Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Original post by Liv1204
Don't give up. If you're struggling it's really worth contacting whoever assessed you and asking for your referral to be pushed through. I was lucky - my referrals went through very quickly in the end, but there were times when I was seeing my GP weekly almost begging because I was so desperate.
Did they say how long it would take for you to receive more support?
Did they say how long it would take for you to receive more support?
Thanks
I'm seeing my GP regularly, but don't really know who else to contact. They said they would contact me shortly after I was put on the waiting list, but no indication of how long until actual support
Hi, I just wanted to post to get some stuff off my chest. I don't know if I have an eating disorder, or if so, exactly which one it would be. I do know that my eating is unhealthy and problematic though.
In general, I am not very healthy. I have bipolar disorder along with anxiety and a history of compulsive, reckless and obsessive behaviours and lots of self-harming and self destructive habits.
With my eating, basically, when I have had periods of poor mental health, I often lose appetite and often through lack of self care, this has resulted in unhealthy weight loss and malnutrition. Sometimes, it becomes a form of self harm and sometimes lack of self esteem means I just don't think I deserve to eat. Also, it seems to be a method of controlling anxiety since the resulting weakness and lightheadedness seems to make me relaxed - almost like a drug.
Recently, for the past couple of months I have once again fallen into these habits. Weightwise, I am still borderline underweight but mentally and nutritionwise I know I am screwed up. There has been another development this phase which is quite baffling to me. Basically, I have had these instances of absolute gorging where I have purposely bought a load of food (often random wierd things in a daze) and taken it home and sat and forced myself to eat it all.
Spoilered for details
I don't know where this comes from. I know it was just the reaction of my body to malnourishment but more a mental thing. Sort of a self disgust and self harming thing I think. I do remember walking home and looking at reflections in the mirror and just thinking how pale and ill I looked and then thinking [it]'right, screw you, I will feed you back up you pathetic creature'[/it]
It is becoming a routine now. It happened again this weekend and it was less severe in that although I made myself eat everything, I hadn't bought as much so physically, the effect wasn't as strong. The problem is that I know the resolution is to transition into a 'normal' eating pattern (I have never had one - even when I am taking care of myself and eating enough, it isn't usually regular healthy meals) but these binges are making me physically sick for a few days which puts me off and in general, the anxiety eating now causes due to it being an issue and my general anxiety and unease is blunting my appetite. My lack of self esteem is also at the stage where I mostly dont care that I am unhealthy and hurting myself.
On top of all of this, especially as a man, I feel so embarrassed and ashamed about all of this. I know it is common but it is still isnt talked about and is unsuspected in men. When I have had eating problems that become physically noticeable, people (even mental health staff) have often assumed that I have had a physical illness causing weight/hair loss.
Anyway, I am not hoping to achieve anything by this, I just wanted to offload. I have been reading some of this thread and am hoping to take inspiration from people who are going through their own issues. I know mine are maybe not as severe and not actually an ED as opposed to just self-neglect and this irrational frenzied behaviour of late so I hope nobody minds me posting this rant.
In general, I am not very healthy. I have bipolar disorder along with anxiety and a history of compulsive, reckless and obsessive behaviours and lots of self-harming and self destructive habits.
With my eating, basically, when I have had periods of poor mental health, I often lose appetite and often through lack of self care, this has resulted in unhealthy weight loss and malnutrition. Sometimes, it becomes a form of self harm and sometimes lack of self esteem means I just don't think I deserve to eat. Also, it seems to be a method of controlling anxiety since the resulting weakness and lightheadedness seems to make me relaxed - almost like a drug.
Recently, for the past couple of months I have once again fallen into these habits. Weightwise, I am still borderline underweight but mentally and nutritionwise I know I am screwed up. There has been another development this phase which is quite baffling to me. Basically, I have had these instances of absolute gorging where I have purposely bought a load of food (often random wierd things in a daze) and taken it home and sat and forced myself to eat it all.
