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Mental Health Support Society XVI

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this is a ****ing disaster.
Feel awful :frown: like nobody really understands how I am feeling

Received an appointment for a work capability assessment for ESA claim through the post the other day and felt really rubbish since that. Feel anxious. Feel sick. Just really not wish it at all and to cap it all off don't feel like eating either. Meant to be going out for a drink tomorrow night with the brother but even that I'm thinking of giving a miss as not in the mood. Also meant to be at voluntary work tomorrow, but not sure I can go now. Just not feeling it at all

My doctor is doing me a letter to basically say that I am feeling anxious and that if I feel I can't go through with this medical a home visit would be best. But he was saying to me today that it's not him being unsympathetic but in his opinion it would be better if I went to the medical at the assessment centre as it will give them a chance to see how anxious I really am, but also he doesn't want to force me to go and I end up in a worse state. I've took all this as him basically not seeing how bad I am, but then I suppose he is in a way

I've just read alot of stories about the ESA medical online and if they twist my words and I fail the medical and stuff then I really will be in a worse state :frown: on a waiting list for CBT, not even sure I want to start that yet with the worry of the medical, it just wouldn't work as you have to be at least mentally with it for it to have any effect

Just feel I can't enjoy anything now. Someone said maybe the dose of my tablets needs looking at again, but can't really go back to the doctors again this week after just being there today. Have another appointment with GP for next week, but its how I get through to then:frown:
Original post by ScaryScience
this is a ****ing disaster.


:hugs: really hope you are gonna be okay Scary!

---

slept a bit, feel less tired of things for now I guess, still not great but idk, wish the world could be turned off as easily as the telly sometimes!
Original post by IDukem
Thank you! :lovehug:

Happy belated birthday too! :hugs:


Thank you
Original post by moment of truth
:hugs:


thanks :hugs:
Can;t do this cant do this :cry:
Original post by Pathway
Can;t do this cant do this :cry:


:console: what's wrong? (gonna echo iDukem and wish you a belated happy birthday as well as ive not been that active here lately!)
Shows I'm not right, although I've felt down and anxious its more been coming out in me anger wise. Not cried for ages but I have twice today. Once when I got back in from doctors on the phone to the ESA medical place. Second time just now :frown: bottle of beer in hand, not the.best thing to be doing I know but just need a lift. Someone to tell me they do understand how I am feeling and it will all be ok in the end

I'm sure my doctor didn't mean anything in saying going to the ESA medical is best as it will show them my anxiety, but I just took it as my usual over-analyzing. Well thats that I'll be sent back to work and he doesn't give a stuff. Deep down I know he does, just doesn"t feel that way in my head right now
I know I should be revising tonight, I am so ridiculously behind where I would want to be right not and I can't even tell myself that I'll catch up and be able to do more because I don't know that I will. Just feel stressed about it all, I know next to nothing about 3 of my 4 subjects and I need to work faster to get through all the stuff but I don't know that I can. On top of that I'm trying to not get my hopes up about getting a room I want for next year because I might not get it and then that would make me feel down and mean I wouldn't revise as much but I have wanted one of these rooms since I started at the university and I might be able to get one.
Think I'm going to do something else tonight that isn't work because the idea of making more notes or reading through stuff just feels overwhelming and maybe it would be better to just try to relax for a bit (I tried earlier and ended up sending four emails that I had to write, organising a supervision and stressing out about rooms because there is so much I have to do). Think the headache that I'm currently dealing with is just from me stressing out too much as well.
Tempted to take half a dose of the meds I have to help me sleep because they just make me relax rather than knock me out and then take the rest of the dose when I actually go to bed just worried that then I won't sleep :/
Original post by SunsetScout
I hope this doesn't sound sarcastic, it's not meant to, but that should be your motivation to get outdoors! There is no chocolate at home so why don't you go out and get some, go for a walk on the way back home while eating your chocolate, the weather is great, once out in the sunshine you'll feel a hundred times more energised :smile:


As a self confessed chocoholic, when im in a depressive episode even the thought of getting chocolate doesnt motivate me to get out of the house.

Not sure if you understand how bad depression can get or not.


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Original post by Jean-Luc Picard
:hugs: really hope you are gonna be okay Scary!

---

slept a bit, feel less tired of things for now I guess, still not great but idk, wish the world could be turned off as easily as the telly sometimes!


thanks. hope youre ok :hugs:
Original post by Valvopus
I know I should be revising tonight, I am so ridiculously behind where I would want to be right not and I can't even tell myself that I'll catch up and be able to do more because I don't know that I will. Just feel stressed about it all, I know next to nothing about 3 of my 4 subjects and I need to work faster to get through all the stuff but I don't know that I can. On top of that I'm trying to not get my hopes up about getting a room I want for next year because I might not get it and then that would make me feel down and mean I wouldn't revise as much but I have wanted one of these rooms since I started at the university and I might be able to get one.
Think I'm going to do something else tonight that isn't work because the idea of making more notes or reading through stuff just feels overwhelming and maybe it would be better to just try to relax for a bit (I tried earlier and ended up sending four emails that I had to write, organising a supervision and stressing out about rooms because there is so much I have to do). Think the headache that I'm currently dealing with is just from me stressing out too much as well.
Tempted to take half a dose of the meds I have to help me sleep because they just make me relax rather than knock me out and then take the rest of the dose when I actually go to bed just worried that then I won't sleep :/


:penguinhug:
Original post by Jean-Luc Picard
:console: what's wrong? (gonna echo iDukem and wish you a belated happy birthday as well as ive not been that active here lately!)



Just cant cope with everything. feel so alone. had counselling today and i feel stupid because i cried about my dad after. want to hide away from everything :cry2:

thank you
cant do this at all. major crisis. crisis crisis crisis. ****.
Original post by ScaryScience
cant do this at all. major crisis. crisis crisis crisis. ****.



Message me if you want? Are you safe? :console:
Original post by Pathway
Message me if you want? Are you safe? :console:


Spoiler

Original post by ScaryScience

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Original post by Pathway

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Sorry repped by accident. Hope you both are okay (hug)
Original post by ScaryScience
cant do this at all. major crisis. crisis crisis crisis. ****.


:jumphug: Go to A&E if you don't feel safe - if you can't do that, call for an ambulance to take you there :frown:


Original post by IDukem
AHHHHHH I'M 21!!! :gah: :colondollar: :rock: :jive:


Congrats and Happy Birthday (sorry it's late!) :lovehug: :party: :woo:

Original post by Noodlzzz
discharged from hospital!


:king1:

Spoiler

Well I feel happier but also sick as a dog. Had about 5 beers tonight in an effort to make myself happier after what has been a horrible day :frown: someone said i shouldn't be this worked up over ESA medical and that maybe my meds need adjusting but can't get that done til next Weds. Can't go in docs again tomorrow after just being in today