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Was I raped
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Original post by LutherVan
It is better safe than sorry for anyone not to drink so badly they don't know what they are doing and then hold others responsible for helping them decide.
Everyone should learn not to drink to the point they cannot even say "No".
Everyone should learn not to drink to the point they cannot even say "No".
NO NO NO NO NO. No. No. No. And again NO.
If someone was drunk and then someone murdered them this is not the fault of the person for being drunk, it's the murder's fault.
The ONLY cause of rape is rapists. It is not about wearing short skirts or drinking or anything like that...it's people who don't accept the need for consent. Look at the law. The onus is on the accused to prove that they sought consent and it was given freely and knowingly.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by LutherVan
Everyone should learn not to drink to the point they cannot even say "No".
Original post by greeneyedgirl
NO NO NO NO NO. No. No. No. And again NO.
If someone was drunk and then someone murdered them this is not the fault of the person for being drunk, it's the murder's fault.
The ONLY cause of rape is rapists. It is not about wearing short skirts or drinking or anything like that...it's people who don't accept the need for consent.
If someone was drunk and then someone murdered them this is not the fault of the person for being drunk, it's the murder's fault.
The ONLY cause of rape is rapists. It is not about wearing short skirts or drinking or anything like that...it's people who don't accept the need for consent.
Again, another weak analogy.
Sex is very different from murder.
Many people and many couples have sex while drunk everywhere in the world. Many like it like that. I am yet to come across anyone that wants to be murder while drunk. I have not even come across any that want to be murdered when sober.
Women must accept responsibility instead of seeking power to have a choice to change their mind and scream rape when they regret a sex or want to punish a man.
Except you say "no", struggle or are passed out, we can never be sure it was rape if it is with someone you know or even a stranger you flirted with.
This seems to have been turned into a debate thread, but I think the important thing to say here OP is that non of this was your fault.
What happens now is entirely up to you, you're in control and it's your choice. If you want to report this man for rape you can, if you don't feel comfortable with that you don't have to. However, if you feel you may want to report him, now or in the future, it is good idea if you go to a doctor or the police quickly so that they have the best possible chance of collecting DNA evidence. But again, this is your choice and you can wait and report him later or never report him if this is what's best for you. What ever you decide, it will be really helpful if you have a friend or family member you can tell who can support you.
I would also really advise seeing a doctor, you don't clarify whether he used contraception and you may have been spiked. If you don't feel comfortable seeing your own doctor about this then you can contact rape crisis, and they may be able to refer you to a SARC centre. Rape Crisis will also be able to talk you through your options and offer you support. If you're in London, you may also be able to access a service called The Havens. Please get support if you feel you need it, make sure you take care of yourself.
What happens now is entirely up to you, you're in control and it's your choice. If you want to report this man for rape you can, if you don't feel comfortable with that you don't have to. However, if you feel you may want to report him, now or in the future, it is good idea if you go to a doctor or the police quickly so that they have the best possible chance of collecting DNA evidence. But again, this is your choice and you can wait and report him later or never report him if this is what's best for you. What ever you decide, it will be really helpful if you have a friend or family member you can tell who can support you.
I would also really advise seeing a doctor, you don't clarify whether he used contraception and you may have been spiked. If you don't feel comfortable seeing your own doctor about this then you can contact rape crisis, and they may be able to refer you to a SARC centre. Rape Crisis will also be able to talk you through your options and offer you support. If you're in London, you may also be able to access a service called The Havens. Please get support if you feel you need it, make sure you take care of yourself.
Something I would like to know is this: did you ask him? I mean, when he explained what happened the night before, what exactly did he say? Was he not surprised that you didn't remember having sex with him? Did you question him any further? Did he literally say "I cleaned you up after you were sick and then we had sex"? I'm just trying to get my head around that conversation because I think it would be crucial in understanding whether this was rape or not. What was his tone of voice and general attitude like? What was his reaction when you didn't remember having sex with him or even where you were? Did you just say goodbye to him and leave the house or did you run out? I know it must be horrible to replay things but these are the types of details the police would want to know.