Spoilered for details
Spoiler
I don't know where this comes from. I know it was just the reaction of my body to malnourishment but more a mental thing. Sort of a self disgust and self harming thing I think. I do remember walking home and looking at reflections in the mirror and just thinking how pale and ill I looked and then thinking [it]'right, screw you, I will feed you back up you pathetic creature'[/it]
It is becoming a routine now. It happened again this weekend and it was less severe in that although I made myself eat everything, I hadn't bought as much so physically, the effect wasn't as strong. The problem is that I know the resolution is to transition into a 'normal' eating pattern (I have never had one - even when I am taking care of myself and eating enough, it isn't usually regular healthy meals) but these binges are making me physically sick for a few days which puts me off and in general, the anxiety eating now causes due to it being an issue and my general anxiety and unease is blunting my appetite. My lack of self esteem is also at the stage where I mostly dont care that I am unhealthy and hurting myself.
On top of all of this, especially as a man, I feel so embarrassed and ashamed about all of this. I know it is common but it is still isnt talked about and is unsuspected in men. When I have had eating problems that become physically noticeable, people (even mental health staff) have often assumed that I have had a physical illness causing weight/hair loss.
Anyway, I am not hoping to achieve anything by this, I just wanted to offload. I have been reading some of this thread and am hoping to take inspiration from people who are going through their own issues. I know mine are maybe not as severe and not actually an ED as opposed to just self-neglect and this irrational frenzied behaviour of late so I hope nobody minds me posting this rant.
Original post by Jay84
Hi, I just wanted to post to get some stuff off my chest. I don't know if I have an eating disorder, or if so, exactly which one it would be. I do know that my eating is unhealthy and problematic though.
In general, I am not very healthy. I have bipolar disorder along with anxiety and a history of compulsive, reckless and obsessive behaviours and lots of self-harming and self destructive habits.
With my eating, basically, when I have had periods of poor mental health, I often lose appetite and often through lack of self care, this has resulted in unhealthy weight loss and malnutrition. Sometimes, it becomes a form of self harm and sometimes lack of self esteem means I just don't think I deserve to eat. Also, it seems to be a method of controlling anxiety since the resulting weakness and lightheadedness seems to make me relaxed - almost like a drug.
Recently, for the past couple of months I have once again fallen into these habits. Weightwise, I am still borderline underweight but mentally and nutritionwise I know I am screwed up. There has been another development this phase which is quite baffling to me. Basically, I have had these instances of absolute gorging where I have purposely bought a load of food (often random wierd things in a daze) and taken it home and sat and forced myself to eat it all.
Spoilered for details
I don't know where this comes from. I know it was just the reaction of my body to malnourishment but more a mental thing. Sort of a self disgust and self harming thing I think. I do remember walking home and looking at reflections in the mirror and just thinking how pale and ill I looked and then thinking [it]'right, screw you, I will feed you back up you pathetic creature'[/it]
It is becoming a routine now. It happened again this weekend and it was less severe in that although I made myself eat everything, I hadn't bought as much so physically, the effect wasn't as strong. The problem is that I know the resolution is to transition into a 'normal' eating pattern (I have never had one - even when I am taking care of myself and eating enough, it isn't usually regular healthy meals) but these binges are making me physically sick for a few days which puts me off and in general, the anxiety eating now causes due to it being an issue and my general anxiety and unease is blunting my appetite. My lack of self esteem is also at the stage where I mostly dont care that I am unhealthy and hurting myself.
On top of all of this, especially as a man, I feel so embarrassed and ashamed about all of this. I know it is common but it is still isnt talked about and is unsuspected in men. When I have had eating problems that become physically noticeable, people (even mental health staff) have often assumed that I have had a physical illness causing weight/hair loss.
