trying to pretend I have any hope for the future at all is hard...just everything seems **** and likely to only get ****ter.
feel so blah & empty last couple of days, not like unsafe like I was on Monday morning, but even so I just feel like that whole episode has made me realise how futile things are & how I will probably never be actually happy no matter what I do, just day after day of feeling like this & darkening the world around me.
feel beyond awful that I can't be happier for the people who care about me, but there's just no good feelings there right now.