Why do you wait till after marriage?

And you say i'm judging, at least i'm not spreading sexual diseases and increasing potential for overpopulation

I didn't say you were judging; don't conflate what I say with what somebody else on my side of the house said. The religious can hardly acquit themselves of the charge of contributing to overpopulation given the strong emphasis on procreation as being the primary objective of sex. Some very large religions, including Roman Catholicism and Islam, are opposed to any use of contraceptives or family planning and consider those who choose not to have children to be selfish and greedy (http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/feb/11/pope-francis-the-choice-to-not-have-children-is-selfish).


I don't understand how you're linking premarital sex with overpopulation. Are you suggesting that marriage decreases a couple's chance of conceiving when they have sex? I'm totally in the dark here; educate me, please.

As for "sexual diseases", what makes you think only marriage can guarantee the containment of STDs? You seem to be insinuating that one can't be responsible with sex unless they're married. What would you make of a couple who had each other screened for STDs prior to consummating their relationship? I don't see how you can legitimately accuse someone who believes in safe sex of contributing to overpopulation or the spread of STDs. Marriage is no guarantee that those events will not occur.

Lastly, you're being rather childish in your arguments. "At least I'm not doing *undesirable thing*!" That's called a tu quoque fallacy - trying to deflect criticism by trying to make the point that your own faults are justified because your critic has perceived flaws. So there you have it - why the reasoning for your argument is false and why your argument would be fallacious even if your reasoning was valid.

We always here why horny chavs and other people like AlphaLADs don't wait to have sex and I don't judge them either way as that's how they were brought up or view their morals...

but what what are your personal reasons for waiting to have sex until after marriage?

Yes I saw the slut shaming but that is not representative of any Christian belief. No need to talk about my sex life. All relationships are different and people need different things to feel loved, but no one NEEDS sex. All of my long term relationships including my current one is without sex and my partner is completely understanding and I make her feel more than loved in many different ways. If you find it hard to show someone how much you care about them without intercourse than thats pretty sad.

Its good to hear your generally experiences with Christians aren't negative. But I believe your scientific views and scientific rationalism and studies into history and politics are biased. Sure there have been plenty of blunders in history in the name of Christianity, but Christianity and organized religion are the most positive forces in the world, promoting love, and the unity of mankind. As for the science, the first universities were started by the Church, and it is ridiculous to believe that all of the universe and all of its complexities and mysteries are the results of randomness. The basic living conditions on this planet are so fragile and finely tuned, and people are supposed to believe that no one designed or planned it.

I understand not wanting to date someone of your own beliefs but if you truly loved the girl and she wanted to have sex with you but only after marriage you wouldn't be willing to put your needs on hold for her and needs. You don't have to want to have sex with someone to show them you're sexually attracted to them.

What is wrong with the idea of exercising self control, patience and sacrifice for those you love?
Tell me of ANY negative repercussions to trying this?

It is though, this is a clear trend in Christianity. You're showing another trend- refusing to accept any negative behaviours common in your religion. Your sex life is kind of relevant, if you haven't had sex you can't comment on how enjoyable it is.

Well I went to Christian schools and had a Christian upbringing, so if anything they were biased towards Christianity. If you really think Christianity has promoted unity of mankind, I don't think you really know anything about its' history at all. Even within Christianity, a few hundred years ago we were burning each other alive in the name of a slightly different interpretation of Christian faith. Do you know about the Spanish Inquisition? Surely you can think of forces in history that never did anything so evil? Even in the past few decades, we've had the Troubles in Ireland, peadophillia cover ups, the Serbian genocide...

The living conditions answer is easily answered- we adapted to our environment, not the other way around, the earth was around a long time before humans. When you consider how many planets exist, it's pretty much inevitable some have conditions that can support human life. So many geniuses have done so much work on this, proven how so many "mysteries" take place, it's kind of frustrating when people just dismiss them outright.

No, if her attitude is that she won't compromise on the matter, why should I do all the compromising? Love isn't about just doing whatever you're told. The whole sex before marriage thing was in societies where people got married very young, and quickly too. I don't want to get married for a good few years. I also don't think marriage is really that important, so there's a pretty important difference in belief there. I think I'd be much more stressed if I never had sex, so this is something that's really going to affect my quality of life.