Anyway, I am not hoping to achieve anything by this, I just wanted to offload. I have been reading some of this thread and am hoping to take inspiration from people who are going through their own issues. I know mine are maybe not as severe and not actually an ED as opposed to just self-neglect and this irrational frenzied behaviour of late so I hope nobody minds me posting this rant.
In general, I am not very healthy. I have bipolar disorder along with anxiety and a history of compulsive, reckless and obsessive behaviours and lots of self-harming and self destructive habits.
With my eating, basically, when I have had periods of poor mental health, I often lose appetite and often through lack of self care, this has resulted in unhealthy weight loss and malnutrition. Sometimes, it becomes a form of self harm and sometimes lack of self esteem means I just don't think I deserve to eat. Also, it seems to be a method of controlling anxiety since the resulting weakness and lightheadedness seems to make me relaxed - almost like a drug.
Recently, for the past couple of months I have once again fallen into these habits. Weightwise, I am still borderline underweight but mentally and nutritionwise I know I am screwed up. There has been another development this phase which is quite baffling to me. Basically, I have had these instances of absolute gorging where I have purposely bought a load of food (often random wierd things in a daze) and taken it home and sat and forced myself to eat it all.
Spoilered for details
Spoiler
I don't know where this comes from. I know it was just the reaction of my body to malnourishment but more a mental thing. Sort of a self disgust and self harming thing I think. I do remember walking home and looking at reflections in the mirror and just thinking how pale and ill I looked and then thinking [it]'right, screw you, I will feed you back up you pathetic creature'[/it]
It is becoming a routine now. It happened again this weekend and it was less severe in that although I made myself eat everything, I hadn't bought as much so physically, the effect wasn't as strong. The problem is that I know the resolution is to transition into a 'normal' eating pattern (I have never had one - even when I am taking care of myself and eating enough, it isn't usually regular healthy meals) but these binges are making me physically sick for a few days which puts me off and in general, the anxiety eating now causes due to it being an issue and my general anxiety and unease is blunting my appetite. My lack of self esteem is also at the stage where I mostly dont care that I am unhealthy and hurting myself.
On top of all of this, especially as a man, I feel so embarrassed and ashamed about all of this. I know it is common but it is still isnt talked about and is unsuspected in men. When I have had eating problems that become physically noticeable, people (even mental health staff) have often assumed that I have had a physical illness causing weight/hair loss.
Anyway, I am not hoping to achieve anything by this, I just wanted to offload. I have been reading some of this thread and am hoping to take inspiration from people who are going through their own issues. I know mine are maybe not as severe and not actually an ED as opposed to just self-neglect and this irrational frenzied behaviour of late so I hope nobody minds me posting this rant.
My brains pretty screwed currently, but basically when you dont eat your stomach shrinks so when you do eat you often cant eat as much, hence feeling full quicker. I would say your binge/sick/binge was "normal" for someone with BED the need to eat is overwhelming and you cant stop yourself.
I wouldnt be embarrased, if you can get yourself to the drs and say your worried about this, explain what happened and they can help you
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It's been 15 months since the breakup, and I can confirm that the red pill has made it very difficult to overcome my body image issues and general low self esteem. So much so that she made contact 6 months ago to re-initiate friendship and I just could;'t do it. She'll hopefully be graduating soon, and I'd like to see her for that, although she might not want to see me,. Sigh
Original post by PandaWho
My brains pretty screwed currently, but basically when you dont eat your stomach shrinks so when you do eat you often cant eat as much, hence feeling full quicker. I would say your binge/sick/binge was "normal" for someone with BED the need to eat is overwhelming and you cant stop yourself.
Well I agree with you on the stomach thing but I am talking amounts of food that 18 stone rugby players would struggle with.
In terms of having a disorder or not, I am confused. I am not bulimic because I don't purge (when I talked about being sick, it was my bodies reaction - I didn't induce it). I assume BED is binge eating disorder and I don't think I have that because this is a recent development and I would say it has happened no more than once every week or two. The other thing is that the compulsion to stuff myself wasn't really from hunger or craving but if anything, an act of self harm and a reaction to being sick of myself and violently forcing myself to be 'better'.
