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Nobody wants to go out with me and I just don't know why

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Original post by Anonymous
Hello,

I am a 23 year old girl and for some reason I just cannot find a guy I like that wants to go out with me. I'm still at university and literally every guy that I meet, that messages me literally only talks about sex. It just seems like that is the one and only thing they want. If they ever suggest meeting up, it's quite clear it's only for sex, and so I always find a way out of it. But I just can't understand why nobody wants to just go on a normal date with me with the possibility of going out with me. A lot of the guys that I meet at university, are at clubs/bars which I know probably doesn't lend itself to a relationship. But I do sport and I haven't met any nice guys that I like from that either. I consider myself a fairly attractive person. I'm sure that isn't the issue here. I'm very outgoing, love going out and socialising and meeting new people. I just don't understand where I'm going wrong? I would be grateful for any help, as I'm starting to get really down about this. Lots of my friends are in relationships now, and I feel as though if I don't get one soon I'll end up being lonely. But I'm not going to just go out with anyone for the sake of 'being in a relationship'.
Thanks TSR x



A lot of guys are immature at uni. They don't know who they are yet as a lot of men self define in the west by career - their's hasn't started. Plus a lot of really great relationship guys who had a confident sense of self and were family orientated have been in 4+ year relationships by our age.

However, this is *most* guys. Not all guys. I respect you, your standard is going on a proper date with a guy you are attracted to - too right stick to your guns. There are many great guys out there. You have to believe they exist and keep putting yourself out there.

I feel your pain, I really do. I was single for a year at uni - seemed like guys just wanted to sleep with me even though I'm pretty 'girl next door'. I noticed when I was really self confident and positive about my life, guys started flocking to me and I met a couple of lovely guys very close together. You seem self confident but the fact this is getting you down could be sending out some kind of 'negative vibe' I know that sounds really airyfairy but humans pick up a lot of subconscious things, whether it's from posture or micro facial expression or whatever.

I know it's hard to keep believing when it's been so long, but please try. Otherwise deciding you are actively not going to date for a few months and focus on *insert hobby or work here* then coming back afresh might make things seem more positive.
Original post by Zarek
See if you can get some insight and advice from your friends. It seems unusual if guys outside perhaps a club environment would be so overtly sexual. This said it is usually on the mind when you find someone attractive. Perhaps be more girl next door like in dress and flirting style.


Thanks for this. I think one thing that I am probably doing wrong, is that when guys do talk about sex in their messages, I do respond to it in a sort of encouraging way. Just because I feel that it's a bit harsh to cut them off and think that it will put me off them. So maybe I should try and be a bit more nice-girl flirty, and respond less well to their sexual messages.
Original post by L'Allegro
.


Original post by laffytaffy
.


Thank you for your kind response and advice girls. This has made me feel a lot better. :smile:
Original post by Retired_Messiah
That's not quite how it err... um...

no.


That is definitely the stereotype at uni!
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you for your kind response and advice girls. This has made me feel a lot better. :smile:


I'm actually a man, but you're welcome. :smile:
Original post by L'Allegro
I'm actually a man, but you're welcome. :smile:


Oh gosh, sorry!!! Don't know why I thought you were a girl!
Original post by Anonymous
Oh gosh, sorry!!! Don't know why I thought you were a girl!


Intriguing. :holmes: But it's fine. I hope you experience some good luck soon - I have complete empathy with anyone going through loneliness. All the best!
Reply 27
Avatar for Reue
Reue
20
Original post by Anonymous
I am a 23 year old girl and for some reason I just cannot find a guy I like that wants to go out with me.


As others have said, and despite your attempts to ignore; standards are probably too high.

Either lower your standards or improve your attractiveness.
Original post by Reue
As others have said, and despite your attempts to ignore; standards are probably too high.

Either lower your standards or improve your attractiveness.


Well i'm like a 9+/10 so its not that
Reply 29
Avatar for Reue
Reue
20
Original post by Anonymous
Well i'm like a 9+/10 so its not that


Could be the denial then
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you for your kind response and advice girls. This has made me feel a lot better. :smile:


No problem.

I know you're deflecting the comments that are attacking your standards anyway, but just had to add. It can actually be harder to find a guy when you are more attractive. Most people don't like rejection and will assess you as 'risky' if you're very good looking. Also in terms of replying to sexual messages...most guys who are open to something serious won't want to put you off by seeming just after that... and the one's who are worth your while won't have separate 'good girl to date' and 'bad girl to ****' boxes.
Original post by Reue
Could be the denial then


Denial about what ?!
Reply 32
Avatar for Reue
Reue
20
Original post by Anonymous
Denial about what ?!


Nevermind
Original post by laffytaffy
No problem.

I know you're deflecting the comments that are attacking your standards anyway, but just had to add. It can actually be harder to find a guy when you are more attractive. Most people don't like rejection and will assess you as 'risky' if you're very good looking. Also in terms of replying to sexual messages...most guys who are open to something serious won't want to put you off by seeming just after that... and the one's who are worth your while won't have separate 'good girl to date' and 'bad girl to ****' boxes.


