Straight man fall in love with best friend
I read this online, and I think it's so adorable. I was a slightly skeptical, but I've looked into it and apparently this guy was totally straight beforehand and is now in a relationship with his best friend.
And I understand where he's coming from. Despite being gay, there are girls, friends of mine, who I know I could easily have fallen in love with if the circumstances were right, and I would have tried a relationship with them
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14997/im-an-otherwise-straight-man-who-fell-in-love-with-his-best-friend.html
And I understand where he's coming from. Despite being gay, there are girls, friends of mine, who I know I could easily have fallen in love with if the circumstances were right, and I would have tried a relationship with them
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14997/im-an-otherwise-straight-man-who-fell-in-love-with-his-best-friend.html
I’ve always prided myself on being open. I’ll try any new therapy or modality or New Age idea — and, believe me, I’ve tried them all. I’ve done the self-work. I’ve “found myself.” I’ve even practiced my affirmations. I knew who I was, without a doubt.
That’s why I found myself in unfamiliar territory when I — the open guy, the “figured out” guy, the unquestionably straight guy — realized that I was in love with my best friend, a man. A man I had known for seven years. A man I had never before even thought of in a romantic way. But, there I was, in love.
Only it didn’t start out as love. See, two summers ago, I came down with a mysterious illness. Not the common cold kind. Not even the achy back kind. This was the kind where you vomit massive amounts of blood throughout the day. The kind where doctors pass you from specialist to specialist. The kind where you’re bent over in pain with tears in your eyes.
And my roommate, Garrett, one of my best friends at the time, took pity on me. He took care of me. He picked up my prescriptions from the pharmacy. He cooked me dinner. He stayed in on Friday nights to watch movies. He’d even rub my back when I was in pain.
Each day, I waited anxiously until he came home from work. My face lit up when he surprised me with my favorite dinner. I replayed conversations we had when I was alone. I missed him when he was gone.
Two months into this routine, I had a thought — a tiny, little thought — that I loved him. It seemed preposterous. It seemed laughable. I shooed it away immediately. But that thought started creeping into my mind whenever he was away. That thought sneaked in whenever he did something nice or made me laugh.
And it all came down to this moment — one moment when he was cooking me dinner, and he looked over and smiled at me. I knew this was it. This was the moment where I had to decide if I could allow myself to love a man against everything I had previously known about myself. This was the moment when I had to decide if I was going to take a step forward into this crazy idea of telling my best friend that I loved him.
There’s a certain freedom in a life-threatening sickness. There’s a certain liberation in staring down death in the face. It makes you do crazy things. It makes you unafraid to tear down the only identity you’ve ever known for a gamble. It makes you walk right up to your best friend and tell him that you love him.
So I approached him cautiously. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I opened my mouth and no words came out. Again, I tried, and all I could say was, “Garrett, I have something to tell you.”
He looked at me earnestly.
“Garrett, I think I’m in love with you.”
His expression changed to that of confusion.
“Well, you’ve been so great and taken care of me, and I know it doesn’t make much sense. But, if I’ve ever felt love, this is it. And, well — I think I’m in love with you.”
He stopped and thought for a moment. It was a long moment. Then he opened his mouth again and asked, “Do you miss me when I’m away?”
I nodded my head slowly — uneasily.
“Do you get excited to see me?”
I nodded again, this time with a hint of uncertainty.
He looked back timidly. “Well, then I think I might love you too.”
We had no idea how to make this work. We had no idea if this even could work. Sometimes we still don’t. It took time — years even — to figure it out. But it’s a relationship. None of us know what we’re doing. We just try and negotiate and compromise. And, little by little, you become just another boring couple.
So, yes, I’m an otherwise straight man in love with a man. But I would never reduce Garrett down to just being a man. Because he’s more than that. He’s a pharmacist and a good cook and a great cards player. And I love him for all of those reasons and so many more. I love him for who he is, not what he is. We’re more than our gender. We’re more than one attribute. And sometimes we need to remember that.
