have suggested a yoga class as we both a Regular attendees of different classes followed buy coffee (we went out for a meal tonight), the question is unlike previous relationships where there has been that initial reaction, that just is no there, and i am on edge about the clingyness. The question is do i go on the second date? I have doubts and don't want to lead her on, but we do have similar personalities and share the same humor, I am now confused

Reply 9

Quiet _One86

Perhaps express that whilst you appreciated the compliments and keenness to meet up again etc you think it best to let her know you don't see any more than what you said which was a sister or friend. You acknowledge her recent break up and that she might be rebounding too. Putting all her eggs into one basket!

Wish her luck in her quest for love but a piece of advice don't be so forward and presumptuous as it has maybe seen you a little bit too much for you. Maybe playing the friend card might be a little too much right now but let her know - you're there if you ever need a friendly ear again!

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 10

Illegal Algebra

Seems a bit weird. I'd go on a date with her. If she's nice then it's alright. If she starts acting weird, time to get out.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 11

hugobristol1994

Thanks for the advise, I am still pondering what to do, its the first time I have met somebody with so much in common, its just I did not feel that attraction, there was not that tingly feeling, in some ways i would like to see here again, can attraction grow? but likewise i do not lead her on as she is obviously very very keen.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by hugobristol1994

Could you just tell her you want to take it slow and see how it goes, say you feel it's all going a bit quickly for you? You could say to her you like her sense of humour, find her interesting etc but that you don't want to rush things. You could say you find it more exciting and romantic to be spontaneous rather than planning everything out in advance. Also, do you reply to all her texts? If you are replying, she probably thinks you are enjoying conversing with her. Just don't reply to all of them. She may just be excited because you get on well and may calm down after a while. I'd give it a chance, but just be very clear that you want to take things very slowly, so you're a) not leading her on and b) giving yourself time to decide whether you could end up really liking her or whether you should just be friends.

Reply 13

Handsome_Devil

Due to the keenness of her, in your head you've already got her, maybe subconsciously you're thinking as she's not a challenge, that you can do better?

Reply 14

hugobristol1994

Original post by Handsome_Devil

Due to the keenness of her, in your head you've already got her, maybe subconsciously you're thinking as she's not a challenge, that you can do better?

no i don't think its that, she is really nice but the attraction for me is not there at the end of the day. I just could not imagine having sex with her. She is lovely as a person one of the nicest people i have dated, but there was just little spark of attraction for me, i just don't know if the attraction will grow.

Reply 15

hugobristol1994

I have made my mind, I am going to speak to her and explain that I had a great night, but i see us as being purely friends. I may also broach the subject about her being overkeen, as it is some what suffocating, for example she has text me 6 times this afternoon (i have only responded to the first), asking what I think of her, do you want to meet for coffee tomorrow etc.... It seems if I don't reply within 10 mins she texts me again.

She is very sweet, but I can't handle that level of attachment so soon. A lovely girl with much in common, but at the end of the day that attraction was just not there for me.

Reply 16

Handsome_Devil

Original post by hugobristol1994

i just don't know if the attraction will grow.

Trust me, when her clothes hit the floor, the attraction will hit the roof

Reply 17

(6_6)

Original post by hugobristol1994

dont go on a 2nd date!! she already really likes you and by you going on a second date shes gonna think you feel the same, which would be very cruel.

i think you need to make your feelings very clear

Reply 18

Tanya1901

She just sounds very insecure to me so maybe just don't go on a second date with her and explain that it's because things got too serious and went too fast for you. She'll probably get the message if you tell her something like that.