Feeling a bit down at being a 21yo guy that's never been on a date

I agree with this- I don't really flirt with girls at all. I kinda think that I like to talk to a girl in a friendly way to get to know her, since if I don't know her how do I know if I like her?
The problem is if I get to know her she might just see me as a friend, but if I don't I might not know if I like her.
It's a catch 22

yeah I'll look into it, I don't have much spare time currently but I'll check it out and try to fit something in.

how would I do this?

how would I do this?

Nah, flirting and getting to know someone aren't at all mutually exclusive. You'll get the hang of it if you practise.

Let's be upfront here. Most people who have been in relationship in younger ages, tend to end up breaking after a few years. There are actually very few people that actually remain in a relationship from a younger age. Who knows, perhaps you will find a PROPER relationship in the near future, and actually end up dating them for a significant time! That's what I find usually happens to older guys who have never dated.

That aside, I find it very hard to be attracted to a guy that's very nice. Mainly because I'm paranoid that they might be an ******* when I get to know them (that's not always true obviously). I tend to find guys that mess you around and fool you around a bit MUCH more attractive. Them if you are in a very ****ty situation where you desperately need help, the guy will treat you like gold. That's the kind of guy I would like to be in a relationship with.

Also, why not try talking to quieter girls? Quiet girls really appreciate it when someone come up to them and talk to them.

Or maybe pick up a new form of exercising? Yoga or water sports or something else along those lines?

Sorry to jump in, but I think the way to do this is be yourself. Don't panic too much. And smile. Also, don't mumble. That's a huge turn off. Act like you want to be there with that person.

If you're not naturally confident then just act it and it should get you more attention.

Hi everyone, sorry about the depressing post- I'm having a **** day and maybe some love advice would be nice.
As the title says, I've never been on a date with a girl or met a girl that I liked and liked me back.
I'm a very kind, friendly guy (I have lots of good male friends, and 2 good female), I'm quite smart (I work as a PhD researcher) and I'm fun- I have a good sense of humour (I do make rude jokes but I tone it down around girls) and I tend to be OK at making friends with girls but they always seem to only see me as a friend. I’m a bit skinnier than average due to illnesses but I’m athletic and ‘ripped’, and I’m always getting bigger, and I’m of average (maybe slightly taller height). I don’t have a handsome face but I have been called cute before.
There's a really sweet girl I see once every occasionally (once per month) when I'm out with my friends and I like her, but I think she still likes her ex (whom cheated on her, has a gf and broke up with he rover a year ago) which makes me feel less interested. I have her number and we organised and went on a night out with a large group of our friends recently- she said we should do it again but when I asked her to come out with a smaller group of friends she didn’t reply for over a day, said OK, then later said she’s already going on a night out at that time- I take it she’s not that desperate to hang out so probably isn’t that interested. It was her that wanted me to come out at first and offered me her number to hang out, and tells me how sweet I am etc but clearly she’s either seeing me purely as a friend or is hot and cold.
I just find it difficult to find a girl I like, who likes me whom I could go on a date with.
I do get hit on occasionally, and I am capable of pulling girls in nightclubs etc (although I never have and probably never will) but these are desperate, slutty girls that basically hit on my friends and work their way down to me. I have only ever kissed a girl once when I was 17, and with my close female friend who had just broken up and we were both drunk.
I would only want to kiss or have a sex with a girl if I liked her, but I never get the chance to know a girl well since I don’t get to find a nice girl that likes me. I would ideally like to meet a nice girl, be friends, hang out, date, like her, then kiss her etc since I would feel wrong about kissing a girl I don’t care about.
I find I hard to find a girl whom I think is nice and could hang out with and be friends, then date. I have close female friends whom I can hang out with easily, the other girls I make friends with are just casual friends I hang out with in a large group.
I generally look for a girl who is cute, kind, sweet and doesn’t have major personality issues (i.e no drama queens or still liking her douchebag ex).
Is it me? Am I not trying hard enough or am I looking for too much?

tldr.

but... I noticed you used the word "slutty".

guys who refer to girls as "sluts" come across as sexist dicks. Perhaps this is your problem?


You're also going about it all the wrong way. Its 2015, nowadays people meet their partners by having wonderful sex with lots of people and then finding one that they are compatible with and sticking with them. By the age of 21 you should really have got used to this idea.

I really don't think calling a girl slutty is sexist, just like calling a guy that's a player a dick isn't.
A girl who tries to have sex with every guy she meets in a nightclub would be considered slutty to me- one of my close female friends is like this and it doesn't make her a bad person, she's a great friend but I wouldn't want to date her.
Maybe I have old fashioned sexist views, but I would definitely need to go out with a girl, get to know her and trust her before I would consider having sex. Maybe its because I'm 21 and a virgin but I think I would have to be very comfortable around someone to have sex with them- I would love to have sex but it'd have to be with someone I felt comfortable with.
I don't know if I'm overly sensitive about this but it just seems right.
I don't want to have sex with lots of people.

Well then we both now know why you can't get a date: because you have old fashioned sexist views.

That's fine, I'm not judging you. All I'm saying is, you have two choices: modernise your views, or accept the fact you're going to die a virgin.



Waiting until finding a girl you feel seriously about before having sex is like waiting until the day of your driving test before getting into the driving seat of a car. You need to practice dude.

So I should use women as practice? I really don't agree with that morally at all.

"The best things happen unexpectedly." The more you seek it, you are unlikely to find it. Just let the thought of finding "THE girl" go or else, you might just be disappointed.

Well how about like instead of trying to find the girl of your dreams the first time around, why don't you lower your standards and kind of go on 'practise dates' to boost your confidence about asking a girl out. I know it sounds kinda cheesy, but you could find someone you're mildly interested in and take it from there, that way you won't be as afraid of doing the wrong thing

Thanks, this makes sense.


I would do this but I don't really know any girls that I could ask to hang out apart from really platonic ones or girls I barely know.

Isn't this the general hypocrisy that you're looking for a "serious and genuine" relationship but end up hating yourself because you have to play the waiting game for it to turn up? And you're not alone in this too.

People go out and have fun but their "ideal" other half is probably doing something quite the opposite.....?

Yes it gets lonely and it might bother you that you're x years old and you've not done this, that or the other but why does this matter if your ultimate goal is finding, more or less, a marriage partner? Someone who cares, loves you for who you are and puts you first? Patience O Young one

if you use 'whom' half as much in speaking as you do in writing i think i might know your problem

I would do this but I don't really know any girls that I could ask to hang out apart from really platonic ones or girls I barely know.

I'm 24, failed uni due to mental health issues and i now live at home. STFU about your problems and go ask girls out you ****ing pussy!