To me, the not eating is the more insidiously addictive and compulsive side than the gorging.
I think in general, my problems previously have more just been literal lack of appetite and self neglect. It has gotten to the stage before where I was badly underweight and suffering health complications but even then, I don't think it was an eating disorder but rather a symptom of something else.
Even though I am not as underweight as I have been, it troubles me more now and makes me feel more like it is an eating disorder type problem because I can see that I am using starvation as a drug to numb myself. The worrying thing is I don't feel I want to stop. I almost don't care about the damage I am causing and the risks of worse. But even that is a conflict because otherwise I wouldn't be worrying about it.
I kmow I shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed but I am very much so. I have had other addictions and compulsions that were just as bizzare and irrational and admitting it to another person has always been a massive hurdle.
The fundamental problem with it is also that I know what the answer is - I just don't want to do it and I also feel that it would be to painful emotionally and would cause too much anxiety for me to cope. I am still within probation period at work so time off isn't an option and neither is causing myself to freak out or burst into tears at work.
(edited 8 years ago)
How's everyone doing?
I've got a lot better recently, actually being able to eat on the go and as and when, rather than my rigid recovery food plan. It's interesting, too, that I've realised I'm a lot more nervous about eating before I actually consume the food. Like, the negative thoughts that come afterward (the guilt etc.) only lasts for so long before I become tired and just block it out.
In that sense, I actually fret before I eat rather than feel guilty afterward, simply because I know I've eaten something then and there's nothing that can be done. It's quite rare, according to my counsellor. She says the majority of sufferers feel overwhelming guilt afterward.
I've got a lot better recently, actually being able to eat on the go and as and when, rather than my rigid recovery food plan. It's interesting, too, that I've realised I'm a lot more nervous about eating before I actually consume the food. Like, the negative thoughts that come afterward (the guilt etc.) only lasts for so long before I become tired and just block it out.
In that sense, I actually fret before I eat rather than feel guilty afterward, simply because I know I've eaten something then and there's nothing that can be done. It's quite rare, according to my counsellor. She says the majority of sufferers feel overwhelming guilt afterward.
I'd say I'm fairly recovered now, as in eating three meals a day, but still having a few problems.
Like, even today, my bf (knowing my problems) said that I looked skinnier in my prom photo two years ago... before anorexia and when I was at least 2kg heavier, despite an increase in height and breasts since then. Idk why it bothered me so much...
Just wondering if everything will someday go back to "normal"
Like, even today, my bf (knowing my problems) said that I looked skinnier in my prom photo two years ago... before anorexia and when I was at least 2kg heavier, despite an increase in height and breasts since then. Idk why it bothered me so much...
Just wondering if everything will someday go back to "normal"
Original post by Ezme39
Just wondering if everything will someday go back to "normal"
Just wondering if everything will someday go back to "normal"
This is my thing, too. My mum and dad say that they are concerned my unhealthy approach to eating will ever truly go away. That said, my counsellor says as long as I manage it it'll be alright. I can't stop it letting me live.
Original post by Mackay
This is my thing, too. My mum and dad say that they are concerned my unhealthy approach to eating will ever truly go away. That said, my counsellor says as long as I manage it it'll be alright. I can't stop it letting me live.
My SEDCAS worker has said similar to me before - that it might be that for me, the anorexia never completely goes away, that for some people it is always there but they can have a good quality of life despite that.
Having said that, for some people it can go back to 'normal'. It might not be completely normal in the way it used to be, but I think it is possible to return to 'normal' in the sense that you can be healthy and feel ok with being healthy. I think it probably takes a lot longer than we think sometimes though, and sometimes that can be frustrating - almost like it takes our minds a while to catch up with our bodies? So there's that horrible stage where physically you're in a healthier state, but mentally you're not there yet, and there's that balance between it.
