Overwhelmed, anxious, somewhat devastated to hear a friend has pretty much given up on her entire life and is only just existing and I have no idea how to help her, another friend's anxieties make her worry that she's replaceable no matter how much I tell her she isn't, but I will continue to remind her as much as she needs it. Tomorrow I go home to look after the house and pets for a week, during that time I need to go back to Liverpool and sort out my tenancy and move my stuff out of my room by the end of this week. I have no money to do anything. I'm close to breaking down and everyone else I'm around has experienced much worse and I feel so weak for it. I want to help everyone but I can barely keep myself going.
I keep myself clean and well presented when leaving my room, smile at my friends and ignore my issues until they're brought up in conversation, I vaguely explain my situation and brush it away moving on to other topics that are less of a mood killer. I look calm and collected on the outside and people ask me why I don't seem like I care about my issues. I do, I care an awful lot to the extent I don't know how to show the emotion I feel, my face looks blank, somewhat mean at times. I just want to be ok, I need some money to pay my rent for September, a job to keep me going, only then will I start to be ok.