Need help, I need a good reason/excuse not to have sex with boyfriend.. any ideas?

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Ok so I've been dating a man for weeks now (like 2 months) and he has had many sex partners in his past. We tried sex 2 months ago but it hurt and I've been putting it off ever since. I went to the gp last week and he said nothing was physically wrong so it's just a matter of putting up with probably due to inexperience.

Anyway I've been putting it off and the bf has been getting a little frustrated saying I show no passion whatsoever, never go to kiss him etc plus we split up for a day because he said I didn't like sex and had issues with it. He said he could put up with that for a while but not the rest of his life. I told him it wouldn't be forever and I just need to get used to it. Last week he didn't want me round he didn't text me till very late and said he had been in the bath and didn't feel like getting out. He said the next day that he didn't think it was working out between us because he shouldn't have felt the way he did in the bath (not being bothered to get out and text me). The day after he seemed ok again and we are on good terms again.

Anyway that's just just a bit of history into his character. He has been patient with me about the sex thing and has waited fair enough. Trouble is I'm supposed to be staying at his this weekend and 2 days ago he developed a cold sore. I've never had them before and don't want to catch the herpes virus. He avoided kissing me at first but wanted to kiss me today as he said the coldsore was a bit better and told me not to be soft so I kissed him a little.

Im im worried about staying at his at the weekend I mean he will likely try to kiss me/want sex I'm actually willing to try sex again but am concerned about the coldsore lol. Thing is if I tell him I'm not kissing him and that he's not to kiss me anywhere/do oral he will think I'm making excuses/messing him around and go on about me not showing passion again : /

Im thinking of a good reason not to stay at his as I don't want herpes. I want to be with him but would prefere sex the week after when his cold sore has gone but I've been putting sex off for weeks already he will see it as an excuse and as I said he'l think I'm messing him about.

We are both going to the gym at the weekend before his house I need a good reason to avoid sex (as the real reason won't be accepted by him). I was thinking of pretending I had an injury from the gym or something.

Any ideas? It can't be a period I was on one 2 week ago. I just don't want to break up with him as I do like him but I'm also a bit of an hyperchondriac

NO NO NO NO!!!! Coldsores can take weeks to heal over. Not a couple of days.

Ok im guessing hes a meat head teenager who simply hasnt got that, the more pressure he puts on you the worse its going to make you.

Look if your not ready, your not ready. Not to mention the coldsore. Never mind this "i really like him crap" If hes putting you down and making you unhappy, frankly its not worth it.

You need to tell him how your feeling, tell him the pressure your being put under is not helping. If he still cant understand that then walk away. If he does then see where it goes.

Original post by sacca

this serioursly sounds like you are being raped, he is clearly coercing you into doing things you don't want to do. boys need to be taught that it just is not ok to treat girls like this, have you tried talking to your parents / friends about the situation? I advise you take a break and stop having sex with him.

but.....but..... but.....they havent had sex

see's username

oh its you.

nevermind carry on in the la la land you live in

Reply 41

Chihiro_

Original post by sacca

Look you wouldn't argue physics with a physicist so don't argue rape with a gender studies student

LOL

Look sacca has had 50 or so hours of mediocre classes she must know so much more!!!!

Reply 42

Josb

The title is gloomy, as your situation. Leave him.

"im worried about staying at his at the weekend" What girl can say that? :lolwut:

Reply 43

username1495504

I would just like to point out that oral herpes (cold sores) is a different strain of the virus to genital herpes.
So you can have sex and not catch it as he has oral herpes so won't have it on his genitals. Just don't kiss him or get oral sex from him. Oral sex is the way genital/oral herpes is passed on to the part of the body they are not usually on.

Reply 44

mcgreevy1993

Original post by keladry

Nope Nursing.

....I'm fully aware it's not rape...not sure why you're explaining this to me? I was arguing against the girl who said "this is clearly rape" when it clearly is not.

Quoted yourself by mistake, mobile studentroom makes it difficult to quote.
I completely agree with you.
I think the person You quoted [or meant I to quote] has clearly learnt this critical theory and applying it to real life.
I'm sorry for the misquoting :smile:

Reply 45

keladry

Original post by mcgreevy1993

Oh I see, I was quite confused by your response :tongue:

Reply 46

mcgreevy1993

Original post by keladry

Oh I see, I was quite confused by your response :tongue:

It's even harder to edit than it is too post on this, so I'm going to leave it but sorry for the confusion :smile:

Reply 47

scrotgrot

Wow lots of overreactions here saying this sounds like rape etc. The guy has waited 2 months and other than that it is all her worries that he'll think she's messing him about.

Op 2 things.

