Am I wrong for judging him?

OP

Original post by shawn_o1

keep away from "affairers"

So I'm not horrible for being put off my friend due to this? How shall I handle this in the future?

Reply 3

You're not being too harsh, no. Your friend is doing something socially and romantically unfair, and whilst the woman is at fault for cheating on her husband, that doesn't mean your friend gets away scot free.

You should tell him you feel his actions are wrong and that he can end up hurting a lot of people emotionally if he carries on with the behaviour.

Reply 4

OP

Original post by Inexorably

You're not being too harsh, no. Your friend is doing something socially and romantically unfair, and whilst the woman is at fault for cheating on her husband, that doesn't mean your friend gets away scot free.

You should tell him you feel his actions are wrong and that he can end up hurting a lot of people emotionally if he carries on with the behaviour.

I think he knows it's morally wrong but he doesn't care. He asked me what's the point of being good. He said to me he broke it off with her before but she keeps making moves and he gives in again. It happened again yesterday.

I don't know how much more I can stomach hearing it as I genuinely hate cheaters because of my own history. I won't hear about it again til the next time it happens, just wondering how I should respond without sounding too preachy or judgy

Reply 5

Original post by Anonymous

I think he knows it's morally wrong but he doesn't care. He asked me what's the point of being good. He said to me he broke it off with her before but she keeps making moves and he gives in again. It happened again yesterday.

I don't know how much more I can stomach hearing it as I genuinely hate cheaters because of my own history. I won't hear about it again til the next time it happens, just wondering how I should respond without sounding too preachy or judgy

The point of being 'good' is that less people will be hurt if he stops his actions. He is actively choosing pleasure over the values of other people and romance which is insanely selfish.

Tell him you can support him with breaking it off and helping him not go running back to her all the time.

Reply 6

Best of Luck

8

I think you should remain his friend but let your opinion be made clear, but don't make it an issue unless he is mentioning it all the time/making you uncomfortable. You shouldn't not be his friend because of it I don't think. He may not take relationships as seriously as you, and ultimately, it is the woman who's cheating that is at fault.

You wouldn't unfriend someone for believing in god if you were an athiest, differing views on subjects are bound to come up in the friendship.

Reply 7

OP

Original post by Inexorably

The point of being 'good' is that less people will be hurt if he stops his actions. He is actively choosing pleasure over the values of other people and romance which is insanely selfish.

Tell him you can support him with breaking it off and helping him not go running back to her all the time.

Thanks, that's a good response. I don't know if this matters but he said the reason he wants to break it off is because he's starting to care for her.

Reply 8

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks, that's a good response. I don't know if this matters but he said the reason he wants to break it off is because he's starting to care for her.

Then I would encourage you to talk to him right away about it, once you develop feelings for someone who is married then the problem will just snowball :tongue:

Reply 9

OP

Original post by Best of Luck

I think you should remain his friend but let your opinion be made clear, but don't make it an issue unless he is mentioning it all the time/making you uncomfortable. You shouldn't not be his friend because of it I don't think. He may not take relationships as seriously as you, and ultimately, it is the woman who's cheating that is at fault.

You wouldn't unfriend someone for believing in god if you were an athiest, differing views on subjects are bound to come up in the friendship.

You're right and that's why I have to be cautious in how I handle this. It is his life at the end of the day and I understand most of the fault will be with the woman - especially since she seems to always want to instigate it. He knows I think it's wrong, he's always joking about me being a saint. I will have to wait for the next time he brings her up to say something then

Reply 10

OP

Original post by Inexorably

Then I would encourage you to talk to him right away about it, once you develop feelings for someone who is married then the problem will just snowball :tongue:

He told me this a few weeks ago. Since then, he stayed away from her for a couple weeks but yesterday it happened again. Guess his feelings are getting involved in it. Any advice on how I should bring it up? I haven't been talking to him properly today so it seems kinda awkward

Reply 11