If any of that makes sense?
Original post by Liv1204
My SEDCAS worker has said similar to me before - that it might be that for me, the anorexia never completely goes away, that for some people it is always there but they can have a good quality of life despite that.
Having said that, for some people it can go back to 'normal'. It might not be completely normal in the way it used to be, but I think it is possible to return to 'normal' in the sense that you can be healthy and feel ok with being healthy. I think it probably takes a lot longer than we think sometimes though, and sometimes that can be frustrating - almost like it takes our minds a while to catch up with our bodies? So there's that horrible stage where physically you're in a healthier state, but mentally you're not there yet, and there's that balance between it.
If any of that makes sense?
Having said that, for some people it can go back to 'normal'. It might not be completely normal in the way it used to be, but I think it is possible to return to 'normal' in the sense that you can be healthy and feel ok with being healthy. I think it probably takes a lot longer than we think sometimes though, and sometimes that can be frustrating - almost like it takes our minds a while to catch up with our bodies? So there's that horrible stage where physically you're in a healthier state, but mentally you're not there yet, and there's that balance between it.
If any of that makes sense?
It makes perfect sense!
Hello all!
I was wondering if you guys would think that I have an eating disorder. I've been exhibiting some disordered behaviours, but I feel relatively fine and I'm at a normal weight, so I was wondering if I should seek help or if I'm just being a 'teenager'?
I've put the details below (they're a bit blunt/direct, sorry!)
I was wondering if you guys would think that I have an eating disorder. I've been exhibiting some disordered behaviours, but I feel relatively fine and I'm at a normal weight, so I was wondering if I should seek help or if I'm just being a 'teenager'?
I've put the details below (they're a bit blunt/direct, sorry!)
Spoiler
Figured I should write an update as I haven't been on for a while!
Sorry if you guys have gone over this a million times but any tips for going to uni with anorexia? I will be in halls aswell eeek so really not sure how I'm going to manage!
Spoiler
Sorry if you guys have gone over this a million times but any tips for going to uni with anorexia? I will be in halls aswell eeek so really not sure how I'm going to manage!
I'm going to be brave and publicly subscribe to this thread. Tbh this is the first time I've ever really told someone I have a problem.
I've suffered since I was around 14 (currently 20 now).
I've suffered since I was around 14 (currently 20 now).
Original post by Anonymous
Hello all!
I was wondering if you guys would think that I have an eating disorder. I've been exhibiting some disordered behaviours, but I feel relatively fine and I'm at a normal weight, so I was wondering if I should seek help or if I'm just being a 'teenager'?
I've put the details below (they're a bit blunt/direct, sorry!)
I was wondering if you guys would think that I have an eating disorder. I've been exhibiting some disordered behaviours, but I feel relatively fine and I'm at a normal weight, so I was wondering if I should seek help or if I'm just being a 'teenager'?
I've put the details below (they're a bit blunt/direct, sorry!)
Spoiler
What i would say is you dont have to be underweight to have an eating disorder, infact im overweight and have disordered eating!
Spoiler
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Hello all!
I was wondering if you guys would think that I have an eating disorder. I've been exhibiting some disordered behaviours, but I feel relatively fine and I'm at a normal weight, so I was wondering if I should seek help or if I'm just being a 'teenager'?
I've put the details below (they're a bit blunt/direct, sorry!)
I was wondering if you guys would think that I have an eating disorder. I've been exhibiting some disordered behaviours, but I feel relatively fine and I'm at a normal weight, so I was wondering if I should seek help or if I'm just being a 'teenager'?
I've put the details below (they're a bit blunt/direct, sorry!)
Spoiler
Hey,
It is definitely worth seeking help for this. Whether or not you are diagnosed with an eating disorder or not, you are certainly exhibiting disordered eating behaviours and eating disorders can affect your health at any weight.
