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Why don't people understand that "no" means "no" and not just in the bedroom.

I am sorry if this shouldn't be posted here but I am so angry and upset and I need to let it out. I am not someone who is emotional, I don't really cry more than once every other year but I spent a good 3 hours yesterday in tears, why? Because some guy didn't understand that I wanted him to stop touching me after I told him to stop, ducked away from him, elbowed him and told him 'no, I don't like that get off me.' then had the audacity to get all red eyed and complained about me hurting his feelings when I finally manged to get away from his embrace.

All he did was put his hands on me. I was sitting on the floor and he invited his friend and himself to lay their heads on my knees. His friend was really tired because this was EARLY like 5 am or something, so I think he was actually asleep. Where as the other guy started stroking my knee, I told him to stop, I didn't like it. He then picked up my hand and put it on his chest and I pulled my hand away. So he put his arm around my back and started stoking my bottom, I told him to stop. He said, "oh you don't like that, can I do this instead?" and put his hand up the back of my top, I elbowed him away and told him no. He continued running his hands all over me. He then spent the next hour or so getting really close to me. Where-ever I sat in the room he came up next to me and rested his head on a part of my body. He kept making all these comments about how I was being mean and I could help him if I wanted to. He kept talking about me rather than to me. There were only 4 of us there, (three conscious)

I know they were just hands, and I know it wasn't rape, and he didn't try to kiss me or touch my breasts or genitals but I still really really hated it. I am not a very touchy feely person anyway. I don't really hug people, and I need my own space. I don't understand how a guy who claimed he was a feminist and was sick of guys treating girls like objects just an hour or so before could have disrespected my wishes. I wasn't leading him on in anyway, I didn't give him any signals to show that I was interested. This also isn't the first time something like this has happened. It is possibly the 4th time, all with different people, with varying rays of severity. This probably being the least severe.

I don't get it, why can't when someone says stop in this day an age, the other person respects that and stops. I am so sick and tired of being scared of men. I am so terrified of being hurt so I don't put myself out there, I don't date and meet new people. Everytime I do some **** like this happens. I don't dress provocatively or speak in a very flirtatious way (not that either of those things would be a reason to ignore my wishes.). What the **** is wrong with people. How am I ever going to learn to trust people when there are so many ****s around?

Reply 1

Kevin De Bruyne

The person you've described sounds like a complete jerk, and you did well not to beat him up. :console:

Original post by mynameisHANNAH

This also isn't the first time something like this has happened. It is possibly the 4th time, all with different people, with varying rays of severity. This probably being the least severe.

I don't get it, why can't when someone says stop in this day an age, the other person respects that and stops. I am so sick and tired of being scared of men. I am so terrified of being hurt so I don't put myself out there, I don't date and meet new people. Everytime I do some **** like this happens. I don't dress provocatively or speak in a very flirtatious way (not that either of those things would be a reason to ignore my wishes.). What the **** is wrong with people. How am I ever going to learn to trust people when there are so many ****s around?

Your last question, along with what you've said above, is difficult to answer. You've been through a lot of tough experiences and it totally make sense to feel hopeless about the future. Because it's true, there are guys like that around for whatever reason.

And you might not believe me, but even if you're not looking, you might just find someone who isn't like that. Someone who respects boundaries, and someone who'll protect you from others that try to get away with this kind of stuff. If not in the near future, then maybe someone with a job, who has social skills and is mature enough to not do stupid things.

Reply 2

BookBird

It doesn't matter if he was only using his hands and didn't try to kiss you or rape you, that is NOT OKAY. No means no, and he should have stopped touching you the MOMENT you told him to stop. I think the issue is that people think that no only means no when it comes to sex, most people at least, but when you start talking about cat-calling, minor touching, 1st base stuff, people assume there are a lot of grey areas. No means no all the time, doesn't matter what the situation is or how severe it is, there are no exceptions. I'm sorry you had to deal with those pricks, especially the guy who claimed to be a feminist, but I urge you to not lose hope. There are genuine individuals out there who will respect your feelings and limits and you will find them. x

Reply 3

Jebedee

I would bet that an overwhelming majority of guys claiming to feminist would do the same, or jerk off in your panties when you're not around.
You and you alone are responsible for the kind of company you keep so I recommend not hanging out with weirdos.