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Guys, would you date an ex-bulimic who has a few relapses?

I just wanted to know. I'm currently seeing a guy (not exclusive yet) and have mentioned this to him when we were talking. He asked if I was bulimic, I didn't say yes or no, but I said I have a complicated relationship with food. He's very understanding and didn't make a big deal out of it (his best friend is or was bulimic too)

I workout every day and try and eat as healthy as possible, I know I am not overweight at the moment, well I don't look THAT overweight but I do have a fear of being overweight or being rejected due to it.

I am fairly attractive, I have good self esteem at the moment, but I have relapses where I eat rubbish and release it. It used to be every time I ate, but now it's one binge a day.

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Reply 1
Avatar for Alsklinq
Alsklinq
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If he really likes you, i'm sure he wouldn't see it as a problem.
I'm a recovered bulimic and anorexic too and this has always been on my mind when it comes to dating and in some ways has held me back from dating for a long time as I so conscious about my body and also being judged for my past illnesses... I've never had a boyfriend but I feel like damaged goods already!

I think that because eating disorders are unfortunately common there's a lot of guys dating ex-suffers. So don't lose hope I have to remind myself of this too :smile:
Reply 3
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Anonymous
I'm a recovered bulimic and anorexic too and this has always been on my mind when it comes to dating and in some ways has held me back from dating for a long time as I so conscious about my body and also being judged for my past illnesses... I've never had a boyfriend but I feel like damaged goods already!

I think that because eating disorders are unfortunately common there's a lot of guys dating ex-suffers. So don't lose hope I have to remind myself of this too :smile:


How did you recover?
Yes, so long as they were committed to recovery. I have mental health issues myself, and I wouldn't feel like it was fair on myself to be feeling added stress worrying about someone who wasn't trying to help themselves.

I'd happily support them through their recovery and any relapses that they might have, but someone totally in denial about their illness just wouldn't work for me. :nah:
Original post by Anonymous
How did you recover?


It took one years regular counselling followed by inpatient treatment (2 months) and then by outpatient treatment (a year and a half). It's hard to say what specifically helped as it has been a journey of many sorts for me. I say I'm recovered in terms of I've been able to maintain 'ideal' recovery BMI of 20 for over a year now and not used any maladaptive behaviours (e.g. purging, diet pills, overexercise etc).

However my mind is still not in a good place I have pretty much zero confidence and social anxiety due to fears about my body being seen by others so I only leave my room to go to and lectures and the supermarket and can only eat in the privacy of my room I took several steps back when I moved back to uni. Of course I have no friends because I avoid others. I realised that recovery is so much more than I first thought but the good news is I'm working on it and will be going for post recovery counselling, which I think is known more as counselling for transitions :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
I just wanted to know. I'm currently seeing a guy (not exclusive yet) and have mentioned this to him when we were talking. He asked if I was bulimic, I didn't say yes or no, but I said I have a complicated relationship with food. He's very understanding and didn't make a big deal out of it (his best friend is or was bulimic too)

I workout every day and try and eat as healthy as possible, I know I am not overweight at the moment, well I don't look THAT overweight but I do have a fear of being overweight or being rejected due to it.

I am fairly attractive, I have good self esteem at the moment, but I have relapses where I eat rubbish and release it. It used to be every time I ate, but now it's one binge a day.


It wouldn't be a deal breaker, but I'd be cautious about entering a committed relationship, because I don't think I'm a very sensative person, so I might not be the best partner for someone with mental heath issues.
hmmm...i would probably date them but they must have some weight on them and not relapse otherwise it'll cause tension
I want to say that I would. However this seems really hypocritical of me since I said the other day that I wouldn't date an obese girl, or even one who is quite overweight.

I feel for the sake of consistency I have to say no. If I knew you had a eating disorder I probably wouldn't. But maybe that isn't true. Maybe I would. I dunno.

I may be a hypocrite. That damn media. I don't take much heed of it but it clearly has made me irrational prejudiced against obese people.
As long as you're... "cool" with your illness in the sense that you can communicate about it and trust your partner with your deepest fears etc etc, then yes I wouldn't have a problem dating someone with a disorder.

As long as you made it clear how I could be most supportive (listening or encouragement or whatever) then we'd be good to go. It's when a partner is left in the dark about your deepest fears/feelings and doesn't know how to act appropriately that things can go downhill really fast. Partly because they may feel you don't trust them, and partly because you'll feel they don't care/understand.
Original post by TorpidPhil
I want to say that I would. However this seems really hypocritical of me since I said the other day that I wouldn't date an obese girl, or even one who is quite overweight.

I feel for the sake of consistency I have to say no. If I knew you had a eating disorder I probably wouldn't. But maybe that isn't true. Maybe I would. I dunno.

I may be a hypocrite. That damn media. I don't take much heed of it but it clearly has made me irrational prejudiced against obese people.


Umm.. But bulimia is a mental health disorder... Obesity isn't. (Although obese people can have Binge Eating Disorder, EDNOS or even bulimia).
Yes, I'm desperate, I'll date anything with a pulse and a pussy.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Umm.. But bulimia is a mental health disorder... Obesity isn't. (Although obese people can have Binge Eating Disorder, EDNOS or even bulimia).


Well obesity can often be related to them, but yeah, I know, which is why in hindsight I'm a hypocrite.

Don't worry, I'll try and work on it.
Original post by TorpidPhil
Well obesity can often be related to them, but yeah, I know, which is why in hindsight I'm a hypocrite.

Don't worry, I'll try and work on it.


Nah it's okay if you don't want to go out with bulimics all I meant was obesity and bulimia are two different kettles of fish.
Original post by Icebaker
Yes, I'm desperate, I'll date anything with a pulse and a pussy.

Posted from TSR Mobile


So you have to be desperate to date a bulimic or ex-bulimic? Wow. We are human beings with feelings not sub-humans 'with a pulse and a pussy' :angry:
I really wouldn't care what past mental illnesses one may have had. We all have dark times.
To be honest, I don't think so no. I'm a very confident, self-assured and easy-going person, and I wouldn't even want to date anybody with self-esteem issues, let alone somebody who had developed a mental health problem as a result of such issues.
Original post by e aí rapaz
To be honest, I don't think so no. I'm a very confident, self-assured and easy-going person, and I wouldn't even want to date anybody with self-esteem issues, let alone somebody who had developed a mental health problem as a result of such issues.


Just out of interest, is it the mental illness or the self-esteem that's the issue? The two often go together, but not exclusively.
Original post by e aí rapaz
To be honest, I don't think so no. I'm a very confident, self-assured and easy-going person, and I wouldn't even want to date anybody with self-esteem issues, let alone somebody who had developed a mental health problem as a result of such issues.


I get you not wanting to date someone with a mental health problem but to say you won't date anybody with self-esteem issues... Don't we all have self-esteem issues to some extent? Nobody's perfect. In a relationship you get to face the good the, the bad and the ugly... It's always there perhaps less so in some people but we all have some darkness. Well that's just my two cents anyway :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
I just wanted to know. I'm currently seeing a guy (not exclusive yet) and have mentioned this to him when we were talking. He asked if I was bulimic, I didn't say yes or no, but I said I have a complicated relationship with food. He's very understanding and didn't make a big deal out of it (his best friend is or was bulimic too)

I workout every day and try and eat as healthy as possible, I know I am not overweight at the moment, well I don't look THAT overweight but I do have a fear of being overweight or being rejected due to it.

I am fairly attractive, I have good self esteem at the moment, but I have relapses where I eat rubbish and release it. It used to be every time I ate, but now it's one binge a day.

So you're still bulimic?

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