1. Stop being a hypochondriac if you are concerned about the cold sore transmitting herpes just don't have him lick you out.

2. If it hurt last time you had sex either you weren't wet enough or you were tense and uncomfortable and expressing vaginismus. Both will be solved by creating a relaxing atmosphere. The lack of sex has become a Thing now that's making you anxious and best way to break this is to create some psychodrama and get yourself feeling relaxed and not put upon.

Reply 48

BioStudentx

Original post by sacca

Feminists are so funny :laugh:

. This girl is clearly retarded ^.

Reply 49

mrstudenttsr

Seems sacca has quite a reputation on TSR - http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3191053&page=3
She's a nightmare...

Reply 50

mrstudenttsr

Original post by BioStudentx

Feminists are so funny :laugh:

. This girl is clearly retarded ^.

This. I tried to stay clear of the feminism aspect, but having seen the other threads shes on, she's bonkers.

Reply 51

Caspiian

You do not need a reason or an excuse. If you feel that way... I do not think your relationship is healthy. Saying I do not want to is enough of a reason.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 52

RollerBall

Break up. This is pathetic.

Reply 53

Anonymous #1

Original post by Foo.mp3

Just tell him straight: "not till your coldsore has cleared up completely, I don't want herpes!" Simples

Just an update. He's had it 7 days but its still like a red scab in the cornor of his mouth. I said we cant kiss so he didnt but tried to initiate sex through the night, he was kissing my face so i reminded him and he pulled his face, lay back down and said 'your just a general passion killer, sorry for saying it' then he turned over lol. We had a convo about it and he said he could understand in the initial stages of it but that it wasnt contagious anymore, he'd been to the dentist who'd said it easnt and that he wouldnt have treated him otherwise. I said we can still have sex just not kiss and he said 'no you cant not many people have sex without kissing, i think you are using it as an excuse.

Anyway the next day we cuddled and he initiated sex again and was kissing my body heading down below. I said to him 'dont want to kill the passion but dont kiss down below as the coldsore can spread there'. He looked annoyed again and said 'well you have uve killed it again' then lay back.

Ive a feeling he's going to break up with me, i dont want to deep down but i dont know why he cant just respect my wishes. I mean can you really not have sex without kissing??

I know that ive been too avoidant with sex in the past with him but i do want go try for him but this bloody coldsore is prolonging things and making him think im rejecting him.

Is it me going over the top really? I feel like im being controlling or something but then it just makes sense to avoid a coldsore! : (

Reply 54

RollerBall

Original post by Anonymous

You sound pretty boring.

Reply 55

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

Is it me going over the top really? I feel like im being controlling or something but then it just makes sense to avoid a coldsore! : (

Nah, do what you want with your body, for you. Not him. It's not 'being controlling' if it involves the control over your own body. Explain clearly to him how you feel about the situation and if he's too much of a numbskull to understand that, or respect your concerns, or, hey, he makes you feel bad for not doing what HE wants.. Then, well. Consider dodging the bullet.

Reply 56

Anonymous #1

Original post by RollerBall

You sound pretty boring.

Well yea all i seem to care about is my health and the gym/training. Theres nothing that bored people more than these 2 topics ha.

Reply 57

Happygeekgirl1

Tell him to wait until the coldsore heals up. I recently got my first coldsore and I didn't want physical contact with anybody because I'm not sure how infectious they are and I certainly wouldn't have kissed someone. That's just selfish! Apparently 70percent of the population carry the virus, incl plenty of people whov'e never had sex and it can lie dormant for decades. If he can't wait a couple of weeks for it to heal then there's something wrong and maybe you should find someone else to have a relationship with.

Reply 58

Adz2042

Original post by Anonymous

Just know you have a choice on the debate of sex. Stand your ground and simply tell him you are not ready for sex. If he's that desperate for it with you, and you're not 100% ready yet, then you're on different paths, as others have mentioned before.

One of my friends has sex and hates kissing people. She simply doesn't like it. It's weird, yes, as typically you kiss while having sex, but some don't like it. Perfectly natural. Don't worry about that. Focus on yourself and your priorities.
If your bf / man can't agree with you and what you want, then maybe it's time to find someone that will listen to you and wait till you are ready.

Best of luck though about the whole thing. Let me know what happens.

Reply 59

Happygeekgirl1

Tell him to wait. I recently had my first coldsore and didnt want physical contact with anyone as I'm not sure how infectious they are. I certainly wouldn't't have kissed someone, thats just selfish! Apparently 70percent of people carry the virus incl lots of people who v'e never had sex and it can lie dormant for decades. If he can't wait à couple of weeks for it to heal there's something wrong and Maybe you should find someone better to have a relationship with.