Original post by caiitliin
Everyone should learn not to rape. Take your **** elsewhere.
I agree with you.
As long as you don't consider one's inability to know what they did or consented to "rape".
Original post by LutherVan
Again, another weak analogy.
Sex is very different from murder.
Many people and many couples have sex while drunk everywhere in the world. Many like it like that. I am yet to come across anyone that wants to be murder while drunk. I have not even come across any that want to be murdered when sober.
Women must accept responsibility instead of seeking power to have a choice to change their mind and scream rape when they regret a sex or want to punish a man.
Except you say "no", struggle or are passed out, we can never be sure it was rape if it is with someone you know or even a stranger you flirted with.
Sex is very different from murder.
Many people and many couples have sex while drunk everywhere in the world. Many like it like that. I am yet to come across anyone that wants to be murder while drunk. I have not even come across any that want to be murdered when sober.
Women must accept responsibility instead of seeking power to have a choice to change their mind and scream rape when they regret a sex or want to punish a man.
Except you say "no", struggle or are passed out, we can never be sure it was rape if it is with someone you know or even a stranger you flirted with.
Luckily for humanity the law in the UK disagrees with you. Did you know less than 1% of rape claims are false? (http://www.cps.gov.uk/publications/docs/cps_vawg_report_2013.pdf) there really isn't that whole "women who is out to screw and man over or save herself from embarrassment over sex with someone" that rape apologists like to believe there is.
Original post by Anonymous
I never ever thought id post a thread like this.
Last night, i got very drunk and was split up from my friends in a club. My memory went after that. The next thing I know I'm waking up with a guy who tells me we had sex, tells me i was sick in a taxi, sick on myself, he showered me and then put me to bed.. and then we had sex..
I can't wrap my head around this.. is this rape? I obviously wasn't in a fit state, I never would choose to have a one night stand,
I really don't know what to do.
I don't even know him at all.
I can't stop crying, I feel really odd, like I've never felt how I do right now.
Mod edit: Please note that this is not a debate thread, give helpful advice to the OP only. Unhelpful/unsupportive advice will be removed and you may receive a card
Last night, i got very drunk and was split up from my friends in a club. My memory went after that. The next thing I know I'm waking up with a guy who tells me we had sex, tells me i was sick in a taxi, sick on myself, he showered me and then put me to bed.. and then we had sex..
I can't wrap my head around this.. is this rape? I obviously wasn't in a fit state, I never would choose to have a one night stand,
I really don't know what to do.
I don't even know him at all.
I can't stop crying, I feel really odd, like I've never felt how I do right now.
Mod edit: Please note that this is not a debate thread, give helpful advice to the OP only. Unhelpful/unsupportive advice will be removed and you may receive a card
I'm so sorry OP.
It is rape if consent is not given. This can be either saying no or not saying yes - and here's where the grey areas come. If he can show that your signals can be misread as "yes I give consent" then things get more confusing.
As you said, you've blacked out from this. If he said he was able to get you back in a taxi and shower you etc then it can be presumed he is not in the same drunken state as you were and, perhaps, could have made an informed decision.
I think it's best to follow the advice given by some already to contact the relevant police departments and let them look through the CCTVs and perhaps find the taxi driver that took you both home to establish how drunk the two of you were. Also, do get yourself tested as well for any STDs etc.
Stay strong xxx
To answer your question OP, you don't remember what happened, if you consented to having sex but the forgot, thats not rape. Did he take advantage of you? Maybe, but thats not rape either. The truth is only he knows for sure.
For all the people jumping the gun and saying she was raped. Im a bit sick of everyone jumping to the conclusion that if a woman is drunk and has sex then she was raped because she can't consent to it. She's not a child, men and women can be drunk and still make decisions. Its also very insulting to women who are actually rape victims to conflate two different scenarios.