Purging can cause so, so much damage to your body, and that in addition to the fear you have of gaining weight and the desire to be thin is certainly the beginning of a downward spiral if you aren't able to stop it from becoming more out of control. It would be a really, really good idea to speak to your GP about this.
Original post by porridgeandrhi
Figured I should write an update as I haven't been on for a while!
Sorry if you guys have gone over this a million times but any tips for going to uni with anorexia? I will be in halls aswell eeek so really not sure how I'm going to manage!
Spoiler
Sorry if you guys have gone over this a million times but any tips for going to uni with anorexia? I will be in halls aswell eeek so really not sure how I'm going to manage!
Hey,
I'm sorry to hear the anorexia has crept back in for you, that's a significant amount of weight to have lost. Not quite the same for me, that I deteriorated seriously with my anorexia during my Masters degree and ended up having to intermit and go into treatment because I just wasn't able to function anymore.
Please do try to use uni as motivation - don't let the anorexia take that away from you. It affects your concentration so much, you won't be able to achieve your full potential if you're struggling with anorexia there. There's so much fun to be had at university, so many new experiences and learning opportunities - there is so much more to life out there than anorexia.
Do you know what your accommodation is going to be re. catering/self-catered? It's really worth working out what you can cope with best, thinking of some meals you can prepare there, where you'll feel most comfortable eating etc. Are you receiving treatment at the moment?
Original post by rayquaza17
I'm going to be brave and publicly subscribe to this thread. Tbh this is the first time I've ever really told someone I have a problem.
I've suffered since I was around 14 (currently 20 now).
I've suffered since I was around 14 (currently 20 now).
Hey. Well done for being brave enough to admit that you have a problem. I hope you manage to get some support here and let your feelings out. Do you think you could try to get some help for the problems you're facing?
---
I am doing well outwardly. I am almost at my target weight now, sticking to my meal plan the majority of the time. The anorexic thoughts are so strong in my head today though, I just want to lose weight.
Hi guys
I have read some very touching stories on here and I think its amazing how people have really made great recovery and to all those who are struggling a supporting hand is always there when you need it.
This is my story. When I was around 14 I became obssessed with how I looked. I thought I was not good enough because I did not look as skinny as models etc. I used to make myself sick, reduce my food intake etc. My weight went from 7 and half to around 6 stone 13. To me that doesn't sound like a lot, but my parents were very worried about me. At the time I was self harming and very depressed and the only thing that eventually got me better was the fact that I could see how upsetting it was for my parents who love me very much.
Now I no longer live with them, I'm 21 and have just about finished a degree. For a long while I have felt and been ok with food being in a steady loving relationship has helped. But not long ago is started again, my obession with food, the depression and the want to self harm. I don't know what to do. When I started reducing my food intake it impacts on my studies and my ability to do anything, not driving i have to cycle everything and some days I can barely move or I feel like I'm going to collapse of my bike. I don't know why I want to do this. Some of it is to with control, when something doesn't go right I feel I have to control it or punish myself by not eating. I obess about my jawbones and my thighs and every lump and bump! Any advice would be really welcome please.
I have read some very touching stories on here and I think its amazing how people have really made great recovery and to all those who are struggling a supporting hand is always there when you need it.
This is my story. When I was around 14 I became obssessed with how I looked. I thought I was not good enough because I did not look as skinny as models etc. I used to make myself sick, reduce my food intake etc. My weight went from 7 and half to around 6 stone 13. To me that doesn't sound like a lot, but my parents were very worried about me. At the time I was self harming and very depressed and the only thing that eventually got me better was the fact that I could see how upsetting it was for my parents who love me very much.
Now I no longer live with them, I'm 21 and have just about finished a degree. For a long while I have felt and been ok with food being in a steady loving relationship has helped. But not long ago is started again, my obession with food, the depression and the want to self harm. I don't know what to do. When I started reducing my food intake it impacts on my studies and my ability to do anything, not driving i have to cycle everything and some days I can barely move or I feel like I'm going to collapse of my bike. I don't know why I want to do this. Some of it is to with control, when something doesn't go right I feel I have to control it or punish myself by not eating. I obess about my jawbones and my thighs and every lump and bump! Any advice would be really welcome please.
