Don't know how to dump my long term partner and father of my child

I really don't know how to end my current relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have an 18 month old together.

I have never been in love with him but loved him as a person. I never found him sexually attractive but thought the attraction would come. I wante a baby so decided to have one and I wouldnt change thats decision now. My son is everything to me.

I know I didn't love my partner but decided to stay with him for the sake of my son. But my son is almost two now and Im just not happy.
My partner is a bit of a loser as harsh as that soubds. Since I've known him he hasn't had a steady job or any money. I've had to fiancially support myself and my son. He did try and get us a house but his income was too low. He's not lazy, he just hasn't got much direction to his life.
I don't think I will ever meet anyone else. I'm ridiculously fussy now I have a son. Although I have half heartedly been on some dating sites. I know that's wrong but I have stopped now and wouldn't ever meet up with anyone unless me and my partner were over.
I have told him I don't want to be with him anymore abd he has gone to stay with his mum for a day but he keeps saying im only joking to people and wants to stay at my house (I was given it by a housing association after my son was born). I don't know what boundaries to set and how to go about separating. I really need advice

Reply 1

madman13

Typical chav story here tbh, you have already told him how you feel now so just ask him to collect his things from the council house you share.

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Reply 2

Alaric III

14

If you've already told him you don't wanna be with him, next time he says you're joking you just make it clear you're not and you tell him to pack his bags. Probably wasn't a good idea to have a kid with this guy in the first place given you weren't attracted to him at all by the sounds of it. I don't mean to get on my high horse, but having a kid is not a joke or something to take lightly just because you feel like it.

Reply 3

gabzy

2

Someone call Jeremy Kyle

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Reply 4

cheshiremum

9

If you definitely want to end your relationship, you will need to sort out any joint financial arrangements, eg if you have any joint bank accounts, and inform your local authority and any other relevant agencies - then you can sort out any council tax discounts you might be due.

Is the tenancy in your name only? If so that makes things easier, otherwise you will have to change that as well.

Do try to be kind, as you may need some cooperation from him, and you have sort of admitted to staying with him so you could have a baby. If he has any loans or credit agreements at your address, it's in your interests to make sure that he informs all of those people that he's moved out.

And please try to make sure he has an ongoing relationship with your son, for all your sakes.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

I'm very well aware I shouldn't have had a baby with him. But I was immature at the time. We all do daft things. But actually, I'm much happier with my son in my life so it wasn't a mistake. He's amazing.

Im very well educated so definetly not a chav. I got my council house only so that I could buy it at a hugely discounted rate and make a hefty profit so I'm pretty clever :-)

its also in in a very posh area.

People are very quick to judge abf make conclusions.

Single parents are in all social classes.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by cheshiremum

If you definitely want to end your relationship, you will need to sort out any joint financial arrangements, eg if you have any joint bank accounts, and inform your local authority and any other relevant agencies - then you can sort out any council tax discounts you might be due.

Is the tenancy in your name only? If so that makes things easier, otherwise you will have to change that as well.

Do try to be kind, as you may need some cooperation from him, and you have sort of admitted to staying with him so you could have a baby. If he has any loans or credit agreements at your address, it's in your interests to make sure that he informs all of those people that he's moved out.

And please try to make sure he has an ongoing relationship with your son, for all your sakes.

Thanks for this reply. We are amicable and we have separate finances. So that's good. His dad has houses he rents out so he will stay in one of those so won't be homeless.

I spoke to him today and he seemed much better and we went on a day trip with my son. I think he has accepted it's over and is dealing with it.

Reply 7

Regertemah

8

I feel really tempted to go grammar-Nazi right now...

But I really do think you should be kind to him right now, whilst breaking up with him. It's not his fault, you should have never prolonged this in the first place. The son also needs a father in his life, and I'm sure your partner also needs that son too. Make sure you break up in civil terms, or else it could turn out really ugly.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Regret786

I feel really tempted to go grammar-Nazi right now...

But I really do think you should be kind to him right now, whilst breaking up with him. It's not his fault, you should have never prolonged this in the first place. The son also needs a father in his life, and I'm sure your partner also needs that son too. Make sure you break up in civil terms, or else it could turn out really ugly.

We are very amicable. I don't worry about that. I just feel bad for him :-(

Reply 9

cheshiremum

9

Don't feel too bad - if it isn't going to work, it's kinder to end it sooner rather than later so you can both move on. It would be worse to stay out of a sense of duty or guilt - it wouldn't last, and you'd both have wasted time. Good luck to all three of you, you get one life, live it x

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Reply 10

MAINE.

3

ok yes, her story is chav cliche, but that doesnt mean you guys have to be dicks about it....

OP your partner sounds like dead weight....if you think you would be better off without him then that's what you should do.

Reply 11

DeadGirlsDance

17

Original post by Anonymous

I really don't know how to end my current relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have an 18 month old together.

I have never been in love with him but loved him as a person. I never found him sexually attractive but thought the attraction would come. I wante a baby so decided to have one and I wouldnt change thats decision now. My son is everything to me.

I know I didn't love my partner but decided to stay with him for the sake of my son. But my son is almost two now and Im just not happy.
My partner is a bit of a loser as harsh as that soubds. Since I've known him he hasn't had a steady job or any money. I've had to fiancially support myself and my son. He did try and get us a house but his income was too low. He's not lazy, he just hasn't got much direction to his life.
I don't think I will ever meet anyone else. I'm ridiculously fussy now I have a son. Although I have half heartedly been on some dating sites. I know that's wrong but I have stopped now and wouldn't ever meet up with anyone unless me and my partner were over.
I have told him I don't want to be with him anymore abd he has gone to stay with his mum for a day but he keeps saying im only joking to people and wants to stay at my house (I was given it by a housing association after my son was born). I don't know what boundaries to set and how to go about separating. I really need advice

Show him this post and he'll leave you. Too bad because you seem so nice :rolleyes:

Probably a troll, but I only ready the first bit.

Reply 12

Tabstercat

14

Pretty disgusting behaviour on your part. Why would you have a baby with someone you knew you didn't love? Did he know you didn't love him at the time?

Reply 13

cherryred90s

20

Original post by madman13

Typical chav story here tbh, you have already told him how you feel now so just ask him to collect his things from the council house you share.

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I LOL'd then repped

Reply 14

EdmundWoodstock

2

Post 6 confirms OP is a troll.

Reply 15

username1863805

12

Original post by madman13

Typical chav story here tbh, you have already told him how you feel now so just ask him to collect his things from the council house you share.

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LOL Wish I could rep you (fresh out today).

Reply 16

A5ko

3

Have you considered having seven more children?

Reply 17

username1863805

12

Original post by Tabstercat

Pretty disgusting behaviour on your part. Why would you have a baby with someone you knew you didn't love? Did he know you didn't love him at the time?

I thought that too. Why use the guy just to have a kid and bring a kid into this mess. Also, so unfair on the poor man.

Reply 18

gabzy

2

I feel so bad for this guy.
And this girl.. Obviously has no idea how much is sucks to grown up in a single parent family.... So educated lmao...

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