Can not believe whats happened help, advice, similar experiences ?

Hi guys,

i have recently being considering myself to bi sexual I'm very much a lad i work out a lot, boxing , footy lift weights etc ....... i see girls and i'm actually very slowly (nothing serious) seeing two girls as it stands. But on tinder i matched with another lad who lives relatively close to me, and is apparently in the exact same position (although i suspect he's a lot more gay than me) initially i thought i would have a one night stand with a lad similar to me but me and this guy are so close now we text everyday a lot and sc and today he told me i make him feel so special inside and he doesn't give a **** if I'm a lad and were both lads he's actually glad about that and that he can be so physically attracted to someone so nice, generous he said he used to hate that he fancied guys but now he's grateful. He's cool tho he said he does not wish to conform with with old fashioned narrow minded bull **** of society. which i must admit i loved hearing.... i can't believe I'm in this situation and want a relationship with this dude!!!!!! has anyone else had anything similar and what was the outcome??? to top all this off i have major depression issues which are almost causing me to fail my second year of uni ( unless i can smash these resits ) life is just a jokes

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

anyone.........................

Reply 2

eskimo_rising

3

I read a similar story on another tsr thread. Most gay people are straight acting and not effeminate btw so your nothing special. Stop letting stereotypes define your life and go with what feels natural, sounds like you could have a beautiful thing here.

Depression wise it really depends what you've tried, communication with your tutors is key or they will think you are taking the piss or skiving etc., therapy should be free at uni so take advantage, get help from you GP. Good luck.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

hi thanks for you're reply, but i have to disagree with you, i think i am very different to gay guys, you said most gay guys are straight acting this isn't true not even close! i am pretty much straight and still see girls ....... however your right about the labels ....... this guy I'm seeing is also a genuine lad I've seen his pics from lads holidays in kavos and he plays footy on wkds and stuff. I do know we are both into each other may him more so into me than i am him, however I'm failing to see how this could work, i can see myself having a relationship with him on the quiet for a while but not long term , we've decided to get a hotel somewhere random and spend the weekend fri night- sun evening somewhere cool just the 2 of us. I really like this dude and he clearly like me judging by what he says , he's one year younger than me and he's a joiner , I'm a sports student .... also I don't even know how the sex could work ha i told him this and his reply was charming he said " sex isn't even important man, as long as I'm with you and we can fall asleep and chill together I'm the happiest lad in the world" I'm just gunna go with it but its a confusing time.... I'm starting to wander if my depression may actually be bipolar or something worse as i fear I'm getting worse and more up and down but i won't seek help for this as I'm more a natural do it yourself dude i.e exercise and focus.

Reply 4

scrotgrot

16

Original post by Anonymous

hi thanks for you're reply, but i have to disagree with you, i think i am very different to gay guys, you said most gay guys are straight acting this isn't true not even close! i am pretty much straight and still see girls ....... however your right about the labels ....... this guy I'm seeing is also a genuine lad I've seen his pics from lads holidays in kavos and he plays footy on wkds and stuff. I do know we are both into each other may him more so into me than i am him, however I'm failing to see how this could work, i can see myself having a relationship with him on the quiet for a while but not long term , we've decided to get a hotel somewhere random and spend the weekend fri night- sun evening somewhere cool just the 2 of us. I really like this dude and he clearly like me judging by what he says , he's one year younger than me and he's a joiner , I'm a sports student .... also I don't even know how the sex could work ha i told him this and his reply was charming he said " sex isn't even important man, as long as I'm with you and we can fall asleep and chill together I'm the happiest lad in the world" I'm just gunna go with it but its a confusing time.... I'm starting to wander if my depression may actually be bipolar or something worse as i fear I'm getting worse and more up and down but i won't seek help for this as I'm more a natural do it yourself dude i.e exercise and focus.

