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Was I raped

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Reply 60
Avatar for keladry
keladry
6
Original post by DiddyDec
I am well aware that I drink a lot and I am also very proud of my drinking ability.


Good for you :rolleyes:
I am so sorry to hear what has happened.

Is there anyone that you can contact/ be with right now and possibly confide in? You should not be alone. I would suggest getting into contact with one of the helplines already discussed and talk to them and perhaps they can tell you what to do next. Despite there currently being uncertainty as to whether you were or were not raped you should still go and see an expert and discuss it through with them. Do not be afraid or be worried. Something happened and it was not your fault.

Please do not suffer in silence
From your version of events it sounds so - but I think you can only really make a proper judgement once you've heard his side of the story as well. The fact that you can't remember any of it complicates this even further.
I am so sorry to hear this. I think this is rape and you should tell someone. If you don't want to tell the police then tell a couple of people at your uni so that they can warn other girls to stay away from him. But i think you should tell the police.
Yeah that's stone wall rape, you weren't in a fit state to give consent. Sorry to hear it.

Let it be known that while this is not your fault you were still irresponsible and reckless at the same time in the act of getting overly drunk. At the very least learn from this experience.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I never ever thought id post a thread like this.
Last night, i got very drunk and was split up from my friends in a club. My memory went after that. The next thing I know I'm waking up with a guy who tells me we had sex, tells me i was sick in a taxi, sick on myself, he showered me and then put me to bed.. and then we had sex..
I can't wrap my head around this.. is this rape? I obviously wasn't in a fit state, I never would choose to have a one night stand,
I really don't know what to do.
I don't even know him at all.
I can't stop crying, I feel really odd, like I've never felt how I do right now.

Mod edit: Please note that this is not a debate thread, give helpful advice to the OP only. Unhelpful/unsupportive advice will be removed and you may receive a card


Yes it is rape. I had a friend who was in a practically same situation, apart from the sicko who raped her had claimed she "led him on". No matter what, if you are that drunk and he had sex with you it is rape.

If you feel the need you should try to get hold of a therapist, or maybe someone who you can totally trust who, it's important that you tell someone as it's not good to keep something like that to yourself.

Also, I'd report the guy to the police if I were you; he took advantage of you, saw how drunk you were he still had sex with you, so he is not a man who deserves to be walking free on the streets.
Reply 66
Avatar for liass
liass
9
OP- yes it sounds like you've been raped. I'm so sorry :frown: maybe have a blood test to see if your drink was spiked?
Call the police- don't worry about ruining his life, if he raped you he deserved it. You were clearly in no state of mind to consent. Hope you're ok soon :frown: xxx
Original post by liass
It sounds more like her drink was spiked than she got black-out drank honestly.


She stated herself that she got incredibly drunk prior, which can often lead to lack of memory. I'm not going to jump to conclusions and say she was spiked when the drink itself is enough for the memory loss.
Original post by Anonymous
x


Do not ask him if you consented or not. He's obviously going to say if it was indeed rape.

If you do not want to go to the police rightaway, go to a trusted adult (especially if you are at uni).

And where is he now?
Reply 69
Avatar for liass
liass
9
Original post by So Instinct
She stated herself that she got incredibly drunk prior, which can often lead to lack of memory. I'm not going to jump to conclusions and say she was spiked when the drink itself is enough for the memory loss.


yeah I guess, but still even if she got blackout drunk surely she would have had flashes. I got blackout drunk once and I didn't remember anything, but I did have brief flashes so I could piece together what I did and where I went etc.
Original post by liass
yeah I guess, but still even if she got blackout drunk surely she would have had flashes. I got blackout drunk once and I didn't remember anything, but I did have brief flashes so I could piece together what I did and where I went etc.


Not everyone is the same, for example I've gotten extremely drunk at parties but remembered everything clearly while many of my friends don't remember a thing.
Reply 71
Avatar for david32
david32
are you ok?
This is difficult.

It sounds likely that it was rape, in the circumstances. However, the fact that you don't remember anything doesn't itself mean that you didn't consent. Given that you don't remember what happened, it would need to be shown either that you were too drunk to be able to give consent or that your drink was spiked. You need to go and get a blood test ASAP to test for date rape drugs. Also speak to your friends and ask them to tell you whether they think that you were compos mentis.
Original post by ChickenMadness
I'd have to agree. I've never managed to black out on alcohol alone.


Precisely. I've drunk a lot and taken many recreational drugs in my life.

The only time I've experienced something like in one moment I feel quite intoxicated, and in literally the next moment of experience it is several hours later and you're somewhere completely unfamiliar is with GHB.

When you pass out drunk, you still have this almost subconscious kind of experience of being out to the world similar to sleep, not this sharp jump that is almost like a smash cut of perception as it feels with GHB
Original post by liass
yeah I guess, but still even if she got blackout drunk surely she would have had flashes. I got blackout drunk once and I didn't remember anything, but I did have brief flashes so I could piece together what I did and where I went etc.


Doesn't always happen that way for everyone. Once, when I was 18, I got extremely drunk, was sick on my friend's sofa and then called my parents to take me home. At least, that's how it went in my memory. My friends informed me the next day that there were in fact seven hours between those two things happening, during which I did a lot of ridiculous stuff which you'd think I'd have remembered.
Reply 75
Avatar for Wade-
Wade-
10
Original post by TurboCretin
This is difficult.

It sounds likely that it was rape, in the circumstances. However, the fact that you don't remember anything doesn't itself mean that you didn't consent. Given that you don't remember what happened, it would need to be shown either that you were too drunk to be able to give consent or that your drink was spiked. You need to go and get a blood test ASAP to test for date rape drugs. Also speak to your friends and ask them to tell you whether they think that you were compos mentis.


If you can't remember what happened then the chances are you weren't sober enough to give valid consent.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by DiddyDec
Clearly you aren't drinking enough. I did it twice last week.


If you blacked out twice last week, you're an alcoholic.

Clean yourself up, for god's sake. It's embarrassing
Original post by Wade-
If you can't remember what happened then the chances are you weren't sober enough to give valid consent.


Posted from TSR Mobile


I agree, but how well do you think that would hold up in court when deciding whether to sentence a man to life imprisonment?
Original post by tim_123
There seems to be a lot of assumptions being made on this thread.

for All we know you were drunk, he took you home out of kindness and put you in bed. And then you had sex with him. He may have even said no a few times before giving in.


Even if the above scenario was to be true then with the way the law and society is structured the responsibility would still fall on him not to allow the act of sex to happen or be faced with possible rape charges, because unfortunately the state deems individuals who drink excessively to not hold any responsibility for their actions in social environments.
Original post by young_guns
If you blacked out twice last week, you're an alcoholic.

Clean yourself up, for god's sake. It's embarrassing


I was on holiday, I tend not to drink any other time.

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