Original post by Anonymous
x
My advice is simple, really: show somebody this post. A family member, a friend, whoever. Get help. You need to.
Okay, basically, hi everyone.
Right, I just need to write this out because I need someone to help me? Or at least point me in the right direction.
I'm currently under CMHT for PTSD, depression and anxiety, but they're not really helping me with that either. I feel so lost. I just want to recover and I don't know how.
Sorry for the rant.
If anyone has any ideas that would be great. Hope you're all doing well. :grouphug:
Right, I just need to write this out because I need someone to help me? Or at least point me in the right direction.
Spoiler
I'm currently under CMHT for PTSD, depression and anxiety, but they're not really helping me with that either. I feel so lost. I just want to recover and I don't know how.
Sorry for the rant.
If anyone has any ideas that would be great. Hope you're all doing well. :grouphug:Original post by Anonymous
Hi guys
I have read some very touching stories on here and I think its amazing how people have really made great recovery and to all those who are struggling a supporting hand is always there when you need it.
This is my story. When I was around 14 I became obssessed with how I looked. I thought I was not good enough because I did not look as skinny as models etc. I used to make myself sick, reduce my food intake etc. My weight went from 7 and half to around 6 stone 13. To me that doesn't sound like a lot, but my parents were very worried about me. At the time I was self harming and very depressed and the only thing that eventually got me better was the fact that I could see how upsetting it was for my parents who love me very much.
Now I no longer live with them, I'm 21 and have just about finished a degree. For a long while I have felt and been ok with food being in a steady loving relationship has helped. But not long ago is started again, my obession with food, the depression and the want to self harm. I don't know what to do. When I started reducing my food intake it impacts on my studies and my ability to do anything, not driving i have to cycle everything and some days I can barely move or I feel like I'm going to collapse of my bike. I don't know why I want to do this. Some of it is to with control, when something doesn't go right I feel I have to control it or punish myself by not eating. I obess about my jawbones and my thighs and every lump and bump! Any advice would be really welcome please.
I have read some very touching stories on here and I think its amazing how people have really made great recovery and to all those who are struggling a supporting hand is always there when you need it.
This is my story. When I was around 14 I became obssessed with how I looked. I thought I was not good enough because I did not look as skinny as models etc. I used to make myself sick, reduce my food intake etc. My weight went from 7 and half to around 6 stone 13. To me that doesn't sound like a lot, but my parents were very worried about me. At the time I was self harming and very depressed and the only thing that eventually got me better was the fact that I could see how upsetting it was for my parents who love me very much.
Now I no longer live with them, I'm 21 and have just about finished a degree. For a long while I have felt and been ok with food being in a steady loving relationship has helped. But not long ago is started again, my obession with food, the depression and the want to self harm. I don't know what to do. When I started reducing my food intake it impacts on my studies and my ability to do anything, not driving i have to cycle everything and some days I can barely move or I feel like I'm going to collapse of my bike. I don't know why I want to do this. Some of it is to with control, when something doesn't go right I feel I have to control it or punish myself by not eating. I obess about my jawbones and my thighs and every lump and bump! Any advice would be really welcome please.
As Mackay said, reach out for help - please, please, please ask for help. Fight these thoughts, do not let yourself go down that road again. It is a very steep downhill slope, and the earlier you can catch it the better.
Can you think of anything that's triggered those thoughts again? Hang on to all those things you said, the impact it has - you can't study effectively, you can't concentrate on anything, you don't have the energy to function, you can't drive (and if you are restricting I would really recommend not driving if possible, for your sake and for other road users). This isn't control, you are not in control. The eating disorder is - if you feel like you have to exercise or restrict, that isn't control.
