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Should I admit that I'm a 23 year old virgin?

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honestly, what happens if you accidentally mess up due to nerves?

i think its better for the girl youll eventually end up having sex with to tell her in advance
Original post by SophisticatedSir
Don't listen to your friend, he sounds like an idiot. Even though he might be looking out for you its just stupid.

Seriously just tell a girl if you're a virgin.


Oh, my. What a brilliant refutation of his friend's argument.

Google 'ad hominem'.

Maybe you'll learn something today.
Original post by Anonymous
Hmm, would you not have to ask him to see if he wants too? :tongue:


Yeah but let's assume he will
Original post by LiquidGold
It would be much worse to find out later on down the line that you lied about it!
And personally it wouldnt bother me one jot anyway.
Also, sex for the first time ever generally isn't very good because you dont really know what you're doing and are very nervous. Therefore, if a girl knows you're a virgin beforehand she wont judge you on this because she knows you will most likely get better. Whereas if she thinks you have had a number of sexual encounters before she might just think you don't 'click' in bed.


I'd hazard to guess that the issue here is about ESTABLISHING a romantic dynamic with a girl. Girls DO NOT find a lack of sexual experience in men attractive. We all remember the guy that, in a fit of naivety, divulged that he was a virgin and went on to be emasculated.

All of these arguments based upon disadvantages that may later emerge as a result of lying are meaningless if there's no girl in the first place.

I know you're all trying to be nice but its not helpful to the OP.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by sr90
I'm most likely going to die a virgin and couldn't give a **** who knows. Yes it's a tad embarassing but what's the point lying? I don't think most people care to be honest, I certainly don't care what my friends get up to in that regard.


Because lying in some circumstances can yield benefit.

Read up on your game theory bro.
Original post by profundis
Oh, my. What a brilliant refutation of his friend's argument.

Google 'ad hominem'.

Maybe you'll learn something today.


Already know what an ad hominem so there is no need to flaunt your ego, but there isn't exactly any basis for his argument either. But it was an ad hominem either way I admit.

And if you want a reason(s) then fine.

1. Lying is often going to result in a worse scenario
2. She will probably find out any way
3. If it negatively impacts the relationship then she wasn't worth it to begin with.
Profundis's points are a bit depressing but do make a certain amount of sense. A few years ago I would have unquestioningly continued with the idealistic approach most people are advocating of being open and truthful but at this stage in my life I'm just getting tired of being left behind in terms of relationships and experiences with the opposite sex. I'd like to know what really works and what doesn't.
Original post by profundis
Because lying in some circumstances can yield benefit.

Read up on your game theory bro.


I don't lie to people I care about,
Original post by Anonymous
I'm just getting tired of being left behind in terms of relationships and experiences with the opposite sex.


Probably shouldn't really be speaking on the subject since I'm still a virgin but honestly who cares?

Much more important things in life than relationships and sex. Hobbies, health, good career, friends ect

Sex will no doubt be just hyped up and end up being a disappointing anti climax anyway, or maybe that is just the pessimist in me talking.
Original post by SophisticatedSir
Already know what an ad hominem so there is no need to flaunt your ego, but there isn't exactly any basis for his argument either. But it was an ad hominem either way I admit.

And if you want a reason(s) then fine.

1. Lying is often going to result in a worse scenario
2. She will probably find out any way
3. If it negatively impacts the relationship then she wasn't worth it to begin with.


No worries dude. Just resented that as I'm the friend who advised him haha

1. I think lies may, or may not, result in a worse scenario. These things are context driven and it would therefore seem strange to impose a blanket rule here.

2. If she finds out LATER in their relationship then its unlikely to have much impact imo. When it comes to romance first impressions count.

3. People can't help what they find attractive/unattractive. It is my genuine belief that women find male virgins unattractive. I don't see why they should be hounded to the ends of the earth over this.
Original post by profundis
No worries dude. Just resented that as I'm the friend who advised him haha

1. I think lies may, or may not, result in a worse scenario. These things are context driven and it would therefore seem strange to impose a blanket rule here.

2. If she finds out LATER in their relationship then its unlikely to have much impact imo. When it comes to romance first impressions count.

3. People can't help what they find attractive/unattractive. It is my genuine belief that women find male virgins unattractive. I don't see why they should be hounded to the ends of the earth over this.


My bad.

1. Yes its subjective whether or not the person you lie to will end up with bad results. But in my personal opinion lies are usually worse than telling the truth, white lies are applicable for certain scenarios but usually things revolving around sexuality I think it would be better to come clean

2. I suppose but its more about the principle of lying rather than just the impact. If she doesn't ask then don't say anything but if she does I would just say it. This is of course subjective, it could affect the relationship depending on the person.

3. Not hounded just think its rather trivial to end a relationship over something simple as being a virgin. I suppose its down to personal preference and opinion at the end of the day, and to state that women find male virgins unattractive is also a blanket statement and subjective.
Original post by sr90
I don't lie to people I care about,


What if they had a bad haircut and asked you your opinion on it?
Original post by profundis
What if they had a bad haircut and asked you your opinion on it?


I would say honesty is better than lies.
I'm a 21 year old virgin and who cares!!! I honestly don't get what the big who-haa is about losing it so early. Tell her and if she rejects you or whatever count yourself lucky, i certainly would!
One way or another it'll become abundantly clear when you bruise her belly-button whilst trying to locate the g-spot; you might as well conduct some pre-emptive damage limitation.
I'd rather be with somebody who is a virgin then somebody who has had many sexual partners. It's not off putting at all.
Just be honest. If you lie when it comes to that moment with the girl you'll look stupid and it'll be turn off, in addition you lied which is a turn off.
Reply 37
Avatar for MBap1
MBap1
10
Some girls love that particularly the religious types but if you and the potential partner are compatiable then I'm sure she'll be fine with it
Have you done anything sexual? Because you can fake it till you make it..

Until around 23ish, the vast majority of girls's experience of sex are often drunken encounters/excluding those with boyfriends.

It'll always be a little awkward the first time you have sex with some, but if you've researched/seen clips, it's not hard to cover up your inexperience.

Might be better to be a 'virgin' than a bad shag though.
Virgin or not, it shouldn't be a big deal.

If the person cannot deal with the fact that you are a virgin, then you should question whether they are worth investing your time and energy.

The quicker you eliminate the time wasters, the more chance you have in finding somebody who wouldn't judge or act strange towards you because you're a virgin.

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