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Asking out a hall flatmate does it ever go well?

Sup there's this really cute engineer girl in my halls at uni, we get on really well but there are several problems: 1. I'm pretty sure she said she wouldn't date a flatmate at some point. 2. We're planning on living literally in next door rooms for the next 2 years. 3. She's really popular and has a weird regular sleepover relationship with her sisters boyfriend who is 4 years older than her. 4. I'm not stunningly attractive. 5. I'm 90% sure if the "friendzone" exists I'd be in it even if I wasn't already her flatmate too.

How ****ed am I?
I'm not sure really, maybe just ask her? One sure fire way to find out! Just ask how she would feel if you were to ask her out for a drink some time, no harm in it :smile: And attractiveness is subjective. Confidence is always a boost in attractiveness too.
However. The sleepovers with her sister's boyfriend.. Weird. How the sister could possibly be okay with that is beyond me. I have no idea what is going on there... Not sure I want to know!
Sounds like a potential minefield - tread carefully!
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Original post by Elliebeanie
I'm not sure really, maybe just ask her? One sure fire way to find out! Just ask how she would feel if you were to ask her out for a drink some time, no harm in it :smile: And attractiveness is subjective. Confidence is always a boost in attractiveness too.
However. The sleepovers with her sister's boyfriend.. Weird. How the sister could possibly be okay with that is beyond me. I have no idea what is going on there... Not sure I want to know!


I dunno I was going to post a separate thread about the whole sleepover thing (not because I'm jealous but I know everyone in our hall has questions) basically the sister works in London while we're all in uni in the midlands the girl and the guy both do badminton together a lot and I guess they're kind of flirty together (guy with arm round her and stuff, she cooks for him whenever he visits) but as I say he's definitely her sisters boyfriend and she's never been in a relationship.
Original post by Anonymous
I dunno I was going to post a separate thread about the whole sleepover thing (not because I'm jealous but I know everyone in our hall has questions) basically the sister works in London while we're all in uni in the midlands the girl and the guy both do badminton together a lot and I guess they're kind of flirty together (guy with arm round her and stuff, she cooks for him whenever he visits) but as I say he's definitely her sisters boyfriend and she's never been in a relationship.


That's possibly made it sound ever more bizarre... I would not be happy if he was my boyfriend! He specifically comes up just to stay with her? It's sounding more and more like this is a bad idea! You might be best questioning her lightly about it first haha
Original post by Calpurnia
Sounds like a potential minefield - tread carefully!


Yup, this!


I think it's possibly better to err on the side of caution for now. You don't want to ruin a friendship and make everyone else you live with feel uncomfortable.

In my first year flat there was apparently an agreement not to date anybody within the same flat. I only found this out at the end of the year. Incidentally the same night that one of my flatmates subtly indicated they were interested in me. In my somewhat tipsy state I definitely said the wrong thing as I was also interested in her and it never lead anywhere :redface:
I'm not really sure where that anecdote was going but I think you should play it safe for now. Maintain a close friendship and see what happens.
If you think it's worth a try, then go for it.
Original post by Manitude
Yup, this!


I think it's possibly better to err on the side of caution for now. You don't want to ruin a friendship and make everyone else you live with feel uncomfortable.

In my first year flat there was apparently an agreement not to date anybody within the same flat. I only found this out at the end of the year. Incidentally the same night that one of my flatmates subtly indicated they were interested in me. In my somewhat tipsy state I definitely said the wrong thing as I was also interested in her and it never lead anywhere :redface:
I'm not really sure where that anecdote was going but I think you should play it safe for now. Maintain a close friendship and see what happens.

Did everybody agreed to follow that agreement (not including you)?
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Original post by Manitude
Yup, this!


I think it's possibly better to err on the side of caution for now. You don't want to ruin a friendship and make everyone else you live with feel uncomfortable.

In my first year flat there was apparently an agreement not to date anybody within the same flat. I only found this out at the end of the year. Incidentally the same night that one of my flatmates subtly indicated they were interested in me. In my somewhat tipsy state I definitely said the wrong thing as I was also interested in her and it never lead anywhere :redface:
I'm not really sure where that anecdote was going but I think you should play it safe for now. Maintain a close friendship and see what happens.


This sounds like the right advice I needed to hear thanks mate! I'll make sure to not say the wrong thing if anything like your anecdote happens to me.
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Original post by Elliebeanie
That's possibly made it sound ever more bizarre... I would not be happy if he was my boyfriend! He specifically comes up just to stay with her? It's sounding more and more like this is a bad idea! You might be best questioning her lightly about it first haha


That's pretty much what the girls in our hall said too. He lives a few miles of campus so stays over occasionally because "he can't be bothered to catch the bus" apparently he sleeps on a pump up bed. I really need to figure out how and if I'm going to politely ask if her sister knows he sleeps over or something
Original post by perspiracious
Did everybody agreed to follow that agreement (not including you)?


I don't know if everyone even knew about it, I certainly didn't and I got on with everyone so I was surprised that I never heard about it. To my knowledge everyone kept to themselves with one exception which resulted in two of them spooning for the night but I think that particular incident was very one sided and the lad in question wasn't really that interested.
Original post by Anonymous
This sounds like the right advice I needed to hear thanks mate! I'll make sure to not say the wrong thing if anything like your anecdote happens to me.


No problem. In my particular case the problem was that I didn't indicate I was also interested as clearly as I should have done.

Incidentally, it might be worth mentioning that several months later I did end up in a relationship with someone else and that was great. It ultimately failed and part of the reason was because we lived together (we signed the lease on the house before we got together). Just food for thought if you're definitely going to live with this girl.
Original post by perspiracious
So then it wasn't really an agreement; it was enforcement/peer pressure.


Could have been. I suspect, but can't prove, that all of the girls agreed this among themselves, which would have been sufficient to prevent 'in-house' relationships.
Original post by Manitude
Could have been. I suspect, but can't prove, that all of the girls agreed this among themselves, which would have been sufficient to prevent 'in-house' relationships.

Okay then. :smile:
Original post by Manitude
No problem. In my particular case the problem was that I didn't indicate I was also interested as clearly as I should have done.

Incidentally, it might be worth mentioning that several months later I did end up in a relationship with someone else and that was great. It ultimately failed and part of the reason was because we lived together (we signed the lease on the house before we got together). Just food for thought if you're definitely going to live with this girl.


Oh darn dreams shattered :smile:. I need to get my act together and meet a girl who doesn't live meters away from me.
Original post by Anonymous
Oh darn dreams shattered :smile:. I need to get my act together and meet a girl who doesn't live meters away from me.


I'm not saying for certain that it can never work with this lass, but these are things that you should consider before crossing a certain line. :smile:
Nope don't do it
I think you should just steer clear of this girl. It's in your best interest to do so. Not really clear about her sister's boyfriend thingy.

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