We have this myth of identity — that who we are is the summation of a lot of choices we made in the past. That we’ve got a map for the life we’re supposed to lead, and we’ve got to stick to it. But that’s assuming that we’re all static beings, and that’s not how people work at all.
In every moment, we’re changing and evolving and growing. In every moment, we’re reconstructing our identity. We’re not defined by our decisions from two years ago. We’re not even defined by our decisions from two minutes ago. We’re defined by who we choose to be in this very moment.
We’ll never be “figured out.” Over the course of our lives, we’ll constantly be transforming into a more and more authentic version of ourselves. Our preferences will change. Our passions will change. And we have to be brave enough to choose the thing that makes up happiest in each individual moment.
When I chose to tell Garrett that I loved him, it didn’t matter if it didn’t fit my identity. It didn’t matter if it didn’t fit my sexuality. It just mattered if it brought me love. In truth, that’s all that ever really matters.
We’re only here for a very short time. In every moment, we only have one real choice: Will it bring me closer to or further away from love?
So, tell me — will you choose love?
That’s why I found myself in unfamiliar territory when I — the open guy, the “figured out” guy, the unquestionably straight guy — realized that I was in love with my best friend, a man. A man I had known for seven years. A man I had never before even thought of in a romantic way. But, there I was, in love.
Only it didn’t start out as love. See, two summers ago, I came down with a mysterious illness. Not the common cold kind. Not even the achy back kind. This was the kind where you vomit massive amounts of blood throughout the day. The kind where doctors pass you from specialist to specialist. The kind where you’re bent over in pain with tears in your eyes.
And my roommate, Garrett, one of my best friends at the time, took pity on me. He took care of me. He picked up my prescriptions from the pharmacy. He cooked me dinner. He stayed in on Friday nights to watch movies. He’d even rub my back when I was in pain.
Each day, I waited anxiously until he came home from work. My face lit up when he surprised me with my favorite dinner. I replayed conversations we had when I was alone. I missed him when he was gone.
Two months into this routine, I had a thought — a tiny, little thought — that I loved him. It seemed preposterous. It seemed laughable. I shooed it away immediately. But that thought started creeping into my mind whenever he was away. That thought sneaked in whenever he did something nice or made me laugh.
And it all came down to this moment — one moment when he was cooking me dinner, and he looked over and smiled at me. I knew this was it. This was the moment where I had to decide if I could allow myself to love a man against everything I had previously known about myself. This was the moment when I had to decide if I was going to take a step forward into this crazy idea of telling my best friend that I loved him.
There’s a certain freedom in a life-threatening sickness. There’s a certain liberation in staring down death in the face. It makes you do crazy things. It makes you unafraid to tear down the only identity you’ve ever known for a gamble. It makes you walk right up to your best friend and tell him that you love him.
So I approached him cautiously. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I opened my mouth and no words came out. Again, I tried, and all I could say was, “Garrett, I have something to tell you.”
He looked at me earnestly.
“Garrett, I think I’m in love with you.”
His expression changed to that of confusion.
“Well, you’ve been so great and taken care of me, and I know it doesn’t make much sense. But, if I’ve ever felt love, this is it. And, well — I think I’m in love with you.”
He stopped and thought for a moment. It was a long moment. Then he opened his mouth again and asked, “Do you miss me when I’m away?”
I nodded my head slowly — uneasily.
“Do you get excited to see me?”
I nodded again, this time with a hint of uncertainty.
He looked back timidly. “Well, then I think I might love you too.”
We had no idea how to make this work. We had no idea if this even could work. Sometimes we still don’t. It took time — years even — to figure it out. But it’s a relationship. None of us know what we’re doing. We just try and negotiate and compromise. And, little by little, you become just another boring couple.
So, yes, I’m an otherwise straight man in love with a man. But I would never reduce Garrett down to just being a man. Because he’s more than that. He’s a pharmacist and a good cook and a great cards player. And I love him for all of those reasons and so many more. I love him for who he is, not what he is. We’re more than our gender. We’re more than one attribute. And sometimes we need to remember that.