Well obviously sex is pleasurable and it makes people happy. Isn't happiness one of the most important things in life- both being happy yourself and making your partner happy? It's a sacrifice that doesn't gain you anything. If me and my girlfriend break up tomorrow I won't think I've wasted my time and that we've sullied ourselves, I'll be ****ing gutted, but I'll have had over three years of great times with a wonderful person, including some incredible sex. All happy memories, life lived well.

And what if you never marry? You could miss out on one of life's great experiences. I agree that there are loads of other things in life that are great as well as sex, but there's no either/or here, having sex doesn't stop you enjoying other parts of life. In fact, a healthy sex life is proven to be good for both mind and body, so it will help you achieve other goals in life.

Edit- I'm the one you replied to before by the way, I was automatically on anonymous for some reason.

I believe your mistaken. The church does not believe that is sex's primary objective is not only to procreate, it is definitely meant for enjoyment as well as a sign of love and shared intimacy. They do however disapprove of contraceptives because it gives sex the potential a meaningless physical activity that people do just for enjoyment without the considerations of the repercussions of sex. We both agree that sex shouldn't be something that should be done without serious consideration. However, the Roman Catholic church as well as other branches of Christians DO believe in family planning (NFP).

He is suggesting that there are many children born because of pre-marital sex that wouldn't have been conceived otherwise. This is irrelevant unless those children wouldn't have been conceived even if the couple got married.

Marriage definitely puts huge limits on STDs. You don't generally have sex with someone else if you're married. If people didn't have multiple partners than the likelihood of people passing around STDs would be demolished. Marriage is not a guarantee that people won't get STDs ever but it prevents people from passing it on from person to person.

I also went to Christian school and most of the time it sounded like they were clearing up the misconceptions that seem to have bought into. I know my Christian history pretty well, and I would like to point out that Christians are humans not gods. Sometimes we are selfish and we can do the most terrible things, I do not deny that and I do not deny any horrors committed by Christians. But I tell you, what they did or do is wrong. That does not mean the faith and everything the Christians believe in promote or support their actions. You think the church supports pedophelia? Behind these horrors isn't Christian teaching, it is the selfishness of people, you should very well know that since you went to Christian school.

This is true, we adapted to the environment, but the complexity of even the most basic building block of life cannot be thought of as random, the simple atom is so complex entire sciences are focussed around it. This was planned or created, or else tell me how it came to be?

The point is why don't you be selfless and compromise for her, if she believes it important. If she wants to have sex with you but would rather wait till marriage, it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. If you tell her she has to have sex with you to date you is that not love either? The whole "sex before marriage thing" is still an ongoing trend, it didn't just stop. People want those waiting for marriage to believe no one else is waiting to encourage them to have sex. If you don't want to get married thats you, and your girlfriend's choice. You would be more stressed if you didn't have sex? you could just as easily go beat it off, and it would be cheaper to because you don't need a contraceptive for that.

My girlfriend wants to have sex, she hasn't been waiting for marriage. It's something that didn't occur to her. But when I explained to her what it meant to me, and why I want to wait, she is completely understanding that me waiting to have sex after marriage is a sign of love for her, and her waiting for me is a sign that she loves me as well. This does not mean that we don't enjoy everything else(which I agree is kind of hypocritical, but I'm human and I'm working on it). We are doing just great without sex.

Sex is supposed to make people happy, and I hope it never makes anyone feel any other way. But I disagree, happiness is not the most important thing in life. Loving others is. Who cares if you're not happy? Happiness is a state of mind. You can make yourself happy. You shouldn't be dependent on things to make you happy. You are NOT entitled to be happy.
Waiting for marriage is a sacrifice that helps me learn to be patient, control myself, decreases my chances of divorce, protects me from STDs, show my partner/future wife that I'm thinking of her and committed to her, so yes there are a lot of benefits to waiting for marriage.

If you miss out on sex (God forbid), than you'll never know what your missing and I'm sure you'll find something else to enjoy.
All the healthy benefits from sex can be obtained from going to the gym, having a balanced diet, and if need be jerking it off. No one ever died from not having sex.

