Please be honest: would you date a girl who has had one night stands?

So you only date virgins? I hope you remain one till you meet your soulmate, otherwise that is hypocrisy.

I would prefer to date a girl who's been through multiple one night stands, actually.

Just because he would say no to someone who has one night stands does not mean he'd say no to someone who only had sex while they were in a relationship.

Good for you for not letting yourself be used it's a shame about the low self esteem though. Yeah I wasn't sexually active until just before I turned 20 (literally 4 days before) and was celibate throughout my teens but after that it was like something just broke in me and I couldn't take it any more I just wanted to be held for one night by my friend at the time I was so lonely.

Okay, why is that?

Yes I would, same for guys. I really do not care, as long as they healthy ofc.

Were you celibate by choice or circumstance? I never felt alone because I chose it so I never relapsed into a sexual life.

This all stings but thank you. I wish I would have had the integrity to wait for someone that did care about me.

Why are you speaking for him?

I feel so rotten and dirty. I think I have to deal with my own issues before I can invite a guy in. But thanks it might take a rare kind of guy to accept me I hope I find him.

Yeah being single isn't so bad but I've been single my entire life and I feel abnormal. I felt sad that I was 20 and never had a boyfriend whereas all my peers had had boyfriends since 15.

Choice to begin with as I'm a Christian but circumstance after all while when all my friends were getting boyfriends and leaving me out I felt really lonely so I wanted to find someone who cared about me and would look out for me.

This is one guy's views, do not let it hurt you. Honestly the amount of ONS you have had has nothing to do with your integrity; there is nothing wrongs with ONS as long as you're safe. Any guy that rejects you for having ONS is not worth your time anyway.

I wouldn't cos you don't seem like them dominant female types

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But back to your problems, I don't see why someone else shouldn't, it's not like you cheated on someone. Honestly if your sex history is enough to dissuade a man from wanting to date you, you're the one that should be running that mile. Though IMO, you shouldn't be blurting out that at the start or the relationship, but you shouldn't be revealing it just before he puts the ring on your finger. You should say it when the relationship is steady, because if its real love, the relationship will persist.

Then again that's coming from me, who has never been in a relationship before, sooo i might just be talking a load of bull. Can i get someone to verify this? Preferably someone who's been in a relationship.... in real life.... not in your dreams, otherwise i wouldn't need to ask someone for clarification.

Do you mind explaining a little as to why you would?

What I am going to say may be difficult to hear, but I am saying it from a place of empathy, and because I very much hear you. I hope you will take it in the constructive way it is intended to be given.

The issue here is not your sexual history but your low self esteem. Men, or at least the right man, will accept you for what you are, love you for you, and that includes your one night stands, because they made you what you are.

I am not saying all guys would, but any guy worthy of you.

But you will find it hard to be loved if you don't love yourself. It is a terrible cliche, but like all cliches based on a fundamental truth. Your low self esteem is the barrier to you finding the love you seek, not strangers you shagged, and now regret doing.

You are not worthless or (forgive me for using an unpleasant term) a "whore for having slept with a few men who didn't respect you. They were in the wrong here, not you.

You need to tie those experiences up, tie them in a little bow and move on from them. Easy to say I know, harder to do. But if you can, when you can, you will find a loving fulfilling relationship comes to you. It may not be tomorrow or next week, but it will, and you will likely not expect it.

If you find you can't move on, if it is too hard to stop beating yourself up there is always therapy. I had undergone it myself and it is fantastic in helping you with your demons.

There is a stigma to it of course (not so in the US but definitely here) but you don't have to tell anyone. Although you WILL want to tell the man you find love with.

Or you may not need it and can work through this yourself.

Good luck.

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