People say I'm 'cold' but what am I supposed to do?

Because I'm not touchy feely (and not all that keen on sex) my boyfriend got annoyed this morning. I'm just very reserved though don't show my feelings like he does but I've started to get sick of him criticising me so have started to answer him back lol. This morning he woke me up for a hug and I acknowledged him a little but wanted to rest before I got up so I didn't respond that much. He got out of bed and sat across the room looking annoyed. He said 'you are just a cold person, in every way, just cold'. I said 'what and you arn't' he said 'your a nasty person' I said 'why what have I done' and he didn't reply just appeared to be thinking. I said 'what do you mean I'm cold do you mean I don't show much affection' he said 'yea affection, in bed just your whole personality is cold'. We didn't speak much after but he pointed out that things might not work because he is a touchy feely person and I'm not.

I don't know if I'm supposed to be offended by being called cold though :/ I mean it sounds quite cool in a way (excuse the pun) in that I'm not that soft but then he said I'm nasty too and I've not done anything to him at all :/. I remember my grandma saying I'm callous once she didn't say it in an offensive way just in general conversation. I'm very quiet and don't show what I'm thinking/ feeling. Ive studied nursing too lol maybe not the best job for me but I like to help others often whereas my bf said that he couldn't be a nurse as he didn't like people enough and said the main reason he studied anatomy and physiology wasn't to help others but to gain knowledge to help himself in his sports lol.

I don't know, what am I supposed to do since it's just not in my nature to act warm.

Reply 1

anankelia

I think you're just fine, not everybody likes to cuddle all the time. The problem is that people tend to fall in love with an idea and get upset when they realise the real person does not meet their expectations. Sorry to say this, but your boyfriend sounds quite stupid blaming you for who you are instead of being who he would want you to be.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Original post by anankelia

Tbf i don't think her bf is stupid. What is wrong with a cuddle every now and then. What even is the point of a relationship if you can't show affection to the one you supposedly love? I'd be very frustrated if i was to be in his position.

Reply 3

Dazzzzzla

Original post by anankelia

Wholeheartedly agree.

I would however point out that relationships are required for individuals to become one, and this happens through compromise. So maybe you should consider trying to be more affectionous. I am not saying change who you are, but I would suggest that you should go out of your way to make your boyfriend feel like you are interested.

I don't see why he got so defensive, and calling you nasty. Maybe he is insecure.

Reply 4

Ezme39

I think you should be prepared to try being a bit more affectionate, and over time you may get more used to this.
It was not your fault that he reacted in that way, but this is the way that many "touchy feely" people would react in that situation. As trust is built in a relationship, your partner will often want to cuddle and hold with you- and even if you are not completely keen on it, you should try to compromise a bit :smile:

Reply 5

Andy98

You sound like a female version of me. It's swings and roundabouts buddy. On the one hand we have clearer thinking in arguments, but at the same time people get annoyed that they're emotional and we're not. If they can't accept that they can't just latch on and cuddle for eternity it's their problem. Cuddles every so often are good, but there's such thing as top o many.

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Reply 6

EllainKahlo

You don't sound very compatible to me. And if you have to change who you are to make him happy, it's not worth it. I think he overreacted to be honest.

Reply 7

Kevin De Bruyne

Yeah... no idea why he brought 'nasty' into the equation. :lolwut:

I'm with you on this one (I mean, if you're tired he shouldn't wake you up!), but I guess if you want to move on from this try to be more affectionate with him.

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

It's not an overreaction. Why don't people understand. He is entitled to his hugs and cuddles. Why be his gf if you can't even provide warmth or affection

Reply 9

anankelia

The "nasty" part is what made me think of him as stupid. Anyway, I don't know him. Maybe it would be nice to ask him why is he so eager for affection and explain to him that's just who you are and it doesn't mean you love him less.

Reply 10

chickenfoot

i think he's calling you nasty because he may feel rejected from you lack of affection.

a relationship wouldnt work for me if one of us was touchy feely and the other doesnt feel the need for it.

Reply 11

hayderm

Original post by Anonymous

Put on a jacket

You two clearly are just not compatible.
He is an affectionate person, you are not. As such he is starting to feel rejected and is resenting you for it. And he is dealing with this by insulting you. Honestly you two just won't last.

Reply 14

NellyMelly

As somebody has already mentioned,
You two are incompatible.Its difficult in relationships when one person is affectionate and the other is not.
Maybe try to be a bit more affectionate

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Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

It's not an overreaction. Why don't people understand. He is entitled to his hugs and cuddles. Why be his gf if you can't even provide warmth or affection

We do hug and cuddle throughout the day but i felt entitled to my sleep when ive just woke up (i think it was him who woke me up) it all feels irritating i cant explain lol. I didnt say anything to him though just tried to rest/go back to sleep for a bit.