No you just don't see the straight-acting ones because you look at them and assume they're straight. Straight of course is itself a wide continuum, you hardly need to be a Kavos-frequenting WKD-necking gym rat to be straight(-acting). Again with the stereotypes. Enjoy your sexual explorations

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by scrotgrot

No you just don't see the straight-acting ones because you look at them and assume they're straight. Straight of course is itself a wide continuum, you hardly need to be a Kavos-frequenting WKD-necking gym rat to be straight(-acting). Again with the stereotypes. Enjoy your sexual explorations

thanks for your reply, i realise labels are not helpful for anyone and especially in my case i must be the first dude to ever be in this situation apart from emmerdale or hollyoaks ! the guy I'm seeing thinks we have something real, i don't disagree as it feels amazing and I can't keep off my phone all day, but i worry what my mates, family would say, theres no way i would even consider making anything with him official whilst I'm at uni ! or even while I'm living at home . altho my mum is cool and says all the time how she'd turn gay for j lo

Reply 6

anosmianAcrimony

20

Original post by Anonymous

thanks for your reply, i realise labels are not helpful for anyone and especially in my case i must be the first dude to ever be in this situation apart from emmerdale or hollyoaks ! the guy I'm seeing thinks we have something real, i don't disagree as it feels amazing and I can't keep off my phone all day, but i worry what my mates, family would say, theres no way i would even consider making anything with him official whilst I'm at uni ! or even while I'm living at home . altho my mum is cool and says all the time how she'd turn gay for j lo

While I don't know from experience, I highly doubt you're the first one to be in the position you're in.

Might I just ask: Have you ever met the person you're talking about in real life, or at least Skyped with them with video? I suggest you do that before booking any hotel rooms, or else he could turn out to be 54.

Reply 7

number23

15

The only thing that makes someone gay is being sexually attracted to their gender

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by anosmianAcrimony

While I don't know from experience, I highly doubt you're the first one to be in the position you're in.

Might I just ask: Have you ever met the person you're talking about in real life, or at least Skyped with them with video? I suggest you do that before booking any hotel rooms, or else he could turn out to be 54.

Hi yeah i have face timed and i have him on every social media platform and speak on the phone a lot so i know he's my age, obviously we wouldn't meet in a hotel room either straight away that would be sordid lol .... thanks for your concern though :smile:

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by number23

The only thing that makes someone gay is being sexually attracted to their gender

gay is so final though! i don't think i am i think this could be a phase or I'm just bi for him its a strange situation

Reply 10

number23

15

Original post by Anonymous

gay is so final though! i don't think i am i think this could be a phase or I'm just bi for him its a strange situation

Well I think sexuality is a very fluid thing. If you don't want a label don't have one. Remember you don't owe your sexuality to anyone.. Follow what feels right, I guess :smile:

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by number23

Well I think sexuality is a very fluid thing. If you don't want a label don't have one. Remember you don't owe your sexuality to anyone.. Follow what feels right, I guess :smile:

true, i actually finished everything with him this evening though, because he is talking to other boys and girls. I thought this was different but noo so yeah im back on girls now ! i would rather be single and alone then be a second he's "so upset " and "so sorry" and "loves me" i don't care though done now :smile:

cheers for your replys I'm open to a gay experience and hope i have one before i settle down !

Reply 12

eskimo_rising

3

I'm actually speechless your in the second year of uni, you strike as much younger in many ways. Its been a while since I was 19 maybe I was equally as naive and immature.

I hope you tackle the depression. Good luck. Btw if you have bi-polar it needs to be checked out- depression is one thing but that is a whole other kettle of fish. :smile:

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by eskimo_rising

I'm actually speechless your in the second year of uni, you strike as much younger in many ways. Its been a while since I was 19 maybe I was equally as naive and immature.

I hope you tackle the depression. Good luck. Btw if you have bi-polar it needs to be checked out- depression is one thing but that is a whole other kettle of fish. :smile:

hi thanks for your reply, i don't know why your speechless though? and I'm actually 22! ... I've dropped out of 2 previous uni courses and 2 well paid jobs with good employers ( thats another story) but I'm making a go of uni now and doing ok !....... yeah I'm not sure about the bipolar thing i don't want the mental illness label sticking over me , i believe in goals ( uni work atm) and training goals ( being able to deadlift 140kg) these are the kind of things along with healthy living that keep me focussed the vast majority of the time.
As for the whole 'bi ' thing with this lad we are back on now and meeting up this wknd after him crying and being an emotional wreck last night i dunno why he was but anyway he's deleted tinder and the other interested boy and 2 girls numbers now ... so I'm feeling a bit better about things i actually have a date on thursday though with a bird and its a second date so that might actually lead somewhere so yeah I'm feeling positive today