Can you try to speak to your parents about this? If you can, try to speak to your GP too. Good luck x
Original post by Pathway
Okay, basically, hi everyone.
Right, I just need to write this out because I need someone to help me? Or at least point me in the right direction.
I'm currently under CMHT for PTSD, depression and anxiety, but they're not really helping me with that either. I feel so lost. I just want to recover and I don't know how.
Sorry for the rant. If anyone has any ideas that would be great. Hope you're all doing well. :grouphug:
Right, I just need to write this out because I need someone to help me? Or at least point me in the right direction.
Spoiler
I'm currently under CMHT for PTSD, depression and anxiety, but they're not really helping me with that either. I feel so lost. I just want to recover and I don't know how.
Sorry for the rant.
If anyone has any ideas that would be great. Hope you're all doing well. :grouphug:Heya. Firstly, remember that although your weight may be in the technically 'normal' range right now, that doesn't mean it isn't being harmed by the cycle of restricting and binging. Even if you don't fit the criteria for AN at the moment, you could still class it as being a 'recovering anorexic'. I am also in the 'healthy' weight range at the moment, having been in treatment for anorexia since last year, but my team still class me as having anorexia.
Please do keep asking for help from your team. It doesn't sound like they're being very helpful, so is there anyone else you can speak to about this? Do they know the thoughts going on in your head about not wanting to exist anymore and taking up too much space?
Please be careful with the over-exercising. Like you said, it is extremely damaging and if you're struggling with food intake as well it is putting your heart at risk. I can relate very much to the 'habits' you have, and they can be very difficult to break without support. Can you try to choose one of those behaviours (starting from the 'easiest' one) and try to focus on challenging that behaviour?
Take care. x
----
As I said above, I am in the 'healthy' range at the moment. I am about 1kg under my target weight, so pretty much there. But I am relapsing hard at the moment. I am not following my meal plan whatsoever. I'm not just cutting corners or missing the odd snack anymore - I am restricting. Back to one or two meals a day. Obsessing over my weight, the numbers, the calories, number of steps each day.
I put off eating until as late in the day as possible. I stand in front of my cupboards just completely overwhelmed at what I can and can't allow myself to have. I moved to a new flat last week and I can't bear the thought of even having food in my flat. I want it all gone. I did go shopping and I have some food in now, but I am struggling so much with it. I won't let myself have a cup of tea or water because I am terrified of the liquid weight again. I do drink Diet Coke (far too much of it) though. I am exhausted, I have no energy. My heart rate has started dropping back to the 47-50-ish range in the mornings - I know it's not dangerously low, but I had obs taken daily in hospital for 5 months, so I know it is lower than my normal range. Pretty much at my target weight and my heart is already being affected by less than 2 weeks of full on restricting. I stood in Boots yesterday just staring at the 'slimming tablets' because I want to buy them so much. I don't know why. I have never used them before, I know I don't need them. But I am just desperate to get this weight off me, as quickly as possible. I cannot bear it. I want to tear the fat off my body.
I started seeing the SEDCAS psychologist this week, working on a 'life timeline'. She will not keep working with me if I am not stable enough nutritionally, so that is something to focus on. I need to get myself back on track again. But I am so desperately unhappy with my weight and the numbers.
Sorry for rambling.
hi to all those suffering from an eating disorder and fear that it is controlling your life and that you will never get through it. I just wanted to remind you that you will beat it! I was severely underweight (34kg) due to anorexia ( I still feel very weird saying the term anorexia because I was in compete denial when diagnosed). However now I am now a normal healthy weight about 2 years later. Of course it is something that stays with you forever but it doesn't need to control you forever. I know you may feel not many people understand you and that there is no way out. I get that. I felt that way for a long time but trust me you all sound like amazing young people who have the whole world ahead of them. Don't let your eating disorder define you. I know it's going to be a hard process but at the end it is truly worth it! If anyone needs someone to talk to please just PM me good luck!
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