I'm glad you read this thread as your comments have been so helpful. For everyone reading this, I really don't want to come across as really full of myself by saying I'm attractive. That really wasn't what I wanted to do, but as laffytaffy has pointed out, I needed to deflect the attacking comments.

I think that's another thing I will bare in mind when a guy messages me something sexual. If they're are doing that from the offset; they are probably just not looking for a relationship at the moment and after one thing. I think I worry too much about not putting them off by completely cutting the sexual stuff off rather than whether it is actually putting me off!
Original post by Reue
Nevermind


Denial that my looks aren't as great as I think they are? Trust me, I'm not. I just think that saying that is such a stupid and offensive answer to my question.

Regardless of how attractive I am, I think it is just plain rude to assume that someone who doesn't have a boyfriend, doesn't have one because their standards are too high for their level of attractiveness.
Original post by Anonymous
Hello,

I am a 23 year old girl and for some reason I just cannot find a guy I like that wants to go out with me. I'm still at university and literally every guy that I meet, that messages me literally only talks about sex. It just seems like that is the one and only thing they want. If they ever suggest meeting up, it's quite clear it's only for sex, and so I always find a way out of it. But I just can't understand why nobody wants to just go on a normal date with me with the possibility of going out with me. A lot of the guys that I meet at university, are at clubs/bars which I know probably doesn't lend itself to a relationship. But I do sport and I haven't met any nice guys that I like from that either. I consider myself a fairly attractive person. I'm sure that isn't the issue here. I'm very outgoing, love going out and socialising and meeting new people. I just don't understand where I'm going wrong? I would be grateful for any help, as I'm starting to get really down about this. Lots of my friends are in relationships now, and I feel as though if I don't get one soon I'll end up being lonely. But I'm not going to just go out with anyone for the sake of 'being in a relationship'.
Thanks TSR x

If you're legitimately attractive enough to be found intimidating then you'll be approached in the main by men who are either exceptionally confident and gregarious (on account of their own desirability; inherently more prevalent among the athletically-inclined) or artificially disinhibited (on account of their being drunk), both of whom will endeavour to exploit these characteristics for the purpose of forming short-term and primarily physical relationships.

Do you ever make the first move? If not; maybe you ought. On the other hand, if you're already pro-active in this regard; perhaps consider a less extroverted milieu.
Reply 36
Avatar for gijops
gijops
3
Original post by Anonymous
Hello,

I am a 23 year old girl and for some reason I just cannot find a guy I like that wants to go out with me. I'm still at university and literally every guy that I meet, that messages me literally only talks about sex. It just seems like that is the one and only thing they want. If they ever suggest meeting up, it's quite clear it's only for sex, and so I always find a way out of it. But I just can't understand why nobody wants to just go on a normal date with me with the possibility of going out with me. A lot of the guys that I meet at university, are at clubs/bars which I know probably doesn't lend itself to a relationship. But I do sport and I haven't met any nice guys that I like from that either. I consider myself a fairly attractive person. I'm sure that isn't the issue here. I'm very outgoing, love going out and socialising and meeting new people. I just don't understand where I'm going wrong? I would be grateful for any help, as I'm starting to get really down about this. Lots of my friends are in relationships now, and I feel as though if I don't get one soon I'll end up being lonely. But I'm not going to just go out with anyone for the sake of 'being in a relationship'.
Thanks TSR x



Well I get the feeling your the type of girl everyone wants to bang but no one wants to show their mum... you have big boobs and/or bum and are slightly overweight? Idk that's a guess because I've seen loads of examples where a girl like this can't get a bf but a lot of one-night-stands.

If I'm right then all you need to do is lose weight and maybe put on glasses but if I'm wrong then you need to wait and be patient because you've just had bad luck is all!
Original post by Profesh
If you're legitimately attractive enough to be found intimidating then you'll be approached in the main by men who are either exceptionally confident and gregarious (on account of their own desirability; inherently more prevalent among the athletically-inclined) or artificially disinhibited (on account of their being drunk), both of whom will endeavour to exploit these characteristics for the purpose of forming short-term and primarily physical relationships.

Do you ever make the first move? If not; maybe you ought. On the other hand, if you're already pro-active in this regard; perhaps consider a less extroverted milieu.


No, I don't, which I know is a bit bad of me. I just absolutely hate doing it! I should really man up and give it a go though!
Original post by gijops
Well I get the feeling your the type of girl everyone wants to bang but no one wants to show their mum... you have big boobs and/or bum and are slightly overweight? Idk that's a guess because I've seen loads of examples where a girl like this can't get a bf but a lot of one-night-stands.

If I'm right then all you need to do is lose weight and maybe put on glasses but if I'm wrong then you need to wait and be patient because you've just had bad luck is all!


Not really, I do have big boobs but I'm really slim. :/ Maybe it's the boobs!!
Reply 39
Avatar for gijops
gijops
3
Original post by Anonymous
Not really, I do have big boobs but I'm really slim. :/ Maybe it's the boobs!!


That's probably it you know.... I'd recommend wearing jumpers to "neutralize" the bump in your chest and maybe glasses... who doesn't a girl in glasses? she got "future wife" written all over that

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