Reply 14

fluffyowl

7

Original post by Anonymous

hi thanks for your reply, i don't know why your speechless though? and I'm actually 22! ... I've dropped out of 2 previous uni courses and 2 well paid jobs with good employers ( thats another story) but I'm making a go of uni now and doing ok !....... yeah I'm not sure about the bipolar thing i don't want the mental illness label sticking over me , i believe in goals ( uni work atm) and training goals ( being able to deadlift 140kg) these are the kind of things along with healthy living that keep me focussed the vast majority of the time.
As for the whole 'bi ' thing with this lad we are back on now and meeting up this wknd after him crying and being an emotional wreck last night i dunno why he was but anyway he's deleted tinder and the other interested boy and 2 girls numbers now ... so I'm feeling a bit better about things i actually have a date on thursday though with a bird and its a second date so that might actually lead somewhere so yeah I'm feeling positive today

Why is he not allowed to talk to other guys and girls but you are? Seems really unfair to me!

If you do have a mental illness, don't be afraid to get help for it. I haven't been myself for about 2.5 years now, and finally went to see the doctor about it recently. Turns out I have "low mood" which is one step below depression. I am now waiting for an appointment with a counselling service, but I already feel a little better knowing that help is around the corner. Nobody has to know that you are suffering if you don't want them to. The only people that know that I am getting help is my parents and my boyfriend. Plus my doctor and the counselling service obviously. I am currently doing a PhD, and don't intend to tell anyone at uni unless it begins to impact on my work a lot more.

Reply 15

suudsioee

12

Original post by Anonymous

hi thanks for your reply, i don't know why your speechless though? and I'm actually 22! ... I've dropped out of 2 previous uni courses and 2 well paid jobs with good employers ( thats another story) but I'm making a go of uni now and doing ok !....... yeah I'm not sure about the bipolar thing i don't want the mental illness label sticking over me , i believe in goals ( uni work atm) and training goals ( being able to deadlift 140kg) these are the kind of things along with healthy living that keep me focussed the vast majority of the time.
As for the whole 'bi ' thing with this lad we are back on now and meeting up this wknd after him crying and being an emotional wreck last night i dunno why he was but anyway he's deleted tinder and the other interested boy and 2 girls numbers now ... so I'm feeling a bit better about things i actually have a date on thursday though with a bird and its a second date so that might actually lead somewhere so yeah I'm feeling positive today

Dont u thinkbits a bit hypocritical that at the start you said you are slowly seeing two girls and this lad, but u get upset at him for doing the same?

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by fluffyowl

Why is he not allowed to talk to other guys and girls but you are? Seems really unfair to me!

If you do have a mental illness, don't be afraid to get help for it. I haven't been myself for about 2.5 years now, and finally went to see the doctor about it recently. Turns out I have "low mood" which is one step below depression. I am now waiting for an appointment with a counselling service, but I already feel a little better knowing that help is around the corner. Nobody has to know that you are suffering if you don't want them to. The only people that know that I am getting help is my parents and my boyfriend. Plus my doctor and the counselling service obviously. I am currently doing a PhD, and don't intend to tell anyone at uni unless it begins to impact on my work a lot more.

hey thanks for your advice, and i don't think it is unfair because i won't tell him and if i like him ill end things and just see him. At the end of the day I've never being with a guy before and its a bit scary ha , I've never thought id be bi/ gay and I'm giving up a lot more ( i know he's in the same situation) although he actually told me he'd being with one guy before which he didn't initially tell me ! which i was a bit pissed off about. I guess ill see how it goes when i see him.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by suudsioee

Dont u thinkbits a bit hypocritical that at the start you said you are slowly seeing two girls and this lad, but u get upset at him for doing the same?

Yeah i guess so, but I'm not seeing another guy just one girl atm and I'm not sleeping with them or him yet just dates and hanging out i suspect he was doing something a bit different :L also he initially said he was bicurious like me and never done anything gay bla bla bla bla then he tells me he's being with a lad and done stuff ..... because i told him i was a bit nervous and unsure about obviously he was telling me its no different than being with a girl you just have more fun when it comes to hanging out :L anyway its cool i still like him