Should I be annoyed?
I know this is going to be long, but I want to make this as unbiased as possible.
Me and my girlfriend are both 19, we've been together for 6 months. For the past few weeks (due to work/college commitments) we've barely seen each other. She usually stays at her mom's, where I'm allowed to sleep over and stuff, but during this time, she's been at her dad's where I'm not allowed to stay over and I have to leave early. When I go over there, we never really get any time too ourselves because of his rule that we can't be upstairs together, so for the past few weeks we've had almost no decent quality time together, which is difficult because we usually spend a fair amount of time together.
So anyways this weekend I asked her if she was staying at her mum's, to which she replied no, because she'd agreed to stay with her dad, but because we hasn't spent much time together, we agreed to watch a film together the next day. So anyway, the next day I met her from work and we walked back to jets to watch the film, and on the way she tells me that she's agreed to go out drinking with her friends and one of them was staying at her mom's with her after they went home that night. Also, as her friend was coming over earlier, our plans of watching a film were almost ruined. We did end up watching it, but she spent half of it preparing where her friend was staying and cooking, so we missed half of the film. Also when she was on the floor sorting the duvet etc out, I asked her to come sit next to me on the bed, and she said I was being possessive and that we didn't have to be sat right next to each other, even though I didn't really see it as quality time considering we were sat on opposite sides of the room.
Basically what I'm asking is: should I be annoyed? Both that she gave up our plans to go out drinking and that she wasn't willing to stay at her mom's to enable us some quality time together, but will when her friend needs a place to stay when she's drunk.
Me and my girlfriend are both 19, we've been together for 6 months. For the past few weeks (due to work/college commitments) we've barely seen each other. She usually stays at her mom's, where I'm allowed to sleep over and stuff, but during this time, she's been at her dad's where I'm not allowed to stay over and I have to leave early. When I go over there, we never really get any time too ourselves because of his rule that we can't be upstairs together, so for the past few weeks we've had almost no decent quality time together, which is difficult because we usually spend a fair amount of time together.
So anyways this weekend I asked her if she was staying at her mum's, to which she replied no, because she'd agreed to stay with her dad, but because we hasn't spent much time together, we agreed to watch a film together the next day. So anyway, the next day I met her from work and we walked back to jets to watch the film, and on the way she tells me that she's agreed to go out drinking with her friends and one of them was staying at her mom's with her after they went home that night. Also, as her friend was coming over earlier, our plans of watching a film were almost ruined. We did end up watching it, but she spent half of it preparing where her friend was staying and cooking, so we missed half of the film. Also when she was on the floor sorting the duvet etc out, I asked her to come sit next to me on the bed, and she said I was being possessive and that we didn't have to be sat right next to each other, even though I didn't really see it as quality time considering we were sat on opposite sides of the room.
Basically what I'm asking is: should I be annoyed? Both that she gave up our plans to go out drinking and that she wasn't willing to stay at her mom's to enable us some quality time together, but will when her friend needs a place to stay when she's drunk.
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And I should also add that we only got to finish the film because her friend arrived late, and if she had come on time, we'd have missed around half of it.
Tricky one this, she is allowed to hang out with her friends but at the same time seems she didn't inform you till the last minute which is rather inconsiderate on her part especially barely watching the film with you as well. I suggest you both talk to each other, because clearly one or two issues creeping in.
I spoke too her at the time, and she just went moody because she was making out like I was restricting her social life. I'm waiting until she's sober in the morning to speak properly with her about it, but I'm feeling pretty insignificant right now.
Think you gotta have a balance between a partner and a social life but it's the way she's gone about this.
Can anyone else weigh in on this? I spoke to her this morning and have not had any form of apology, she doesn't seem to think she's done anything wrong.
It's a similar situation I'm in with my boyfriend. Because of work and studies, we barely get to see each other and his new job is gonna make it worse. I think it's just normal, so I'd suggest you let it slide just this once. She should've been more considerate as to tell you she wanted to do something different, but maybe she didn't think it'd be a big deal? My boyfriend used to do similar things, but he didn't mean to make it as though he's being inconsiderate, he just didn't know until I confronted him about it. Just say to her that things are starting to creep up into your schedule, and that you want to priorities her, so if possible, she could tell you her plans so that yous can properly lay some sort of schedule for yourselves? Did that even make sense lol...