Point 4)- you know girls enjoy and want sex too right? Saying that having premarital sex is seeing women as sex objects is sexist view, ONLY wanting sex; then yeah that would be using them and treating them as an object, unless that's only what they want (I know of successful friends with benefits etc) but if you're in a long term relationship and refuse sex because you aren't married, that's an immature and relationship damaging factor. A good giver? Hows about give an orgasm bro.
Point 5) more sexism! Worse for the girl? Stop stereotyping.
You know that break ups are emotional no matter what? (And not having sex before marriage is a reason relationships can break down, js) and you're acting like marriages can't be broken, well they can.


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It's factual that the senior authorities of the Catholic church covered up peadophillia many times. We've seen many scandals from other organisations, but this really is the lowest of the low, and sadly it's no exception in the history of the Catholic Church. What I learnt is that many religious conservative types care more about appearance than truth.

Well obviously I don't know all the details on how atoms are formed, the greatest minds don't, but that doesn't mean we should just accept superstition, we've answered many great questions and we will answer more. But note I don't have a problem with belief, deism and the like, just organised religion. No matter how it's portrayed, atheism does not mean being 100% certain there's no God or any force of any kind (even Richard Dawkins said he can't be 100% certain), it just means you don't believe in God.

It's not just about love, it's about compatability. Sometimes you just have to accept that there are important differences between you, that love alone can't reconcile. These people would also probably want to raise children Christian. For me, if I have children, a secular upbringing is completely non-negotiable. Wanking is not the same as sex, that's like saying why do you feel the need to travel, you can just watch travel shows on tv? Contraception is also free.

How is it a sign of love for her, when it's something you wanted before you met her? Putting your wishes over hers is an odd way to define love. It sounds like she's making the sacrifice, not you. And going part of the way... that's what other Christians I've known have done. It just sounds like you're tormenting yourselves to be honest. I'm not going to have a go at you for doing that- I don't think you can honestly expect people to go this long without sexual contact. I knew a Christian girl at uni, she was such a nice girl, and she waited for so long, and then just ended up doing it. I know she felt so **** about it, and it just pisses me off. We're human beings, we like ****ing each other. It's nature. She was more honest than most people, yet she gets all that crap because she followed a religion.

I didn't say happiness is the most important thing in life, I said it's one of the most important. Again, it's worrying you don't see human happiness as important. That's another problem I have with religion. I think it's more important we are happy than we follow some ancient rules. As you say, happiness isn't an entitlement, you earn it. I found rejecting the Church really helpful for that. No Gods, no masters, just humanity.

You should be able to learn how to control yourself without abstaining from sex. Divorce chances reflect finding the right partner more than sexual choice. But I know a lot of religious people stay in unhappy marriages because their God forbids it, or their community will ostracise them. I don't think low divorce figures are necessarily a good thing. Saudi Arabia's are presumably very low. It's a bit odd you say you're thinking of your partner, when they've explicitely told you they want to have sex.

Of course it isn't essential to be healthy, I never claimed that. I'm just saying, we shouldn't ignore the fact that regular, safe sex is good for you.

We always here why horny chavs and other people like AlphaLADs don't wait to have sex and I don't judge them either way as that's how they were brought up or view their morals...

but what what are your personal reasons for waiting to have sex until after marriage?

My personal reasons:

1) I am a Christian, that is to say, a follower of Jesus Christ.

2) I believe God made sex for us to enjoy but he has placed it in the boundaries of a committed relationship such as marriage.

3) I think it's worth the wait. I have heard so many couples who had sex before marriage say 'I wish we had waited'. Waiting develops qualities like patience and self-control whilst in the 'In a Relationship' and 'Engaged' stages.

4) If I aim for the bed when I am in a relationship, how does that make me a good giver? I am thinking of what I can give my girlfriend and wife-to-be, not what I can receive from her. Treating women as sex tools to satisfy my sexual lust is a big no no. People say that women should not be treated as sex objects, yet fail to realise that this is precisely what sex before marriage does.

5) If a relationship does not work out, it is much more difficult for the couple, especially for the girl, to accept the break-up. Emotional pain for broken-up couples who have had premarital sex is much bigger than for those who have not had sex before marriage.

God bless you, guys. Take care.