We have this myth of identity — that who we are is the summation of a lot of choices we made in the past. That we’ve got a map for the life we’re supposed to lead, and we’ve got to stick to it. But that’s assuming that we’re all static beings, and that’s not how people work at all.
In every moment, we’re changing and evolving and growing. In every moment, we’re reconstructing our identity. We’re not defined by our decisions from two years ago. We’re not even defined by our decisions from two minutes ago. We’re defined by who we choose to be in this very moment.
We’ll never be “figured out.” Over the course of our lives, we’ll constantly be transforming into a more and more authentic version of ourselves. Our preferences will change. Our passions will change. And we have to be brave enough to choose the thing that makes up happiest in each individual moment.
When I chose to tell Garrett that I loved him, it didn’t matter if it didn’t fit my identity. It didn’t matter if it didn’t fit my sexuality. It just mattered if it brought me love. In truth, that’s all that ever really matters.
We’re only here for a very short time. In every moment, we only have one real choice: Will it bring me closer to or further away from love?
So, tell me — will you choose love?
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by young_guns
I read this online, and I think it's so adorable. I was a slightly skeptical, but I've looked into it and apparently this guy was totally straight beforehand and is now in a relationship with his best friend.
And I understand where he's coming from. Despite being gay, there are girls, friends of mine, who I know I could easily have fallen in love with if the circumstances were right, and I would have tried a relationship with them
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14997/im-an-otherwise-straight-man-who-fell-in-love-with-his-best-friend.html
And I understand where he's coming from. Despite being gay, there are girls, friends of mine, who I know I could easily have fallen in love with if the circumstances were right, and I would have tried a relationship with them
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14997/im-an-otherwise-straight-man-who-fell-in-love-with-his-best-friend.html
He's gay, I don't believe that someone can 'turn you gay'
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Wade-
He's gay, I don't believe that someone can 'turn you gay'
Afaik, he hasn't "turned gay".
Original post by young_guns
Afaik, he hasn't "turned gay".
Well being romantically in love with another man suggests you're at least bi sexual
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Wade-
Well being romantically in love with another man suggests you're at least bi sexual
I think sexuality is complex, it would be a mistake to claim that there must have been some kind of underlying bisexuality all along.
It's quite possible that falling in love with his best friend provoked some kind of bisexuality.
How did you even come across this, were you typing things like ''straight guys falling in love with men'' into google or something?
Original post by young_guns
I think sexuality is complex, it would be a mistake to claim that there must have been some kind of underlying bisexuality all along.
It's quite possible that falling in love with his best friend provoked some kind of bisexuality.
It's quite possible that falling in love with his best friend provoked some kind of bisexuality.
So you weren't suggesting his friends turned him gay, you were suggesting his friend might have turned him bi?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Wade-
So you weren't suggesting his friends turned him gay, you were suggesting his friend might have turned him bi?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
I think it depends if we are referring to sexual orientation as an objective/scientific standard for measuring sexual or romantic attraction. It also depends on how we are defining 'gay' and 'bi'. Is gay purely to members of the same sex? Or is it 'almost exclusively' to members of the same sex? How strict are our definitions of these categories?
Original post by GeorgeTownsend
How did you even come across this, were you typing things like ''straight guys falling in love with men'' into google or something?
Do you disapprove?
Original post by young_guns
Do you disapprove?
Not at all. What 2 consenting adults do is up to them.
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Last reply 1 day ago
Why is the political left now censorious and authoritarian??Last reply 1 day ago
Is it true that British unis are prejudiced towards degrees from Scottish unis?Last reply 1 day ago
If the Russell Group was now a fair representation of what it still claims to beLast reply 2 weeks ago
TSR Goes Green: How important will the environment be in this year's election?Last reply 2 weeks ago
Research Rankings of universities if you add Research Quality & Intensity percentagesLast reply 1 month ago
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