In any case, don't get too frustrated about it. Six months is still a short time to have already put a huge difference into her life. If you really want this relationship to be the one, I'd recommend just coping with it for now. One or two situations where she is wrong shouldn't trigger any frustration within you. Things will slowly fit in place for yous both
In any case, don't get too frustrated about it. Six months is still a short time to have already put a huge difference into her life. If you really want this relationship to be the one, I'd recommend just coping with it for now. One or two situations where she is wrong shouldn't trigger any frustration within you. Things will slowly fit in place for yous both
Is there a reason she's always been at her dad's lately? Because it sounds a bit like she's just going there to avoid having sex with you, as she was staying at her mum's with her friend...
On the other hand, I would defend her a bit for trying to spend time with you and go out with her friend. I've had this same juggling act, and it can be hard to keep everyone happy, I just really didn't want to be the kind of guy who ditches his mates as soon as he gets a girlfriend. She didn't ditch you to "go out drinking", she wanted to spend time with her friends.
On the other hand, I would defend her a bit for trying to spend time with you and go out with her friend. I've had this same juggling act, and it can be hard to keep everyone happy, I just really didn't want to be the kind of guy who ditches his mates as soon as he gets a girlfriend. She didn't ditch you to "go out drinking", she wanted to spend time with her friends.
Original post by Mankytoes
Is there a reason she's always been at her dad's lately? Because it sounds a bit like she's just going there to avoid having sex with you, as she was staying at her mum's with her friend...
On the other hand, I would defend her a bit for trying to spend time with you and go out with her friend. I've had this same juggling act, and it can be hard to keep everyone happy, I just really didn't want to be the kind of guy who ditches his mates as soon as he gets a girlfriend. She didn't ditch you to "go out drinking", she wanted to spend time with her friends.
On the other hand, I would defend her a bit for trying to spend time with you and go out with her friend. I've had this same juggling act, and it can be hard to keep everyone happy, I just really didn't want to be the kind of guy who ditches his mates as soon as he gets a girlfriend. She didn't ditch you to "go out drinking", she wanted to spend time with her friends.
I see your point, but I was annoyed that she organized for her friend to come round at a time that meant watching the film would have been impossible. I fully understand she needs to see her friends, just the fact that it was at the cost of us having good time doing something we planned well before annoyed me. Also, it's definitely not to avoid having sex with me, I know that much.
I struggle to reason with her about these things though because when I do, she just goes moody and accuses me of not loving her (even at the smallest things, she almost always jumps to that extreme). Why could this be?
Oh, and she was at her dad's because he's just been away for a month so she's not seen him, which is why I wasn't bothered that she wanted to spend the weekend there but that she was willing to change that for a friend she has known two weeks, but not for me (and I actually asked before her friend did) kind of annoys me.
It also wouldn't bother me at all of we had seen a decent bit of each other recently, but we barely have, so I just expected she'd want to make some compromises to see me, but I was wrong.
It also wouldn't bother me at all of we had seen a decent bit of each other recently, but we barely have, so I just expected she'd want to make some compromises to see me, but I was wrong.
Original post by Anonymous
I see your point, but I was annoyed that she organized for her friend to come round at a time that meant watching the film would have been impossible. I fully understand she needs to see her friends, just the fact that it was at the cost of us having good time doing something we planned well before annoyed me.
Also, it's definitely not to avoid having sex with me, I know that much.
I struggle to reason with her about these things though because when I do, she just goes moody and accuses me of not loving her (even at the smallest things, she almost always jumps to that extreme). Why could this be?
Also, it's definitely not to avoid having sex with me, I know that much.
I struggle to reason with her about these things though because when I do, she just goes moody and accuses me of not loving her (even at the smallest things, she almost always jumps to that extreme). Why could this be?
Yeah, but you're very much just looking at it from your perspective. You said you've been really busy, so I assume she hasn't seen her friend either much. She hasn't ditched seeing the film, she's trying to fit both of you in.