For all the people jumping the gun and saying she was raped. Im a bit sick of everyone jumping to the conclusion that if a woman is drunk and has sex then she was raped because she can't consent to it. She's not a child, men and women can be drunk and still make decisions. Its also very insulting to women who are actually rape victims to conflate two different scenarios.
Original post by greeneyedgirl
Luckily for humanity the law in the UK disagrees with you. Did you know less than 1% of rape claims are false? (http://www.cps.gov.uk/publications/docs/cps_vawg_report_2013.pdf) there really isn't that whole "women who is out to screw and man over or save herself from embarrassment over sex with someone" that rape apologists like to believe there is.
How can one arrive at the conclusion less than 1% of rape claim are false when we don't have 99% of rape cases leading to a conviction?
Who came up with that figure and how?
Unfortunately for humanity, the same UK law also clearly states that if I go out and have a drink and I am completely wasted, if a girl has sex with me while I am completely drunk it can NEVER be considered rape. My consent is assumed. It is seen as my responsibility not to be so drunk and stop myself from having sex with her. So why should be different for a female?
So please don't pride yourself on rubbish laws.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by StormXibalba
To answer your question OP, you don't remember what happened, if you consented to having sex but the forgot, thats not rape. Did he take advantage of you? Maybe, but thats not rape either. The truth is only he knows for sure.
For all the people jumping the gun and saying she was raped. Im a bit sick of everyone jumping to the conclusion that if a woman is drunk and has sex then she was raped because she can't consent to it. She's not a child, men and women can be drunk and still make decisions. Its also very insulting to women who are actually rape victims to conflate two different scenarios.
For all the people jumping the gun and saying she was raped. Im a bit sick of everyone jumping to the conclusion that if a woman is drunk and has sex then she was raped because she can't consent to it. She's not a child, men and women can be drunk and still make decisions. Its also very insulting to women who are actually rape victims to conflate two different scenarios.
There's a difference between drunk and so drunk you're unable to consent. OP is clearly the latter. They two scenarios are people who are able to consent and people who can't/don't consent. Being drunk doesn't exclude you from the second scenario.
Original post by LutherVan
How can one arrive at the conclusion less than 1% of rape claim are false when we don't have 99% of rape cases leading to a conclusion?
Who came up with that figure and how?
Unfortunately for humanity, the same UK law also clearly states that if I go out and have a drink and I am completely wasted, if a girl has sex with me while I am completely drunk it can NEVER be considered rape. My consent is assumed. So why should be different for a female?
So please don't pride yourself on rubbish laws.
Who came up with that figure and how?
Unfortunately for humanity, the same UK law also clearly states that if I go out and have a drink and I am completely wasted, if a girl has sex with me while I am completely drunk it can NEVER be considered rape. My consent is assumed. So why should be different for a female?
So please don't pride yourself on rubbish laws.
I gave you the document, go and read it yourself.
No a woman can still rape you even if you are completely drunk.
Original post by greeneyedgirl
Luckily for humanity the law in the UK disagrees with you. Did you know less than 1% of rape claims are false? (http://www.cps.gov.uk/publications/docs/cps_vawg_report_2013.pdf) there really isn't that whole "women who is out to screw and man over or save herself from embarrassment over sex with someone" that rape apologists like to believe there is.
It was because of this same stupid laws that a girl claiming she was too drunk to give consent was able to (during her so-called inebriation) remember to get her pizza, texted her friends on her phone in perfect grammar and posted messages on FB accused Ched Evans of rape and he was still convicted in court.
How fantastic for humanity such a law is!!!
Original post by StormXibalba
To answer your question OP, you don't remember what happened, if you consented to having sex but then forgot, thats not rape.
No.
If she consented but was too drunk to give effective consent then it is rape. It is unlikely that someone would not remember having sex unless they were too drunk to consent.
It's rape. Contact the police immediately and report him. Even if you were drunk this doesn't mean he should take advantage of you, you may have or haven't given consent that doesn't mean he should have sex with you in the fist place especially if your drink. Hope your feeling better xx
Original post by greeneyedgirl
I gave you the document, go and read it yourself.
