He made me go Dutch on the first date. Is he cheap or do I give him another chance ?

I met a guy online recently. We messaged for a while before he asked me to meet up. The first night we just went for a couple of drinks. He bought one , then I got one back. He then proposed that we go to a fancy restaurant in London the week after. I'm not from the area so I didn't know how expensive it was going to be . I am also a student , working a part time job while he is in a full time secure position at a top IT firm. Anyway, we got along quite well at the meal. Then the bill came. The waiter handed it to my date. He was rather quiet so I decided to offer up half , asking how much it was. My date did not hesitate to inform me that my share was forty pounds and that he was willing to pay the extra six as he had a steak . I was annoyed inside but got over it quickly as I liked him a lot. We then went for drinks in which I ended up buying him an extra one. Now he wants to meet again this week. We both suggested cinema which was great until he suggested I book and pay for the tickets online . I am quite pissed off that he expects me to pay even though he earns more in a week than I do in a month. I really like him but I detest stingy guys so much. Should I ditch him ?

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Reply 1

Sir Candour

Your standards are your own. I personally prefer splitting all bills but, if you're not happy, ditch him.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

how is that going dutch if hes expecting you to pay more for things? Talk to him about it.

I had this with a former bf of mine... (Anon as he is on here).

Reply 3

Most Competitive

Original post by Polly-89

Yep, you should. That's just unacceptable IMO.

I mean, I'd never ask a girl to pay for anything on a date.

Reply 4

phunky_fresh

Hmm I don't blame him for going Dutch on the first date especially. You never know if you are going to see the person again and how they feel about you so early on , so it shouldn't really be expected. If he gets to the point where he likes you and offers to pay then that's cool. In terms of the expensive restaurant, he should of considered the fact you're a student etc and maybe suggested somewhere else. Since it has now happened and granted you want to see him again you should let him know the deal. Point out that you are a student and your money is tied up elsewhere.

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

This sounds similar to my situation. This guy earns three times as much as I do and I pay my share on every date. He paid for all our date once and now I pay like 1/3 of the cost. It doesn't bother me too much because he doesn't suggest we go to anywhere too expensive. Its what I can afford and if I can't afford my share I simply don't go. I can understand your annoyance but communication is key. Who knows he might be doing this to weed out the gold diggers. If a man can see you can care of your own then it can be seen as attractive to some.

Reply 6

chazwomaq

Original post by Polly-89

I really like him but I detest stingy guys so much. Should I ditch him ?

It depends on whether you want a sugar daddy or a boyfriend.

Reply 7

Plumstone

Nothing wrong with going Dutch, but if he takes you to an expensive restaurant , knowing that you're a student with a low income, then either he has very poor social awareness, or he is a jerk.

You could talk to him about it, or you could just cut it off. It depends on how much you like him.

Reply 8

The Dictator

This is ridiculous. Why are men forced to sacrifice their hard-earned money just to please women? Anti-men sexism in force once again. You should have gladly paid your fair share.

Reply 9

sliceofcake

Original post by The Dictator

This is ridiculous. Why are men forced to sacrifice their hard-earned money just to please women? Anti-men sexism in force once again. You should have gladly paid your fair share.

Well, you can call it "anti-men sexism" if you like, but OP said he expects her to pay more than him, which isn't fair. Splitting equally (or as equally as feasible) is fair. If she covered the cost of the cinema, I would expect him to cover the cost of the next date of a similar cost.
I think OP should have checked or suggested somewhere less expensive on the first date. I know you might not want to look tight with money, but if it's too expensive then it's too expensive.

Reply 10

bassbabe

If I went on a date with a guy I'd offer to split the cost equally, not pay for nearly all of it. He's earning way more than you so there shouldn't be a problem.

Reply 11

russellsteapot

Nothing wrong with splitting the bill, but he does have reasonably poor social etiquette (if expecting a split bill, and suggesting the venue, the organiser should really consider both parties' means, whether it's a date or a night out with friends). I actively avoid women who expect me to pay for everything, but at the same time I would never take a student on a date to an expensive restaurant unless we were in an established relationship (at which point, paying according to your means is sensible).

I think people are far too afraid to just say what's on their mind when it comes to money. Perhaps propose something less expensive and make him aware of your limitations?

Reply 12

Tootles

Original post by Most Competitive

Yep, you should. That's just unacceptable IMO.

I mean, I'd never ask a girl to pay for anything on a date.

Personally, neither would I. Though if the girl offered (because she wanted to) then that's fine, I know that declining such offers can be taken as being impolite.

That said, is it not possible that the guy is testing her? Making double sure that she's not going to expect him to cover her all the time, or something?

Not defending his behaviour, just trying to work it out.

Reply 13

Chicken?

GENDER EQUALITY LET EM RIPPPPPPP

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 14

SaucissonSecCy

Original post by Most Competitive

Yep, you should. That's just unacceptable IMO.

I mean, I'd never ask a girl to pay for anything on a date.

Sod off. Women can't have it both ways, keep campaigning on the mantra of equality in treatment and career opportunities, but then frown on a guy who wants to split bills evenly. This is not being the patriach, if a woman is independent and earning and respected in her own right, like feminists want, why should she then frown on the notion of split bills? I'll tell you why, because so much modern 'feminism' is actually merely the self-serving hypocrisy and demands more akin to the 'princess syndrome'.

Reply 15

SaucissonSecCy

Sorry do you mean you each paid half then he paid 6 more on top of that? That was my interpretation? Or do you literally mean he paid 6quid and you forty?

I've never heard to expression, forgive me.

Reply 16

AvaAdore

While I would normally say he owes you nothing and has every right to go Dutch, I agree it leaves a bad taste in the mouth in this situation. I would also say maybe he is making sure you aren't materialistic or the kind of girl who'd take him for a ride, but the fact he expected you to pay for his extras suggests he is selfish.

This isn't a gender thing - I'm a bi female and if I went on a date with a minted girl compared to me and she was very stingy, it would be a red flag for me because firstly or a first date you're trying to impress, so imagine how tight they'd be once you'd settled, and secondly I have a generous nature so we wouldn't match up. Obviously I'd rule out factors like her having a tight moth financially or saving for something. But if she was getting herself extras on money without at least offering the same, I wouldn't feel great. It's not so much about the actual money so much as the intention behind it.

Reply 17

Jebedee

This is what you get when you push equality, doesn't feel nice does it?

Why don't you just communicate with him instead of moaning here? Just say "it sounds great but I'm a bit short of cash at the moment". He'll either offer to pay or you can just not see him again.

Reply 18

Chicken.M.

Good lord. £80 for a two person meal? Bet you weren't even full afterwards as well. lol @ going to expensive restaurants and handing over all your money for a sliver of meat. Meanwhile they're loling at you in the background for being ripped off.

I spend £6 at the chinese buffet lmfao.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 19

F_Afzal

Original post by Polly-89

You should just ditch him. Honestly, if he were a true gentleman then he wouldn't make you pay any of it but would pay it all from his own pocket. I get it if it happened once or twice but that fact that he is making you pay for the cinema tickets is absurd.

It should be him paying it or even half of it. you should maybe try a guy who throws his money at you just to make you happy not the other way around.