So have you been having sex at all? It would seem to me, in your situation, most nineteen year old girls would be trying to make sure they were seeing the guy at their mum's as much as possible. Also, she didn't even want to sit next to you on the bed. I'd question her drive here- not saying it's necessarily your fault, girls can struggle to get in the mood when they're stressed.
That's really not good, that's manipulative behaviour. I would say if she's been especially stressed lately, try to get through that. If not, you're going to have to look at ending things. People can also project like that- maybe she's doubting her feelings, so she's projecting that onto your, claiming it's you who doesn't love her.
Original post by Anonymous
Oh, and she was at her dad's because he's just been away for a month so she's not seen him, which is why I wasn't bothered that she wanted to spend the weekend there but that she was willing to change that for a friend she has known two weeks, but not for me (and I actually asked before her friend did) kind of annoys me.
It also wouldn't bother me at all of we had seen a decent bit of each other recently, but we barely have, so I just expected she'd want to make some compromises to see me, but I was wrong.
It also wouldn't bother me at all of we had seen a decent bit of each other recently, but we barely have, so I just expected she'd want to make some compromises to see me, but I was wrong.
If she's only known the friend two weeks, again that's a bit different, that's not a real friendship to be prioritising.
(edited 9 years ago)
Sounds like a selfish "you're not the boss of me" type moment.
I'm considerably older than you and I do this to my partner (whos 13years older than me) sometimes. Usually it's when I'm put under a lot of stress (can be anything) and then My partner saying he wants this that or the other (usually very reasonable requests) I go off on one as I've internally snapped from stress.
Maybe ask her what's up? I do think you're right to be annoyed but push it aside until you've figured out why she was acting the way she was.
I'm considerably older than you and I do this to my partner (whos 13years older than me) sometimes. Usually it's when I'm put under a lot of stress (can be anything) and then My partner saying he wants this that or the other (usually very reasonable requests) I go off on one as I've internally snapped from stress.
Maybe ask her what's up? I do think you're right to be annoyed but push it aside until you've figured out why she was acting the way she was.
Being completely honest, this girl always accuses you of being 'possessive' or 'over controlling' maybe you should show her that you haven't got time for her games. I don't know but judging from what you said she seems annoyed by you recently, and awkward with you like she's always trying to avoid spending time with you. Have you considered the thought of her cheating on you?
Original post by SnooFnoo
Ps just read the "you don't love me" bit.
She sounds insecure. Perhaps reassurance and understanding is the answer here.
Fighting will just inflame things.
She sounds insecure. Perhaps reassurance and understanding is the answer here.
Fighting will just inflame things.
She's been saying things like that forever, I know she insecure (esp. Of me cheating) but I don't know else what to do. I've never once abused her trust (although she has mine, by texting and meeting a guy behind my back about 2 months in). I've reassured her plenty of times that she's the only girl for me, and she knows don't just say things for the hell of it (I waited to tell her I loved her, even when she was saying it to me, I told her I didn't mean to come across as disrespectful but I needed to make sure of my feelings before I said anything). So she should know that I don't say anything I don't mean, I always find time when she needs me, but it seems like nothing is ever enough.
Original post by Anonymous
She's been saying things like that forever, I know she insecure (esp. Of me cheating) but I don't know else what to do. I've never once abused her trust (although she has mine, by texting and meeting a guy behind my back about 2 months in). I've reassured her plenty of times that she's the only girl for me, and she knows don't just say things for the hell of it (I waited to tell her I loved her, even when she was saying it to me, I told her I didn't mean to come across as disrespectful but I needed to make sure of my feelings before I said anything). So she should know that I don't say anything I don't mean, I always find time when she needs me, but it seems like nothing is ever enough.
You shouldn't ever stay in a relationship where you feel they don't respect you as much as you respect them.
Original post by Mankytoes
You shouldn't ever stay in a relationship where you feel they don't respect you as much as you respect them.
She could have really valid reasons for her insecurities though.
E.g abuse
Original post by SnooFnoo
She could have really valid reasons for her insecurities though.
E.g abuse
E.g abuse
She could have, but there's no evidence we've seen of that. You can't just excuse any ****ty behaviour because they may have been abused, and that isn't an excuse to treat other people badly. She sees another guy behind his back, then accuses him of not loving her? And never makes time for him? She sounds more like the manipulative one than the victim of abuse.
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