No a woman can still rape you even if you are completely drunk.
I gave you the document, go and read it yourself.
No a woman can still rape you even if you are completely drunk.
I suggest you spend sometime to read UK laws that is great for humanity.
If a woman has sex with a man drunk out of his mind, IT IS NOT RAPE under UK laws.
Why should it be different for females?
Original post by macromicro
No.
If she consented but was too drunk to give effective consent then it is rape. It is unlikely that someone would not remember having sex unless they were too drunk to consent.
If she consented but was too drunk to give effective consent then it is rape. It is unlikely that someone would not remember having sex unless they were too drunk to consent.
Plenty of men have sex with women when they're drunk and forget about it the next day, no one would say the guy wasn't able to consent. Absolute rubbish.
Original post by StormXibalba
Plenty of men have sex with women when they're drunk and forget about it the next day, no one would say the guy wasn't able to consent. Absolute rubbish.
This has nothing to do with what I posted about the OP. She is female. Do not use strawman arguments.
Its dangerous to tell her to go to the police and say she was raped when she doesn't even remember what happened. She could have willingly had sex with him and then claimed this and now possibly ruin someone's life by claiming rape.
Someone very close to me was brutally raped and calling scenarios like this a "clear rape" is disgusting.
Could she have been raped? Of course, but she doesn't remember so don't tell her she was when she doesn't even know what happened.
Someone very close to me was brutally raped and calling scenarios like this a "clear rape" is disgusting.
Could she have been raped? Of course, but she doesn't remember so don't tell her she was when she doesn't even know what happened.
Original post by don100
She was not raped.
I have a go-to question that I immediately throw back at women whenever they start talking about being raped:
“The guy that did it is rotting away in prison, right?”
Not a single woman has ever answered “yes” to that question. Out of a very healthy sample size of women not one “yes.”
I have a go-to question that I immediately throw back at women whenever they start talking about being raped:
“The guy that did it is rotting away in prison, right?”
Not a single woman has ever answered “yes” to that question. Out of a very healthy sample size of women not one “yes.”
None of these women even pressed charges against their so-called attackers, either. After a little more interrogating, it was usually revealed that a previous boyfriend pressured them for sex, or they got drunk off their asses and didn’t remember what happened.
One girl in particular said she was raped by an ex-boyfriend at a party, and that her new boyfriend at the time broke up with her as a result. If
If a woman was truly the victim of a savage attack, she’s not going to just let it roll off her back like nothing happened. When sh*t gets real, women always go for help.
Right, so you managed to find a group of raped women to survey for this, yeah? Your sample size?
You clearly don't understand the effects of rape. Savage attacks mean that women feel powerless and that's why they "let it roll off [their] backs", especially if the rape is committed by a loved one or someone they know. Similarly, "When **** gets real, women always go for help" is a ****ing ridiculous statement. Rape cases that are reported are dropped for awful reasons - lack of evidence (she's hardly going to keep the condom, is she?), because they literally get lost in the system and because of a huge culture of disbelief. I remember reading one story about a trial whereby a man was exonerated because she was wearing provocative clothing. Victim-blaming at its finest. This is honestly why guys (and girls and anything in between) aren't rotting away in prison.
Being drunk means rape is possible. It becomes quite blurred if both parties are drunk - but why does only one of the two try and rape, despite their drunkenness? But if only one party is significantly drunk, they have been raped because a) they cannot give consent and b) their state has been taken advantage of.
Also - "a previous boyfriend pressured them for sex" constitutes rape. Engaging in sex you were coerced into or simply did not want is rape. I don't understand why there are these blurred lines that seem to exist throughout this thread and your comment.
I'd apologize for the essay but I'm not at all sorry. Your argument is offensive and stupid.
P.S. When a woman - or anyone - starts talking about being raped, you shouldn't have a go-to question like that. Try having a go-to sympathetic tone.
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